Author's Note: To say that Bella is conflicted in my story would be an understatement. I think most of you that read this will find the story very dark and unhappy at moments, but it sweetens the complexity and depth of the characters and their experiences, and as always it makes the happier moments shine. It is Bella and Jacob of course, and I hope it rocks your socks! I hope you enjoy this all human/out of character story of loss and redemption. Updates will be weekly, but I'm posting the first two chapters closer together for your enjoyment. Also, thanks to my lovely beta, HopeAlways. ~MSG

Chapter One-Going Back

Bella finished taping the last of the cardboard boxes in the kitchen and wiped her hand across her sweaty brow. The large house was almost empty thanks to hours of effort between herself and Angela, her best friend. She stacked the boxes with the rest of them against the wall and poured herself a glass of water from the sink.

"Dad, you want a drink?" she asked, shouting at her father in the other room. Her voice echoed through the house's many rooms.

She didn't wait for his answer and simply reached for an extra glass and poured him one. She bustled out of the kitchen grabbing a dishtowel as she went. When she got into the large entry way and saw Charlie slumped slightly in his wheelchair, her heart gave a little lurch of pain. A month ago her dad had been so vibrant; none of them had seen the stroke coming. It had left him without speech and completely weak on his right side. Bella had been with him ever since: twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

She set the glass down on the floor and hooked her arms through his, hitching him up properly. She straightened his flannel shirt and looked at him.

"Hi Daddy," she said softly, kneeling in front of the man. "Thirsty?"

He managed to nod slightly.

" Here," she said putting the glass into his weak hand. She helped him wrap his fingers around it and lift it to his lips. His brow furrowed in concentration as he took a few slow sips of the water. Some of the water dribbled down the side of his jaw, which she quickly wiped with a cloth. He looked up to her then, and she knew what he would say, Bella, what the hell are you doing? Go live your life. Find someone else to do this…or maybe worse yet…just leave me here, Bella. I don't want to do this anymore…

She ignored the look in his eye and continued to help him sip.

"You know what the doctor said. We have to keep working with that side and begin to strengthen it again. And no straws! Nothing comes easy with recovery, dad. It takes a lot of hard work."

Charlie rolled his eyes at her and she stood back and laughed.

"Fine, be that way. I'm going to help Angela finish loading the truck and then we are out of here."

The fact was, he was getting better, slowly. She had him set up with physical therapy, speech…the works. He was able to use his weak side a bit more each day. She was pleased with his progress. After a few more sips of water, she went back to the kitchen to clean and sort the remainder of the clutter. She heard the grunts and groans of work going on outside. Angela. Probably thirsty too.

She poured a fresh glass of water over ice and headed outside where her friend was heaving large boxes into an already packed truck. Angela Weber, her best friend of over a year had volunteered to help her with this huge process, easing the transition and burden of moving, both physically and mentally. Her friend was gorgeous - long limbs, tan and athletic. Her glossy dark hair and almond shaped hazel eyes added to the overall effect: a natural beauty queen.

Angela saw her, smiled gratefully and took the water out of Bella's hand. She drank it in fast gulps. When she was finished, they sat together at the edge of the truck and she held the cool glass against her forehead.

"Tell me again why we are doing this and not a bunch of hunky moving men?" Angela asked, resting her hands on her thighs.

"Because, when you lose your home, you can't afford those kinds of things. And you know that I can't afford it on an RN salary. You know I hate doing this as much as anyone."

"I know, I know. Although sometimes I wonder why we are cursed with wimpy male friends. Can you imagine Tyler and Mike doing this? Not a chance in hell."

"Exactly. Plus those assholes break everything they touch," Bella said heaving the last of the boxes into the back of the U-Haul. "Thanks again Ang, you are an angel for doing this."

Angela walked over to her and gave her a quick hug.

"I know and I love you."

Bella helped her friend close the latch on the moving truck and stepped back from the sidewalk, looking sadly at large house built into the hill. It had been her parents dream home and over the years they had worked hard to achieve it. Her mother had been a talented artist and finally hit her big break in the art world six years ago, selling her paintings for thousands of dollars to everyone from local dealers to NBA stars. Equally, Charlie had worked hard as the chief of police in the small town of Forks, where she grew up. Scrimping and saving along the way, they started building this house, getting ready for retirement and an empty nest. With her parents combined incomes, they could afford the luxuries of life Bella had never dreamed of, including this house.

