I never planned to fall asleep during the freshman anti-bullying assembly, knock over a row of chairs in my stupor, and basically bring the whole auditorium to utter chaos...but things never did go as I wanted them to.
Like the many unplanned accidents of my life—such as my weird, antisocial younger brother, my nonexistent cooking skills, my unnerving love of video games, and, of course, my excessive height—it just somehow happened.
It was no use explaining that to the skeptical math teacher, though.
"How on earth did you manage to fall asleep standing up?" Mr. Hollis demanded, glaring at me with his hands clasped on top of his desk.
"Natural talent," I said. "And years of dedication."
"Your 'talent' and 'years of dedication' nearly started a school-wide stampede."
I shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, I don't mean to brag or anything, but..."
It was a mark of how often he'd dealt with me that Mr. Hollis didn't even bother commenting on my sarcasm. Instead, he merely sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. "Rena, were you up all night playing video games again?"
I stuck my chest out proudly and flashed him a bright grin. "Right-o, Mr. Hollis. You're looking at the neighborhood Call of Duty champ."
Mr. Hollis was not nearly as impressed as he should have been. Poor guy was probably jealous or something.
"Don't get too excited now, Miss Call of Duty, because your next 'duty' is serving a week of after-school detentions with me," he grumbled with a satisfied sort of smile.
"What?!"
Hollis's next glare was scary enough to make onions cry. "What do you mean, what? You must have seen this coming, Rena."
No, I actually hadn't, and the blank look on my face said just as much.
Hollis sighed and rubbed his temples. "You've slept through every assembly we've had this year. Every—last—one." With each word, his eyebrows raised up and down, which created a rather comical effect—though I didn't dare laugh.
"Not true. I stayed awake during freshman orientation," I pointed out.
"Only because they gave out food," Hollis snapped irritably.
Oops. Couldn't argue with that one. Those stale fruit snacks definitely hadn't been worth the bone-dry lecture, though…
"…and your grades, frankly, are terrible," Mr. Hollis droned on while I struggled to keep my eyes open. "You're lucky I'm only making you serve some detentions and not holding you back in freshman year for the next decade or so." He tilted his chin thoughtfully, stroking at his pathetic excuse for a bear. "Actually, that's not a bad idea—"
"Wow, detention, sounds like a plan! See you after school," I said hurriedly, and ran for my life. The speed with which I departed Hollis's room would have made an Olympic sprinter cry with envy.
Stupid Hollis. The image of his satisfied smirk mocked me step by step as I stormed down the hall, probably leaving thunderstorms in my wake. The only reason he'd noticed me sleeping in the first place was because I was tall enough that I couldn't get away with it. If I had been short and inconspicious as a certain midget, for example, I'm sure I would've gotten clean away.
And why was it that, out of all the schools in the nation, I had to enroll into the one high school that conducted all of its school-wide assemblies with its students standing up? What kind of backwards logic was that?
Frankly, life was out for my blood.
But I probably had it better than Aaron O'Donnell, a.k.a. the shortest boy in the grade, the one who might-and this is a very big might--have been good-looking if he'd just grown about six inches more. And dressed better. And changed his personality, and got plastic surgery...
"Need some help?" I snickered as I came to a stop in front of the blonde midget, who was, predictably, struggling to reach his chemistry book on the top shelf.
Aaron froze at the sound of my voice, and his body, which had been stretched almost beyond limits in his futile attempt to reach the book, relaxed until his feet were solidly on the ground again.
"Rena Kimberley," he growled as he slowly turned around, his piercing green eyes glaring into mine, though the intimidation factor was rather ruined by the fact that he barely came up to my neck. "Whaddya want?"
I frowned as the familiar irritation began to rise within me. "Whoa, what's with the attitude? Can't a girl say hi to her favorite midget?"
He just glared and spat, "I swear I'm gonna pound your face in one of these days."
I raised my hands in mock surrender. "Oh, I get it now. Someone mistake you for a grade schooler again?"
"Oh shut up," Aaron snapped, the ends of his styled blonde hair practically crackling with angry energy.
I stared at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing, pounding my fist on his locker door. "Wait, don't tell me it seriously happened?"
Aaron's bright red face told me all I needed to know, and I was sent into a fresh round of howling laughter. "Bug off, Amazon! The freak show of giants left already—better hurry or your family's gonna leave you behind."
"Oh, but I only came here to see the freak show of midgets," I said sweetly. Before Aaron could retort, I reached over him and casually plucked the textbook off the top shelf and shoved it into his palm with a devilish grin.
Aaron blanched for a moment, and then narrowed his eyes at me in anger. "Freaking show off," he spat.
"I just want the satisfaction of serving the common good," I sighed.
"I'm not your charity case!"
