It's Always One-Sided.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any of the characters used in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners.

Pairing: Matt/Misa | One-sided Matt/Mello

Characters: Matt, Misa, Mello; mentions of L, Light.

Warning: This fic is very AU. There's cursing and sexual references, mention of boy/boy love. Written a while back, just deciding to post it now; it just might be a piece of crap.

Summary: She reminded him of Mello in some twisted way; was that why Matt always went to Misa?

One Shot

The ratty motel room smelled of cigarette smoke and sex of the previous night, possibly even from the nights before with different faces. The grizzly light green wall paper had echoed the moans and sounds of pleasure once, the equally ugly green carpet stained with various things. The ashtray at the bedside seemed to flow over with cigarette butts, some even laying around the full tray — many bottles of wine littered the floor, brought to the room by the more expensive taste. But it wasn't as if either figure in the room cared, even now that the deed was done and over. But still it made him wonder about the situation, he knew that she would never.

He wondered why she came every single time he called for her. He wondered why she met him and let him take her to one of these ratty motel rooms. He wondered why she brought the alcohol, wine mostly. He wondered why she needed to drink at least a bottle on her own before coming onto him. Was he that unattractive that she had to drink him attractive? He wouldn't doubt it, he certainly wasn't Light Yagami — but she wasn't exactly what he truly wanted either. Yet he called upon her for a reason, at least she reminded him of the one he wanted in a rather sick and twisted way.

The one he wanted was more intelligent then this annoying woman, he never thought they acted similar. It certainly wasn't her attitude that was the reason behind his calls for her, it was her appearance. Mostly the hair — her blond hair reminded him so much of the one he felt so much for — though hers was a bit longer then the other in question. She looked so much like his love, but he could never look her in the eye; if he did, he could go through with it. If he looked into her eyes, he knew it was wrong, her eyes were nothing like his love's. The loved one had beautiful blue eyes, while the lusted one didn't — even the gaze was off, that drunken gaze often made him feel ill.

A dry chuckle escaped him, mentally shaking the thoughts from his head. He leaned his back against the headboard of the room's bed, his eyes drifting to the spot next to him. He focused on the blond form laying next to him — it was almost like having his loved one with him, but he knew that this girl was not that one. The male closed his eyes as he shifted, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the night stand and pulling out the second to last cigarette. He lit up the cancer stick and inhaled the smoke deeply into his lungs, exhaling a puff of grey. He felt relaxed while practically killing his lungs, his eyes slowly sliding open and moving to the ceiling.

He would slowly drift back into his own thoughts as he heard the female next to him mumble about Light Yagami. He wondered what Lawliet would think about him bedding this woman. He wondered what Lawliet would think about him thinking about bedding the other blond in his life. He almost wanted to laugh as his wondering led him to Mello. He wondered what Mello would think about him bedding Misa, the woman who helped bring down their hero. He wanted to laugh, to chuckle at these pointless thoughts, but he couldn't even manage a snicker. It wasn't something new, it had been something that was long awaited — Matt was finally empty.

Was his emptiness the reason for his habits? The sexual intercourse with Misa, the sexual relationship that he didn't want but needed. The cigarettes that only smoked to relax, possibly to insure a sooner death to stop the hurt caused by his lack of attention. His endless faith to Mello, always there when he needed him, no matter what. He would always be there for as long as he could for that damned man, but never a damn thing was done for him. He was just Mello's lapdog, that's all he would ever be. The one that Mello could lean on, the man that Mello was slowly sucking dry. And that is where Misa had come in — she looked like Mello. She gave Matt the attention, the acknowledgment that he wanted, even if she was drunk most of the time. He felt needy most of the time, he felt like a pathetic child.

"Matt?" The annoying tone of the female echoed out at him, he merely took another drag of his cigarette. Her voice repeated his name, causing his gaze to slowly move back over to the woman who was now sitting up. He gave her a nod for a greeting while flicking the ash off his cigarette. She gave him a small pout, almost like a child who didn't want to listen to an adult. "I need to go."

"Yeah," He commented while finishing off his cigarette in a few hits. He smashed out the left over, turning his gaze from the tray to the female. He knew that she wouldn't leave without a few things, and he knew that by now Mello would be looking for him. He turned a bit and reached out, cupping her cheeks with his hands and planting a rough kiss on her pale pink lips — she didn't taste like he imagined his love tasting like, yet she would have to do. He pulled back and brushed his fingers through her matted hair, imagining that it was a different blond head he was feeling. "I should get going myself."

"Yeah." She breathed out while sliding out of bed, the male looking away from her form — she looked nothing like him like that. She began to gather her clothes, he could hear the rustling of clothing and her humming as she dressed herself. She was soon dressed and turning back to the male that laid on the bed. "Call me again?"

Matt leaned his back against the headboard once more, his head nodding a bit to tell her that he would. He watched as she skipped over, planting a kiss on his cheek before turning and heading to the door. He observed her every movement, she was nothing like him in actions — it had to have been the hair, the acknowledgment. Was that why she came to his every call? He gave her the same acknowledgment she wanted from Light? That had to have been it; they were both lost and in love, but their love was always one-sided — Light didn't love her, Matt's own love would never love him.

Upon hearing Misa's exit, he sighed and slid out of the bed, quickly locating his clothes. He didn't have time for this, Mello might be looking for him or is that just wishful thinking? Matt isn't sure, will never be sure. Still he clothes himself quickly and just in time too — the sound of his cell phone ringing echoes through the air. He quickly finds it on the night stand, a few cigarette butts sitting on it, and answers it with his normal greeting to Mello. He already knew it was Mello, no one else called him.

"Where the hell are you?" Mello's voice boomed on the other end of the phone. Matt would have smiled any other time, but he couldn't even manage it. Mello didn't sound happy, and Matt knew that when Mello wasn't happy, he probably wouldn't be happy. He also knew better then to actually tell Mello that he was in a motel room, having finished screwing Misa. He chose to lie.

"At the arcade."

"Get back here," Mello replied quickly with a light growl. "And pick up some chocolate on your way home. I don't know why you have to go out, you have just about every game imaginable here." Mello continued to rant, Matt just smirked as he started out of the motel room. He liked listen to the blond, even continued to listen once he was in his car — but it didn't last long afterwards. "Just get your ass back here, damnit. I want my—"

"I know, I know. I'll get it." Matt smirked as he started up his car, parting his lips to speak again but never getting the chance. Dial tone is what he heard, he knew that this meant that Mello was restless. Nonetheless, he snapped his phone shut and tossed it to the passenger seat. He leaned back against the seat, his gaze moving upward a bit — a smile appeared, his eyes focused on the roof. "Mello… I love you."

A love that was one sided — that was Matt's love for Mello.