Disclaimer:I own nothing. I am merely a humble beggar, sampling from the table of Jacqueline Carey, who must dwell with the angels she writes about. I gain no profit from this work beyond the joy I had in writing it.
Notes: Will be posted on Eglantine House and on Elua's Children on LiveJournal.
As the summary says, this is an AU I had in mind for a long time. Basically, a glimpse of Melisande and Phedre's relationship in such a world as described above. The title comes from the Bible, Job 38:7 (what a surprise, eh?). It seemed appropriate - in the books, Melisande is named the Evening Star. But the Evening Star is also the Star of Dawn, Venus in both forms. So, as a story where Melisande is good, and paired with Phedre... it fit perfectly.
I intended to post this a month ago, but real life interfered, in the form of my computer eaticg the last scene, army training and college. As always, I owe great thanks to my dearest cousin, (and favored beta reader) jeweledhibiscus for her help. In fact, this is dedicated to her, with my best wishes for a good year. Indeed, Shana Tova to all. As always, feedback is solicited and appreciated.

/o/^\o\

Not many people know of me, nor of the deeds I have done in service to Terre d'Ange and its Queen, Ysandre de la Courcel. It is true that she granted me a peerage in reward, but I did not perform those deeds for that. I did them for the love of two people, who raised me and taught me all I know. Therefore, I saw fit to lay down these words, so that in the future, none may doubt what motivated me, and claim my reasons were unworthy of honor.

Already, I hear my beloved laughing in the background, but I will nevertheless persist. For this chronicle is not only about myself; it is also of my beloved, and the reasons and desires that motivated her, and truly began our path together.

Some may say that it began when I was ten years old, and Anafiel Delaunay bought my marque from Cereus House, beginning to train me in the ways of Naamah's Service and covertcy. Others will claim it was when I came of age after four years of service to Anafiel; at that time, practically immediately following my dedication as a Servant of Naamah, Melisande Shahrizai came to my lord and offered him an alliance. Even now, I do not know all that caused their alliance; nevertheless, so it was, and Melisande joined Anafiel as my guardian, both standing in loco parentis to me.

I disagree with all of the above, for all that there is truth in what they say. The true beginning of my exploits was when I had reached my eighteenth winter. It was close on the Longest Night, and I was returning from Night's Doorstep, after another visit with Hyacinthe. Joscelin had accompanied me, as always, but we quickly parted company when we reached the house. I was headed for the parlor when I heard loud voices emanating from it. I was surprised, for it was quite rare for anyone in the household to raise his voice. My trained instincts (and curiosity) were kindled, and I quietly crept towards the parlor, standing before the door and peering in. Melisande was sitting calmly on the couch, while my lord stood before her, almost pacing in his anger and impatience.

"-and I told you no, Melisande!" he said, exasperated. "You cannot contract Phedre when you are her guardian! It is improper, and I will not have it in my household!"

I nearly gasped in excitement, for I had been tortured for four years by Melisande's presence (she who could make my knees tremble with one glance) and closeness, yet unobtainable status as my guardian.

Melisande's eyes narrowed, and I did gasp then, for she was as magnificent as I had ever seen her in that moment. "Your household, Anafiel? Do you forget who is half of it, and has been for four years?" There was sweetness to the tone, a seductive sound beneath the anger she barely let through. "And who among us is the one currently in bed with our sweet milk boy?"

My lord sputtered at that, growing angrier. "That is different!" he burst out. "Alcuin is of age and completed his marque. He wants me, and I will not deny Blessed Elua's precept."

Melisande rose delicately from the couch, the gentle act having all the effect of launching from it in anger to my experienced eyes. "I have already told you, by the end of it, Phedre will have completed her marque as well! You may think I have mellowed for allying with you, but I am Shahrizai and Kushiel's Scion above all. The Kusheline masque on the Longest Night is not only my chance to learn what my kin - both near and distant - are plotting. It is a declaration of superiority, telling Quincel de Morhban that for all that he is sovereign Duc of Kusheth, there is still power in the purer lines, and it may be well worth his while to ally with them – or at least grant them boons – rather than pitting himself against them. Lastly, I need it to restore my status. Do you think my kin approve of my alliance with some love-mad admirer of Rolande? Do you not know that they whisper that I have lost all my skill? If you wish for us to be able to continue as we have, she must come with me on the Longest Night."

