Title: Divine Pandemonium
Author: Arwen (among other names.)
Rating: PG-13.possibly NC-17 later
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, I'm just a terrible unlawful fiend.
Feedback: Hell yeah! Be brutally honest! Embrace your inner bitch!
Author's Notes: This story is AU, but takes place in the summer after season three, I guess. The coupling is Buffy/Spike.
"Okay, let's see if I got this" Buffy said with a sigh, "an ancient, evil spirit-type guy is set to awake sometime this week and when he does, he'll wreak bad and scary chaos everywhere. Am I right?"
"Well, more or less" Giles replied from his seat across from her at the designated 'research' table with a mountain of books. "Though the "evil spirit-type guy", as you call him, is a prehistoric force, said to be the personification of Chaos and not to be taken lightly."
"I'm sure" Buffy replied with a role of her eyes.
"I cannot stress how serious this is, Buffy" Giles said, standing up and furiously cleaning his glasses as he began to pace. "Eris awakens roughly every one thousand years, of course, it's difficult to calculate the exact time as it's based on the Mesopotamic time system." Buffy chose that moment to yawn. "Sorry, got off on a bit of a tangent, but the point is that in every record found the results have been horrendous."
"Okay, I get it! Chaos! So, everyone does the wacky and then we all go home" Buffy said with a shrug. She began to leave but was stopped by Giles' voice.
"No!" He sounded almost panicked, "the last time he awoke, everything within a fifty mile radius was completely and utterly destroyed, it's imperative that you do not allow him to ` wake!"
"How do you propose that?" Buffy focused a level gaze at him. Giles looked away, embarrassed.
"Well, I haven't quite figured that out yet" he replied in a small voice, "But be on alert!"
"Yeah, okay, Giles" she replied, once again rolling her eyes, "I'll do that in all the free time I have when I'm not studying for summer school finals."
"Oh, yes, finals, I had quite forgotten" he acknowledged, "Well, I'm sure you can balance your-" he stopped mid sentence as Buffy walked out the door.
She squirmed uncomfortably on the cold, stone roof of the mausoleum. The plan had been to find a good look out spot while she studied for the math final but so far there were too many demons out to really get anything done besides opening the book.
"God damnit, Willow doesn't have to study for finals and kill things, Willow doesn't even have to go to summer school, this sucks!" She pouted to herself.
"Well, not at the moment, but it could be arranged" Said a deep, North London-accented voice next to her ear. Quickly, she whipped around to choke the throat from which the offending voice had come, but the owner stepped swiftly back to avoid her.
"Oh my god, to add to everything else, you're back again" She said, massaging her temples in an attempt to quell the impending headache, "this is becoming an annoying habit, Spike. You say you'll leave, I think it'll be the last time I see your sorry ass and then you come right back for another beating."
"Well, not to worry, Slayer" he said with a smirk, "you won't be seeing me again after this, the way dead things tend not to."
"I'm sure" she replied, her annoyance growing. "Look, I've got a really full schedule this week, with finals and some big, evil god-type thing out to get me, so could we just skip the fighting and get to the goodbyes?"
"Well, no, you see, unfortunately, you've completely fucked up my life and so I feel that I must kill you and most likely, bathe in your blood in proper retribution" he replied cockily while lighting a cigarette. She stared up at the sky, silently wondering if God hated her that much. Meanwhile, he had stooped over her books, examining her work.
"So, let me guess, Dru cheated on you yet again and you're back to blame your ex being a whore on me" Buffy shot with a glare. He stood up at that and gave her a mock disapproving look.
"Really, Slayer, a bit below the belt. But no, I'm not here because of Dru" he said with a slight grimace at the mention of his former lover. "Though I have to say, you're a bloody idiot, you're having trouble with basic trig? Shame, shame, love."
"Shut up, Spike, or get to the point" Buffy spat, "any particular reason you're here or just thought it would be fun getting your ass whooped trying to kill me again?"
"I'm hurt," he said with a pout, "I missed you, pet. Thought we could catch up on old times, try to kill each other and when that peters out, maybe do a bit o' shagging, whaddya say?"
She gave him a disgusted look in answer and began to pick up her books to leave.
"Just stay out of my way," she warned as she jumped down from the mausoleum roof.
"Yeah, we'll see, Slayer! And in case you're too dumb to figure it out, problem four is 5 + 2sin!" He yelled at her retreating form. "Bitch" he muttered to himself before heading in the opposite direction.
