A/N: I think that this is the best song ever for Kevin right now. The lyrics fit and it's horribly torturous to listen to it and just know that he's still suffering.
Disclaimer: Owned by Taylor Swift, characters are by MOA.
Innocent
I guess you really did it this time
I had watched Kevin, the guy I loved, fall from his seat of power in the world of the black market. I had watched him settle with us, the two goody-two shoes. That was what he did. He settled. For the first time in what I expected to be a long time. And I thought he was at peace, with himself, with the world, with life.
Left yourself in your warpath
Some of his insanity must've lingered. Some part of him must've mistrusted everything. He grew up in the world of lies and torture and death. He saw things that I could only read about in books and see in movies. It was his reality. It was him. It was who he had turned into. It was his dangerous side that had kept him restless. Kevin must've always been afraid of something; something within himself. And I guess I finally figured out why he was so afraid of everything when I watched him being consumed with that raw energy.
I had seen him as a monster in three ways now. And every time, it hurt me even more to know that I couldn't fix him.
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back
I knew he was struggling worse than ever. I knew he was suffering. I just loved him so much. It hurt me to see him in pain. It physically hurt me to know that he wasn't by my side and to know that he wasn't alright. If he wasn't alright, how was I? How could I be alright without him? Could my heart ever be whole again?
He was insane. He lost his mind. It made my heart ache to know that something was wrong with him, something that I couldn't help, something that I had no part in.
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
When he was with us, he had some leeway. He had some leverage; Kevin was capable of doing so many things, so many things that could've either gotten him in severe trouble. And yet, he stuck by us, his new power of being a Plumber never abused. His loyalty to it was never matched. Ben and I could always waver on our decision making, one way or another, some part of us wanting a bit of self-benefit. And I knew that Kevin was the exact same way, but I had seen a different side of him. He had sacrificed himself for me, for Ben, for the universe. No matter how much he thought he was a monster, he was still innocent, only a victim of his own powers and of his own loving, loyal sacrifice.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?
Now he had people on his back, stalkers making sure that he didn't do anything to jeopardize his safety or the safety of the universe or the Plumbers. He had us watching him, me believing, Ben afraid that he would do something.
I just wished Ben would believe. If Kevin needed anything, he needed our trust.
It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
For some reason, it hurt to know that I was the only one still watching out for him. I was still guarding him with all my heart, hoping for some sort of chance to drag him out of his trance. I just wanted Kevin back: the real Kevin. I wanted the one I had fallen in love with.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
I needed Ben to trust me; he couldn't even do that. He was watching out for the universe and ignoring the two people he had become closest to. He didn't quite understand that if he killed Kevin, he would lose me forever. I wouldn't even be able to look at him, let alone try and work with him to save the universe again or anything of that sort. I couldn't be able to think of going near him, knowing that he had murdered the one guy I had given my whole heart to. Ben didn't know what he was doing.
You're still an innocent
He thought I was watching out for Kevin because my heart was getting in the way of my head. But I was watching out for him because he needed someone. He needed trust and he needed love. He needed enough to live for to pull himself out of his insanity. He just needed something, anything, to believe in. He needed someone to believe in him.
And even if I was the only one, I was going to believe in Kevin.
There's some things you can't speak of
But tonight you'll live it all again
Kevin had to be living his worst nightmares. He had grown up in a body that wasn't his. He had lived his worst days in that form. I couldn't help but pity him. And I knew he'd hate that, but I still didn't want him to be mad or anything. He wouldn't know. I just loved him too much to try not taking care of him. He was my one true love. I wouldn't let go. Not yet. Not until we had reached a breaking point, the climax. Then I'd have to cut the thin strand of golden love that held us together.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would sing what you know now then
Some part of me begged for him to know what he was doing to himself. I begged that he would realize what he was doing. I prayed for Kevin. He was my everything. I thought of him every waking second. I had nightmares that he was dead. The locket that hung at the base of my throat kept the constant reminder that Kevin wasn't with me and how badly I wanted him. I missed him. So badly. So badly that it hurt.
Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Ben remained bent on killing him. I still tried to stray him from the idea. I still begged for time, for a chance, for anything, anything that could save him.
