Hey there! This is my first GG fanfiction that I've had the guts to put up here for your enjoyment. It's not really a story, but rather my own study of both characters (Rory and Jess) during the Naghammadi scene in season 4. I'm just getting back into writing, so it's not as good as I hoped it would turn out.

Flames are accepted.

~Tony

So she wasn't one to really mope around. She didn't like feeling helpless, waiting for someone to come and pick her up, hold her hand, and point to the happiness that stood smothered in a corner. Sure, the ice cream and the pajama day were a plus, but really? Rory didn't think she could pine for Jess that way. If he were looking at a puffy, red eyed Rory huddled in a comforter on the couch, watching reruns of the 'Brady Bunch Variety Hour', stuffing ice cream with an over sized spoon into her trembling mouth... what would he think?

First, he'd probably laugh.

Second, he'd pull out a cigarette and brood over the fact that it was him who had broken her and reduced her to a blubbering baby.

Third... Rory just couldn't configure it.

Besides, the way he left her was completely uncalled for. He walked out of her life with "I can't take you to the prom" and that was it. Talk about being courteous. Come on: Rory wasn't really that surprised about the prom. Of course there was some awkwardness between them. Jess had wanted to sleep with her, and she had rejected him. Her reasoning and logic were sound: they were at a party, in an upstairs bedroom with an unlocked door. Someone could've walked in on them and then they'd be in real trouble. Rory hadn't really given sex a good run through before she met Jess, and he really couldn't blame her for not being ready. That's what she told herself as she walked home from that disastrous party.

The truth: she was ready for him, but not there.

Oh well, she thought. We can work this out. No, they couldn't, apparently. Yeah, Jess wasn't exactly the kind of guy who would go for a heart-to-heart conversation to sort out their problems, but Rory figured that if he had stayed with her for this long, he'd at least have the guts to stay with her until college. Once again, Rory invested too much faith in a boy who had otherwise resigned himself to his past. But she couldn't just give up on him.

She thought she loved him.

But the real stinking truth of the matter was that he wasn't a good influence on her, and that showed through her carelessness. He was the most unpunctual prick in Stars Hollow history, a fricking jerk, a hoodlum, and frankly untouchable to begin with. So Rory concluded that Jess didn't deserve her crying over him. And she wouldn't give him the satisfaction that she did in fact cry over him just a little bit. By this point, Rory had built her resolve up high and it wasn't going to break.

The next few weeks after his sudden departure were consumed with studying for finals. She had a schedule mapped out, and if she did say so herself, it was pretty damn fail proof. Just because her boyfriend (whom she thought she really loved) broke up with her didn't allow for flexibility in the academic department. Yale wouldn't allow it, even if she was already accepted. And then there was the Franklin, Paris and Lane, her grandparents, and most importantly her mother. Jess could wait until there was time to spare.

Rory silently promised herself that there would be no time to spare.

Of course Lorelai was more than concerned for Rory. She believed that her daughter had genuinely loved Jess, no matter how rude or sharp-edged he was. Rory was the one who had invested patience and time and friendship into an otherwise reluctant individual. Never mind that Jess flunked out of senior year, and actually dropped out. Plenty of people could tell that Jess had been touched and changed by Rory. Maybe if Jimmy hadn't come snooping around, things would've worked out differently.

But they hadn't, and she needed to accept it. Her daughter's relationship with Jess had failed. It wasn't going to change, it wasn't going to go back to being all sugar and candy. He wasn't coming back, or at least not for Rory. Not this time. She really had put too much faith in him and now she was paying for her mistake. She had given her heart away, rather carelessly, hadn't stopped to think of the 'what-ifs.' Jess was gone.

Rory would not pine.

He showed up in Stars Hollow, what? Six months later? Rory's over him, she really was. She came home from Yale to visit her mom, spend some quality time. They found him in the back of his beat-up old car, huddling against the seat to conserve body heat because it's damn near freezing outside. Rory thinks he's an idiot.

First, because he came back for his car...? Okay, she's the girlfriend that he left behind to go chase some father who left him before he even had any memory of him. So why does this situation look so lopsided? Oh, yeah, because he came back for his car, but not his girlfriend.

Second, there are hotels. There's Luke, there's Miss Patty's dance studio for Christ's sake. When has breaking and entering ever stopped him?

Third... Rory just can't configure it.

She needs to stop thinking that she's still his girlfriend.

She thinks that maybe she's not completely over him.

Jess sees her around town. Almost everywhere he goes to find quiet and isolation is intruded by her. Technically, he's the one intruding. He never meant to come back. He never wanted to come back. But his car's in this fucked up town called Stars Hollow, and he thinks its absolute Karma that she decides to come back from Yale for the weekend. Then again, his life has been Karma in general.

