A/N: Hello! So, I've had this story saved on my computer for months and I just got around to finishing it. I guess it's kinda crackish, maybe? Just an idea I had that I thought would be funny. I kinda name my stories after the songs that inspired them, so if you guys wanna go listen to Come Out and Play by The Offspring, go forth. Enjoy!
Psst, I promise I edited, but I'm pretty sure I did a bad job. Dishonor on me! Dishonor on my cow!
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Come Out and Play
Sakura was waiting with Sasuke on the training ground one sunny evening, waiting for the rest of her team to show up for training.
It had been a long day full of hospital duties and she was slightly grumpy and that grumpiness had caused her to start arguing with the insufferable Uchiha, who liked to get on her every last nerve with his cold stares and uncaring tone.
Their relationship had changed since he had come back to Konoha three years prior. She no longer took his jabbing comments with doleful eyes and a whispered Sasuke-kun and instead opted to retort with some of her own snide remarks. Her undying adoration and loyalty had also ceased and she now treated him the same as the rest of her teammates; Sakura loved them all dearly. She no longer was that pestering little girl who was weak, always lagging behind her teammates on missions; she was now Haruno Sakura, disciple of the fear-inducing fifth Hokage, a chakra wielding expert and an excellent medic nin herself— fear-inducing in her own right with her monstrous strength. Sakura had no problem keeping up now.
Although, she mused, I was never lagging in smarts that was Naruto.
"Just shut up already, Uchiha," she snapped, cutting off his jabbering as Kakashi, Naruto, Sai, and to her surprise, Gaara, approached.
"Hey Gaara," she waved at him and the rest of her team, giving Gaara a small smile, "what are you doing here?" She knew he had been in Konoha for negotiations with Tsunade, but he usually stayed in his living quarters, occasionally joining Naruto for ramen at Ichiraku's.
"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled, cutting him off just as he opened his mouth to answer. "I found Gaara, here," he indicated Gaara, "walking around the village and he had nothing to do so I invited him to come train with us. By the way, you look beautiful today!" He finished in a rush.
Naruto still held a bit of crush for her and never failed to invite her for ramen at least once a week; he was still completely oblivious to Hinata's advances.
"Thanks, Naruto," she replied, exasperated. She really looked no different from other days; her pink hair was tied up in a high ponytail, she had on her shape-forming, black biker shorts and her red vest and no makeup. She looked completely ordinary.
"Yes, you're looking especially haggish today," Sai added, tactlessly.
Sakura narrowed her eyes at him and threatened, "Don't mess with me right now, Sai. I had a day full of mangled limbs and gushing blood and I wouldn't mind seeing more."
"I don't know," Sasuke said with an air of appraisal and a sideways glance in her direction, "you do look particularly haggard today. Not that there's much difference from any other day, really. Didn't Tsunade teach you that breast-enlargement jutsu? It might help."
Everyone stiffened and shifted their gaze to watch Sakura; they all new of her short temper and violent tendencies when aggravated. Sasuke was a goner.
Sakura, to everyone's surprise, did not instantly turn and punch Sasuke in his smug face, but stood still, fuming internally for a moment.
That ass, she thought angrily, clenching her teeth, I know he just wants me to get angry at him and pummel him, so he has an excuse to strike me too.
Sakura let no emotion show on her face; he had been trying to nettle her all day because of a certain incident that had happened just a few hours earlier…
She had been walking with Sasuke down to the hospital because he had needed a concoction for his sore muscles. Sakura had tried asking him friendly questions to get conversation started ( Sasuke was never one to start talking first) and he had had the gall to ignore her efforts the whole time they were walking, only occasionally replying with a "hn" which was not much of a reply at all. It seemed she had caught him on a moody day (which was practically every day for Sasuke, really, but today had been especially turbulent). Sakura, fed up with his petulant mood, had casually reached over and given his shoulder a small push, using a bit of her chakra to give her more force, and tipped him over into a crowd of overly emotional females that had been shadowing their every move since they had started on their way.
