Ich liebe niemand
Billy Darly
Death Sentence
Garrett Hedlund
Fanfiction
One Shot (Part 2 of We'll Play Make Believe)
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Sentence or Billy Darly. Garrett Hedlund currently owns himself therefore, I fail to own him as well. Do not flame.
"Joe, where's Billy gone off to?"
He turned around and took the cigeratte out of his mouth. "He went to talk to his girl. Don't worry about it. He'll be back before long."
"Yeah? Good to know, I guess." I shuffled, choosing to ignore everything else he would say. It hurt to hear that. His girl. Like I was nothing. I guess I was. Nothing, I mean. It's not he treats me like I want him to. He treats me not so well. But that's to be expected, right? He's a killer. He's literally a killer. But that's not why I'm here. No, I'm here because I got mixed up in the wrong bar at the wrong stage of drunkness. I'm here because they were desperate and I was easy. I am easy. That's why I'm here.
"Get the fuck out of my way, Joey."
I jumped up having heard Billy. "Billy, you're back-"
"Shut the fuck up and stay the fuck away from me." He looked at me with rage filling his eyes. He really scared me. How he stared. How he looked. The words he was using. "Joey, let's talk. My room now." Billy and Joe walked away to the back room without even giving me a second look.
Sometimes I wonder why I've done this to myself. Why I put myself in this position. I always have to question myself because of it. I just don't understand it. I think I love him. I thought I loved him. I used to wonder if I loved him. And no...Now, I'm just confused.
I wondered away from the door and into the kitchen, grabbing a Coke out of the fridge, and then to the pantry to see what we had. I leaned on the door and looked to see if anything peeked my interest when I heard Joe talking in the background. I stepped back and looked down the hallway to the bedroom door, slightly open. I knew I couldn't listen. I knew I couldn't go in. I knew I had to ignore it. Billy always said it was bad for my health if I were to listen. And I knew why. He and Joe were very careful about their planning. They only went to the back room when there was someone they were supposed to kill. That's why I wasn't supposed to listen. It was so I wouldn't go to jail. It was for my safety. Even though I would be safer if he just didn't do it period.
"Why did you tell her? How could you fucking say that to her, Billy? Cam's amazing. She's not like Lia. She fucking gives a shit about you and she doesn't fuck around. She's fucking loyal to you and you do this! Fucking idiot!" Joey was yelling, and I heard it all. I heard how very sweet his words were about me.
"I know," I leaned against the wall as I listened to Billy, sounding as if he would cry, "I just don't think she'll stay if I tell her. Camilla's not going to stay around if I fucking tell her I kill people and sell girls for a living. She'd leave me in a heart beat. I can't fucking take being away from her, how the hell could I take her leaving forever?"
"You got to figure that out for yourself. You can't tell her that you're not going to talk to her ever again. Listen, Billy, I know. You're in love with her, she's in love with you. You got to understand that, man. Or else, you'll miss out. I gotta get going. Call me if you need anything." Joe opened the door and looked at me for a second. "Hey, Lia, you should get Billy a beer. I think he needs it." He walked right past me, giving me no other look, and walked out the door.
I looked up at Billy as he walked out of the back room. "Get up, Lia." He started to walk over to where I was before stopping and turning back around to go into the back room again.
I hit my head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. I really was holding him back. He really didn't like me. He didn't love me. He didn't care. I wasn't his precious Camilla. I didn't mean anything. And I never would. That's just how it is. I got up, went to the fridge, grabbed him a beer, and then walked back to where he was. "Hey, baby," I stood in the doorway for a second while he just sat on the bed, staring at his phone. "Want a beer? It's cold."
He put one arm out beside him and ushered me over. "Come here." I walked over and sat on the bed next to him, putting the beer on the nightstand to the side. "I'm sorry. I know I've messed up. And I shouldn't have used you like I have been. And I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me?"
I put my right hand on his bald head and rubbed it a small bit. "Oh course, baby. You know I'll always forgive you."
He smiled and pulled me closer to him. "Thanks, Lia. I'm glad we can be friends." I sat back, faking a smile. Friends? Better than lovers or just the next best thing. "I got to tell you something. I think I'm going to leave for a little while this week. I think I need some time."
"I'll go-"
"I need some time with Cam. I want to figure this out. I'm sorry. But if it makes you feel any better, it was fun while it lasted."
