I had an idea, so I wanted to write it out. It's long, but it's only a one shot. Takes place during Booth's "death." In the show, he was gone for two weeks, but I made it just five days. For those of you who don't know the background. Booth was shot by a stalker who was trying to kill Brennan after one of their cases. It takes place at the end of season three, and Zack is still there. So here we go.
"Family for Seeley Booth?" A doctor walked into the waiting room and five people jumped up at his question.
That's us." Brennan's voice rang out among them. She looked at the doctor, unshed tears shining in her eyes. "How is he?"
The doctor looked down, then back up at the group. Sadness washed across his features. "I'm sorry"
Brennan stared at him; her face was hard, emotionless. She could hear Angela and Cam gasp behind her. Their sobs followed. Hodgins wrapped his arms around the two women. Sweets stepped forward and placed his hand on Brennan's shoulder, but she shrugged it off.
"What happened?" she controlled her voice carefully. It sounded cold.
"There was a complication in his surgery. The bullet hit an artery and there was too much damage. We couldn't repair it. He lost too much blood."
She tried to speak, but nothing came out. There was a knot in her throat, forbidding her to talk. Instead she politely nodded towards the doctor. He whispered something, but she was already walking away from him. She was faintly aware of her best friend calling her, but she kept walking, struggling to keep the tears from falling.
Brennan walked to her car quickly. Her feet moved without hesitation, but her mind was miles away. She slid into the driver's seat, almost subconsciously.
Sitting in her car, she struggled even more against the tears threatening to fall. She drove past the Jeffersonian, past the diner, past her own apartment. With no idea of where she was going, she just drove. After a while, she realized she had passed the same places at least three times. She took a different turn on her fourth lap around the city and ended up at his apartment.
There was no real reason to be there. She would accomplish nothing by going up the stairs. All she knew was that Angela wouldn't follow her here and that she could be alone.
She walked through the halls, stopping at his door. Pulling out the key he had given her, she unlocked the door and stepped into his apartment.
She looked around his home, and for the first time in her life, she felt her dead partner was with her. Two days ago, she would have scoffed at the idea. But now, in an odd way, it comforted her. She walked through his home, seeing the things that made him uniquely him. Her eyes fell on a picture of the two of them, on a table right inside his door. Smiling she picked it up.
It was the two of them, grinning like fools, after a particularly rough case a few months ago. The entire squint squad, with Booth, went out to the Founding Fathers. They had all gotten drunk and were having the most fun they'd had in weeks. Angela whipped out her camera and took pictures of everything. Booth slung his arm around Brennan and pulled her close, pulling most of Angela's and the camera's attention towards them.
Booth must have had Angela print out some pictures. Brennan did too. She had a copy of the same one on her bedroom dresser. Every morning she would look at it and remember what it felt like to be so close to him, without feeling the need to reserve herself.
She set the picture back down, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly before turning back to his apartment. She ran her fingers along his couch, sighing as she remembered the late nights she had spent there. More tears started to fall and it was getting more and more difficult to keep them at bay.
She walked to his bedroom, bypassing the kitchen she had spent hundreds of hours in, stopping when she reached the door. She began to realize how crazy she must seem. He was gone. Dead. The rational, scientific side of her knew that. Knew that no matter what she did, he wasn't coming back. But her emotional, heartbroken side knew this was a way to be close to him. She couldn't lose him. Not yet.
Stepping into his room, she saw the suit he had traded his civilian clothes for lying neatly on his bed. His cocky belt buckle sat atop the pile. She smiled a sad smile and reached down to pick it up. Running her fingers over it, she felt the different textures of the metal beneath her fingers. The tears pooled in her eyes, and she finally let them go. They fell onto the buckle as she plopped down on the foot of his bed, never taking her eyes off the object in her hand. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed.
"I'm so sorry Booth." She managed to get out. It was difficult between her gasping for breath. She thought herself crazy. Who was she talking to? Booth was dead. Her partner, her best friend, was dead. A sudden wave of anger flashed through her.
"Damn it Booth." She screamed to no one. "You broke your promise." She was finally beginning to understand the comfort people took in talking to the dead. "Why did you have to step in front of that bullet? Why?" Her anger at him traveled to herself. Her voice lowered and between her sobs, she whispered. "It should have been me." Her anger was quickly replaced with guilt. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She looked down at the buckle she was clutching in her hands. The creamy complexion returned to her knuckles as she loosened her grip. "I loved you."
I love you too, Bones.
Her head snapped up. She swore she heard his voice, but there was no one there. At seeing the empty room, she dropped her head again. Rationally, it was normal to be hearing the voice of someone who had just passed away. She was grieving.
She kept her running her thumb over the belt buckle. "I did." She whispered to herself.