The effect had been instantaneous; the girls had swarmed like ants on a piece of honeyed bread and sucked him into the center of their pack, all shrieking with delight. Sakura had been torn between wonder at their intensity and complete hilarity at the situation; all that was visible of the poor Uchiha was a flailing arm. Sakura had decided he had learned his lesson and had proceeded to disperse the crowd of rabid girls with threats and menacing fists, grasping Sasuke and drawing him out by his one visible extremity. Once she had had him freed and the fangirls gone she had turned to him innocently to ask what had happened as if she hadn't a clue, but promptly burst out laughing instead.
Sasuke had marched off in a haze of fury without receiving his concoction, but not before Sakura had seen the scrawling of an address on his forehead that one of his admirers had written with black marker…
Sakura brought herself back to the present and instead said, in an offhand tone, "Tell me, how did you get that marker off your forehead, I was convinced it was permanent?"
Sasuke opened his mouth to retort, but before he could, Sakura added, "Anyways what makes you think I don't like the size of my breasts?" she crossed her arms and continued with a smirk on her face. "But it is too bad that they haven't invented a jutsu to increase the size of your di—"
"Whoa," Kakashi cut in, hands stretched out in front of him like a person backtracking from a tensed lion about to spring, "let's just calm down and take a deep breath."
Even though Kakashi was trying to calm the waters, Sakura could see the grin behind his mask. No doubt he enjoyed making fun of Sasuke, but she was sure he had stopped her because the prideful Uchiha could not have taken a stab at his manhood. The others wore similar expressions: Naruto was hiding a grin behind his hand and Sai wore a slight smile; even Gaara had a small smirk on his face.
Sasuke, no doubt knowing what Sakura had been about to say, had a bit of a flush on his cheeks, which was the only indication that the almost-comment had bothered him.
"Whatever," Sasuke said nonchalantly, turning away from her and crossing his arms, "like you've ever seen me naked anyway, so you can't really know, can you?" There was a certain air of smugness about him, as if he had just pushed her into a corner and won the argument.
"Oh, I have," said Sakura, dismissively, "in fact I've seen all of you naked."
Complete silence. Then…
"WHAT!" screamed Naruto, eyes popping and mouth gaping. A few sparrows in the nearby trees were startled at the outburst and took flight with a screech.
The others wore expressions ranging from shock to disbelief. Kakashi seemed startled for a moment and then shrugged as if to say 'whatever'; in their line of business, nudity was not scarce, he was just surprised that Sakura had been one to see his…parts.
Sai had an expression of one trying to figure out why this information was so pertinent as to leave the others speechless. Gaara was the one who looked skeptical; no doubt he thought Sakura was only talking about her teammates and had just been too distracted to make the distinction. Sasuke was slowly gaining color back in his face. This time, there was no hiding the full-blown tomato-red he was turning.
Huh, Sakura thought, I didn't know they would take it so drastically. It's fucking hilarious, what babies.
She was fighting hard not to let her amusement at their ridiculousness show. Of course Sakura had no problem with nudity; she was a medic, after all. She couldn't count the times she'd have to cut the clothes off of an unconscious body, covered in blood to heal their injuries, be it man or woman. And every time one of her teammates came in with a particularly bad injury they were directed to Sakura because she wouldn't hear of anyone else healing them.
"Tell me Sakura," Kakashi asked in a curious voice, his one visible eye alight with mischief, "when exactly did you see us naked? I have no recollection undressing in front of you and unless you have taken to being a peeping tom I'm not sure when this could have occurred."
"Yeah!" Naruto added loudly, turning at look at Sakura, demanding an explanation. All were looking at her now, waiting for her reply.
"Ugh, no way Kakashi. Your porn books have rotten your mind forever," Sakura rolled her eyes. "Do you idiots know how many times you've been brought to me unconscious and barely alive? Who do you think saved your sorry asses? Of course you wouldn't remember, being half-dead and all."