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?
But in Kevin's world, the past will always be the future. He of all people knew that he didn't stand a chance. He knew that he was doomed to die in the form of a creature of his own making. He didn't do anything without knowing perfectly well the consequences of his actions. He knew what he was doing when he absorbed that raw power. He knew what was going on. He knew he'd be too far-gone to bring himself back. I knew that if he had had more time to think about it, he would've probably been miserable over it, knowing that he would lose everything he cared about.
It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
He hadn't lost me. He would never lose me. He was still my Kevin, my beloved boyfriend. Something may have stranded us on different islands of the universe, but he was still mine and I would still watch out for him. I was his guardian angel. I had to watch out for him. It was why we were so good together. It was why I loved him so much. It was why I would die for him.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
Kevin knew what he was doing. I had complete faith in him on that. And Ben… Ben just wanted to kill him. He wanted to kill the one who had been our savior, the only one who had been able to stop the madness by bringing it all upon himself. And Ben wanted to kill him. Ben wanted to kill him.
He's still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
And until we reached that climax, that single point of no return, the one where Kevin and I finally had to face reality and the fact that he was dangerous and that I couldn't keep going on defending him anymore, I would let go.
You're still an innocent
But until that moment came, I would give him my heart. I wouldn't let go. Never let go. Never let go of what you love. No matter how hard it is to keep it.
Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Kevin knew. He knew the whole time. Paradox had to have told him something. He must've known that the choice would come. He had to know. Kevin just seems to know everything before other people do. That's why he makes such a good hero. Despite his shifty glares and deceiving ways, he knows how to get what he wants. He just knows how to do things the right way.
He was such a good hero…
Lives change like the weather
And in the flash of a second, he had become inhuman. He had turned into someone that I could hardly recognize. His obsidian eyes and raven-colored hair were gone. That roguish charm had vanished. His beautiful smile had forever disappeared, only a distant memory in the depths of my heart. Kevin had changed without a glance back. He had turned on us, only to save us.
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new
I was willing to welcome him back. Any day now, any day. He just had to be willing to let that monstrous body go. He had to let go of the insanity. Kevin needed that control more than ever. He needed to be reminded of what humanity was. He needed to know that I was willing to take him right back into my arms when he came back. I was ready for him. All of him, sane or not.
It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me
Kevin deserved to have another chance. Whether he was crazy or not, he deserved another shot at everything and anything. He had seen so many things, it was no wonder he was insane. And for him, it was painful. He knew he had things on another side. He would always have another chance. I would always give him one. He deserved it. For turning himself around time and time again, he would get another chance. Time and time again, I would let him back in. I would always give him my heart without asking any questions.
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
That guy five years ago: that wasn't Kevin. That was Kevin trapped in a monster's body. He changed. He had changed more than I had ever thought he was capable of.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
We're all just kids. We all just had to know that high school makes us do things. Kevin may not actually go to school, but he's still finding himself just like the rest of us are. He's still just as lost as we are in this jungle of life. And just because Ben had his heart set on killing Kevin, I was going to be that bear who would do anything to protect her cub. Because I loved Kevin too much for my own good.
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent
He wasn't a conman anymore. He wasn't some monster. He wasn't dangerous. He wasn't going to hurt anyone as long as he was in his right mind.
He had changed. He had turned. He was good now. He was better. Some piece of him had healed; Ben and I had fixed him. Friendship and love was enough to patch up the worst scars that he would bear.
He had been a ridiculous guy, but I looked up to him for putting all the effort in changing his ways. I was proud of Kevin. He was someone without a life, without a family, without guidance, without a map on where he was going. And now he knew where he was going. We had given him his map and set him on the right course. He had done the rest. Kevin had changed. Not just his ways, but his heart and his mind and his soul had been altered. So drastically that he wasn't even the same person.
Lost your balance on a tightrope
It's never too late to get it back
I would never let go of that guy. Because it was never too late for him to turn himself around once more. No matter how many times he had fallen, I knew Kevin would always get back up again. He was a fighter. He was still innocent.
A/N: Heart just broke. Please review.
~Sky