Chapter 1: Don't worry, I have juice on my side!

It was time for Azula and Zuko's Weekly Chat With Father. Normal people would quake with fear. Azula smirked and Zuko listened to My Chemical Romance on his iPod as they walked to the throne room.

"Ah, greetings, children."

"Hello, father," they both replied.

There was an awkward pause.

"Azula!"

"Yes father?"

"Poison Ivy has used her mind control spores on Superman to pit him against Batman. Oh, and Batman has no kryptonite. Who wins?"

"Batman. He always has kryptonite."

"Zuko."

"What's the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life the Universe and Everything?"

"42."

"Now a question to both of you: who is Ke$ha?"

Zuko and Azula looked at each other, utterly confused.

"As I thought. You two must learn to be normal teenagers. Therefore, I am sending you to Ember Island. And you are staying there until you can blend in."

"Father, this is pointless. Why should I, Princess of the Fire Nation, be forced to learn to be normal? NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T RULE."

"Nonsense, Azula. A true ruler knows what his people want. And who said you would rule, anyway?"

"Well... um... You hate Zuko!"

"I banished him because I care, duh."

"Fine! Zuko and I will go to Ember Island! And we will be THE MOST NORMAL TEENAGERS EVER. Can we at least bring Ty Lee and Mai?"

"Fine, whatever, get out of my sight. I'm done with the two of you." Ozai went back to his crossword. "Sacred potion or plant in the Rg Veda, 4 letters... 'Soma...'"

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Azula pulled out her iPhone to call Ty Lee.

"Hi Azula!"

"Ty Lee. You will come with my brother and I to Ember Island in order to become THE MOST NORMAL TEENAGERS EVER."

"Okay, let me check with my mom... Hey mom can I go to Ember Island for an extended amount of time?"

"I don't care if you live or die, your sisters are better than you!"

"She says it's fine."

"Excellent. You will meet us at the dock in 2 hours. Bring a bikini or 5 and steal Sister 3's alcohol."

"Okee-dokee!"

Azula hit end call and smirked.

"Can I borrow your phone to call Mai?"

"Where's your phone?"

"At Mai's."

"Whatever. Here you go."

Zuko took the phone and instantly... played with the lightsaber app.

"If you're going to act like a child, I'm calling Mai."

Zuko put the lightsaber away and called Mai.

"Hello Azula."

"Er.. no... it's Zuko. I'm just using her phone."

"Oh yeah, you forgot yours at my house. What's up?"

"Azula, Ty Lee, and I are going to Ember Island. You should come."

"Will it be boring?"

"No, Ty Lee's is bringing Sister 3's booze."

"FUCKIN' SIGN ME UP!" Mai yelled in a rare burst of emotion.

"Okay... we're meeting at the dock in 2 hours. Can you bring my phone with you? And any clothes I may have forgotten at your house?"

"Okay. See you soon."

He handed Azula's phone back to her, already missing the lightsaber app. You see, the poor thing only has an iPod video and an LG enV3. At least his stuff has better battery life.

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Mai was on the phone with her parents. "I'm on a boat!"

"What, dear? You're cutting out."

"I'm on a boat!"

Ty Lee was doing some kinky contortionist stuff. "Everybody look at me!"

"Mai, why is your signal so bad?"

"'Cause I'm sailin' on a boat!"

"What?"

"I'M ON A BOAT! I'M ON A BOAT!"

"Send a picture of where you are, okay honey?"

Mai hung up, and sent her mom a picture message with the caption "TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT!"

Azula smirked. "You know Zuzu, that would make a really catchy rap song."

"I hate rap. Rappers don't know the pain that is life."

Ty Lee leaned over the railing. "Yarr! Land ahoy!"

"And she hasn't even touched the rum yet..." sighed Azula.

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No, the chapter title has nothing to do with the story.

And yes, Zuko and Mai are together in this story. That probably won't change. Zuko the Angry Emo and Mai the Bored are too loltastic to give up. Katara has no place in wacky evil misadventures. Unless she ends up in like, a dance-off between the Gaang and the Fire Four. Hmmmm, that's not a bad idea.