She started counting off the times on her fingers, "Let's see; Naruto you remember that time your leg was crushed and I had to rebuild it? Well maybe not you were knocked out after all. You should be happy I could fix it, because the damage almost went all the way to your…," she looked pointedly at his crotch and winced slightly which caused him to turn an even deeper shade of red. "Kakashi, it was that one time you fell in a bush of poisonous foliage and I had to strip you because you got the rash everywhere. You were heavily medicated, so I doubt you remember." She now had two fingers down. "Sai, you do remember that time I had to give you a full physical after that mission where you broke nearly all your bones, don't you?" Sai nodded helpfully, emotionless as ever. The others looked at him incredulously. He had never mentioned that physical before. "Sasuke, it was that time you got the mission to capture that missing-nin and you returned with wounds all over your body. And Gaara—"he looked at her startled, "yes, you too." She waggled her eyebrows at him to freak him out more. "It was when you got captured by the Akatskui and your sister asked me to give you a full examination after we returned to Suna. You were sleeping because I think that was the first time you ever had, right? You were out cold." Sakura now had all five fingers down. "So, there."
Hmm, Sakura thought, gleefully, I think this is the first time I've seen Gaara blush. The former jinchurichi certainly had a prominent flush on his cheeks now.
Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara were still staring at her thunderstruck. Kakashi had pulled out is book and was reading with a smirk upon his face. Sai was staring absentmindedly at his three companions, trying to analyze their reactions.
"Lucky you," Kakashi looked up from his book a moment to comment, "having seen Konoha's most handsome shinobi in the nude."
"Eh," Sakura shrugged and picked at her nails, seemingly disinterested. She didn't want to give their ego an unneeded boost; they were already full to the brim.
Of course, given their line of work, they all had wonderful, toned bodies that would put the gods to shame. But she hadn't noticed this while they were naked, for when she was in the operating room, everything came down to a medical viewpoint only; sort of like a state of mind where everything is strictly heal and repair and everything else was irrelevant. No, she had noticed on the days when they were training in sweltering heat and the boys had taken off their shirts so their taunt abs and smooth skin glistened in the sunlight due to a slight sheen of sweat coating their bodies, chests heaving with exertion. Oh yeah, she'd noticed then.
Naruto, who had calmed down enough to string together words, pointed his finger at her and opened his mouth, "Well, that's not fair, we should get to see you naked, too, then!"
Kakashi looked up from his book again with an eager face and Sasuke cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'fair's, fair'. Even Gaara looked expectant.
WHAT, Sakura thought furiously, I swear, Naruto's has the brain activity of a walnut.
Sakura turned to him, gave him one of her icy-death glares, and said, in a barely constrained voice, "Doesn't work that way, shit-squeeze."
Naruto pouted, "No fair."
She fumed. Idiots, all of them. "You become a medic and then maybe, and by maybe I mean never 'cause I can heal myself perfectly well and if not there's always shishou." Sakura kept her glare turned to Naruto until he looked away sheepishly, then turned to the others and snapped, "And what are all of you looking at?!" They hastily occupied their eyesight with fascinating trees or exquisitely green bushes, averting their eyes from the maelstrom that was forming before them. Sakura was, in ever increasing increments, reaching a point in her anger where any in her vicinity, if they retained any amount of common sense, would make a run for the hills for fear of being annihilated by a woman who could pummel a boulder to dust and send full-grown shinobi crying to their mothers.
Then, just as she was about to grab the nearest object and punch it (poor Kakashi, he was right next to her, innocently reading his porn), Sai spoke up.
"I don't understand the importance of this."
Sakura deflated with a huff of air through her mouth, her anger marginally lessened, but not by much. Sai was very dense in these matters, although he was getting better. Sometimes, with great mortification, Sakura had to explain the more delicate natures of humans and human behavior to a perplexed and curious Sai, since all Kakashi, Sasuke, or Naruto ever did was give him ludicrously wrong information or mumble nonsense until they could escape. So unfortunately, the job fell to her. There was this one time that he was hanging out with her in the library and he had just happened to open a book with a naked woman flushed pink with ecstasy and in the process of being gloriously ravished by a very excited male…. Well may be that's a story for another time.
She turned to him and spoke with barely concealed impatience, "Sai, there's nothing to get. Everyone's just being an asshat because they don't know how to treat a girl properly—especially King Asshat, over here." She nudged her head towards Sasuke, "You see, seeing someone unclothed usually comes with a sense of intimacy, but since I am a medic some people don't seem to understand that it's a job technicality."
"Hey, Sai?!" Kakashi peeked his head up from the top of his book and proposed amiably, "I'll let you borrow Icha Icha so you can get the basics of odd female habits."
There was another example of why her teammates should not be left to handle someone of a very impressionable nature themselves.