And I loved you Bones.
Her head snapped up again. It sounded so real, like he was actually there, with her. That's what she wanted right? But if she was seeing him, there was something wrong. She looked around the room, but again saw nothing. She fixed her eyes to the wall in front of her.
Bones.
She looked to her right and he was sitting there.
"Booth?"
He smiled at her.
"You...you're…you're dead."
He didn't answer her and she just stared at him.
"I'm hallucinating. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I'm grieving." She shut her eyes tightly and took deep breaths. When she opened her eyes, he was still there.
You okay Bones?
"No. I'm not. You are dead." She stood up, slipping the belt buckle in her pocket. "You aren't real. As much as I'd like you to be real, you aren't."
Then why am I here?
"I just told you…me. I told me, that I'm hallucinating. It's a perfectly normal reaction for a grieving person."
Right. Normal.
"Shut up, Booth."
He mimicked locking his lips and throwing away the key. She glared at him, before turning and leaving the room.
Bones, wait.
"I thought you weren't talking?"
Well, you're upset, and I want to help.
"You're not real!"
Yet here I stand.
"Damn it." She glared at him again. "I'm leaving."
I know.
She walked out of the apartment without another word. Tears were streaming down her face. She was unsure of whether they were from anger or grief or depression.
Her doorman greeted her in the lobby of her apartment building after she raced home as quickly as possible without breaking the law. She rushed up to her apartment and went straight for her bedroom. As soon as she hit the bed, she broke down. Tears poured from her eyes and soaked her pillow. Her sobs left her gasping for breath, but she eventually calmed down enough to fall into a deep sleep.
Her dreams haunted her. They were all about Booth dying. Again and again, she relived the horrible event. It was as if she was torturing herself, but there was nothing she could do, being trapped in the realm of the unconscious.
She woke the next morning to the shrill ringing of her alarm. Flipping over, she slammed her hand onto the off button and rolled herself out of bed. She was cautious, thinking maybe her hallucination would return. But she was alone.
By the time she had finished her shower, she had convinced herself she was done grieving, and therefore, he would not return. She dressed and prepared as normal for a day of work, doing her best not to think about anything else.
She stepped into the Jeffersonian and, as expected, the lab was virtually empty, except Zack. Zack would never miss work. Her other friends were at home, grieving. It was understandable. Brennan and her assistant just happened to be able to do it faster. She wondered, though, if Zack felt the need to grieve. He and Booth weren't exactly close.
"Brennan!" She turned and was surprised to see her friend walking over to her.
"Hey Ange."
"What are you doing here sweetie?"
"Same thing I assume you are. I have work that I have to do."
Angela rested her hand on her best friends shoulder. "We're here to…this is…" She stopped, taking deep breaths trying to compose herself.
"What's wrong Angela?"
"What's wrong? Booth…Booth is dead."
"I know."
"Why aren't you at home?"
"As I said before, I have things that need to be done. Besides, you're here too."
"Yeah, so is everyone else. We came so we could plan Booth's funeral. The lab seemed the most…neutral" A tear rolled down her cheek. "We wanted you to have some time. We figured we'd just let you be alone."
"Why?"
"Bren! Booth was your best friend. You two were so close. How can you not be in tears right now?" the artists own tears started to take over, falling freely from her eyes.
"I went home last night and had some time alone, and now I'm fine." It was just a little lie. Nobody needed to know about Booth appearing to her.
"You aren't fine. You just lost your best friend."
"I know that Angela. I have to go work now." She walked away from her best friend and onto the forensic platform. There was a body waiting for her and she was immediately immersed in her work. For just a moment, she was able to forget she had lost him. She was able to go back to her core. No emotions bothered her as she pushed herself to find the truth for the person lying in front of her.
"Dr. Brennan." Cam's voice rang out, bringing Brennan back to the present.
"Yes Cam?"
"We planned to have the…funeral on Friday."
"Okay. But I will not be attending. I find gathering around a hole in the ground useless." She said before turning back to her work. She heard Cam stutter behind her then walk away. She spoke something of 'not seeing love.'
That day she didn't eat. She got to work a few minutes late, so she stayed a couple of hours later. She watched all of her team give her pitying looks as they left, even Zack, and watched the security guards change shifts. Throughout the entire day, she left the platform only once. She could feel herself reverting back to her old ways, but there was no reason to do otherwise. One person was able to pull her from her work, and now he was gone, so there she stayed.
You should go home.
Her head snapped up from the skeleton in front of her. Booth stood there, leaning against the exam table.
You hear me Bones? It's not healthy. Go home. Get some rest.
She shook her head at him and closed her eyes. "You're not real." she repeated over and over. Looking back down, she opened her eyes to focus on the bones.