I was shocked at the revelation of Anafiel being in love with Prince Rolande. Was this why he had met with the Dauphine, and was supporting her? Further thought on the matter had to wait, though, as I concentrated on what was happening behind the door. Anafiel had collapsed onto another couch, sprawling on it while Melisande stood before it. He had a sullen look on his face, and I knew already that he would agree, and my heart rose with excitement. "Fine!" he spat out, obviously disgusted with himself for doing so. "But only if it is her will, and you do not actually lie with her. Take her to your damned masque, play with her all night, but you cannot have a real assignation. Neither you nor she will gain any pleasure that night."

At this utterance, I could scarce believe my ears. How could my lord demand such a thing? Worse, how could Melisande accept? All my dreams, ever since childhood, of finally pleasing Melisande Shahrizai were being blown away.

Worst of all was the sound I heard then. "Very well", Melisande assented. Then, she laughed, and I gaped at the closed door, not seeing the humor in the situation. "But can you ever imagine that she will refuse a tryst with me?" She chuckled, still amused. "In any case, I will ensure that Phedre does not bring me to pleasure, and do my best to see she does not either. After all", she paused, and even through the door, I knew she was smiling, that smile that held the edge of diamond in it, cold and hard and unforgiving, "I never intended to let her climax that night."

With those words ringing in my ears in that amused, confident tone I worshipped, I fled to my room, miserable and despairing.

/o/^\o\

There is not much need to speak of what happened on the Longest Night, I think. It is obvious to all that I accepted the offer – not only would it have been suspicious if I refused what had been my heart's desire, even after that overheard conversation it was still my desire. To this day, I do not know why. Was I hoping Melisande had lied to Anafiel, or would change her mind? Did I believe that even crumbs from Melisande's hand were better than a feast from others? I do not know, and it is immaterial, in the end.

The deeds which happened at the Duc de Morhban's Masque that night are known, for they have been immortalized in verse and song. 'Binding of the Bird', 'Scion and Dart', 'Masks, Bronze and Feathers' among other creations were all written in the wake of that night by those who had been there or who had heard of it from their fellows. In consequence, I see no point to detailing these happenings here, and will proceed to what was not written, for it happened in private.

Nevertheless, as some doubt the above writings, thinking that they slightly exaggerate or are given to prose, I will say a few things of that Midwinter Masque. My lady was attired as the Lady of Ys, and I was her tame osprey, wearing nothing but a loose-fitting, transparent gown of white gauze studded with diamonds. Melisande did indeed lead me on a leash connected to a collar around my neck all night. I cannot say much of what transpired during the Masque, but I do remember being presented to the Duc de Morhban, and his jealousy at Melisande's mastery of myself.

What happened after it, when Melisande took me to her home, was darker. I will not describe all of it, for I was constantly in a haze, and do not recall all of it, nor do I think it right I should share it; but it involved whips and pincers and floggers and all the tools of a complete flagellary. It was all intended to keep me at the peak of release, never attaining it, yet never more than a hair's width away from it. At last she used the flechettes, and at those, I wept. And when she had harrowed my flesh to her pleasure, she drew the signale out of me, and with only her touch I finally gained my release, climaxing as I had never before, and collapsed limply against the ropes that had held me, most of my consciousness fled.

I do not know what had happened while I had fainted, but when I awoke, I was clean and naked, and lying in a vast bed at Melisande's side. I could see through the window the grey light of false dawn. But I was groggy and still drained from the pleasure of the night. I watched Melisande as she slept for a small amount of time, and she seemed different to me. In slumber, her face had softened. And though a smile still curved her lips, it was not the cruel smirk or even self-assured one of pleasure she often wore, but rather a small, gentle smile, which I had never seen on her before. In my exhaustion, I could not decipher it; yet it seemed to me that it was pleasure, and peace, and contentment, and even love, all mixed together. And at the sight of it, I whispered my signale yet again to her silent form. There was no answer, but I felt reassured, and returned to sleep in her bed, safe.

