He's nervous, anxious would probably be a better word. He's sweating, big, hot droplets of sweat are running down his back and chest, forcing his off white T-shirt to cling even tighter to his skin. His hands are shaking and his mouth is dropped open as he gasps for breathe.
He's never been a nervous hunter, you can't possibly be nervous with something you've done your whole life. But this hunt isn't quite like the rest.
Dean Winchester has a choice to make, and that was what was really driving him crazy.
And the fact that the gun he was holding in one shaky, sweaty palm was not only aimed at a demon but his little brother as well. Oh yeah, and his father.
"Make a choice, Winchester, before I do." The demon snarls.
Dean's eyes flicker between his lover/brother and his father.
"Would you like to know something?" The demons says suddenly, using both elongated arms to hold it's captives tightly by the neck.
Dean watches Sam fight with unconsciousness, John on the hand seems to only fight with his rage at being at the mercy of such a beast.
"What's that?" Dean responds, keeping his eyes open for any signs of a dropped guard.
"Your father is split between his desire to kill me and his desire to see his youngest son live." The demon smiled, baring filed teeth. "The part I love is his desire for my death is winning."
Dean flinches, his eyes waver to his father. He shouldn't be surprised and hurt but he is.
The demon tightens its hold on Sam's neck, causing Dean's little brother to give a strangled gasp for breath. "Would you like to know what Sammy's thinking?"
"Actually I don't."
"Ahh…well that's not very fun," The demon smirks, "Let's take a look anyways."
Dean blinks as sweat rolls toward his eye, he wants to brush it away but he knows even that simple of a gesture could be the end of all three of their lives.
"Well now, seems your family's even more interesting then I thought." The demon looks at Dean, "Does Daddy know?"
And just like that Dean panics more. He's pretty sure that he's going to have to check himself into therapy just to recover from this. That's if, of course, he survives.
"Seems Sammy here is preparing to die. Going over his favorite memories of you two." The demon paused, "Damn Deany-boy you are good in the sack aren't you?"
"Shut the fuck up," Dean snarls, watching from the corner of his eye as his father's express changes to confusion, realization, shock, then disgust. And just like that Dean knows his father just gave up on him, on them both.
But the demon doesn't realize what it's done, doesn't care. So it keeps going, stealing things from Sam's half consciences mind. "Sammy here has a fetish of you in that overly dramatic leather jacket of yours doesn't he?"
"Shut up," Dean says said, but it's weaker this time. He's not sure how much more he can handle. He needs to decide.
"Awww…."The demon says ignoring Dean all together, "You're first kiss. In the rain, in front of the Impala. Dean you romantic you." The demon smiles again, all to proud of it's self. It faces it's self back to Dean. "So have you decided who gets to live and who gets to burn?"
Dean can't think for a split second, he's back in the day he first kissed his brother. He can still taste it, the rain, Sam, the smell of rubber burning from the Impala. It was the most perfect moment of his life. He glances at his brother, then his father.
"Actually I was deciding how many ways I can torture you before you give up and just go back to hell." Dean snapped.
"Very cute Dean, but we both know what's really going to happen. I'm going back to hell alright, but I'm taking someone with me. You just decide who." The demon made an impatient sound. "So decide before I do."
Dean suddenly feels those damn nerves again. He swears silently, he's gonna hunt this son of a bitch down, this demon can go to hell but Dean's gonna follow and put a bullet in it's brain pan.
"If you're so good at reading minds then you already know who I'm going to save." Dean snaps.
"Oh come on Dean, where's the fun in that?" The demons laughs, twisting Sam's neck tighter just to watch him squirm.
"I'm gonna kill you." Dean hisses.
"Say it Dean," it taunts. "Say it or I take him."
Dean glances at his father, knowing that despite the news his father heard he still wants Dean just to screw it and kill the demon. 'Forget us and do it.' It's the message Dean reads in his fathers eyes.
And maybe, Dean thinks, maybe if it was just John he would be able to. He doubts that but none of that matters, Sam's there. And Dean will never have any part of his death.
"Sam," He whispers.
He immediately hears his brother begin gasping, begging for him to 'just kill it'.
Seconds later, before Dean can even look to his father, their gone, the demon and John.
Dean races to his brother, falls to the ground and drags his brother upright. He pulls Sam to his chest and they both gasp for air. Sam's crying, Dean's crying.
They make it back to the motel in silence, Dean doesn't offer to explain himself, Sam doesn't ask. They just lost their father.
But that night they wrap together, Sam cries again, this time asking why.
Dean cradles and comforts Sam, "Because I couldn't live without you. Dad….doing that, losing dad…it broke me." Dean mutters in his brother's messy hair, "but if I lost you I'd die."
Sam sucked in a shaky breath but nodded, understanding, if not accepting.
Later Dean would look back and remember he always knew what the choice he would make was, always knew Sam was the one he couldn't live without.