All the Scoobies sat researching in Giles' living room that night, as usual that summer, it seemed. With a loud bang, an annoyed looking Slayer strode through the door, prodding all present to look up in surprise.
"Argh! I hate my life! Now, on top of everything else, Spike's back!" Buffy announced as she began pacing the room.
"Spike? Oh dear" Giles said, with a look of concern.
"Oh wonderful, back to screw everyone's lives up some more" Xander spat with annoyance. Willow blushed in her seat on the couch at the memory of her last conversation with Spike and remained quiet.
"Yup, much fun to be had by all" Buffy commented sarcastically. She plopped down on the couch with a sigh and folded her arms like a pouting child.
"Well, why is he here this time" Willow said, speaking up. Buffy leaned back to stare at the ceiling.
"That was the strange part" she replied, "it was just the typical threats and swagger routine, but he didn't seem too serious."
"Well, maybe he just got bored" Willow hypothesized.
"Yeah, thought he'd have some more fun making us miserable" Xander responded, "I say we kill him."
"Thank you for your opinion, as always, Xander" Giles said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "But truly, it's surprising, I wonder why he could possibly be here. Maybe he's heard of the awakening that's to occur."
"I don't think so, Giles" Buffy said, "Spike was never really the evil-worshipping type."
"True" Giles replied, then a light seemed to click in his brain, "maybe he'd be of some assistance regarding that, as he has established he doesn't want the world to end."
"This is a world ending type deal!?" Xander said, surprised.
"Well, no, but we could gain his aid through telling him that it was, and I have no qualms about lying to him" Giles replied, taking a sip of tea.
"I don't know" Buffy said, "Spike isn't stupid. Besides, while he didn't seem really hostile, he wasn't exactly making with the friendliness." She considered for a moment, "Well, maybe by Spike standards that was friendly, but all the same."
"Regardless, I feel we should attempt to proposition Spike's help" Giles replied, "You've been saying how busy you were with summer school and asking Spike probably can't cause any more problems, god knows we need all the extra hands we can get."
Spike sat at the counter of Willy's the next night, foggily thinking that returning to the God forsaken town of Sunnydale was probably a mistake. Being honest with himself, he wasn't even sure why he had come back. He had tortured Dru into submission, but it was obvious to both of them that their relationship was over. With that depressing thought, he swallowed another shot of tequila and taped the glass for a refill. But really, he though, 'coming back once was stupidity, twice is insanity'. It was at that moment that a familiar scent filled the murky bar room air and the hairs on the back of his neck rose, indicating the Slayer's approach. The other demons felt it too and there was a sudden quiet in the room, like the calm before a storm.
Then she was behind him, swift as the wind, the warmth radiating from her body making him uncomfortable in a vaguely pleasant sort of way that he didn't wish to examine in his current state of drunkenness.
"Spike. Outside. Now" She said, in a tone that lacked its normal harshness, making it seem almost kind by her standards. He shakily got up off the stool and followed her outside, too tired and drunk to argue.
In the alleyway outside the door she turned and faced him, stealing her gaze, while he stood looking down, transfixed with the quality of ebony car oil spilled on the pavement. She coughed to remind him of her presence and he looked up to her with the same curious expression on his face, like she was some enigma he couldn't deign to understand.
"So, Spike, big demon, coming to town, wants to destroy the world" She said, trying not to sputter and cursing her terrible lying skills, "want to help with the fun killing part?"
He stared at her for a moment, with a look that could have been described as either cool calculation or complete drunkenness. He blinked. Then in a flash, he was inches from her face, staring into her eyes, the alcohol seeming to impede him little to none. Her breath sped in expectation.
"You're lying," he said with an amused smirk that, through his drunken haze came off as more of a grin.
"So?" she shot back, tired of being 'nice' now that she had been caught in her deception and quickly growing annoyed at the vampire's closeness.
"Well, you didn't have to lie if you wanted to come see me" he said seductively, his fingers creeping up her arm sensually, "you can come see ol' Spike anytime". It was at this point that he chose to make a grab for her chest, fondling her breast roughly.
She stuttered, in complete shock, then regaining her senses slapped him hard in the face and kneed him in the groin forcefully. He fell to the ground, moaning.
"Fuck you, Spike, next time I see you you're dust" she said, turning and walking hurriedly away once again. Spike found himself watching her back for the second time that night and was not entirely displeased. However, he tore his eyes away and gave chase to the blonde-haired slayer.