When I awoke once more, I was alone. An efficient servant of Melisande's drew me a bath and brought my clothes, and then conducted me to the dining hall. I saw Joscelin there, though he did not say anything at my appearance, and I did not meet his eye. As I finished the meal, Melisande came to bid me farewell. She threw a purse for Joscelin to keep for me, in Naamah's name.

Then, she turned to a servant, who came forward with a bow, and filled my arms with the tattered remnants of the gown I had worn at the Masque. "I have no need of rags", Melisande laughed, "but I have a certain interest in what you would do of your own accord."

I could only stare dumbly at my arms full of gauze and diamonds, and then at her. "My lady?" I asked, unsure.

She laughed again, and then slipped something around my neck. It was the velvet cord; she tied it off, and laid the diamond in the hollow of my throat. "That is for you as well, and not for Naamah", she said, her eyes sparkling.

I looked to her in confusion. "But my lady, you have already given me…" and I gestured helplessly to her patron gift in my arms.

She smiled; it was not the smile of her sleep, but it was similar, and not her usual smile. "Phedre, dearest", she said, touching my cheek, "when I held the leash in my hands, you were forced to follow me, were you not?" I nodded unintelligently, still stunned. "Well, I believe I would like to see what leads you and where when your hand is on the leash."

With that, she laughed a final time, kissed me lightly, and left.

/o/^\o\

It was more than a fortnight before I saw her again. I had remained with my lord for the period. He had asked me what I wanted to do with my freedom. I told him I would remain in his household, as that was my desire. It was a lie, though. I believe Delaunay knew it for such. Yet he also knew it had a grain of truth – I did wish to remain in his household – and more importantly, he knew the truth: I did not know for certain how I could attain what I desired. The diamond on its velvet cord was heavy, and I was lost without the leash.

When Melisande finally called again, I was unaware of it until she came upon me in the sitting room. I immediately rose at her approach, my knees already shaking somewhat. When she spoke, I had to concentrate so as to understand what she said. "I have heard you have had your marque completed, Phedre", she said, her slight smile growing somewhat as she spoke.

I knew what was required of me then. I saw it in that smile, in her eyes. "Will you see, my lady?" I asked, my voice trembling.

She smiled then, a full smile, with all her power behind it. When she spoke, though, her voice was surprisingly soft. "If you so wish, Phedre. Only if you so wish".

I quickly removed my dress and underclothes, coming close to ripping them off in my haste, disregarding the fact that anyone could have come in at that moment. I knelt abeyante, with my back to her, allowing her to see the briar rose now fully etched on my back.

I could hear her inhale, perhaps the only reaction she would allow herself. I knew what she saw – the beautiful darkness on my back, with the subtle drops of red, forming an image of surpassing beauty. Even today, I know many think my marque to be the most beautiful in the land.

Eventually, she came to face me, raising my chin in her hands so that I looked into her eyes. They were a deep sapphire, as always, and it seemed to me that they glimmered with untold emotion. "Ask", she said, and I no longer wondered how she always knew me so well.

"Why did you give me the diamond?" I asked, whispering, barely able to keep my voice steady.

She smiled. For the first time, I saw a hint of sadness in her. "I wanted it to be your choice; what you desire."

My head whirled. My entire body was taut, even her slightest touch on me causing me to want. I could feel the heat in my cleft, waiting to explode, and I could barely answer her, amazed at what she was revealing to me. Somehow, I managed to choke it out. "Love. You."

At that, she smiled, and my breath caught. It was not her amused smirk, or the sad smile I had just seen. Nor was it even an expression of her victorious joy. It was that smile I had seen but once before, in her bed, in the grey hours of the dawn, as she slept peacefully with me by her side. She brought down her mouth to mine, gently caressing my face with her hands. The kiss sent a shock through my body, making me cry out for release; the kiss would have been enough, but it was her word which made me spend myself, binding myself to her once more, this time forever. "Yes".