"Rena Kimberley, protector and overseer of justice for midgets everywhere," I said, ignoring him and setting a far-off expression on my face as I pretended to gaze into the distance. "It's got a nice ring to it."
The textbook fell to the ground with a thump, bringing me out of my short revelation. I realized, for the first time, that Aaron had begun to shake with suppressed rage.
Uh-oh.
"Want me to serve the common good as well and punch the living daylights out of you?" he growled loudly enough to attract attention from everyone within a ten-foot radius.
"You'd hit a girl?" I fake-gasped.
"You're not a girl," Aaron said in disgust, as if just the very thought revolted him. "You're a freaking giant in a wig."
"Sorry my hair is soooo long and luscious," I said snidely, running my hand through a strand of red hair and smirking in satisfaction. "You ought to grow your hair out too— maybe you can gel it up and we'll finally be able to see you over your desk."
"I'm not that short, you stupid giant!"
A crowd had gathered by now, and even though some of the kids were laughing, Aaron and I didn't find the situation funny in the slightest.
"Aw, look, it's that couple everyone's been talking about," some brown-haired girl giggled to her friend, who was eying us with her fists stuffed in her mouth to keep from laughing.
"We're not a couple!" Aaron and I shouted, turning on the both of them at the same time and causing the girls to nearly jump out of their skin.
"You're not?" the brown-haired girl said in surprise, wide-eyed. Whispers of confusion swept through the crowd, which only increased my irritation even more.
"Uh, no. Shrimpy here can hardly pass for the sixth grade, much less a high schooler's boyfriend," I scoffed, throwing Aaron a superior look, to which he answered with a smoldering glare.
"You see this rudeness? Like anyone would go out with that," Aaron said vehemently, jerking a thumb at me.
"You're just jealous 'cause any girlfriend of yours would need to carry a microscope around just to see you," I said with a haughty sniff.
Aaron growled, balling his hands into fists. "What was that?"
"Oh, are those midget ears too small to hear now, too?"
Aaron's growling intensified and his bright eyes flashed with rage. I think the two of us might have actually started a street brawl right in the middle of school, if it weren't for the fact that Mr. Hollis appeared at my elbow and gripped the two of us with a talk-and-die look on his face.
"If it isn't the infamous Comedy Duo disrupting the peace, as usual," he said dryly, causing the last few giggles to dissipate in the crowd with his sudden authoritative presence.
"Are you guys ever going to stop with this 'Comedy Duo' crap?" Aaron said loudly, but he was ignored, as usual.
Mr. Hollis shook his head and eyed us curiously. "What are you, some kind of hooligan couple?"
"We're not a couple!" the two of us shouted in angry unison.
"Really? Hmm. Forgive me, but it would seem Rebecca Black and autotune have less compatibility than you two," Mr. Hollis said in that same wry voice, clearly enjoying himself.
I made a noise of disgust in the back of my throat, but didn't bother correcting him again. Aaron chose not to comment either; no matter what either of us said, everyone found the idea of us utterly hilarious and never stopped shipping us together no matter what we said.
And seriously, out of all the classrooms in all the schools across the world, I had to get the one run by the sarcastic middle-aged man. With my towering height and all other things considered, I think I must have been a serial killer in a past life.
"Anyhow, I've decided that it's detention for both of you after school every day for the next week," Mr. Hollis said firmly.
It wasn't exactly news to me, but Aaron's jaw dropped. "Hold on, I've got basketball practice—"
"Both of you."
"But she was the one who started—!"
I bristled. "Hey, I was just trying to be nice before you went and called me an Amazon."
"What's wrong with calling an Amazon an Amazon?"
Mr. Hollis sighed as Aaron and I launched into another argument, but not before turning us both to the opposite direction. "My room, two P.M. sharp. Don't be late. I'm gonna need some major caffeine for this," I heard him mutter to himself before he slunk back into his room and slammed the door shut.
I let out a long breath and gave Aaron a withering look.
"What're you looking at?!"
Detention. With Aaron. Possibly the only thing more fun than having a root canal done by a toddler operating a power drill.
And the worst part was I couldn't even wiggle out of the stupid detention 'cause I was so freaking conspicuous.
Suddenly hyper-aware of the crowd eyeing us, Aaron and I both took an instinctive step back, though I held his gaze in a steady Gonna-laser-beam-your-brains-out look.
"I hope you run into a door frame and shave off some height," Aaron spat before turning on his heel and storming away. The crowd parted for him to leave, but even so, I could only just barely make out a crop of stark blonde hair traveling through a sea of much taller kids. Story of Aaron's life.
"May every restaurant you visit always lose their high chairs, shrimp!" I shouted just to get in the last word. I turned away with a perfectly dramatic entrance, hair-toss, hip-turn and all…
...Until I ran the top of my head right smack into a fire extinguisher.
God, I hated being tall.