I may be dead, but I'm right. You need to go home.
"Exactly!" she yelled a little too loud. Lowering her voice, she continued. "You are dead. Just leave me alone."
I don't see how I can leave you alone. Since according to you I'm a hallucination, I'm part of you, part of your mind. He made movements around his head with his hands.
"Then I should be able to make you go away." She closed her eyes, willing him to disappear. When she reopened them, he was standing closer. She stepped back when she could smell him. His scent began to envelop her and it scared her.
Didn't work.
She groaned to herself before turning away from him and walking off the platform, leaving him and the bones behind.
"Watch the bones. I'll be back in about an hour or so." She said to the nearest security guard. He nodded and she left the Jeffersonian.
Brennan drove to the FBI building, stopping outside the entrance. She didn't account for the pain and loss she would feel looking at his place of work. Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself through the doors.
Her short walk to her destination was interrupted multiple times by condolences from his fellow agents. She politely acknowledged them, and kept walking.
She made it to the door of the young psychologist. Checking her watch, she saw it was past ten, and she was hoping he was still there. She knocked softly on the door, and when it opened, she felt almost relieved.
Dr. Sweets on the other hand, was shocked. "Dr. Brennan?"
"Can I talk to you?" her voice lacked its usual defiant tone that she used with him.
"Yeah, sure of course." He stood aside to let her in. She sat on the couch and he took his place across from her.
"So I assume you want to talk about Agent Booth's death? You must be feeling-"
"Stop. I'm fine. Well for the most part. I don't need to pour my feelings to you. I need your advice."
"Pour? Oh, you mean spill. Yeah, sure, okay. What kind of advice."
She took a deep breath. "I'm seeing Booth."
His eyes widened and he leaned forward to her. It was clear he was struggling to keep himself calm. "You and Agent Booth were in a romantic relationship? Since when? Why didn't I know about this. I should have known."
"Sweets, calm down. I said I am seeing Booth, not I was." Her voice faltered a bit at the use of the past tense.
He chewed over her words for a moment. "So you're like…seeing him? As in hallucinations?"
She nodded.
"When did this start? How often? Does he talk to you?"
"After I left the hospital, I went to his house. I was sitting on his bed, and I said…I said something and then I heard his voice. I thought I was just grieving. I still do, but I'll get to that later. Then I repeated my self and so did he. And then I saw him. I told him he wasn't real, and he didn't deny it, but he questioned why he was there if he was dead. I tried to leave and he stopped me. He told me I was upset and he wanted to help me, but I left anyway. Then a couple hours ago, I was working on a body and he told me I needed to go home. I told him he wasn't real and he said he was a part of my mind. Now. I know I'm grieving and it's understandable to be having hallucinations, but I don't want it. How can I make it go away?"
"You don't believe in psychology."
"No, I don't but obviously this is a problem that is centered on my mind and if anyone was a so called expert on it, it would be you."
"Well thank you Dr. Brennan."
"It wasn't a compliment."
"Right." He sat for a moment, thinking. "Well, when you are upset, Booth would try to get you to talk it out right?" she nodded. "And when you stayed this late at work, Booth would tell you that you needed to go home, right?" Again, she nodded. "I think the part of you that connected so deeply with Booth is still there and it's telling you all the things that Booth would. You know Booth, therefore, you know what he would say or do. You are used to his reactions and you are subconsciously creating those situations for yourself."
"Okay, so how do I get rid of him?"
"You want him gone?"
"No. I mean I don't want him dead, but I don't want his hallucination bothering me."
"Okay. I recommend you confront your feelings. If you are uncomfortable with something, talk it out, write it out, something."
"What about him telling me to go home?"
"I think you've become used to him interfering. For the first time in, I'd guess years, you are overworking yourself again, and you know it."
"So basically, I should act like Booth is here, without him being here, to make him go away?"
He nodded. "You rephrased it in an interesting way, but essentially yes."
"Should I ignore him if he talks to me?"
"If it makes you feel better, then go ahead. If you do what I just said, his…appearances should be less frequent anyway."
She sighed. "Okay. I'll try it."
"Thank you for coming to me Dr. Brennan."
She was already out the door and on her way back to the lab.
Thanking the guard who had watched her bones, she returned to the platform. She grabbed a pair of latex gloves and got to work finishing her preliminary observations on the newest body.
I thought you were going home.
She looked up at him for a moment, debating. She looked over to see the security guard focused on something else. "I will as soon as I'm done."
Promise?
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes."
She saw him smile. A smile almost crossed her lips too at the familiar expression, until she remembered he wasn't real. Instead she turned her attention back to her work.
Do you miss me?
"You…are me…sort of."