The front door of Giles' house slammed loudly, signifying the entrance of his slayer and he went out to great her without enthusiasm. Speaking to Buffy when she was upset was not particularly enjoyable nor was it prudent in pertaining to the upkeep of his good health.
"Ello" he called, trying to sound cheery in the face of the imminent hurricane. She strode in with a look of fury on her face and he braced himself for a lengthy string of complaints and anger directed at him.
"Giles, your advice sucks" was the first thing passed her lips as opened the weapons cabinet and began shuffling through the various sharp objects. He grimaced.
"What happened?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"Spike is a perverted bastard is what happened and now I have to go kill him" she explained, thinly concealed rage in her voice. She held up a wickedly sharp looking sword to the light for inspection and, satisfied with the weapon, sheathed it and rested it on the table for future use.
"I see" Giles said, not seeing, "so he would not agree to help then?"
Buffy turned to give him a withering glare but was interrupted by a loud banging on the door.
"Who the hell is that?" Buffy asked, after glancing at the clock to see it was past one in the morning.
"Oy, let me in!" came a distinctly British voice from the other side of the door.
Buffy grabbed the sword, unsheathed it and yanked open the door in the wink of an eye.
"Oh, you're gonna die bloody" Buffy said, a hint of amusement in her threat as she brought the blade to his throat.
"Now, now, love, I'm sorry about the groping bit, but really, I came here-"
She cut him off, pressing the sword deeper in his flesh, threatening to slice open his jugular.
It was at that moment that Giles chose to intervene, grabbing Buffy's sword hand to prevent chopping off Spike's head completely. Buffy turned a questioning, if not furious gaze to him, imploring a quick explanation.
"Buffy, considering the situation, it might be prudent to let him finish" Giles said, fixing his eyes on Spike expectantly.
"Yes, er, right" Spike stuttered, "Help, I'll help!"
"Well, jolly good then" Giles exclaimed, letting go of Buffy's hand. "Buffy, drop the sword" he ordered after a moment, giving her a stern look. With a sigh, she let the sword fall to the floor.
Spike cleared his throat, prodding them.
"Oh, yes, come in, then, Spike" Giles invited, turning to pour himself another cup of tea. Behind him he heard the thud of Buffy tackling the drunken vampire and proceeding to beat the crap out of him, but chose to ignore their antics for the call of caffeinated refreshment.
TBC.
Author: Arwen (among other names.)
Rating: PG-13.possibly NC-17 later
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, I'm just a terrible unlawful fiend.
Feedback: Hell yeah! Be brutally honest! Embrace your inner bitch!
Author's Notes: This story is AU, but takes place in the summer after season three, I guess. The coupling is Buffy/Spike.
"Okay, let's see if I got this" Buffy said with a sigh, "an ancient, evil spirit-type guy is set to awake sometime this week and when he does, he'll wreak bad and scary chaos everywhere. Am I right?"
"Well, more or less" Giles replied from his seat across from her at the designated 'research' table with a mountain of books. "Though the "evil spirit-type guy", as you call him, is a prehistoric force, said to be the personification of Chaos and not to be taken lightly."
"I'm sure" Buffy replied with a role of her eyes.
"I cannot stress how serious this is, Buffy" Giles said, standing up and furiously cleaning his glasses as he began to pace. "Eris awakens roughly every one thousand years, of course, it's difficult to calculate the exact time as it's based on the Mesopotamic time system." Buffy chose that moment to yawn. "Sorry, got off on a bit of a tangent, but the point is that in every record found the results have been horrendous."
"Okay, I get it! Chaos! So, everyone does the wacky and then we all go home" Buffy said with a shrug. She began to leave but was stopped by Giles' voice.
"No!" He sounded almost panicked, "the last time he awoke, everything within a fifty mile radius was completely and utterly destroyed, it's imperative that you do not allow him to ` wake!"
"How do you propose that?" Buffy focused a level gaze at him. Giles looked away, embarrassed.
"Well, I haven't quite figured that out yet" he replied in a small voice, "But be on alert!"
"Yeah, okay, Giles" she replied, once again rolling her eyes, "I'll do that in all the free time I have when I'm not studying for summer school finals."
"Oh, yes, finals, I had quite forgotten" he acknowledged, "Well, I'm sure you can balance your-" he stopped mid sentence as Buffy walked out the door.
She squirmed uncomfortably on the cold, stone roof of the mausoleum. The plan had been to find a good look out spot while she studied for the math final but so far there were too many demons out to really get anything done besides opening the book.
"God damnit, Willow doesn't have to study for finals and kill things, Willow doesn't even have to go to summer school, this sucks!" She pouted to herself.