Sakura looked at her sensei with a look that dripped with "are you seriously that big of an idiot?" sauce and hastened to correct Kakashi's moronic offer, "If you ever take advice from a book like that, then I can assure you no woman will ever let you touch her."
"Aww, man, really?" Naruto whined. "Pervy sage assured me that that was a golden way to get girls! I have to rethink my whole strategy! No wonder I got slapped so many times."
"Speak for yourself, dumbass," Sasuke smugly told Naruto. He crossed his arms and smirked. "I've had very good luck following examples from that book."
Sakura stared at them dumbfounded and disgusted. "You guys are pigs." She turned to Sai again, "Let me rephrase; if you ever take advice from a book like that, then I can assure you no decent woman worthwhile will ever let you touch her."
"So those tactics would not work on you?" Sai asked, smoothly.
By then most of Sakura's anger had dissipated and she felt sort of flattered by Sai's question. She smiled at him and patted his shoulder softly. "No Sai, they wouldn't."
Sai saw her pleasure at his comment and smiled devilishly. Who said you couldn't learn flattery from books?
Unfortunately, Sakura saw his smile and the scowl returned once more. Dammit, the bastard's learning, she thought, calculating, I have to be on guard with him, too.
Gaara, whom everyone had forgotten about, since he had had the sense to stay quiet, spoke up suddenly, "Is this what your training sessions usually consist of? I do not feel that it is a very productive training method."
And sure enough, when Sakura checked the time, forty minutes had passed since they first started bickering at each other.
"I can never take you guys anywhere!" Sakura huffed, indignant. They hadn't even gotten any training done. Complete waste of time. "I have to go or else I'm gonna be late." She started walking out of the training field. "Sorry that these idiots wasted your time, Gaara."
"Wait!" Naruto called. "Where are you going? We can still train! I'm sorry if we made you mad!" Naruto pleaded with wide eyes. Kakashi was looking at her with similar puppy dog look, pouting mouth jutting from under his mask and wide doleful eyes trained on hers. No doubt he wanted her to stay so she could deal with the other members of team seven and their tantrums. Sasuke and Gaara tried to hide their disappointment. Sai just stood there.
"I can't, I'll be late. And it's none of your business what I'm doing," she answered.
"Come on," Kakashshi said cloyingly, "what can be more important than us?"
"Sanity," Sakura murmured under her breath. Gaara smirked. Then, louder, "I can't. Sorry."
"Well at least tell us what you're doing that's soo important," Naruto demanded.
Sakura, fed up with their nosing, yelled over her shoulder as she turned away again, "I'm going on a date!"
All the males stood dumbstruck.
"Wait, what?!" Naruto yelled hysterically again. "B-but all men are pigs, remember?!"
"Bye," Sakura called sweetly and waved her fingers languidly, not listening to Naruto's hysterics. Before any of the others could respond she channeled chakra to her feet, tensed her muscles, gave a push, and propelled herself through the air to the roof of a building. And before her feet touched ground she started booking it in case they decided to follow.
She giggled to herself as she passed buildings, the cool wind blowing through her hair. Heh, that'll give them something to chew on. Little did her teammates know, though, was that she was actually going to meet Tsunade for a meeting and not go on a date as she'd told them.
She smiled evilly.
…
Back at the training grounds, none of them had yet composed themselves enough to talk yet.
That is, until Sai turned to Sasuke and said, "So I guess you should be called dickless now, traitor, if Sakura can be relied upon?"
Sakura heard a thunderous boom in the middle of her conversation with the Hokage, but she shrugged it off and refocused on Tsunade. Probably nothing, she told herself.
...
A/N: It's very plausible (future-wise) that Sakura would have seen her teammate's naked, right?
I was thinking that if Sakura actually bit back and didn't take Sasuke's bullshit that they would bicker like a married couple. Yeah.
I knida ship Sakura with all the guys 'cause I'm a secret pervert. Shhh. *Whispers* But my favorite is Kakashi x Sakura 'cause I am a mega pervert.
So, I might make this a beginning to a story with actual—wait for it—plot! But I'm not sure. The chapters would be very sporadic since I'm very busy with school.
Feedback is always welcome.
Don't ask me why there's porn in the Konoha library.