A/N: Okay so this is the same story as 'He Would Be There' but from Abby's brain POV. Ideally, you could read either story and feel like you had a whole story, but from a different perspective. Tough to write, I tell ya. And thanks to the ever brilliant authoress iEvenstarEstel for the title help...

Premise? What if Jack met with an untimely end?

He Is Here

Chapter 1

Jack had done something completely unselfish, for once in his life. It seemed as if Rex was never at his mate's house at all…her prat of a brother had bet and lost him in a game of cards. And Connor had got him back, all without ever breathing a word of it to her. Incredibly enough, Jack had come clean and gave Connor the credit for getting him back. She had to wonder why. Connor certainly didn't do it for Jack, but that left her but one option… he had done it for her. Really done it for her, because he'd not expected to get anything out of it. He'd not even said anything about it when she accused him of being happy if Jack was dead.

She had hurt him with that little jab, and badly. It had taken him completely by surprise and had registered on his face like she'd punched him in the gut. He had literally flinched. She felt terrible, striking at him because he was an easy target. She had been furious that Connor, who she depended on to stand by her no matter what, had said they should leave... so she turned on him. Connor was possibly the sweetest man she had ever known, even if he was a bit clueless sometimes. She had done wrong by him. The truth of it was that no one had ever done anything so completely selfless and nice for her before. Not ever. She needed to apologize.

She found Connor at the foot of the staircase, fiddling with the anomaly detector. She walked down the stairs and leaned over the rail, taking in the picture he made. His eyebrows were drawn in concentration, a cute little wrinkle appearing between them. She looked at him…really looked at him. He was actually very handsome, although at the moment he was dirty, bloody, and ragged… he had to be exhausted. She certainly was. He had drawn fire away from her, had helped her pull up Jack from the shaft he had fallen down, and she had rewarded him how?

She told him she knew what he had done for her; he just said that he didn't want her to be hurt. That he knew how much she loved Jack. He seemed afraid she would be angry with her. He had even said he was sorry. She couldn't believe he was apologizing. She wanted to know why. Did he actually do it all for her?

He began trying to tell her something…stumbling and stuttering and getting right flustered. In that moment, all she wanted to do was kiss him… so told him to shut up, and she did.

She got more than she intended. The first soft brush of his lips wasn't enough, not by far. She dug her fingers into his thick unruly hair and pulled him in closer. He reached up and grasped her hand in his, gently…just as soft as his lips moving on hers. She didn't think it would be like this, her heart pounding and electricity sizzling between them... She never thought…

Abby broke away, leaving him there, his eyes still closed, lips parted. She had to think! What was she doing? What had she done? Now things would get weird and uncomfortable between them… and he was her mate…probably her best friend, and she had likely just ruined it. She didn't want to lose him, and if she got entangled with him like that…well… she didn't have the best record with her relationships.

She gathered the rest of her gear, planning to head back to the ARC so she could log her report and go home. Go home and think. She hoped Jack would be quick about moving out his things. As much as she loved her brother, he lived like an absolute pig. Jack also wasn't much for conversation; she missed having Connor around. Too bad she had screwed that up, she grumbled to herself.

Sirens screamed in the distance, but they were coming closer. As first, she thought nothing of it. They were near a busy road. But when the noise got even louder and nearer she began to panic. Had someone else been injured? What if it was Connor? The team had seen too much death, and sirens set off an automatic internal recoil within them all. Sirens were a bad thing, and she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She headed towards the noise numbly, afraid of what she would find.

Connor sprinted to her, intercepting her and grabbing her by her shoulders.

"Don't look Abby, please." He begged.

She looked up at him blankly. "Who?"

He swallowed hard, his pale pace set in grim lines.

"Jack." He answered, his voice breaking.

