Dean Winchester had never dreamt of the white picket fence, the doting wife, the two adorable children and the playful pup that so many out there longed for. Dean didn't want that and it was a fools hope to dream of it but sometimes in life you get glimpses of it before it is cruelly and suddenly take away.

~0~0~0~

Dean wasn't afraid to admit that he had been a whore in his adolescent years. It was too easy to flirt and charm himself into bed with countless women and men. Genders didn't matter to him and he relished the beautiful word of bisexual. High school and college passed in blur of alcohol, studying, exams, women, men, and endless hours of sex. Throughout it all, his youngest brother, Sam, trailed after being the complete opposite choosing to study hard and achieve his dream of becoming the lawyer he had always wanted to be. Dean was more than proud of him and constantly egged him on because without the father figure in his life all they had was each other.

Dean was seventeen whilst Sam was thirteen when John Winchester was struck down with a stroke instantly killing him. It left their family of four to a family of three leaving Mary Winchester alone and taking care of her two boys. The grief hit Dean hard as he kept it deep inside and he pushed himself into his work. All his hard work came to an end when he achieved his targets, his grades, and gained the job he wanted.

Dean became a banker which he liked. It gave him purpose, he met new people, and he gained the money to go to expensive places, buy his penthouse suite, and relax in the goodness of what he had around him.

He moved away from Lawrence, Kansas, to Oklahoma. Mary had moved out of their old place into a smaller more fitting home still in Lawrence that she adored and Sam was off at Stanford achieving his dream.

He was twenty five years old when he met Amanda O'Brian. Dean instantly liked her wit, the same age difference, charm, humour, and her insanely good looks from the flowing curly brown hair, the deep chocolate brown eyes, and the dazzling smile. It was clear from the moment they met in a bar drinking syrupy alcohol that it was just sex they wanted from each other, nothing more, nothing less. He didn't want a relationship and with her career starting to kick off she didn't want the burden. It carried on for weeks as they exchanged numbers and had casual sex when things were rough in work or in general life. It didn't matter to Dean that he slept with Amanda most days and the other with men he couldn't remember the names of but it was just sex. He was only one man.

It was four months into their on/off relationship that Dean received the message off Amanda telling him to come round instantly because she had a present for him. Dean thought of every kinky thing imaginable as he knocked on the white front door of her house. Amanda opened it with a small warm smile welcoming him into the house.

"How was your day?" she said in a soft voice taking his coat and hanging it up.

"Tiring" he replied walking into the living room and dropping down on the sofa. "I could do with a drink"

Amanda gave him a smirk handing over a beer and sitting down at the other end with clasped hands.

"You said you had a gift?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I do" she said with a tight smile. "It's the most wonderful gift of all"

Dean raised an eyebrow curious dropping the beer on the coaster turning towards her. "What are you talking about?"

"Here" Amanda said dropping down and handing him a bag. "Enjoy"

Dean blinked at her and peered inside staring at the content and inhaled sharply bringing out the positive pregnancy test.

"Just give me eight months" she said with a wink patting her stomach. Dean held the white stick with trembling hands staring at the words, pregnant, on the stick etching itself into his mind like a scar.

"Are-are you sure?" he said after a long minute of silence.

"Completely, I never miss my period and I haven't yet come on and well…my breasts are hurting like a bitch, I feel like I want to barf on that pretty head of yours, and I'm pretty sure there is a little foetus in my womb" she said with a offhand shrug. Dean's trembling hand dropped it in the bag and he stood up shaking his head in protest.

"We used protection!" he cried turning towards her with impossibly wide green eyes.

"Yes" she said slowly. "But it only works 97% of the time, Dean, and you even said about…4 weeks ago that you thought the condom split and well…"

Amanda gestured at her stomach with a small smirk.

"Is it…is it mine?"

Amanda's smile slipped and her eyes hardened into cold pebbles of brown.