"Well, not at the moment, but it could be arranged" Said a deep, North London-accented voice next to her ear. Quickly, she whipped around to choke the throat from which the offending voice had come, but the owner stepped swiftly back to avoid her.
"Oh my god, to add to everything else, you're back again" She said, massaging her temples in an attempt to quell the impending headache, "this is becoming an annoying habit, Spike. You say you'll leave, I think it'll be the last time I see your sorry ass and then you come right back for another beating."
"Well, not to worry, Slayer" he said with a smirk, "you won't be seeing me again after this, the way dead things tend not to."
"I'm sure" she replied, her annoyance growing. "Look, I've got a really full schedule this week, with finals and some big, evil god-type thing out to get me, so could we just skip the fighting and get to the goodbyes?"
"Well, no, you see, unfortunately, you've completely fucked up my life and so I feel that I must kill you and most likely, bathe in your blood in proper retribution" he replied cockily while lighting a cigarette. She stared up at the sky, silently wondering if God hated her that much. Meanwhile, he had stooped over her books, examining her work.
"So, let me guess, Dru cheated on you yet again and you're back to blame your ex being a whore on me" Buffy shot with a glare. He stood up at that and gave her a mock disapproving look.
"Really, Slayer, a bit below the belt. But no, I'm not here because of Dru" he said with a slight grimace at the mention of his former lover. "Though I have to say, you're a bloody idiot, you're having trouble with basic trig? Shame, shame, love."
"Shut up, Spike, or get to the point" Buffy spat, "any particular reason you're here or just thought it would be fun getting your ass whooped trying to kill me again?"
"I'm hurt," he said with a pout, "I missed you, pet. Thought we could catch up on old times, try to kill each other and when that peters out, maybe do a bit o' shagging, whaddya say?"
She gave him a disgusted look in answer and began to pick up her books to leave.
"Just stay out of my way," she warned as she jumped down from the mausoleum roof.
"Yeah, we'll see, Slayer! And in case you're too dumb to figure it out, problem four is 5 + 2sin!" He yelled at her retreating form. "Bitch" he muttered to himself before heading in the opposite direction.
All the Scoobies sat researching in Giles' living room that night, as usual that summer, it seemed. With a loud bang, an annoyed looking Slayer strode through the door, prodding all present to look up in surprise.
"Argh! I hate my life! Now, on top of everything else, Spike's back!" Buffy announced as she began pacing the room.
"Spike? Oh dear" Giles said, with a look of concern.
"Oh wonderful, back to screw everyone's lives up some more" Xander spat with annoyance. Willow blushed in her seat on the couch at the memory of her last conversation with Spike and remained quiet.
"Yup, much fun to be had by all" Buffy commented sarcastically. She plopped down on the couch with a sigh and folded her arms like a pouting child.
"Well, why is he here this time" Willow said, speaking up. Buffy leaned back to stare at the ceiling.
"That was the strange part" she replied, "it was just the typical threats and swagger routine, but he didn't seem too serious."
"Well, maybe he just got bored" Willow hypothesized.
"Yeah, thought he'd have some more fun making us miserable" Xander responded, "I say we kill him."
"Thank you for your opinion, as always, Xander" Giles said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "But truly, it's surprising, I wonder why he could possibly be here. Maybe he's heard of the awakening that's to occur."
"I don't think so, Giles" Buffy said, "Spike was never really the evil-worshipping type."
"True" Giles replied, then a light seemed to click in his brain, "maybe he'd be of some assistance regarding that, as he has established he doesn't want the world to end."
"This is a world ending type deal!?" Xander said, surprised.
"Well, no, but we could gain his aid through telling him that it was, and I have no qualms about lying to him" Giles replied, taking a sip of tea.
"I don't know" Buffy said, "Spike isn't stupid. Besides, while he didn't seem really hostile, he wasn't exactly making with the friendliness." She considered for a moment, "Well, maybe by Spike standards that was friendly, but all the same."
"Regardless, I feel we should attempt to proposition Spike's help" Giles replied, "You've been saying how busy you were with summer school and asking Spike probably can't cause any more problems, god knows we need all the extra hands we can get."