She felt the blood drain from her face, leaving her cold and shaking. She couldn't believe it. She had just hugged him… just spoken with him. There had to be some sort of mistake. Grief welled up in her, but she refused to give into it until she saw for herself. She had to see. She moved past him, but he held her firm. Not fast enough. She saw the body on the ground. Jack's foot laid uncovered, Jack's leg… and blood. So much blood, pooling out...staining the ground.

"No." Abby said, her voice weak and frail.

"Sorry Abby, god I'm so sorry." Connor replied, his voice laced with sympathy.

"But how?" She whispered.

She didn't understand it. How could he be gone? He was her baby brother… he was young. How could he be dead?

"Hit by a car…I don't know how. Just…you don't need to see, okay?" He answered.

Jack was all she had left. It wasn't fair. Connor pulled her to him, enfolding her in his arms. She let herself cling to him, sink into the comfort he provided. She sobbed once, the cry torn from her throat. Then she screamed, a heart wrenching bone deep scream of agony. She tried to contain it, but it was too much. The pain ripped through her, tearing at all the flimsy barricades of strength she tried to show the world.

For a moment, she gave in…let all the rage out. She pounded at Connor's chest, angry…she was so angry. He let her hit him. He didn't even pull away; of course he wouldn't. He would be what she needed, and she needed an outlet. It was wrong to use him…but she did it. She screamed and railed as he tried to hold her close. She didn't want to be held… she wanted to beat her fists in rage until the pain burning her alive subsided.

Connor's eyes were filled with sympathy and fear for her. She didn't want to see it, didn't want to acknowledge it... because then it would be real. She had to take that look off of his face…make him stop. Her fist connected with his jaw, rocking his head back. Her other fist flew unchecked and connected with his mouth. Bright red blood on his lip… blood like on the road under her brother. Like her dead brother… and Connor hadn't let her go. He was still here with her. Even with a trickle of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, he hadn't let go of her to even wipe it away. He was trying to pull her to his chest, and he was safe and warm and she wanted to be safe and warm… just for a moment.

For long moments he cradled her to his chest as she sobbed. He murmured words of love and comfort to her, and Abby understood the intent if not the words themselves. He pressed kisses to her hair and held her if she was much more than his friend and she let him. She let him because she wanted someone… (Connor, you want Connor!, her mind insisted) who loved her to be there for her just once. She wanted someone to cling to as she cried; else the grief would wash her completely away.

Her sobs died away, leaving numb emptiness.

Connor steered her towards Danny, his arm around her shoulder. She let herself be led; it was easier just to follow and not think. Maybe if she could just not think.

"Danny, can someone take us home? I need to get her home." Connor asked.

She barely registered the ride home, or entering her flat, or Connor sitting her down on the couch. It seemed like a dream… surreal and hazy. He was speaking to her… but his words were meaningless noise. She didn't want to understand them. She didn't want to think. She wanted it to go back to how it was this morning when Jack was alive and annoying her still.

Connor sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders; Abby leaned into his warmth subconsciously. She faintly registered that he was pulling her closer to him, right up next to his body; he wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on top of her head. He smelled like smoke and sweat… and underneath it all, of Connor. She closed her eyes and took in the scent of him; it brought memories of comfort and friendship and laughter. She allowed it. She needed it. Needed him.

It was dark when she woke, cradled in Connor's embrace. He was asleep, so she moved carefully to avoid waking him. She stood over him for a moment, taking in the cuts, scrapes, dirt and blood that clung to him… the dark shadows beneath his eyes, the hollows of his cheeks. He hadn't looked well for a while, not since she kicked him out. She didn't think he'd been sleeping much.

The thought brought back memories of Jack. She put it away, for now. She would shower and change clothes and then she would bully Connor into doing the same. Afterwards… she didn't want to think about after. One thing at a time. Shower.

Abby stripped off her clothes and dropped them directly in the trash bin. She turned on the taps and stepped inside, letting the sting of the water wash away all the smoke and grime and filth that clung to her. She tried not to think, going through the motions automatically. It wasn't until she reached for the conditioner that it hit her like a brick.