He gets up and leaves every single time, not because he can't stand the sight of her, but because he thinks she can't stand the sight of him. Why should she?

He thinks that he's a failure and that she hates him.

And of course there's that stupid festival. Jess can't even remember the name of it, but he knows it's stupid. All of Stars Hollow is stupid.

But not her, he thinks, then mentally punches himself because he really shouldn't be thinking about Rory when he wants to get the hell out. So that's exactly what he's trying to do when he finds the last check Wal-Mart ever paid him in his car... and he suddenly feels ravenous for food. He gets out and walks over to the burger shed, where there's a long line of people waiting to get their junk. And then he sees her, and the word 'Karma' flashes through his head again. She turns towards him, not intentionally, but just because his sudden approach seems to catch her eye. (Magnetism) Her face freezes, she stands for a moment, their eyes meet, and he freezes as well. Then:

"I get to leave first!"

And she's off, running desperately, if just to give him a taste of his own medicine. He tastes it alright because he suddenly feels his body jerk into a run after her.

"Rory, wait! Stop!"

"No, you don't get to walk away!"

"Hold on!"

"My town," she says defiantly. She's dodging everything in her way as if it's an obstacle course and she'll somehow lose him in it. "I leave!"

"I just wanna-where are you going?" It's in annoyance and he hopes she gets it.

"None of your business!"

"We look like idiots!" he yells back, trying to make her stop. He knows she hates drawing attention to herself, and certainly running madly through a quite crowded Stars Hollow street will draw attention.

"I don't care!" It's a first.

"Stop running!"

"Stop following," she childishly taunts.

"Oh, come on!" and he's so annoyed that it's ridiculous.

"Go away; I'm leaving." And she's still running as if to emphasize the fact that this is the most unwanted thing in the world. Jess idly wonders, as he runs after her, if this is worth it. If Rory doesn't want to talk to him, won't listen to him, why should he be here? He doesn't deserve a second chance, and they both know that. So why is he still chasing her like the ghost that he sees of her in his dreams?

"Rory, stop!"

"Why?" she yells incredulously. He decides that this needs to stop because it's both pathetic and pointless. He sprints up to her, closing the distance and effectively causing her to halt.

"Because I want to talk to you!" he tells her, breathlessly, because it's obvious.

"About what? What do you want to talk to me about?" Her eyes are on fire and she looks like she could just punch him and keep punching him without regretting a second of it. Jess is a bit scared of this Rory because she's so changed with her short hair and harsh tone. He knows he can't just go right into whatever he has to say to her (he hasn't quite figured that out yet) and Rory knows just as well that she can't just listen to him. He has to carefully plan a way into this conversation, but he fails miserably.

"When did you learn to run like that?" And she snaps at this. It's bottled up and it finally explodes with all the pressure and stress and sorrow.

"You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing. How could he explain that? And then a year goes by, no word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go."

He watches her facial expressions contort between the emotions of anger, relief, and sadness. He briefly considers if she ever let this out to anyone. If she ever knew that she was feeling this. And it's then that he knows she loves him. Why else would she be so messed up over him? Why else would she take the time and effort and energy to run away from him? She was in denial, and he knows, oh he knows so well, that the very reason she put him in the back of her mind was because she loved him so much and she couldn't deal with it. She couldn't say goodbye.

He figures that he can't make her understand this all while they're out in the open where just about everyone can see them and misconstrue this confrontation. He's so desperate to make things right and if only she could see that that's his intention...

"Could we sit down?" he asks quietly, not looking her in the eye. He sees that people are looking at them as they realize what's going on. Rory is ready to shoot him down. She can't give him the chance.

"No, you wanted to talk, so talk," she snaps, trying her best to bore holes into his head. She wants him to suffer as much as she did. "What do you have to say to me?"

It's then he knows that he can't tell her anything. He could try, and by God he did try... but... Rory obviously couldn't accept that he wanted to make amends. Jess feels the tears building in his eyes and thinks that she will be the death of him. He wants her back so badly that his bones ache. It's a good steady moment that he gazes at her. The tears build up so that he could barely see her. He blinks, takes a deep breath, and…

"I love you."

Her face freezes.

Jess looks at her for a second: is there any reaction? No, he tells himself. Oh well. He turns and walks back to his beat up car, the one he came back to get (he really came back for Rory), all signs of hunger suddenly gone. He gets in, turns on the ignition, and makes a point to drive right by her. As all of this passed, Jess has to take note that Rory's expression never changed. She was shell-shocked, completely electrified by his confession.

She hadn't known?

Kind of a lame ending. Hmm... well, it was worth a shot. Review?