A/N: I don't know where this came from, but I like it! It's Snape's thoughts on a certain bushy hair girl.
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Snape's Madness
By: phix27
She's looking at me.
Why is she looking at me?
Why is her hair so bushy?
It makes me want to run my fingers through it.
It just looks so soft.
And brown.
And it's wavy.
Ooooooooooo… wavy!
Ahem! Anyway, she has very pretty hair.
Why does she hang out Potter and that-?
What is the ginger kid's name?
Renaldo? No…
What is his freakin' name?
Why do I care anyway?
Back to Hermione.
When did I start calling her Hermione?
Focus Severus!
Hermione. Hermione. Hermione.
And she has very nice eyes.
Sort of chocolate brown.
Why do I want to eat her eyes?
Never mind. Forget I even thought that!
"I am not crazy!"
Did I say that aloud?
Crap, now they are looking at me.
LOOK AWAY RENALDO! LOOK AWAY FROM MY SHAME!
What is his freakin' name?!
Hey look! There's an acorn on my desk.
Why is there an acorn on my desk?
Hey, there's a note attached to it.
It's from Potter.
I love this acron, because it remidns me of my love for you.
Crap!
He loves me?
And his spelling is really bad.
Really.
Extremely.
Why am I talking about this anyway?
And also…
Where did he get that logic?
At least now I know why he's always looking dreamily at me.
And why he keeps blowing me kisses at meal times.
That is just creepy.
I must stop it!
It's bad enough Draco likes Potter now.
I will not be in a love triangle!
Again!
That again… forget I said it.
Hmmmm… this acorn is the same color as Hermione's hair.
Hehe. Pretty.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
The top fell off!
I must mourn the acorn!
To the… outside!
Wait… I have class.
Crap!
"Everyone! We are having class outside! You may do whatever while I mourn my acorn!"
Great, now they are staring at me.
"Forget that last part! Oh, just come on!"
Now. We are outside.
What did I want to do out here again?
Oh yeah, to mourn the acorn that looks like Hermione's hair.
Where did I put that acorn?
Not in my robes or anywhere on my person.
Did I leave it in my underwear?
No… I didn't.
Gosh, that breeze feels good.
Huh, why is Renaldo vomiting on the grass?
Hmm… interesting.
It's a chain reaction.
My, Potter eats a lot.
Acorn!
Back we go for the acorn!
"Everyone! Back to the potion's classroom. After, of course, you are all done spilling your guts!"
"Um, Professor?"
It was Hermione. What does she want?
"Yes Ms. Granger?"
"Um… maybe you should put your clothes back on."
What? Oh, yeah…
"Um… a good suggestion, Ms. Granger."
Where did I put my clothes anyway?
I can't find my clothes!
"I can't find my clothes!"
Crap, I said that last one out loud, didn't I?
I have got to stop doing that!
Back to finding my clothes!
Where did I put them?
Not behind this bush.
Not in the lake either.
And not beside the Whomping Willow…
The only place I haven't checked is…
The Forbidden Forest!
I can't go into that monster!
I know!
I'll have Longbottom do it!
It'll get rid of a pesky Gryffindor, and
I might, just might…
Get to see him wet his pants.
Oooooooo… It just sounds so evil!
Yay evil!
Note to Self: Evil should have a cheerleading squad. Must mention it to the Dark Lord. He takes any suggestions these days.
"Longbottom!"
"Um… yes Professor?"
"Go check the Forbidden Forest for my clothes!
"Um… Professor? We found your clothes."
Renaldo again.
What is his NAME?!?
Wait… they found my clothes?
"Where did you find them? I checked everywhere!"
"Um, well, yes you did. But um…"
"Spit is out Ms. Granger. I haven't got all day!"
"You know, I always wondered why people say they haven't got all day. How can you not? Are you going to die that day or something?"
Everyone turns to look at Mr. Crabbe.
"Yes well er… Mr. Crabbe um… just ponder that for a while, will you?"
He nods.
"Of course Professor."
Back to my clothes and Hermione.
Gosh she's pretty.
"Stop that!"
I said that out loud again.
I did, didn't I?
Crap!
"Stop what Professor?"
Longbottom again.
Stupid Gryffindor.
I shall have to burn them all at the stake!
After all, they are witches.
And wizards.
And therefore work for Satan.
I don't though.
I just work for the Dark Lord.
Makes perfect sense.
Back to the clothes!
"Anyway, where were my clothes Ms. Granger?"
"Huh? Oh, uh… Harry had them."
"And why would Mr. Potter have my clothes?"
"Well sir, when we found them he was… er…"
"He was sniffing them and saying love words, Professor."
Renaldo again.
"OH MY GOSH!"
Did I just scream that?
No wait that was Malfoy.
Thank Merlin.
Wait… why was Malfoy screaming?
"What is the matter Mr. Malfoy?"
"He's eating your underwear sir!"
"OH MY MERLIN!"
Now I know that was me.
My, Hermione's hair swishes very prettily when she runs.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Brown like the earth.
Back and forth.
Cool! I rhymed!
Crap! I rhymed!
She is very pretty though.
Awww… Renaldo got in my way!
"Move out of the way Renaldo!"
Oh great, everyone's staring at me.
"What?"
"My name's Ron sir. Ronald Weasly."
So THAT'S his name!
"Oh right. I knew that."
Oh dear, it's an awkward silence!
"TO POTTER! I WILL NOT BE PART OF A LOVE TRIANGLE. AGAIN!"
They are still staring at me.
"FORGET THE AGAIN!"
They are STILL STARING!
"Professor, we're right here. You can stop yelling."
Hermione.
"Gosh her lips are pretty."
More staring.
"I said that aloud again, didn't I?"
They nod.
"Crap!"
Hey, I just noticed I'm swearing a lot.
Now I know why the young people do it.
It fits the situation.
Round the corner.
"OH MY MERLIN! POTTER! STOP THAT! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES AND STOP… DOING THAT!"
Severus sits up in bed. Thank Merlin. It was just a dream.
"Mr. Snape? Are you awake?"
Who was that?
"Yes, I am. By the way, where am I?"
This isn't my bed…
"You're in St. Mungo's sir. The students felt you were going mad. Said you were talking to yourself and taking off your clothes to plant an acorn."
CRAP!