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She can't be mine, it's impossible. She's such a fragile, breakable human, and I cringe from the only life I could offer her. Bella, such a beauty, can only remain human. She's the sunshine of the world, and I am a creature of the dark. I realize that many have noticed her radiance as well, such as that infuriating Mike Newton. He disgusts me, picturing Bella and himself in such a vulgar way that makes me want to snap him like a twig. He deserves it, because Bella is not who he thinks.
Bella is fragile, but strong. Strong, even if only on the inside. She is brave, for she is the only human who has yet to disregard me. Does she think of me? No, she must not, because she is not hesitant to ignore me. But I suppose that may be my fault, I am the one ignoring her. If only she knew that I was doing it for her. If she knew that I cared for her, would she then hesitate to ignore me? If I turned to her rosey, cream colored face now, would that beautiful creature look at me like I wish her to? No, she would not, because I am not what matters. Her safety is most important, therefore I must stay away from her. Besides, my family would not like it. This unusual human was too perceptive, she would find out our secret eventually. I do not want her to know about that, for she would run away from me. If it is my destiny to be ignored by this fragile angel, then I will let it be so as long as I may be able to remain by her side, even if only until graduation.
Such a soft, caring girl like her deserves better than me, right? Of course she does, there is no doubt. I cannot offer her the life that every human girl seeks. I cannot offer her a home, a marriage, kids. If I could, I would jump at the chance. This girl should be mine, only I can make her truely happy. No, that is just my selfishness talking. She can be made happy, even with this Newton worm. I can see her next to me now, laughing at what he says, how smug he is becoming. Smug enough to be able to sit by our table everyday and chat with My Bella everyday, all while ignoring my very presence, just as Bella does. Doesn't he know if I were to acknowledge Bella, then he would be yesterday's garbage? She would not need his company any more. Again, my selfishness flares.
I can hear that infuriating boy's thoughts. He intends to invite My Bella to the dance. I feel bad for that Jessica, the one with the teenage girl syndrome, the one who is so much like the rest of her kind. But not Bella. That girl, Jessica, invited that worm to the dance. It upsets me that he told her to wait, only because I knew he was going to ask My Bella.
"So," He began, looking to the floor. "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."
"That's great." Was she forcing that enthusiasim? Why would she feel the need to force it? "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."
"Well..." He didn't realize her whole emotion was not sincere? "I told her I had to think about it." Why is she happy about that?! He thought furiously, but kept his face in a nervous mask.
"Why would you do that?" Disappoitment, faux disappoitment. There was relief, why? Did she wish to go with him?
The worm's face was bright red. "I was wondering if ... well, if you might be planning to ask me." The moment of truth. I couldn't help but tilt my head their way.
She paused, which healed my pride by only a small fraction. "Mike, I think you should tell her yes." Relief flooded my body, she had said no.
"Did you already ask someone?" The worm's glare flitted to me, then back to Bella. Ha! He thought that there was something more with me and Bella! No, she would never let that happen.
"No." She said. "I'm not going to the dance at all."
"Why not?" He demanded. It took all the resolve and common sense I had not to reach over and slam his big blond head into the desk, crushing it in my grasp. How dare he speak to Bella like that!
"I'm going to Seattle that saturday." Just an excuse, a spur of the moment excuse for getting out of that silly dance.
"Can't you go some other weekend?" He pleaded. Can't you just lay off? She already said no!
"Sorry, no." She said. "So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer - it's rude." I was so giddy with relief that she had said no to him, I wanted to laugh. But that would not be appropriate.
"Yeah, you're right." He mumbled, then left.
I was happy, more happy then I had been in so long. How long had it been? Maybe when I was human. I had been such a depressing company for all these years, birthing worry in the heart of my mother Esme. I wanted to smile at My Bella, to hold her and smoothe her hair, telling her how happy I was that she had refused him. But I let my curiosity get the better of me. Why had she said no, when there was clearly relief when he had half refused her rude friend? Did she was to go with him, but did not want to steal the crush of her friend?
I turned completely to her, staring at her openly in what seemed like forever. I could tell that she could read the curiosity and frustration in my eyes. "Mr. Cullen?" I heard Mr. Banner call my name. He thought I wasn't paying attention, hoping that I would finally get an answer wrong. I fished in his mind for the answer he was seeking.
"The Krebs Cycle." I answered, reluctantly turning to face the teacher. She had looked down, there would be no chance for me to catch her gaze again this period. And I didn't.
The bell rang, calling the end of the period. Bella turned from me to gather her books. Her hunched shoulders told me that she carried too much weight inside her heart. Was it guilt, for rejecting that worm? What if I, even as unhuman as I am, could help lift that weight? I have to try. She cannot be mine, that would be impossible. But, though she may not know it, I am forever her's.
So, I did what I had ached to do for so long. "Bella?"
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