Ok, If I'm you, then…do we miss Booth?
"Yes, of course I miss him."
A lot?
"Yes."
Am I bothering you? I mean…are you bothering you?"
She smirked a little. "Yes." Booth didn't speak anymore, but every time she glanced up, he was still there.
She finished her work quickly, and as she promised herself, she headed home. She refused to believe her hallucination was anything but a tap into her subconscious. It wasn't her partner, just her in the form of her partner.
When she got home, she decided to listen to the advice Sweets had given her. She took out her laptop, crawled into her bed, and started to type. She wrote about how she felt about Booth, how she felt about Booth dying, and how she felt about everyone else assuming how she felt about Booth and him dying.
People assuming how you feel really gets to you huh?
"Yes. It's gets to us. We are the same person."
Right, sorry.
She ignored him and continued with her writing.
Booth is dead. How do I feel about that? That's what he would ask me. It makes me sad. Sad is such a shallow word. I am depressed, upset, angry, hurt, scared, and lonely. I'm depressed because I lost my best friend. I'm upset and angry because he shouldn't have stepped in front of that bullet. By doing so, he left me, which he promised he would never do. I'm hurt because it should have been me. Now he's dead because of me. I'm scared because I'm alone. I never realized how much Booth was in my life. I'm lonely because Booth is gone. He isn't here anymore. I don't have him with me. I loved him. If Booth were here, he would say I still love him, because love doesn't go away. But if Booth was here, I wouldn't be writing this. I love who Booth was. I can't love a dead man. Of course love is questionable in itself. It is chemical reactions and brain waves and other things. It isn't reliable. But it exists. I can't deny that anymore, because I have felt it. It too scares me. It did scare me. I was afraid of losing him without him knowing and losing him even if he did. Now I have lost him. And he didn't know. That upsets me. But I'm not so scared of loving him anymore.
She sighed and closed her laptop. Admittedly, she felt a little better. When she looked next to her, Booth was gone. She was beginning to think Sweets had a little credibility in his guessing game. Maybe his suggestions were already working.
She turned out the lights and relaxed. She felt oddly lighter, as if a metaphorical weight was lifted off of her shoulders. In just a few minutes, she had drifted off to sleep. Her dreams weren't as bad as before. Booth's death still haunted her, but it was easier to handle.
When she woke up the next morning, she was refreshed. In no way was she happy, or okay, but she wasn't as depressed as before. She breezed through her morning with a sense of easiness. She even managed to remember to get breakfast for herself.
When she got to work, she immediately went to her best friend's office to apologize for yesterday. She knocked softly on the doorframe of the open door and waited for an answer.
"Sweetie. Hi." She motioned for Brennan to come in. "What's up?"
"I wanted to apologize for being…short yesterday."
"Don't worry about it. You were upset. We all are. I have trouble not crying half the time. It's normal Bren."
"Okay, yes, well…I'm going to go to work now." She turned to walk out, leaving her friend behind to wonder at Brennan's change of attitude.
She headed towards the platform and started on the bones she left last night. For the next few hours, she was totally immersed in her work. She had no distractions from anyone, not even Booth. Not until lunch time.
You should get something to eat.
"I will later."
"Dr. Brennan? Who are you talking to?"
"Oh, no one Zack. Can you take a look at the stress markers on the bones of the feet please?" He nodded and turned to the other end of the example table
Come on. You're hungry and you know it.
"I have to identify the cause of death." Brennan spoke in a lowered voice.
It will be here when you get back. You need to eat.
She looked up from the skeleton, glaring at him. Most people would have thought she was just thinking. She was careful to not look crazy when she talked to herself, even though that sounds crazy in its self.
Bones.
"Fine. I'll go eat." She snapped off her gloves and headed to her car. Starting the engine, she realized she didn't know where to eat. Everywhere else just reminded her too much of Booth and all of the fast food places in the city were too unhealthy. She turned off her car and headed back inside, going straight back to her friend's office.
"Angela?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you uh…can you run out and get some lunch?"
Angela looked at Brennan with a confused look on her face. "Why can't you do it?"
Brennan walked farther into the artist's office and took a seat on the couch. "Well, wherever I usually go for lunch, I went with Booth. And I just…not now." Angela went over to sit next to her friend. She placed her hand on Brennan's shoulder.
"I got it, sweetie. Don't worry about it; I'd be happy to do it. Have a preference?" she asked reaching for her purse.
Brennan shook her head.
"Okay then I'll be back in like half an hour." She left and Brennan was sitting alone in the office.
Is it really that hard for you to go get something to eat without me? I mean…Booth.
"Yes. It's just…hard. There are so many memories around those places. If I went, all I would think about is how you're not here.