"Yes unlike you who fucks everything with a vagina and a dick" she said with a sniff looking away. "I've slept with no one else and you are this child's father, Dean, and I am going to make myself perfectly clear here"

Dean watched as she stood up balancing on killer black boots, hands on her hips, and a stern expression which meant she was being serious.

"This is the real deal here, babycakes, I'm pregnant with your little bundle of joy and I'm not getting an abortion or adoption because yes it has fucked up everything I had planned but it's a little baby and it's my little baby. If you want to be in this child's life then there are some rules, you're not going to fuck anything else apart from little old me anymore because I will not have you making me look like a fool, so that means no more women and no more men, you are going to help me out in every way, and we're going to be parents" she said with a warm smile which slipped as she moved forward. "But if you don't want to be in this child's life then I suggest you leave and you don't come back"

Dean swallowed hard staring into her eyes and looked down breathing hard feeling queasy and didn't know what to think or do.

"Can I have time to think?"

"Sure" she said turning on her heel and walking to the kitchen. Dean watched her leave and stumbled backwards sitting on the couch. His hand reached out pulling the small gift bag towards him so he pulled out the pregnancy test. Dean never ever imagined he would be faced with this possibility and so soon. His nerves were fried and he sucked in deep breaths attempting to calm down.

He was sat staring down at the wooden floors when she walked back in with a sandwich, his favourite, and sat down facing him. Dean looked up meeting her eyes and nodded.

"Okay…okay, I can't-I can't abandon my kid"

"You'll meet my rules"

"Yes" Dean said in a cracked voice nodding frantically. "You're the mommy"

"I am" she said with a soft sigh placing it on her stomach. "This shit is scary"

"You're telling me" he murmured raking his hands into his hair. "Fuck"

"My mother is going to freak" Amanda said shaking her curls. "But I would like to wait till after the scan to tell people"

Dean nodded feeling numb all over as she patted his hand. "It'll be okay you know…all first time parents go through this and we will have each other"

Dean glanced over to the warmth in her eyes and nodded slowly covering her hand with his own feeling his heart race in his ears. In all honesty it was the scariest thing Dean had ever heard of and couldn't remember the last time he held a small baby.

It was after the first but secret scan that they learnt the baby was healthy and growing to be healthy was when Dean took Amanda over to Lawrence to meet his mother who welcomed her with open arms and squealed in delight at the news of her first grandchild.

"You kept this a secret?!" Mary hissed slapping his arm.

"It was…it was a secret relationship and now she's pregnant" he hissed back at her. "I will be there for her and the baby"

Mary beamed at him cupping his cheeks and kissing his forehead deeply.

"Oh you're going to be amazing" she whispered with a smile when Dean rolled his eyes hugging her tightly. Dean didn't know if he could believe her words and looked over to Amanda leaning against the frame of the door with a small smile. He stepped back looking her over and breathed out knowing it was going to be okay.

"Excuse me!?" Sam cried down the phone.

"I'm going to be a dad, Sam; it's that Amanda I was telling you about"

"Holy shit, Dean, and you wait this long to tell me!?"

"She didn't want to tell anyone till after the scan, Sammy, I know I should have told you but dude I am freaking out" he hissed scrubbing a hand down his face. "How am I meant to take care of a tiny little baby?"

"Dean, calm down, okay, this is only natural man" Sam said in a reassuring tone. "You're about to become a dad for the very first time but you're going to be okay because you have Amanda, mom, and doctors to help you out. This kind of thing doesn't come with an instruction manual"

"I know" Dean murmured staring at the small garden covered in roses and different flowers Mary had planted. "I just…I don't want to be a failure for the kid"

"Dean, you practically raised me along with mom and dad…I turned out okay"

Dean smirked looking down at the side. "Aw, Sammy, you're making me blush"

"Shut up jerk you're going to be an amazing dad and you know it!"

"Shut up yourself, you bitch" Dean said with a puff of laughter saying his goodbyes and hanging up the call.

