Harry Potter leaned back on hard, iron throne. "Hello Draco Malfoy. I hear you're ready to talk."

Draco was bound and shackled at Harry's feet, his wand was in the hand of the beautiful young woman who had pushed him to the ground and had her boot firmly on his neck. He spat a gag out from his mouth. "You'll pay for this, Potter! I'm not telling you anything! I have held out against your horrid... techniques... this long..."

"You fool, Malfoy," said Harry coldly. "Your loyalty to Voldemort, your refusal to cooperate, it is trying my patience. You see the girl who has you prisoner?" said Harry. Malfoy glanced up at the raven-haired, tanned girl. She grinned at him. Her silver-yellow eyes bored into his own. Malfoy could have sworn her teeth were much sharper than human teeth ought to be. "She could snap your spine like a twig," said Harry fatly. For emphasis, the girl snapped Malfoy's wand between her two smallest fingers on her left hand. Her build was slight, and willowy – like a delicate human flower - and yet she had an air of quiet menace.

All the colour drained from Draco's face. "Now listen, Potter... My father still has influence. He'll make sure..."

Harry reprovingly shook his head. "Now Malfoy, remember what we said about idiotic drivel about your father? Must we use the feathered trombone again?"

"No!" whimpered Malfoy. "Anything but that, Potter!"

"Lord Potter," correct a blonde girl standing to Harry's right side. She gazed into Harry's eyes. "My Lord, he's being very slow. Perhaps we should feed him to the Wringled Blattersnipe?"

Draco's expression of fear faded. His lip curled into a sneer. "Wringled Blattersnipe? You can't intimidate me with one of Luna's fairytale creatures! I can't beliece I even considered giving up Voldemort to side with you!"

He saw the grins on Harry and Luna's faces widen. The girl who had been restraining him moved away to stand at Harry's left side. She was grinning too.

Draco's heart leapt. With that black-haired bitch out of the way he had a chance! He whirled around to leap out the door... and what he saw made his blood run cold.

"Malfoy," said Harry cheerfully, "meet the Wringled Blattersnipe."

A defeating howl echoed before Draco Malfoy, and yellow-green sprayed across his face. Draco fainted clean away.

"D'awww," cooed Luna, "the liddle Blattersnipe scared the nasty Slytherin. Who's a good boy? No wait, you've already scared Draco you don't need to..."

Crunchcrunchcruch...

"Wow, you didn't tell me these things got so hungry," said Harry, wide-eyed. "What's that it spit out, a finger or his—"

"I'm sorry, Harry," said Luna weakly. "I know you said you wanted a creature that was intimidating, not murderous, and I didn't realise... You must be really upset..."

"Oohh look at it crunch on that leg—I mean yes, really upset. Poor Malfoy."

TEN WEEKS EARLIER

Harry lay alone in the dark in his bed in Privet Drive. He couldn't sleep. The holidays had worn on, and the Dursleys continued to roar and howl at him for various reasons. If a car alarm went off unexpectedly they would bellow at him for looking at it earlier, as though he had planned for it to go off like that all along. When a dog snarled at Dudley they accused him of 'bending the mind of the rabid beast to your freakish will'. He was sick and tired of life at Privet Drive, which was naturally his default emotional state whenever he found himself imprisoned in this interminable locale.

Yeah, things sucked.

Wait, what was that? He switched on his lamp, and glanced around the room. The door was closed – none of his small-minded relatives had come in to bother him. Had he just been hearing things?

No, there is was again. It was a rustling rasping sound, like some sort of animal moving about out of sight. A rat? It sounded much too heavy to be a rat? Harry set his jaw grimly. He was The Boy Who Lived. There were a lot of bastards who would relish exterminating him. He grabbed his wand from his bedside table, and brandished it in front of him. "If there's anyone there, then show yourself!"

He didn't see anything, but there was the abrupt sensation of something huge hurtling towards him. "Stupify!" he roared.

Next thing he knew he been catapulted off his bed and sent slamming against the wall. His head hit a loud crack, his glasses were sent spinning off his face, his wand flew from his hand. As he slumped back onto his bed, feeling the blood trickle down his head, he gazed blearily in the direction of the attack. Before he couldn't see it, and now without his glasses, he could barely see anything at all.

There was a sudden flash of light from in front of him. Was that his attacker doing... something?

Then he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, and someone was handing him his glasses. He put them on, and his vision cleared. He could see a blonde face with slightly protruding eyes gazing at him in concern. "Luna!"

She smiled back dreamily. "Harry. Good to meet again, isn't it?"

Harry swallowed. "Well yeah, but..." he glanced past Luna. There was another girl in his room. Two girls in his room on the one night? At any other time he would have been quite pleased, but on this occasion he was two distracted by the second girl's sword of green fire wielded against something he couldn't even see. "If she fighting the thing that attacked me? What was that flash of light?"

"The flash of light was the two of us appearing," said Luna. "And Deicina is fighting a Wringled Vlatterkul, not to be confused with the Wingled Blingle or the Wringled Blattersnipe, all of which are nasty buggers. Vlatterkul can change size, shape and visibility. Oo look she got it!"

