Hey. Just another one of those Dramione drabbles that were running through my head and just had to get out. Song's from My Chemical Romance and is titled 'I Just Wanted You To Know.' It's a really good song and I suggest that you listen to it while reading. Please leave a comment and a review, it'll mean the world. Thanks!
He looked at her slumbering form, and he felt like falling apart. He shook his head and steeled himself, no; he was not supposed to feel like this. He wasn't even supposed to be here but the lure of her brought him in. How could he resist when she was just right there, sleeping without a care in the world, oh how he wished that it was that easy. That he could just sleep all of his problems away and just stay like this. But he was never cut out for this, he was never meant for this, he was never meant for her.
As he reached his hands to gently cup her face and brush away the stray curls from her face, he felt his hand trembling beyond his control and a tremor run down his spine. As he whispered softly, his voice sounded so small that he felt like it didn't even belong to him.
"Are you thinking of him? Are you even thinking of me?"
As he traced his fingers over the curve of her cheekbones, the gentle slope of her nose, and the softness of her lips, he felt his resolve crumbling. She turned in her sleep, seeming to lean in to his touch and he just wanted to stay with here, forever. Where nothing else mattered except for him and her, because for him, the world could have gone straight to hell and he'd still stay with her. In a perfect world, they would've been together. But he didn't live in a perfect world; he lived in a world so ugly that he wasn't even sure of what made sense anymore.
He was just going to taint her with all of the ugliness that his world brought. Taint her pure and pristine soul with the monster that he was, destroy what made her so beautiful to him, and he felt so inadequate. Afraid that his true nature would repulse her, or worse, bring her down to his level, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't have the only pure thing in this world be tainted with the black of his soul. Stained with the blood red that ran through his fingers. Marred with the darkness that would never leave him, no matter how hard he tried.
But even yet, there was a part of him that yearned. Yearned beyond what he knew he was capable of. Beyond what he knew he deserved. It was so utterly human of him, to want something that was untouchable, that was forbidden. But he couldn't help it; he was all too human, flawed beyond words, weak and pitiful. He yearned for her eyes to meet his own, her smile to be directed at him, her lips forming his name, her heart to belong to him. He yearned to be with her, to be there when she cried, to be there when she laughed, to just be there. But much like how flawed his own nature was, so were his hopes. So were the miserable dreams that posed themselves to him, dangling themselves beyond his reach.
"Can we both be ugly? Are you thinking I'm the one? We could fight it to the end. You can say 'I told you so'. If you wanted me to go..."
They could have fought it to the end, he knew that much. He would've fought for her, until he couldn't anymore, and even then, he'd still fight. He could hear her all-knowing tone, with the smug smile on her face saying it, saying that she knew it all along and that she told him. He almost smiled but he held himself back. He couldn't do that to her, he just couldn't. He would never be the one. Even if he wanted to be. Even if he tried to be.
"I just wanna hold your hand. But you're probably just too good."
And as he carefully unlaced his fingers from her hair, ran them over the softness of her skin, he memorized each dip and plane, each curve. The way her hair fell in curls, wild and untamed, just the way she was. The way her eyelashes dusted her pink cheeks, the way her lips curved into a smile, the way her eyes lit up like the little bulbs that hung on the Christmas tree. The way she made his heart stop, his breathing laboured, his mind reeling, the way she made him love her. Love her more than anything he's ever loved before. He slowly stood up, fixing the covers around her, tucking her in, and he kissed her forehead, his lips feeling the soft skin and inhaling her scent, commemorating it to his memory.
"I just wanted you to know. That the world is ugly."
He picked up his wand from the bedside table and waved out the lights from the room, leaving a candle in the corner, casting a soft glow. He adjusted his left sleeve over his arm, wincing slightly as it hit the scorching skin.
"I'm sorry. But I just wanted you to know, Hermione. That the world is ugly. But you'll always be beautiful to me."
And as he closed the door, it was the only thing he was sure of, the first time he'd ever been sure of anything in his life. The only thing that made sense in his ugly world.
"But you're beautiful to me."