It had come at the perfect time for Charlie and Renee, coinciding with the tragic events happening with their daughter that fateful year--had it really been 5 years? It was too painful to remember exactly when. Her parents had moved quickly, offering a fresh start and a chance to get Bella away from everything in Forks. Away from him.

Bella had not gone willingly, but fought against the move with all her strength, but there wasn't much of that left, at the time. In the end, she lost the battle with her parents and moved to the beautiful huge home in Seattle. It had been the middle of her senior year at Fork's high.

After Renee's fatal car accident over a year ago, her father had blown through the money faster than lightning. With his only child in college, Charlie's life had become about drinking, gambling and soon, debt. Even with the substantial life insurance payout from Renee's death, it was gone as quickly as it came. Bella's money stayed put in a fund that she could access when she turned twenty-five, away from the desperate, greedy hands of her father.

Her life had been one tragic event after another, never giving her time to recover from anything. As sad and dismal as it all seemed, she had persevered, earning her nursing license and starting over again in Port Angeles. She had her small group of friends, a great job at the hospital emergency department and a tiny apartment above a coffee shop. Life had become manageable again, until the stroke. Now she was here, taking care of her dad, who she loved more than life itself, even after everything. And she was going back. Back to the town that she grew up in. The one that haunted her dreams and touched every part of her memory that she could never forget, even if she tried.

"Bella?" Angela's voice came from behind her. "Are you okay? You are looking at the house like you are going to burst into tears."

Bella quickly shook her head and faced her friend.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine. Just taking one last look you know."

Angela squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I know. Just know we are doing this together."

And Angela had been there for her since they had met that first day on the job, two new nurses bumbling along in the chaotic world of emergency medicine. Angela knew pretty much everything about Bella and vice versa. Their personalities clashed slightly, but in a good way. Angela was more outspoken, playful and full of life; these things were lost in Bella and she was grateful for a friend to bring a bit of sunshine to her life. But Bella left Angela in the dark about much of her past. It wasn't anything against her because she didn't let anyone in. Instead she buried it deep, covering it with the scar tissue of time passed. Besides, she was dealing with a whole new crop of issues, her mother, then the stroke. Whether she knew it or not, Angela had been the thread on which Bella's sanity had sometimes hung, especially after her mother passed. And there was something else too that Bella clung to, although she couldn't put her finger on it. A certain strength? Faith? Hope? Whatever it was, it had carried her through much in her life, including this.

She squeezed Angela's hand back, letting her know that she was okay and went into the house for the last time to collect her father. She found him looking out the back bay window in the hall that used to contain dozens of her mothers paintings--well, those that hadn't been pawned off. She wheeled him around and out the door, ignoring him as he wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his good hand. As much as she loved the man, it had become increasingly difficult to acknowledge his emotions. He had ultimately brought this upon himself and consequently, Bella. She couldn't find it in herself to forgive him for everything yet.

Once Charlie was transferred into her truck she hopped in on the driver's side and signaled to Angela behind her in the moving truck. She took one last look at the house that represented a failed new beginning and turned the wheel headed west, toward Forks.

~*~

Jacob looked around the small houses of the reservation and felt a bit guilty. It had been way too long since he had visited his dad. Not only that, but the real reason he was back was because of the project he was about start. A new development off the shores on the very beach he grew up on. First Beach. He remembered the conversation with his construction manager clearly…

"You want me to go where?" Jake tried to keep the shock out of his voice.

Sam laughed at him. "I thought you would like to go back to Washington anyway! Doesn't your dad still live around those parts?"

Jake nodded stiffly, still in shock about the proposition. His company was more than successful here in San Diego, so naturally he had questions for Sam.

"I need you to put some roots down further north, near the border. We have too many Canadian customers. It would be stupid not to, Jake."

"I understand, just a bit shocked. It's been awhile since I've, well visited."

Sam gave him a questioning look and Jacob knew why. He didn't talk about the past. At all. Sam only knew that he grew up there and his dad, Billy, still lived there in La Push.

"Will you do it Jacob?"

Jacob hesitated, knowing that Sam knew nothing of what was implied, only that it meant more money and a chance to build. All and all a great opportunity. Jacob nodded and they shook hands.

"Good! I'll make a couple calls. We are building on the inlet. Should be a perfect site for everything."

"Yeah, perfect."

The next day he was on his way north.

~*~

Jacob knocked on the door of his old residence and waited for the old man to come, but Billy never answered. This wasn't unusual, as his dad had a pension for cards and smoking with the elders most nights. Jacob sighed and trudged back to his shiny black pick-up. He would just have to try back later. Tonight he was holed up in a small motel in town, but he had hoped that he would get to stay here for at least a couple of nights, closer to the beach.