Harry stared as the second girl's sword seemed to sink into something. There was an unearthly screech, and then a huge, grey, insectoid form flashed into sight, a huge wound livid across its chest. The thing fell back, and for a moment Harry thought it was dead. Then it rose to its ten, spiderlike legs and lunged at the girl with the flaming sword.

Next thing, she'd sent it smashing through Harry's bedroom wall.

"Wow," said Harry. "That is one hell of a girl."

Luna glanced at him. "That's Deicina of the Dralite Slashkilter. She's not like us. Harry, there's a whole world beyond the ordinary one that most people don't know about."

"I know," said Harry. "We both belong to it."

"The Wizarding World?" Luna laughed. "Harry, I'm talking about a world most wizards don't even know about." She glanced at the girl. "Is it dead? Can you sense any more coming?"

The girl glanced at them, and for the first time Harry noticed her silver-yellow eyes. "The Vlatterkul are a hardy brood. I do not think it is dead. Is the boy all right?"

"Head's bruised, but nothing serious," Luna called back.

She seemed about to say more, but she was cut off by a tremendous roar from beyond the room. It took Harry a moment to cognise that this was not the huge, grey creature, but was in fact his Uncle Vernon.

"What the devil is all this noise, boy?" The man burst into the room, his stumpy legs propelling him straight towards Harry. "What the hell are you doing in here? Are you having a damn orgy or..."

He stopped as he realised he was still walking forward, but wasn't moving anywhere. Deicina of the Dralite Slashkilter held him by a single, slender hand. "Do not speak that way, fat man," she said coldly. "You will treat this boy with respect."

"Damned if I do," roared Vernon. There was another roar, but this time it wasn't from Vernon. The Vlatterkul was back. It thundered through the room, smashing open the door-frame on its way in. As it advanced, it was slowly growing bigger. Vernon was sent spinning across the room as Deicina pushed him aside and lunged at the creature with a wave of her flaming-green sword. The creature screeched as her blade stabbed through one of its three bulbous, orange eyes. It leapt up to squash her flat, but she leapt aside, and the massive weight of the thing that by now was the size of Harry's room itself sent the Vlatterkul plummeting through the floor.

"Now it is dead," said Deicina firmly, brushing a bit of grey skin off her brown, leather skirt. "But I sense more coming."

From the corner of the room, Vernon got shakily to his feet. He gazed at the hole in the wall. He gazed at the hole where the door used to be. He gazed at what was once the floor. "You've destroyed my house!"

"Sorry about all this, Mr Dursley," said Luna cheerfully. "But look on the bright side. Now, you can come into this room without worrying about opening the door. Also that hole in the floor should be quicker than the stairs. Be grateful for such useful renovations provided free of charge." She motioned at Deicina to come towards her. "How much time do we have?"

"They are honing in on Harry. If he is still here in the next few seconds, they will descend upon this house and rend it asunder in their search to destroy him."

"Bum. So not much time then."

From in the corridor, Petunias frightened voice drifted. "Vernon dear, what's happening?"

Vernon's eyes bulged. "They've destroyed our house!"

Deicina grabbed hold of Luna and Harry's hand. "We must go now, before it is too late."

"NOOO!" howled Vernon. "You're going to stay and fix this utter havoc, you freaks!"

Harry suddenly grinned. He may have almost died at the hands of a bizarre, once-invisible creature. He may have no idea what was going on. But at least he could take solace in the fact that, however badly off he was at the moment, his uncle felt much worse. "Sorry uncle, but we have stuff to do. I hate to leave you in a state of shock with the house a wreck, no wait that's a lie..."

Vernon lunged at him. "Why you..."

Harry and the two girls disappeared.

OMAKE

"So do you think we should, like, hold a funeral for him or something?"

"Luna, you're so softhearted," said Harry. "He was our enemy, remember?"

Luna sat on his lap with a sigh. "I know, but the look on his face as it was ripped off... that will stay with me forever..."

Harry hugged her comfortingly. "I know, Luna. It will stay with me forever too."

"Harry, why are you laughing?"

"Oh no reason. So who's going to clean up this Blattersnipe's mess?" he added quickly, changing the subject. "All the disgusting slobber and... bits..."

"Actually, I heard Blattersnipe slobber is very, well, stimulating..."

"What, intellectually?"

Luna whispered something into Harry's ear.

All the blood drained from Harry's face. He gazed down at the yellow-green slime splattered across the floor. "It's used for...?"

"Yes."

"On the...?"

Luna's hand trailed down Harry's chest. "Yes."

"That's revolting!" Luna's hand reached the front of his pants, and Harry grinned. "Okay lets try it."

AN: This messy fic wouldn't get out of my head till I wrote it. Hope you enjoyed it. Also hope this hasn't been done before. I think it works as a oneshot. Still, I didn't really explore the premise of a hidden world of weird creatures within the hidden world of wizards in this short thingy, and doing that would be fun. So I'll extend it later if I have any ideas.

Please review, preferably constructive criticism (negative or positive).