I get it. It makes sense. But you can't avoid every place in D.C. You have to get over it eventually.
"Yes, I know" She stood up and left Angela's office.
Just as she said, Angela showed up thirty minutes later with lunch. They both went to Brennan's office to eat. It was silent at first until Angela decided it shouldn't be.
"So how are you?"
"I'm okay."
"Seriously Brennan. How are you? You haven't talked to any of us."
"I'm okay Ange. Really. I went to Sweets, but not about what you would think. He told me maybe I should write about stuff, so I did, and I feel okay."
"What did you talk to Sweets about?"
"I..uh. I don't really want to talk about it."
Angela seemed to study her for a few seconds before responding. "Okay. But if you ever want to talk, I'm here."
"I know. How are you?"
"I'm…it sucks. I miss him. And if I miss him this much, I can't imagine how you feel. It's really hard to not cry all the time."
"I'm sorry Angela. I'm not really good with emotion, but if you want to talk to me…"
Angela laughed. "Thanks sweetie. I know."
"Okay. Thanks for lunch again." She said. She finished her lunch quickly, and then went right back to work.
Around nine, she began to get a nagging feeling to go home. She wanted to sleep, relax. Her mind began to wander. The rest of her team had already left, though she barely noticed. They all looked too sad, and she didn't want that. She spoke to them only when necessary, hoping to avoid the pity in their eyes. She only noticed they were gone when she looked up from the skeleton in front of her. A sense of loneliness washed over her as she saw at the usually bustling lab completely empty.
Go home Bones.
She jumped, startled by his voice. "I was going home."
You're trying to lie to yourself? What sense does that make?
"I don't know."
Exactly. Go home.
"I will later."
Bones, go home now. You can't overwork yourself just because I'm…Booth's gone. Go write. It made you feel better right?
She set the bone she was working on down and turned to face him. "Fine. Okay, I'm going, happy?"
Are we?
She glared at him before turning and leaving him on the platform to go home.
On her way home, she stopped by his apartment. She didn't go inside. Instead, she just sat in her car, thinking.
You're sad.
She looked in the passenger seat to see Booth sitting there. "Yes. I am."
You don't need to be sarcastic. I'm trying to help. What are you feeling?
She turned back to look straight forward. "I feel alone and scared. I miss you…Booth. I miss Booth. It's weird not seeing him everyday. I miss him comforting me. I miss his guy hugs. I miss being with him." Tear started to form in her eyes and she blinked them back. Looking back in the passenger seat, Booth was gone. She took one last look up at his apartment before heading to her own.
She climbed into her bed with her laptop as she did the night before and started writing.
I miss Booth. That is what I seem to be struggling with today. It's strange not seeing him everyday. I'm so used to going out to the diner or to get drinks after work. We would be together just about everyday. He would make me laugh and make me feel better. Now who will be there for me? I'm afraid to go to the diner, or Founding Fathers. They bring back too many memories. Right now, I can't handle those memories. Being scared of those memories makes me terrified to think about what's going to happen when we get a case, if we get a case. I'm not sure how that will work. I loved putting murderers in jail, but I don't know if it was just because I was with Booth or not. I'm sure the FBI will put off giving the Jeffersonian new cases for a little bit, but eventually they will need us. Our solve rate was impeccable. Now that I think about it, it might have been me and Booth, not the FBI and the Jeffersonian. We always seem to find the right person, even when one of us was lacking the facts we needed. That's another thing I liked. Me and Booth, we worked well together. It probably helped that I was in love with him. I saw the good in him. Of course it wasn't hard. He was such a good man. He was the kindest person I knew. Working with him was so easy. He was my best friend, but in a different way than Angela. I wouldn't want to work with anyone else. I don't know if I can. I am willing to do consults, but I am unsure as of yet whether I will be able to go out into the field with another agent.
By the time she finished writing, tears were streaming down her face. Her words on the computer sounded rational, but inside she was falling apart. "I miss you so much Booth."
She looked around her room, expecting to see him there with her, but he wasn't. Last time she admitted something so emotional, he showed up. But he wasn't there this time. She felt a mixture of relief and loss. She was starting to get used to having him around, but she knew it was for the best that she stopped seeing him. Even so, it hurt a little bit. So she wrote about it. She wrote for almost two hours straight that night.
When she was done, she felt better. She felt free from her pain. It would always hurt that Booth was gone, but she had a handle on it now. It hurt that she would never get to love Seeley Booth the way she wanted, but now she can admit that she was in love with him. It was painful, but it wasn't hard. Not anymore.
She walked into work the next morning with a genuine smile on her face. She decided that she would have a purpose, just like she did before Booth. There was no way she was going to forget him. It just wasn't possible. But she could live her life.
