I do not own the Legend of Zelda, or any other franchises mentioned in this story. I also do not own any of the jumpchains or jumps mentioned. If you want to find any resources used, google it. Keep in mind that almost any action or occurrence from the second chapter on will be rolled for on a d100, this and all other rolls will be on the wizards dice roller.
As I drive home after a long day of work, I can't help but think about how boring everything is getting. I recently had to stop my hobby, and I have yet to find a new one, so I just read all day. Home life is also boring, nothing major happening there. Most of my friends I only knew and met up with through my hobby, so I don't have too much on that end either. Slowing down for traffic, I resume my wondering about what exactly comes next in my life. As the traffic slows to a halt, my musing is interrupted by annoyance and curiosity over what is happening ahead of me that is causing everyone to stop. As I become more aware of my surroundings I begin to notice some things that don't quite make sense: No movement in the rear-view mirror, a distinct lack of honking and, most ominously, a bird frozen in the sky.
At this moment a voice rings out around me "So you are bored? How about you accept a contract with me, I can guarantee it will fix what ails you." and suddenly R.O.B.. Fuck it, I don't like my job anyways, and if I am hallucinating chances are I am already dead or covered in medical bills. If this is real, I now have something to do. "Good choice, we will cover the contract at a later date, for now you will be sent to an automated system to get a taste of whats to come..." With that, reality set itself back into motion, my eyes began to close, and right before it all went dark I saw a man in a green suit.
Everything flashes back into existence as I hear the words "Hello, and welcome to the G.A. C.Y.O.A. system. If you are here, you've been selected by Redacted to take place in an event to (Insert Reason for Acceptance Here). Please select your C.Y.O.A.!" Alright, so far everything here seems to be standard R.O.B. shenanigans, bar the automated voice messaging system. Thankfully, this task appears to be something achievable. If I remember correctly a C.Y.O.A. is either a choose your own adventure story, or a fanfic/journey where one gets to choose a setting and then gain items and abilities based on what the menus provide. If it's the former, It is possible to 'win' it, and if it is the latter it will be far more unpredictable, but I will be given advantages to compensate for the more arbitrary 'victory conditions'. While I personally prefer the latter when reading, the former seems a bit easier, and thus enticing.
Deciding that I should look around and find out more about whats going on, I discover I am in a dull gray landscape that seems to stretch to infinity. Unlike most other infinite gray landscapes I have heard of, this seems to actually have features such as trees, ponds, and hills, one of which I am currently standing on. There is what appears to be a hovering drop down menu in front of me with the words 'Select a C.Y.O.A.' across it. Standing out from the gray of the hill, there is a brown stool and a green apple. Shrugging I sit down and begin to scroll through the menu.
My hopes for an easier journey is crushed when I notice most of the options bear the title of well known franchises, and my dreams are further trampled upon when I notice there are hundreds of options. Being as indecisive as I am, I know I will be unable to make a choice, so I begin to prowl through the names for a Random option. Upon finding it I click it and watch as the list starts to spin through the names. At about this time I start on the apple, waiting for the list to slow down. I wonder where I will end up? Maybe Middle Earth? What about 40k... What I had just done begins to set in as I immediately slap myself with my free hand and begin to hope the I don't land in a death world. I polish off the apple, and the list begins to slow down seeming to stop at the Ks? No, the Ls.
"Congratulations, you have selected The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Be prepared to make your choices to succeed in your journey, and remember to set goals for yourself in order to gain maximum enjoyment! You have 1000 points to spend, and you will be living there for 10 years before returning." The selection screen disappears, as a pencil and a small sheaf of papers materializes on my lap. Looking through it I find that it is the C.Y.O.A. that was selected. I begin to select my options, occasionally getting a message in front of me as I flip through the pages. Firstly, I select drop in(1000) as I fear that there could be mental changes that come with a change in species. After that I allow a random roll for my starting location, landing in The Great Plateau. I decide to start 1 year before Link awakens, and select the HUD(900) and the Gifts from Above(700) perks. Skipping companions, as they all probably have something to do after my time there is up, I move to items, selecting the Sheikah Slate(600), the Magic Glider(600), an unbreakable Knight Sword & Shield(400), a Pouch of Holding(300), a Potion Pouch(150), and a Pouch of Clothing and Armor(0). Moving on to drawbacks, I select two Bokoblin rivals(100), and grab a Magic Cooking Pot(0) for my troubles. Once the papers disappear, I mentally prepare myself for the jump.
"Due to this being your first jump with us, you automatically select the following sub-choices: Body Mod, The Bay, and The Warehouse. For now, however you will only fill in the Body Mod section. Thank you for jumping with us!" and I am suddenly caught flat footed as I thought this was over. Grumbling about voices ruining cool moments I begin to fill out my body mod(In an effort to save time I will just list the total affects): medium size, metavore, Strength one, endurance two, speed two, dexterity three, appeal one, shape one, and sense two.
Ready to finally get on my way I look around to see if there any more screens. After seeing none, I prepare to get up and start my adventure! Then I curse as I hear the words "Preparing for Shift, please stay in stool for an estimated two hours to process your Shift" The cursing continued for three more hours.
When the wait was finally over, the world began to gradually lighten. "Apologies for the delay, Shifting now…" these words made me feel like the wait was worth it, like I could finally get going on my adventure! While the wait was arduous, I was thankfully able to set my story straight because of it. Finally, the world was all white, then dark.
I opened my eyes. I looked around, and saw tall trees, some decent sized rocks, and a cliff face that stretches to the sky. "Fuck, they dropped me off just outside the plateau, in other words, at the bottom of it. Should have seen this coming, the B in R.O.B. stands for bastard in many circles for a reason after all."
As I lament my situation I take my focus off the cliff and begin to focus on myself. I seem to be shorter, as I think I would normally count as large for the purpose of body mod. The fat I was beginning to pick up after I stopped going to the gym was gone, and using a nearby puddle I was able to tell my eyes were still as brown as my hair, which was still a curly mess. My breathing seemed far more even, so I am guessing the endurance points did their job, and I no longer seem to have my glasses. While looking in the puddle I notice a sword hilt at my waist, and a shield on my back. On the belt my sword is on I have two pouches and my Slate. I reach into the first one and find a bottle of red liquid, which I think is a health potion. In the second one I find the Hylian Trousers and a shirt, changing into them I check my reflection again, and find myself looking more prepared for the wilderness. It was only then that the HUD appeared, and after checking the weather, I move onto my health. Six hearts, the standard three plus my endurance I guess. But why did I get three extra when I only gave endurance two points? Something to think about later, after I get some shelter.
After taking another look around and finding nothing, I begin to face my first true opponent in this world. A cliff. "Only one way to go from here, I guess. Onwards and upwards! Generic motivational quote! ...Maybe tomorrow." This is my story. This was how I, Mark Carpenter, attempted to procrastinate myself up a cliff.