Jack's voice echoed in her head 'couldn't find the conditioner.'

She would never see him again. The last of her family gone. She was all alone. It was her fault… if he wouldn't have followed her to work then he would still be alive. If she had told him to wait for her… A thousand little things she could have done differently circled round her head. One little decision, one little choice had the chance to save him.

It had always been just her and Jack against the world, and now she was alone.

She slid down the wall of the shower as overwhelming anguish coursed through her, staggered her. She curled into a ball in the tub, letting the water pour over her as she sobbed uncontrollably. Alone, she was alone and he was dead and she would never see him again. The water grew cold and she welcomed it; it would never be as cold as what she felt inside.

From somewhere far away she heard a voice and a knock at the door. She didn't want to answer, didn't want to think; she wanted to stay numb. Numb like the freezing water on her skin, numb like her mind, numb like her heart.

The voice continued, louder and scared this time…the noise continued. She wanted to be left alone. She was alone. Sobs wracked her body again. She couldn't seem to stop crying. Her chest ached and her eyes burned and she couldn't breathe! She couldn't breathe…

A sickening crack of breaking wood and the door opened. The curtain opened, too bright. Too much light; she didn't belong in the light. She clenched her eyes shut against the outside world… she didn't belong there. She belonged to this cold dark place where she was alone. She belonged to pain, to rage, to suffering and guilt.

Warmth surrounded her, and movement and sound. Someone was drying her hair, drying her body gently. She opened her eyes to see who had torn her from the dark. He is here…Connor. His dark eyes full of fear, full of love. She had seen that look in his eyes before, as she dangled off of a cliff. He had saved her then. He had refused to let her go...even though it meant he would die with her.

She choked on another sob rising in her chest. Connor was here for her, again he refused to let her go…and again she was afraid he would go down with her. She didn't deserve him, she didn't deserve his love or sympathy, but she wanted it. Needed it. She buried her face in his neck, her arms coming around him. He held her to him, whispering soothing words, holding her against his warmth… thawing her. And the thaw brought more pain.

Jack would never be warm again. He would never be held. Jack would never do anything ever again. Jack would be put in the cold ground, along with everyone else that had ever loved her. She mustn't think. She let go of Connor and wrapped her arms around her knees and pressed her forehead down to them. She retreated again, guilt weighing heavily on her for trying to escape its clutches. It was her penance, and she would take it. She welcomed it. She was supposed to protect him; she had always protected him. It was her duty, she was all he had.

Connor was pulling at her… he wanted something. She ignored it; it wasn't important. Nothing could be important, not when her baby brother was dead.

He tucked the towels in closer around her and then lifted her in his arms. She closed her eyes and went deep into herself. He was here…Connor was here. Connor wouldn't hurt her, Connor was safe. He would watch over her until she was ready to deal with the world again.

He laid her down on her bed, still wrapped up in damp towels. She hardly registered it as he dressed her; she was counting the plaster dots on the ceiling. As she lost count she began again, then again, and then again. She built the wall in her mind carefully, stone by stone. She would hide the pain away until it was older, made softer with time. She just had to get past this.

The bed shifted and dented in as Connor lay down next to her on her bed. She had a small flare of surprise at his forward action, shaking her temporarily out of her fugue. He shivered next to her. He hadn't been brave enough to get close enough to take advantage of her body heat or to get underneath the covers with her. She should send him away. She should. Abby moved the blanket down, and then pulled him closer. He slid under the blankets gratefully. His bare skin pressed against her arm as he moved in closer to her. She should send him away, she thought again hazily. She closed her eyes and moved so she could lay her head on his chest.

She was so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of pushing him away when all she wanted in this moment was for him to hold her. He wanted to be there for her. Just this once, she would let him.

TBC

A/N: Sooo? This got fairly dark, eh? Abby is in a bad place. Please do review? I am very anxious for feedback on this one. Please? Feed my muse?