After that it was just the wait, the doctor's appointments, and the arrangement of how they would take care of the baby. The arrangement would be that Dean would sell the penthouse suite and move into the Amanda's home. Dean felt sad giving up his own home but knew it was practical since the baby would need them both and a stable home. Dean took it upon himself to paint the nursery despite the two of them not knowing the sex of the baby.

"White with farm animals" Amanda said stroking a hand over the six month bump. "I want the cot there, the changing table…there, I want my nana's rocking chair in the corner near the window, and the toys over there"

"I think that can be done" Dean said with a salute and smiled when she walked over pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"You are amazing" she murmured and walked back out. Dean grinned looking around the small room and set about the task of completing the nursery.

It was five weeks later that Dean finished the nursery completely and covered Amanda's eyes while she giggled in glee walking slowly into the room.

"Are you ready?"

"Show me!" she whispered and gasped when Dean removed his hands slowly revealing the small room painted snow white all over apart from one wall covered in farm animal pictures. Against the wall contained the cream cot holding a mobile over the crib, a changing table with everything they would need from diapers, cream, and clothes sat in the corner, her nana's rocking chair covered in a wool throw over sat in the corner near the window looking out over the window. A small shelf on the wall contained teddy bears and a small china bear from Mary.

"Dean, it's…its fucking gorgeous" she breathed eyes swimming in tears. "He or she is going to love it!"

"Good" Dean murmured when she pulled into a fierce kiss. Dean kissed her back gently and pulled away stroking a hand down her soft cheek.

"It's only a few weeks away…do you think we're ready?"

"We'll find out" Dean murmured pressing his forehead against hers and his hands on the side of the swollen bump. It was a tender moment between them and Dean knew in that moment there he did love her. He wasn't in love with her but the love he held for the mother of his child burned strong and he understood the attraction towards her. Dean knew she would be an incredible mother.

It was the 15th March when they were lying in bed together that her contractions began and the waters broke. Dean drove her to the hospital in a wild panic as she screamed herself hoarse cursing her gender and why men couldn't have the baby instead. He held her hand all the way as they were took to the maternity unit.

"Drugs! Give me those fucking drugs!" Amanda screamed at the nurses. Dean could only watch in silent shock as they attempted to calm her down to no avail. He held her hand tight as the hours passed on waiting for the ten centimetre mark meaning she could push the baby out. Amanda breathing grew erratic as she contorted with pain, her natural colour slipped into a paleness Dean didn't like. Four hours into labour, Amanda reached her ten centimetre mark resulting into going into the delivery room.

"You can do this" Dean breathed linking their hands and fighting back the wince as her grip tightened causing his bones to grind together. Amanda screamed and panted clinging to Dean as the doctor attempted to control her as she pushed the baby out inch by inch. With a final push and scream an exhausted Amanda pushed the baby out.

"It's a boy" the doctor cried looking at the both of them. Dean blanched in surprise moving around to look down at the squirming screaming baby covered in blood, slime, and mucus he pretended he couldn't see.

"Look like it's a Lucas, babe" Dean said with a grin staring down at the baby and blinked when the doctor handed him over a pair of scissors to cut the cord. Dean slid his teeth into his bottom lip biting hard as he snipped into the soft flesh cutting Lucas away from Amanda. Dean gasped in happiness looking up to Amanda and blinking in surprise.

"Amanda?" he said looking at her wide staring eyes looking at nothing. Alarms around him blared loud and startling as he was bundled out of the room.

"No, no, what's going on!?" he shouted as nurses dragged him out placing him in the corridor. Dean breathed out heaving dragging his hands into his hair looking at other parents staring at him confused and some in sympathy. He stared at the door watching and waiting. His heart gave a broken beat hearing the familiar wail of Lucas in the room, he dropped down in the blue seat behind him head in his hands. It felt like hours before the door opened and a nurse stepped out carrying a bundle wrapped in a white blanket.

