"This is all your fault, you know."
"Mine?"
"Yes, yours! 'Let's go Alacus 7, Doctor. The weather's beautiful, Doctor.'"
"Well, it is."
"That isn't the point!"
"No?"
"No! The point, Master , is that you neglected to mention their...propensity to marry perfectly unsuspecting tourists! To each other!"
"..."
"You didn't."
"It...might...have accidentally slipped my mind."
"You knew."
"Possibly."
"You knew!"
"Look, I don't understand what all the fuss is about, Doctor."
"What all the fuss is - I'm married to you now, you dolt! How, exactly, am I meant to feel about that? You've tried to destroy me, my friends, my favourite planet, the entire bloody universe -"
"I said sorry!"
"Only to me."
"I am not apologising to a bunch of slightly intelligent monkeys."
"Those monkeys are my friends!"
"So, you admit they're monkeys!"
"..."
"Stop it."
"..."
"Doctor!"
"What?"
"Stop pouting."
"I am not pouting!"
"And I'm secretly enamoured of your friend, the Brigadier."
"Are you?
Oh, and that's another reason why this is such a phenomenonally bad idea. What am I supposed to say the next time we're on Earth?
'Oh, Alistair, I'm sure you remember my husband, he tried to kill you a couple of times, please don't arrest him'?"
"Well you know a simple way around that, don't you?"
"Divorce you?"
"Don't visit Earth."
"..."
"..."
"Oh, so that's why."
"What's why?"
"That's why you concocted this addled-brained scheme. You're trying to keep me away from Earth."
"Doctor, it may surprise you to learn this, but not everything revolves around your precious Earth."
"If you think that this...this thing, is, in any way, shape, or form, going to -"
"Doctor, has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to marry you for the sole purpose of marrying you."
"..."
"..."
"No."
"Well, I did."
"Oh."
"..."
"..."
"I get first dibs on the shower.
And when we get divorced I get to keep K9."
"..."
"Oh, and you so much as frown at a human and you'll be spending the next month on the couch. Understood?"