The beach. He turned the ignition reluctantly and drove off for the inlet near First Beach where the site of a future Black Marina would be built. It was an exciting prospect, or at least it should be if it was built in any other place. Any other place but here, where just the smell of the ocean intermingled with the pines sent repressed memories flooding back into his mind.

Jacob pulled into the sandy inlet drive and slowly got out of the car. The sounds of the waves crashing roughly against the rocks was both soothing and terrifying to him. The mist of the ocean surrounded the place in a greenish-grey fog, giving it an eerie appearance. He looked over to the inlet where the marina would stand, where the waters were calmer. The site had been surveyed and roped off and a sign stood off to the side stating:

FUTURE SITE OF BLACK MARINA

TO BE BUILT BY ULEY CONSTRUCTION

Jacob smiled to himself. Sam worked fast apparently. He took the rolled blueprint he had helped to draft out of the brown leather bag slung across his shoulder. After unrolling it, he held it up to the horizon. The structure would be modern and extremely efficient. Part of the marina would have a workshop for building and repairing boats. This is what had made his business so successful. A virtual floating repair shop set conveniently on the water. The two Black Marina's already established in San Diego had faired very well and were busy at all times. Jacob Black had become a man of influence and respect in the elite and rich world of water navigation. He had also made a name for himself at the young age of twenty-three, straight out of getting his engineering degree. Sam Uley couldn't have been happier; Jacob had made him a lot of money as well.

Then there were the boats he created himself. Long and sleek with sturdy construction of a design he had been working on since he was a boy. He had designed a wide variety from simple fishing schooners to lavish sail boats. The best feature, besides the masterful construction was the fact that they were "green". They were fueled entirely by solar and hydrogen power, making them some of the cleanest running vessels on the market. The demand for them was so insane that Jacob had hired an expert crew of hundreds of workers to try and keep up with the manufacturing process. And still the orders were backed up.

At times the job was extremely stressful, but also fulfilling. Jacob was doing what he loved and now standing here on the beach where he grew up, everything seemed to be coming full circle.

He walked down the beach, putting distance between himself and the inlet. He was picking up random smooth stones and small pieces of driftwood and chucking them absentmindedly into the dark waves. He had taken his shoes off and rolled up his jeans and the icy water covered his feet in sand in pebbles with each wave. He kept walking subconsciously knowing where he was heading. His steps slowed as he took in the painfully familiar scenery.

For a minute, he thought about turning back, but his feet propelled him toward it. "It" being a huge piece of fallen tree that had remained unchanged since his boyhood. It was white as parchment, lying securely in the sand, unmoved by the elements. Jacob let out the breath he had been holding. His heart clenched up a bit and he reached a hand out and ran it over the smooth wood. Closing his eyes, he saw her…

…her hair blowing. The breeze warm that day. Her feet bare, making small prints in the sand. She turned around laughing, her smile matching his. She reached out a hand, he took it and they splashed through the water, sending droplets everywhere. The drops clung to her skin and her shirt and he remembered that the look of her took his breath away. She was so close. Jacob, I'm in love with you. He saw her mouth moving, and he was falling into her eyes. He was kissing her, touching her. She was so close, but not close enough. He could never be close enough…

…Jacob realized his knees were in the sand, his hand gripping a branch of the driftwood with white knuckles. A piece of it broke off in his hand. He stood abruptly looking up and cursed the God that had overseen this, throwing the broken wood with all of his might into the misty sea. He was breathing hard and the wind cooled his face were the wetness of bitter tears had welled up against his will. He wiped them away angrily and went back to fetch his bag slumped in the sand. He strode quickly back to his shoes and slipped them on without bothering to tie them back up. He needed to get the hell out of here. His heart stopped when he saw a figure approaching him from the other side of the beach. It was too far away to tell, but the shape was distinctly feminine. His heart let out a little shudder.

It couldn't be her…not here, not now.

This chapter was inspired by the following songs:

"My Immortal" by Evanescence

"Epiphany" by Staind

"Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North

Chapter Two: Home Sweet Home

Excerpt:

They had loved young and hard, each other's first everything. However, there was so much loss - so much pain. How had he managed to swallow it all and move on from her? The answer was simple-- he didn't. Not even close.

Please leave some love (a review) and tell me what you anticipate or if you think you will like the story...thanks! ~MSG