Authors Note: For this first chapter, some of the dialogue has been taken from The Hunger Games. Dialogue taken has been italicized. This will be for this first chapter only. After that, things will move differently from the books. Thanks for reading!
They both know the Capitol has to have a victor.
"Trust me." I whispered.
I pour a few spoonfuls of berries into our hands. "On the count of three?" I ask, and he leans down and kisses me once, very gently.
We press our backs together, our empty hands locked tight. We hold up the berries to show the world. We'll die together if that's what it comes to. I don't think either of us could live having let the other die.
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Three
"Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you - the tributes of District Twelve!"
...Only, we hadn't stopped in time.
The first thing I'm aware of is the heaviness of my eyelids. No matter how hard I try, I can't get them to open. I try for what seems like hours, although I'm sure it's really only minutes. I moan in frustration.
"Afternoon, Sweetheart." I hear a voice say, and my hazy brain takes a moment to process the sound. It's Haymitch. Haymitch Abernathy.
The sound of his voice confuses me. I don't remember hearing it in such a long time. I try to think of the last time that I did. It was... it was... it was before the Games. The morning that I was sent into the arena. The Arena. Memories start flooding back. Rue... the cave, Cato, and...
"...Ughhhhh." is all I manage to get out. There's something in my throat. Something stopping me from talking. What I want to do is ask about Peeta. Sweet, sweet Peeta. We were supposed to have both won, but there was a change in the rules. I took the nightlock that he had collected earlier, and dispensed some to us both.
I can remember the sickeningly sweet taste they had as they burst on my tongue.
I take a moment to assess the situation. I'm in a bed, and my back is propped up slightly. I can feel thinks stuck to my skin. I hear a beeping noise, and i realize that it's beeping in tandem with my heart. The smell is clean, sterile.
I hear a door, and then footsteps. "Go get the doctor, she's waking up." It's Haymitch again, but I'm not sure who he's talking to. He still hasn't told me about Peeta, and it's frustrating that he hasn't and that whatever is in my throat is preventing me from asking.
I finally manage to open my eyes. Everything is blurry at first, but I can make a body standing near me. As my eyes start to come into focus, I can see that it's Haymitch. Tears are welling up in my eyes at the sight of him. It just so good to see someone I know outside of the arena. It means I've survived, but anything beyond that is up in the air until I find out what's happened to Peeta.
Haymitch comes and sits on the bed, and then leans down next to me. My eyes follow him the entire time, trying to decipher the look on his face. "Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem. Your only defense can be you were so madly in love you weren't responsible for your actions."
I nod once to show I understand. Haymitch sits back up and our eyes meet. I try to convey my question on Peeta's fate as best I can through my eyes, pleading for anything he can tell me. When he says nothing, I grab for his hand. I move his so that his palm is facing up and I use my index finger to draw a shaky "P" there.
Haymitch watches me do this a few times before a smirk breaks out on his face. "He's alive, Sweetheart. For now anyway. I'm working on keeping it that way."
What the hell does that mean?! Fresh tears form, and spill over. I can feel them running down my cheeks.
It's then that the doctor comes into the room. Haymitch rises from my side and winks at me before exiting the room.
It's a week before I'm able to leave the hospital. Once I woke up, they took the breathing tube out of my throat. It left my throat feeling sore, but I was finally able to start talking again, even if it was in just a whisper at first. I ask every nurse and doctor that comes into my room about Peeta, but they're all fairly tight lipped. The most I can get is a confirmation that he's still alive, but nothing else.
Haymitch comes to visit me a handful of times, each time looking worse than the last. I think back on his words the day that I woke up and suspect that whatever it is he's doing to keep Peeta alive is what's making him look so beat. His hair is disheveled and there's at least a weeks worth of facial hair on him now. His clothes, the same ones he was wearing the day I woke up, are wrinkled and in need of changing. He's very much in need of a bath.