I tried my best to smile but it just wouldn't come. "Yeah, it was. Really fun." Really really not fun. This isn't at least. This is killing me but I can't tell him. He's falling apart and he just wants me to be here for him. But...it hurts so bad. It hurts to just sit here and smile, pretend like I'm fine with all of it. I'm not. How can I be?
There was a light knock on the apartment door, I looked at him, my eyes asking for permission to leave. He just nodded and let go, allowing me to get up and walk into the living room. I looked out the peephole to see her. Well, I thought it was her. And I had to be right. I turned my head and looked towards the back room, which was completely out of view. Should I open the door? Should I not? Should I tell her to go die? I exhaled and calmly opened the door. "Hi, can I help you?"
She fiddled with her hands, looking up for only a second. She was nervous. I understood that. She was here around me, of course she would be nervous. "Is Billy here?"
I looked away from her and stared at the doorframe. I didn't want to answer her but Billy would kill me if I didn't. "Who are you exactly?"
"Camilla. I just need to talk to Billy-"
"Well he's not here-"
"Lia, leave her alone." Billy came up behind me, put his arms around my waist and moved me from the doorway. "Come on in, Cam." He let go of me to just grab onto her and walk with her into the living room. "How'd you find out where I was?"
"Joe, I convinced him to tell me. Listen, I'm-"
Billy looked at me for a second before turning his head to Camilla, "I want to come home. And I want to stay there but there's something you should know. Lia, sit down."
I sat down, with both of them watching me. Camilla seemed broken and falling. She was a mess. She didn't have makeup on, she had bags under her eyes, her eyes were blood shot and humilating. She looked horrible. But she was the one. She had Billy's heart. Not me.
"Billy, I'm sorry-"
"Cam, I need you to understand what I do. I do bad things. I'm a bad person. You have to get this through your skull. I kill people, Cam. I work for my dad. I sell easy girls on the streets. I make a living the bad way. But I love you and if you can forgive me-"
She sat back, a little confused look on her face, her jaw dropped and she tried to speak but failed. "You mean-"
"Yeah, I get you all those things because I get that money." He turned his body towards me and shook his head. "The only reason I've been with Lia is because she's a cop. I've been working with her to catch the guy who's trying to kill Joe. I don't fucking love her, Cam. She's helping me so I'm helping her. That's it. I swear."
I couldn't breathe. Yeah, okay, I knew my job. But...my job didn't even seem to exist when I was with him. And I didn't think he knew. I never told him. I just made my way through the food chain at Four Roses. That's how I found him. I never told him. I never would. I couldn't. That just screw up everything. "Billy-"
"Don't speak please." He hushed me without taking his eyes off Camilla. It made me mad. He was treating me like shit. He always had. And to think, he knew I was a cop this whole time. But I never told him. "Cam, are you okay?" She shook her head, swallowed hard, and got up, walking away to the door. She couldn't take news like this. And I didn't blame her. From what I've heard, all of this is so weird for her. She didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for this. Billy surely didn't. This whole thing is just so stupid. Billy got up from the couch and walked towards her before stopping. "Cammy-"
"No, I'm sorry, Billy. I need to go." And with that, she was out the door. Billy didn't run after her, he hit the wall instead.
"How'd you know?"
"I'm not stupid. You act like a cop. Plus, Four Roses check up on people who just show up. You really thought, I wouldn't find out?" He shook his head and slammed the door. "You're an idiot, Lia. You're fucking lucky I haven't killed you. I should have done it when I first found out."
"Do it." I glanced up at him, showing no fear, not even shaking.
"Excuse me?"
"Kill me, Billy. Just do it. I'm a cop. I'm the bad guy-"
"You got some nerve. What the hell is in this for you? Why are you still here?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
He looked at me for a second before sitting back down on the couch. "What'd I do wrong?"
"Everything. If you want to be with her so bad, then start over. I can get it worked out so you're in the Witness Protection Program or I can make it seem like you've been killed. That's not a problem but," I exhaled. It was hard for me to try to get him to be with her. "You just got to promise that you aren't going to do this ever again. If you want to be with her then you can't do any of this again. It's all one big mistake. You're endangering yourself and her."
"Do whatever you have to. Just make sure she's safe." I looked up at him, picking up his coat from the hanger on the wall, and walking out. He was serious. I guess now it's really time to be a cop. I haven't been one in a really long time now. And all of this because of Billy Darly. Boys always have gotten in the way.