With a new determination, she began work on the next body in the Bone Room. In record time, she and Zack had identified three victims, and by lunch they were on the fourth.
Today though, she stopped. At lunch, she put down the femur she was examining and walked out of the bone room. She ordered food for her entire team and they had lunch together in her office. Normally, if she were in a mood like this, she would have taken everybody to Founding Fathers, but she had decided to wait on that. She just needed a little bit more time. She saw the looks everyone gave her, especially Angela, but she could also see they were all happy for her.
Everybody avoided the topic of Booth, his funeral, the FBI, past cases, or anything else that related to him. It was difficult, considering he was in their lives just about everyday, but somehow they managed to do it.
There was an air of awkwardness, but Brennan was okay. She was happy, or as happy as she could be without her best friend. It helped that she had her other friends, the other part of her make-shift family. She realized this was another way the grieve his loss, and get back to a normal life.
"Dr. B, thanks for the food. It's really awesome."
"No problem Hodgins." Brennan smiled at him.
"Yeah, sweetie, this is really…thanks."
"You're welcome Angela. But really, it's not that big of a deal you guys."
"Right. Leave Dr. Brennan alone." Cam smiled at her. "So how are you doing on the new delivery? What was it? Remains from Greece?"
Brennan smiled a big smile back at her boss. Without murder cases, she was able to go back to work identifying ancient remains like she had before. She missed working the murders, but it was nice to go back to her roots. "Yes. Zack and I have been looking at the remains of a woman from fourteenth century Greece. It's quite fascinating. She seemed to work closely with the royals, but not to close. I'm thinking maybe a mistress perhaps. I'll actually have some particulates I'll be sending you soon Hodgins. And there is some jewelry I'd like you to re-construct Angela."
They both nodded at her. Hodgins opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the ringing of Brennan's phone. She excused herself and walked out of her office.
"Brennan."
"Dr. Brennan, this is Dr. Sweets. Are you still coming in for your appointment?"
She stood there for a moment, shocked. "Why would I come in when the only reason I went was for support for my partnership with Booth. We aren't…" she paused. They would always be partners. "Booth is gone. There is no point."
"Well, you're going to have another partner right? It may seem a little soon, but I'd like you to come in anyway so I can start finding someone who will work with you."
"I'm not sure if I'll be getting another partner."
"Uh…ok, I understand. What about your…grieving process. Would you like to talk about that?"
"The hallucination? Actually, I wouldn't mind talking about that. The doctor patient confidentiality still applies. You tell no one I was there. I still don't believe in psychology and I refuse to do so anytime soon, but it may help my mental structure to talk to someone who knows about the hallucination."
"You didn't tell Angela?"
"No. She'll think there's something wrong with me."
"I get it. Would you mind me doing an evaluation to make sure this is just grieving?"
"That's what a real doctor is for."
"Yes, but…okay. Just be here in half an hour."
She hung up without bothering to answer him. Stepping back into her office, she was greeted by four curious eyes.
"What's up sweetie?"
"I have an appointment." She explained. "I don't mean to leave so suddenly, but I have to be there in thirty minutes."
They all nodded and left her office without anymore questions. Brennan left just a few minutes after them and drove towards the J. Edgar Hoover building. Yet again, as she looked up at the building, she felt a feeling of loss again.
She strode through the building, ignoring the pitying looks from the agents.
"Sweets." She walked into his office.
"Dr. Brennan. Please. Sit." She sat on the couch across from him. Looking over, she realized she was sitting on the far left. The right side of the couch was empty. "You okay?"
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. Go ahead."
"Right. How is the hallucinating?"
"I haven't seen…him since early last night."
"And why do you think that is?"
"He seemed to talk a lot about my feelings. So I would talk about them, and I ended up talking to myself. I mean I was talking to myself anyway, but I wasn't seeing the hallucination."
"Good. So my theory was correct."
"More or less, though I still think it was all guess work."
"Yes, I know what you think Dr. Brennan. Anyway, have you been writing?" she nodded. "And…"
"I seem to feel better. I don't feel as…sad as before."
"And when you were righting, was Agent Booth there?"
"Don't talk to me like I'm crazy, because I'm not. He was at first, but as I continued to write, he went away."
"What about when you work late?"
"He was annoying, so I've been going home and eating at normal times."
"So you're acting like you did when Booth was around?"
"Yes."
"And the hallucination is gone?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Then I think you're okay. I'd like to talk about your work with the FBI."
"I'd be happy to do work in the lab, but I'm not sure I would be satisfied going into the field with another agent."
"What about Agent Perotta?"
"No. I just…no thank you."
"Ok. That's fine."
"Why haven't I gotten a call?" she mused.
"About what?"
