Author's Note: Heh… just a story making fun of clichés… everybody loves that, right?
Thanx to my beta, Kanemoshi. A big fat YOSH to her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own his soul… what, I don't own that either? Darn.
Prologue: The Tale of the OC
An O.C. walked through the door. In the dimly lit room, there were three judges dressed in robes of red, green, and blue… let's call them "betas." They were all dedicated to helping O.Cs who wanted to become part of a fan fiction, and not making stories extremely clichéd. In this case, it was a Naruto fan fiction.
"Um, excuse me?" O.C said (let's call her Olivia Cook until further notice), getting the attention of the three "betas." "Hi, I'm here for the character judging. Did I come at the right time?"
"Ah, you must be Miss Olivia. Yes, you're right on time. Come on in and sit down." The red beta said, gesturing to a chair. Olivia sat down, looking scared. After all, it did kind of look like Ibiki's torture chamber.
"So, Miss Olivia, tell me… do you consider yourself to be a Mary-Sue?" The green beta asked.
"What? No!" Olivia gasped in shock. "Never!"
All three betas burst out laughing, which startled Olivia a bit. Her expression held nothing but confusion… what did she say?
The blue beta, who thankfully noticed Olivia's confusion, wiped a tear away from her eye and said, "We're sorry. It's just that… that's what all female O.Cs say."
The green beta nodded his head. "And every male character says that they're not Gary-sues."
Olivia still looked puzzled. "Well, what's wrong with that?"
All three betas said, "They always are."
"Hold up, how can just about every OC be a Mary or Gary-sue when they say that they aren't?" Olivia asked. "And what're those anyway?"
"We'll get to that later." The blue beta said. "But for now, tell me about your character."
Olivia seemed to lighten up a bit. "Well, in this Naruto fan fiction, I want to be the strongest at everything…"
"Hold up." The red beta said. "If you're an OC, being the strongest of everyone is a sign of being a Mary or Gary-sue."
"Just about every OC that's walked through this room has said that." The green beta added. "After the hundredth OC that's said that, we tried to advise them about that… but they always seem to find their way up on the website."
"So what am I supposed to do?" Olivia asked. "I've always wanted to be the strongest at something."
"You can be the strongest at something… just not everything." The green beta pointed out. "And it's not exactly a good idea to be the strongest period."
"Maybe you can be the second strongest at taijutsu." The blue beta suggested.
"Or even the third strongest at genjutsu or ninjutsu." The red added.
"Fine, I'll be the third strongest at genjutsu." Olivia said with a pout. She really wanted to be the strongest.
"All right…" The red beta said, as he wrote that down on the sheet of paper in front of him. "It's done! Now, how do you want look?"
Olivia immediately perked up at this question. "Oh, that's easy! I want to have long, flowing hair…" She stopped. The betas had seemed to flinch.
"Oh, don't mind us." The blue beta assured. "Go on."
"As I was saying," Olivia continued, "I want long flowing hair…" flinch "a skinny body, like those models you see on TV…" flinchedy flinch "bright blue eyes, and a beautiful face, so every male character will fall in love with me." FLIIIIIINNNNNCCCCHHHH.
By that time, it looked like two betas, the green and blue, were having a seizure. They were foaming at the mouth, and their eyes were dilated. Olivia was horrified, while the red beta just rolled his eyes.
"Whoa, are you guys okay?" Olivia shouted.
"So… much… Mary-sue-ness…" The green beta hissed, shaking on the floor.
"It…burns…" The blue beta coughed out.
"Are you guys done yet?" The red beta inquired exasperatedly.
"What's wrong with you?" Olivia shouted, pointing to the convulsing betas. "Those two are in pain!"
"Oh please." The red beta scoffed. "This is like the billionth time we've heard descriptions like that." He walked to the two betas and tapped them on the shoulder. "Get up you two… we don't get paid to act stupid. That's Naruto's job."
The two betas stopped shaking and sat back in their seats. "Aww…"
Olivia stared at the three. Were all betas crazy like this?
"All? No, only we are." The green beta answered.
Olivia's eyes widened. How did he…?
"Read your mind? We picked it up from Kakashi fan fictions." The blue beta said with a smirk.
Olivia began to tremble.
"Dammit you guys, stop scaring her." The red beta said. "So, Olivia… you said above that you wanted all the guys in Naruto to fall in love with you, right?"
Olivia, still trembling, shook her head yes.
"Well, that's too bad." The red beta said. "You can only have one or two guys fall in love with you… unless, of course, you want to be a Sue."