On one particular visit from Haymitch, who has said next to nothing about the state of Peeta, turns on the television in my room. On the screen, I watch a report on the "State of the Victors".
In it, there is footage of me while I was still in what I now know was a nearly three week coma. Then Peeta is on the screen. He appears to be in the same condition that I was in. I know from Haymitch that I woke up before Peeta did. Peeta's still in a coma. While I only bit into the nightlock and swallowed some of the juices, Peeta managed to actually ingest some of the berries completely. He was in a lot worse shape than I had been.
I look to Haymitch, wanting to know why he's turned this on in the first place, when the screen captures my attention.
It's a shot of Peeta.
And he's awake.
I feel like a ton of coal has been lifted off my shoulders. The relief I feel is overwhelming. I can't even hear what the reporter is saying, I just keep watching as the video shows Peeta grabbing Haymitch's hand, squeezing it, and then as they remove the tube from his throat. Watching as he coughs at first, and then starts to breath on his own again.
I look over to Haymitch again as soon as the video ends. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly before rising from the chair in the corner of the room and leaving without a word.
I look back to the screen just as the reporter is confirming that both victors have survived and are expected to make a full recovery.
After leaving the hospital, I spend a few days back at the training center and then one morning, I wake to the sound of Effie Trinket's voice telling me what a big, big, big day I have ahead of me. Peeta's out of the hospital, and tonight, we do our post Games interview. For once I agree with Effie. This is a big, big, big day.
Cinna puts me in a simple yellow dress. I look like candlelight. It's by far the most beautiful thing Cinna has designed for me, and for the first time, I feel like the girl that I am. I look fourteen at most. Young, innocent. Not someone who won the Hunger Games.
While I'm excited for the interview, it isn't because we'll be leaving the Capitol and heading back to Twelve shortly after. It's because I'm finally going to get to see Peeta. My heart pounds in my chest at the thought.
It's minutes before we go on stage when I finally see him. I don't even realize that I'm running towards Peeta until I'm nearly leaping into his arms. He had been such a strong, study boy before the Games, but now my tiny frame manages to knock him off balance and we tumble to the floor. We just lay there, me on top of him, and cling to each other. Somewhere behind us I can hear Effie saying how highly inappropriate this is, and then an amused Haymitch telling her to pipe down.
I won't let go of him even when we walk on stage together. I have a tight grasp on his hand and when we sit down on the loveseat, I tuck my legs under myself and lean into Peeta who only pulls me closer to him. I'm only half listening while Caesar and Peeta talk, so when Caesar asks me a question, I have to ask him to repeat it.
The audience lets out a sigh, and I realize that it's because I must seem lovesick over this boy. I don't blame them for thinking that either. I've been fawning over him since we walked out on stage. Although, I wouldn't call it lovesick. It's releaf.
I don't think any of them know the details as they had been explained to me by Haymitch.
We'd both technically died in the arena.
There were a few day's where the Capitol doctors weren't sure if either of us would make it. They fought to save us both, but in reality, the Capitol only really needed one victor. They were going to wait for one of us to show signs that we would surely survive, and then dispose of the other.
But Haymitch put a stop to that. I wasn't sure how, and he didn't elaborate, but he'd gotten a camera in both our rooms. He needed to show the Capitol that we'd both survived, and when I woke up, he needed to make sure everyone knew Peeta was still alive, still fighting to come back to me.
And when Peeta did finally wake up, he needed the people of Panem to see that too.
We also needed to carry on our star crossed lovers act. I thought back to what Haymitch had told me when I'd first woken up from my comatose state. We'd angered the wrong people. We needed to make them believe that it wasn't an act of defiance. They'd let us both live for now, but I never doubted they could change their minds at any moment.
"It was when they announced that there could be two victors. Up until that point, I just tried not to think about what my feelings might be, honestly, because it was so confusing and it only made things worse if I actually cared about him. But then, at the announcement, everything changed. It meant that.. for the first time... there was a chance I could keep him."