"His things. I assumed I would be getting a call to have his things turned over to me. He had no else to give it too. Rebecca is the closest family, per se, and they weren't exactly on good terms. Neither were he and his brother, and his grandfather is too far away."
Sweets looked panicked. "I uh…I'm not sure."
"Sweets…"
"I'll make some calls and get back to you."
She studied him for a moment before standing to leave. "Ok." And then she left. She went straight back to the lab. Her mind wandered back to her meeting with Sweets. He looked like he had gotten caught doing something wrong. She shook it off. When she got back to the lab, she forgot about it and allowed herself to be completely immersed in her bones.
The next day she worked diligently with her assistant by her side. She explained the injuries on the body, and they discussed possibilities of how they got there. She did her best not to think about anything but. It was difficult when the rest of her team came onto the platform.
"Sweetie, it's time."
She ignored them and continued to talk about the body in front of her.
"That's enough. Let's go Dr. Brennan." Cam spoke from Brennan's left.
"I have a body to identify." She did her best to sound upset or angry. She wanted to go, but she wasn't sure if she could handle it. It would be better for her if she stayed behind at the lab.
"Dr. Brennan, you lost a loved one." Sweets tried.
"I lost a partner, a partner."
"You lost someone you cared about, and this offers an opportunity to grieve."
"In ancient Australia, the grieving process consisted of-"
"Brennan." Angela grabbed her friends arm and pulled her aside. "Look, I need you to be there. I can't do this alone. I've been trying to look happy…for you…but since you seem fine, I can tell you that I'm not. I need you there with me Brennan. I need my best friend."
Brennan looked at her for a moment before giving a slight nod.
The team stood by his grave, their heads hung, as they listened to his friends give their speeches. Brennan stood defiantly, trying her best not to show any emotion. She had been to plenty of funerals. This was no different. She stared straight ahead as Caroline spoke of her dislike for everyone except Booth. She almost smiled until she heard someone speak behind her.
"Excuse me."
She turned around to see a soldier charging at a man placing a flower on Booth's casket. The soldier tackled the man, and Brennan could see a small pistol being pulled from the man's pocket. The soldier wrestled it away. The man fell and the soldiers cover did as well. Brennan gasped when she saw her partner struggling with the man.
The man reached for his gun and Booth kicked him away from it, knocking down the casket. A dummy fell from the broken wood, and Brennan could hear Angela from behind her.
"What the hell is going on?"
Brennan refocused on the two men fighting in front of her. She saw the man grab his gun as Booth tried to get up. She stepped forward and grabbed a limb of the dummy and swung, striking the man across the face and knocking him out. Booth stood and walked over to Brennan.
"Nice shot Bones."
Anger flared through her as she stared at her partner, who was most definitely alive. She stared at the smile on his face and she grew even angrier. Without her thinking, her hand flew up and struck Booth across the face. He was knocked off balance as he looked at Brennan, stunned.
She stepped forward to help him up. The anger had completely disappeared and she was filled with relief and happiness and a mirage of other positive emotions. Booth stood in front of her, his face still showing the shock her felt.
"Bones?"
She threw her arms around him and she could feel his arms around her. She missed his smell, his feel. She missed him.
"Bones." He repeated. It was a whisper instead of a question.
She started to cry into his uniformed chest. "I missed you."
He tightened his arms around her slender body. "I missed you too."
They all sat at a table at the Founding Fathers. Brennan, Booth, Cam, Sweets, Angela, Hodgins, and even Zack. Brennan felt a sense of relief to not feel any hesitation in going to the old bar. The entire team went out, and Booth met up with them after handling the FBI. They listened patiently as Booth explained what happened. He told of how one of the suspects he was chasing would only show up at his funeral, and how the Deputy Director came to him in recovery before anybody else, suggesting the idea. He told them of his list of people who should have been told. He was about to tell of where he had been for five days, but was interrupted.
"You knew." Everyone stared at her and she clarified. "Sweets. He knew."
"I…"
"I though you were acting strange when I asked about Booth's things. You knew." She turned to Booth. "Was I on that list?"
"Yeah Bones, of course."
She turned back to face Sweets, anger flashed through her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I knew you would be able to handle Agent Booth's death, which you did, and I knew that the less people who knew about it, the safer the whole operation would be."
Brennan looked at him for a moment. The anger turned to understanding and rationality. "I understand."
"What? Bones! You socked me."
"Because you didn't tell me."
"Yeah, but it wasn't my job to tell you. It was Sweets'. It's not my fault." He countered.
"You could have called me." Her voice softened just slightly.
Booth reached over to place his hand over hers. "I couldn't do that, I wish I could've, but I couldn't. I didn't have contact with anyone except the FBI."
"I think we're going to get going." Angela said, interrupting their conversation.