"How is she?" Dean said standing up and swallowing hard when the nurse placed Lucas into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Miss O'Brian lost a lot of blood and her heart gave out resulting in a heart attack…" the nurse said softly.

Dean didn't hear her as he stared down at the little baby blinking light blue green eyes up at him, dark brown hair fluffed around his head, and a tiny mouth opening and closing gently.

"She's dead, Amanda's dead" he whispered to the nurse who nodded placing a hand on his arm in a comforting manner.

Just like that his whole world came crashing down around him. Dean was left standing in a corridor with happy parents cooing over their children whilst he held his motherless child close to his chest as Lucas screamed and wailed. The nurse soon returned taking Lucas away with her so he could rest and be fed by one of the nurses.

"Can I – I need to see her" Dean pleaded till one of the doctors came to collect her. He wrung his hands together as they moved to the morgue where she had been placed. Dean looked over so still on the slap and swallowed hard pressing his fingers to her cheek and drawing them back with a shaky exhale.

"I'm so sorry, Amanda" he murmured looking her over and gripping the side with tight fingers. "It's a boy, babe, little baby boy"

The doctor behind the door waiting for the door peered into see Dean wiping under his eyes as he nodded moving to the door again and opening it up.

"Where's my son?"

~0~0~0~

"Dean" Mary said softly down the phone. "Dean, love, speak to me"

"Mom, I need you here…I can't…" he said covering his eyes as he collapsed at the table. He looked around the small kitchen of the house and over to Lucas sleeping in the car seat. They had been discharged from hospital over an hour ago and now he was all alone in a silent house with his mom miles away from him.

"Dean, sweetheart, I need you to listen carefully to me and I know you are grieving right now but you have a little baby, my grandson, now completely dependent on you" Mary said softly. "It's not just you anymore and you need to find that inner strength I know you have deep inside of you to keep your head held high and you care for that little boy like you cared for Sam"

"You make it sound so easy like that" he murmured with sniff walking over to the sofa and looking down at Lucas breathing softly in his chair. "Lucas John Winchester wants to meet his nana"

"Give him kisses from me and I'll be down as soon as I can" Mary said. "I am a phone call, angel, but you know the basics…I taught you both"

"I thought I would have her"

"I know love" Mary whispered covering her heart. "You are so strong, Dean, you can do anything and right now…"

"He is my first priority" he murmured reaching down to stroke a hand into the fluff of dark hair with another deep sniff. "I'll call you later mom"

"Okay, I love you both"

"Love you too"

Dean ended the call dropping the phone on the couch and moving to drop down softly on the couch staring at the sleeping Lucas. His eyes shut and he realised he was screwed. In a few weeks' time he would be returning to work, he had no family in Oklahoma, and he had a funeral to arrange on his own since Amanda's parents were in Spain.

"I need help" he murmured feeling a warm tear trickle out of his eye sliding down his cheek.

~0~0~0~

"You're insane" Gabriel Milton said looking over his youngest brother, Castiel, sticking up an ad in the window of his shop.

"It is not insanity at all, Gabe; you have a candy shop which brings in parents and children all the time! I am a male nanny and I need work"

"Male nanny" Gabriel said with a scoff popping a lollipop into his mouth. "No one likes male nannies, Cas, they want females"

"Well that's just sexist" Castiel murmured with a frown looking over it. "Look, I need a job and soon otherwise that bastard of a landlord is going to chuck me out"

"I'll kick his ass"

"I love your loyalty but I need a job…someone out there must need a little help" he said wistfully looking up at the sky and glanced when the wind chime above him chimed and twinkled softly.

"You're a dreamer, Castiel, you always have been" Gabriel said with a snort. Castiel glanced back over to him with a roll of his eyes feeling optimistic that something would happen soon hopefully changing his life for the better.

A/N: Brand new story! Ha, I love writing so much and I've recently lost my job which really sucks but it does mean I have more time for my writing.

Review please? It would be a great help and encouragement.