I look back to Peeta, but not before catching a glance at Haymitch, and I can see the relief flood his face at my words.
"So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" Peeta asks.
"Put you somewhere you can't get hurt." I tell him, and I find that those words weren't so hard to find. I feel different at those words. Strange.
Peeta smiles at my words and leans in to kiss me. And I feel it. That thing again. I felt it for a brief moment in the cave, and now it was back, but stronger. When he releases my lips I find my lips try to follow his before I realize what I'm doing and the audience lets out an "Awww." and quietly chuckles. I bury my face in Peeta's shoulder to hide my blush.
The interview wraps up shortly after this. Once off stage, we have time for quick goodbye's and then we're off to the train station to head home. I keep a tight grasp on Peeta's hand the entire time, only finally releasing him once we've boarded the train and it departs from the station.
An Avox shows us to our compartments. As soon as my door closes and I'm alone I let out a sob. I'm headed home. Home to Prim and my mother. Home to Gale and home to my woods. There was a time when I was sure I would never seen any of these things again, and I cherish them just a little more at that thought.
I quickly shower, making sure to thoroughly scrub all the makeup off my face. I change into a dark green shirt and pants, and put my hair in it's braid. I'm slowly starting to feel like myself again. There is a knock at my door just as I slip my shoes on and I find Peeta waiting for me on the other side, ready to escort me to dinner.
After, Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and I settle in front of the television to watch a rebroadcast of today's interview. Peeta rests and arm around me and I find it comforting. Even as we travel further and further from the Capitol and closer to home, the feelings that I thought would start to fade are just as strong as they were, if not stronger.
I assumed that once we were home and safe, away from the Capitol, the fierce protectiveness I felt for Peeta would fade. I could end the star-crossed lovers act and go back to being Katniss Everdeen, sister to Primrose Everdeen. Who hunts in the woods, and trades at the Hob.
A couple of hours into the trip home, the train stops to refuel. Peeta and use this opportunity to take a walk in a small nearby field while we wait. We hold hands as we wander around. He picks wildflowers and presents them to me. We head back towards the train when the attendants call for us, and are greeted by Haymitch just before we board.
"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay." he says, and then boards the train ahead of us.
Peeta looks to me. "What's that mean?"
"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries." I tell him, and I wonder for the first time if Peeta knows how close he came to death. wonders if Peeta knows how close he came to death. I wonder if Haymitch has had a chance to tell him everything that happened to us after we ate the nightlock.
"What? What are you talking about?"
"It seemed to rebellious. Haymitch warned me when I woke up, and coached me through a few things."
"Coached you? But not me." he says, and I can see the hurt seeping into his eyes. I flinch at this, and look away.
"He knew you were smart enough to get it right i guess."
"I didn't know there was anything to get right." He pauses. "So, what you're saying is, today, and then I guess... back in the arena... that was just some strategy you two worked out."
"No, I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?" I stammer.
"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" he says, and I bite my lip. He drops my hand, and I nearly fall, taking a step towards him to catch my balance. "It was all for the Games, how you acted."
"Not all of it." I say without thinking, and it's then that I realize just how little of it was an act, and how basically none of it has been an act since I woke up in the hospital. But I'm not sure what it means. I don't know if I love him the way he loves me. I don't know that I'm capable of that. I definitely know that my feelings for him are different. They're something that I haven't felt before, but I don't know how to define them yet. Before I can even attempt to clarify any of this to him, he's walked away from me, and is boarding the train.
I don't see him for the rest of the trip back. It's not until they're getting ready to pull into the station that he emerges from his room. He doesn't look upset, but I can see it in his eyes. The emptiness. I'm suddenly so mad at myself for being the reason that the emptiness is there to begin with.
Effie instructs us to stand by a window and I watch as our district comes into view. "One more time? For the audience?" he asks, and his voice isn't angry, it's just hollow, like his eyes, which makes it worse. He's already slipping away from me.
I take his hand and I don't let go until I'm pulled from him by Prim.