"Right. Zack, do you need a ride?" Hodgins asked the kid next to him. He nodded and the three of them left, thanking Brennan for the drinks.
"Yeah, I'm going to get going too. It's getting late." Cam said just after their departure.
"Bye Cam." Brennan, Booth, and Sweets all said in unison. She smiled at them and made her way out.
Brennan faced Sweets again. "So you felt in necessary not to tell me because you didn't think I'd be able to keep it a secret?" Sweets nodded and Brennan continued. "Even after I came to you?"
Booth's head snapped up. "What? What are you talking about Bones?"
"I'll tell you later. Sweets?"
"Yeah, well…" Sweets stuttered. "I…"
"You were experimenting on me?"
"No." he answered quickly. "No, I was just-"
"We agreed to let you observe as partners, not use as your lab rats. I don't appreciate what you did."
"I'm sorry Dr. Brennan, but it worked right?"
"What worked?" Booth asked, still confused.
"I'll tell you the whole thing later. It doesn't matter if it worked. I t didn't have to happen." Her voice rose a pitch and she leaned in towards Sweets.
"I'm sorry. I-"
"Sweets, I think you should leave. I'll find out what happened from Bones, then I'll deal with you myself."
Sweets eyes widened at the threat. Brennan turned her hand around, interlacing their fingers. "I can take care of myself, Booth."
"Yeah, I know, but…"
"But nothing."
"Alright Bones. But you should still leave Sweets."
Sweets nodded and walked away, leaving the partners alone. Booth stared at her for a minute before he spoke.
"So what happened?"
She looked down at their hands. "I…I started to see…you. You know? Hallucinating. I knew it was just because I was grieving, but it was annoying, so I went to Sweets to make it stop. He knew what was happening and he still didn't tell me you were alive."
"So you really missed me, huh?" Booth smiled at her. She missed his smile.
"Yeah. Sweets said I was used to the way you acted, so it was basically programmed into me, but I needed you to get it out of me. So my subconscious presented itself in your form."
"What did I say?"
"Me. It was my subconscious, just saying that I need to express how I felt and not to overwork myself."
"That's it? That's all I ever did for you?" he flashed his smile again.
"No. I don't know. That's just what happened."
"Okay. So…are you alright now?"
"You mean mentally or emotionally?"
"You're fine mentally. You're Bones. Only you would rationalize a hallucination. I would've freaked out. So emotionally. You okay?"
"I…I'm okay now. Before, I was sad of course…but I got a handle on things. I believe I understand my emotions now more than ever."
"Like what?"
"I never realized how much you were in my life. I was alone for the first time in years. I had gotten used to having someone, and then you were gone. And I was scared. And mad. You shouldn't have stepped in front of that bullet." She hit him playfully on the arm, but her eyes were serious.
"I didn't want you getting hurt Bones."
"But you almost died."
"I couldn't let you get hurt. I couldn't handle it if you were to…"
"Did you ever think about how I felt?"
"No. I thought about how I couldn't live without you, and how there were more people that would grieve your loss than mine. I thought about how this world is such a better place with you, and I couldn't let that get taken away."
"Booth-"
"No Bones. We're not going to argue about this. We're both fine and that's what matters."
She smiled at him. He was right. Nothing in the past week mattered. They were together again.
"Booth?"
"Yeah Bones?"
"My…my hallucination told me something. But I'm kind of confused. Whatever he said, it was in my head right? So what if he said something that I couldn't have possibly known?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Just…just answer it."
He thought for a moment, never taking his eyes from hers. "Well, I guess it could be something you either subconsciously knew, inferred from the facts around you, or something you wished for."
She nodded. "How do I know which one?"
"What are you getting at Bones?"
"Booth, answer it."
"I…I don't know. I guess…when you wish something, you aren't really sure. It's more of just a dreamy thing, but if you know something, then you know. There's no doubt in your mind. Now what are you talking about?"
She took a deep breath and looked at him. "So…you love me?"
"What? I-"
"You said the wishing would be sort of like dreaming. My hallucination, it was you. You said you loved me. There's no way I could think of something like that."
He lowered his voice. "Yeah, Bones. Yeah I love you." She smiled at him. "So…what? You knew I loved you?"
"Yes. I was yelling because you made me mad and then I said I loved you and that's when he showed up."
He smiled back at her, his eyes shining. "Why were you mad at me?"
"Because I…Booth."
"I'm joking Bones. I heard you."
"So now what?"
He shrugged. "What do you want?"
"I want…to be with you."
"I can do that."
He leaned and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
THE END! I hope everyone liked it and I hope I didn't confuse anyone with the fonts to much. I was kind of worried about that.
Reviews are much appreciated!