Olivia's eyes widened. She didn't know what a Sue was, but it must've been bad the way the betas were talking about them! "N-no… I'll just choose one."
"So… who'll it be?" The red beta said. "Take your pick… you can choose anyone… except for Kakashi and Iruka."
Olivia was puzzled. "Why I can't I choose those two?"
"Three words, insane fan girls." The blue beta replied.
"Don't you mean 'three words'?" The green beta said. "'Fangirls' is only one word."
"Whatever!" The blue beta retorted. "Since when do you check over words anyway?"
"I'm a beta, it's what I do!" The green beta said.
The blue beta sighed, and turned her attention back to Olivia. "Look, the point is, you'll be getting so many insane private messages that it won't be funny."
Olivia snorted. "Who cares? I'm not the author!"
The green beta clamped a hand over Olivia's mouth. "Shhhh… don't say that! The author's the one who came up with you, and controls the story… she can kill you off in chapter two if she feels like it, and make all types of horrible things happen to you!"
"But wait; won't that make it a bashing fic?" The blue beta questioned.
"That's only if you're not an OC." The red beta said.
"ANYWAY…" Olivia began in capital letters to get the betas attention, but was cut off.
"You shouldn't use capital letters." The green beta warned. "To some reviewers, they can be very annoying."
Olivia was beginning to get frustrated. "I don't care. All I want to do is tell you who I want to be paired up with!"
"Geez, you don't have to get so upset about it. We're only trying to help." The blue beta said in an offended tone. "Go ahead; choose your stupid boyfriend already."
"Thank you!" Olivia shouted exasperatedly. "I want my boyfriend to be Gaara, when he's fifteen…"
The red beta burst out laughing. "Gaara at fifteen? Yeah right! He's still psycho!"
"B-but, that's when he becomes kazekage!" Olivia protested.
"Just because he's kazekage doesn't mean he won't use his desert funeral on you." The blue beta said. "I'd advise you to get him while he's around the age of… oh, I don't know… twenty-three?"
"You know what, forget it!" Olivia shouted. "I want Sasuke!"
"So, you want to be a Sasuke fan girl?" The green beta asked. "Well, you can fight Sakura and Ino for him!"
"… Now I choose Neji!"
"Good luck becoming a Hyuuga." The blue beta scoffed.
"Fine! I'll just choose someone simple… Kankuro!" Olivia said. "Yeah, he's hardly ever chosen by anyone!"
"Ha ha…" The green beta laughed. "She chose the cat man…"
"Grr… will you guys ever leave me alone?" Olivia growled.
"No." The red beta replied, writing down her choice. "Hmm, and now for your past…" He got a blank look from Olivia. "Well? What're you waiting for! Tell me about your character's past."
"Don't rush me!" Olivia snapped. "I didn't really think of my past!"
"Well you better think of it now." The red beta said.
Olivia glared at the red man. "Hmm… I've got it! My character will have a tragic past…"
"Dang, do we ever get people will normal pasts?" The blue beta said with a roll of her eyes, earning her a death glare from Olivia. "I'm sorry, go ahead…"
Olivia continued. "As I was saying, my character will have a tragic past. Her mom and dad will have been killed by an assassin…"
"Hey, another Sasuke story!" The green beta blurted out absentmindedly.
"… and she'll only have one thing to remember them by!" Olivia finished.
"Wow, what a beautiful story… but do you really need that whole 'only one thing to remember them by' crap?" The blue beta said. "I mean, c'mon…"
"Damn it! Why can't you guys just cut me some slack!" Olivia shouted. "It's my first time starring in a story!"
The red beta blinked. "And you think we care because…?"
Olivia looked just about ready to pull her hair out. "I knew it! I knew I should've told my author to just get a muse! Then I wouldn't have to deal with you guys!" She pushed back her chair and stormed out the door.
"… I guess she'll never be seen in a Naruto fanfic." The red beta shrugged. "Oh well. You guys wanna go out and get some coffee?"
THE NEXT DAY
All three betas were on looking around at the OC stories. It made them proud to know that these were the exact same OCs that they were talking to a week ago. They were just about to log off the computer for their next beta session, when the blue beta spotted something.
"Hey, you guys! Look!" She shouted, pointing to the screen.
The betas stared at the screen in horror. Underneath a title, there was the name "Olivia." Another Mary-Sue had found her way onto the website…
End
Author's Note: So, how was it? Good, bad, suckish? Reviews are appreciated, but no flames! Flames will be used for the improvement of Sasuke's fire jutsus.
And I know that there weren't any real references to Naruto... but this is only a prologue that leads up to the other stories...
R&R pleez!