Spike sat at the counter of Willy's the next night, foggily thinking that returning to the God forsaken town of Sunnydale was probably a mistake. Being honest with himself, he wasn't even sure why he had come back. He had tortured Dru into submission, but it was obvious to both of them that their relationship was over. With that depressing thought, he swallowed another shot of tequila and taped the glass for a refill. But really, he though, 'coming back once was stupidity, twice is insanity'. It was at that moment that a familiar scent filled the murky bar room air and the hairs on the back of his neck rose, indicating the Slayer's approach. The other demons felt it too and there was a sudden quiet in the room, like the calm before a storm.
Then she was behind him, swift as the wind, the warmth radiating from her body making him uncomfortable in a vaguely pleasant sort of way that he didn't wish to examine in his current state of drunkenness.
"Spike. Outside. Now" She said, in a tone that lacked its normal harshness, making it seem almost kind by her standards. He shakily got up off the stool and followed her outside, too tired and drunk to argue.
In the alleyway outside the door she turned and faced him, stealing her gaze, while he stood looking down, transfixed with the quality of ebony car oil spilled on the pavement. She coughed to remind him of her presence and he looked up to her with the same curious expression on his face, like she was some enigma he couldn't deign to understand.
"So, Spike, big demon, coming to town, wants to destroy the world" She said, trying not to sputter and cursing her terrible lying skills, "want to help with the fun killing part?"
He stared at her for a moment, with a look that could have been described as either cool calculation or complete drunkenness. He blinked. Then in a flash, he was inches from her face, staring into her eyes, the alcohol seeming to impede him little to none. Her breath sped in expectation.
"You're lying," he said with an amused smirk that, through his drunken haze came off as more of a grin.
"So?" she shot back, tired of being 'nice' now that she had been caught in her deception and quickly growing annoyed at the vampire's closeness.
"Well, you didn't have to lie if you wanted to come see me" he said seductively, his fingers creeping up her arm sensually, "you can come see ol' Spike anytime". It was at this point that he chose to make a grab for her chest, fondling her breast roughly.
She stuttered, in complete shock, then regaining her senses slapped him hard in the face and kneed him in the groin forcefully. He fell to the ground, moaning.
"Fuck you, Spike, next time I see you you're dust" she said, turning and walking hurriedly away once again. Spike found himself watching her back for the second time that night and was not entirely displeased. However, he tore his eyes away and gave chase to the blonde-haired slayer.
The front door of Giles' house slammed loudly, signifying the entrance of his slayer and he went out to great her without enthusiasm. Speaking to Buffy when she was upset was not particularly enjoyable nor was it prudent in pertaining to the upkeep of his good health.
"Ello" he called, trying to sound cheery in the face of the imminent hurricane. She strode in with a look of fury on her face and he braced himself for a lengthy string of complaints and anger directed at him.
"Giles, your advice sucks" was the first thing passed her lips as opened the weapons cabinet and began shuffling through the various sharp objects. He grimaced.
"What happened?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"Spike is a perverted bastard is what happened and now I have to go kill him" she explained, thinly concealed rage in her voice. She held up a wickedly sharp looking sword to the light for inspection and, satisfied with the weapon, sheathed it and rested it on the table for future use.
"I see" Giles said, not seeing, "so he would not agree to help then?"
Buffy turned to give him a withering glare but was interrupted by a loud banging on the door.
"Who the hell is that?" Buffy asked, after glancing at the clock to see it was past one in the morning.
"Oy, let me in!" came a distinctly British voice from the other side of the door.
Buffy grabbed the sword, unsheathed it and yanked open the door in the wink of an eye.
"Oh, you're gonna die bloody" Buffy said, a hint of amusement in her threat as she brought the blade to his throat.
"Now, now, love, I'm sorry about the groping bit, but really, I came here-"
She cut him off, pressing the sword deeper in his flesh, threatening to slice open his jugular.
It was at that moment that Giles chose to intervene, grabbing Buffy's sword hand to prevent chopping off Spike's head completely. Buffy turned a questioning, if not furious gaze to him, imploring a quick explanation.
"Buffy, considering the situation, it might be prudent to let him finish" Giles said, fixing his eyes on Spike expectantly.
"Yes, er, right" Spike stuttered, "Help, I'll help!"
"Well, jolly good then" Giles exclaimed, letting go of Buffy's hand. "Buffy, drop the sword" he ordered after a moment, giving her a stern look. With a sigh, she let the sword fall to the floor.
Spike cleared his throat, prodding them.
"Oh, yes, come in, then, Spike" Giles invited, turning to pour himself another cup of tea. Behind him he heard the thud of Buffy tackling the drunken vampire and proceeding to beat the crap out of him, but chose to ignore their antics for the call of caffeinated refreshment.
TBC.