Author's Note – Try reading this with "Parting of the Boys" (instrumental, not just piano ver though) of the Little Busters! OST. Please remember to leave your thoughts about this, I poured a lot into making this.
Here is a URL if you want a quick link.
Parting of the boys - watch?v=I0fUiYOGF8A&list=PL0B7EB8CDA1B02282&index=38
Is This Love?
Here I stand... Waiting, as always... Waiting, for something new to happen in my life.
Yuiko Kurugaya, a beautiful girl with long dark purple hair and deep violet eyes, sat on a bus reading a book to herself. The class was on a class field trip, one that was in the planning for over a month now. She smiled meagerly to herself, the story about a girl who was lost in a void, hoping for someone, anyone, to find her and end her misery. She was an eternal being which time could not kill due to a curse inflicted upon her by an evil witch, and had long since wished for an end, any kind of escape. Then, one fateful day, a man stumbled upon the void and found the trapped soul, and freed her with love.
The words on the pages were empty to Kurugaya, just as empty as the voices of everyone around her. She had no friends, she was known as an emotionless girl.
Kurugaya flipped the page to the book. There was nothing better to do...
She hardly felt any feelings; she knew nothing of most human feelings, yet she desired to understand them... To feel them, yet, nothing could offer her any kind of stimulative to those feelings. She was all alone in the world. An only child, who was a genius, athletic, practically perfect in any kind of activity, whether it be physical or mental, she could do it if she wanted. A prodigy is what some called her, and even with all of this success, she was empty. Almost like a doll portrayed to make those who were related to her look ever so higher. She didn't mind it though, she loved her family, at least she thought she did.
What is love anyway? Kurugaya thought to herself.
She silently closed the book and looked up to the roof of the bus. The bus jumped slightly after hitting a small bump, she remained practically unfazed. She could only close her eyes and try to think of an answer to her question. She could answer it, she was very intelligent. The hardest questions to her peers seemed moderate to her. She felt she was an ace in the deck, but she felt no will to berate or judge others simply because they were not blessed with her smart mind, but she almost thought she envied them a little. If she could trade all of her knowledge and prowess, her skills and stamina for even a taste of why most of her peers could smile and enjoy themselves around people every day, she would take it without any second thought.
A sigh...
Kurugaya glanced down to the book in her hand, then glanced over to a strange couple of students. Both were boys, one was much bigger with black sharp hair in an awkward hairstyle. His name was Masato, and he was an idiot, as clueless and carefree as they come. He was smiling widely and talking with another classmate of hers who was much less built and had kind eyes and brown hair. She knew his name as Riki, and he was too engaging in conversation with his classmate. She watched their smiles, how they grew and how their eyes seemed to shine as they conversed, with others around them joining in. She watched Riki's lips, and wondered if maybe one day, she would smile with the kind of spirit behind them instead of just putting one up to look nice and charming.
Yuiko just closed her eyes calmly, taking in a breath before exhaling it briefly after wards. The girl turned to reopen her novel when suddenly, a loud sound came forth and she felt her body jerk harshly forward. Her eyes opened wide as pain settled in, she heard the loud and numerous screams from the teenagers all around her.
Thrashing, loud noises ensued, pain started to envelope her as the bus tipped over on its side. The windows cracked and broke, she was slammed against numerous surfaces, some being the bodies of other students, a falling came with it, flipping, crashing, constant torment circled all around, and then...
And then...
Nothing... What had happened...
She couldn't feel anything anymore, all was lost, she was lost. Darkness surrounded her, and took her. She felt terrible, completely broken and destroyed. Nothing but a cold dark abyss was all she could fathom at that moment. She was completely alone...
Wait... What's going on? Did something occur? Why... just why do I feel so... dead?
That was it... She figured it out. An accident occurred. The bus must have crashed and now, she was on her way.
This... This isn't right...
Kurugaya felt something tug within her, it was hard pain, one she had never felt before. It was welling up inside of her, almost forcing its way out of her chest. She almost felt sick, the pain put aside that is...
What is this? Is this... feeling? Is this remorse?
Remorse, regret? What would one call it?
Why, why do I feel like this... I should be just fine dying, right? Right? So why do I... wish that I wasn't...
She remembered the face of that boy right across the isle, his smile and shining eyes.
What was he feeling? I... I wished I had maybe tried to experience something like that... Why hadn't I ever tried?
She inwardly sighed. She had tried, nothing ever stimulated any kind of emotional response within her though... But, this boy, he tugged at her...
I don't want to die, not yet. I... never even had a chance to live. This is not fair, I wish I had a second chance...
Kurugaya folded her hands together to her chest, wishing deeply that somewhere within this floating abyss that someone would hear her.
I want to experience life, please, God... Please, give me something, anything... I want... I want to know what real happiness is, I don't want to just die without that. Please, anyone, hear me out! I beg of you, please!
"I'll answer to you." a distant voice called out to her.
Kurugaya opened her eyes, seeing nothing but the void. She floated there, waiting for the voice to show itself.
You... will?
"Yes..." The voice was kind and sympathetic. "Will you join me, in my quest to start a new world, one to really live in before we must depart?"
What kind of world?
The voice was silent for a minute. Kurugaya blinked, looking desperately into the void, but nothing came.
Hello, are you still there?
A small orange-red light came into view very far away. Kurugaya stared at it. She just looked to it as it began to manifest into a silhouette of a young man in his late 10's, possibly 17 or 18 years of age. He was standing, bathed in an orange glow, but he didn't look intimidating, but rather welcoming to her.
"I'm sure you already know what has happened... Have you accepted this fact?" the man asked.
Kurugaya looked down. I know what has happened... But, I...
"Have some regrets? That's fine, I want to ease those for you? I want to give you a second chance, as temporary as it may be, it is something, right?"
Kurugaya's eyes began to shake, she looked down to her open palms and stared at them before gripping them softly. She smiled. Yes... Please, take me there...
"There are others just like you who have regrets in this major accident. Our life... is over, but there is something I regret too. Shall we help each other?"
Kurugaya nodded. Yes, tell me what you want me to do...
"I request that you help my best friend, Riki Naoe, grow stronger... Please?"
Riki... Naoe? But why, he-
"Is not going to die like the rest of us are..."
Kurugaya lowered her head. She somehow trusted and understood what the adolescent said to her. So someone is going to survive?
"Two are, him, and my little sister, Rin."
Kurugaya smiled. Alright... I'll do what I can, but I have to ask... Who are you?
She could see the silhouette relax and chuckle pleasantly. "My name is Kyousuke Natsume."
And so, her desired second chance began. A new world was opened to her, one that was bright and new, without the pain she felt or sickness overcoming her. She was in her dorm, it was morning. It was the morning of the start of their semester, just over a month ago. She smiled to herself, she was given a second chance, and she would not let it go to waste.
It only took a week for her to seek out the stubbornness to call out to the boy Riki Naoe. He was the brown headed kid with the kind eyes. She had been watching him and his friends for the past week, they took up a part-time activity, a hobby of baseball. She watched how they got along and played, him, Masato, a smallish blonde named Komari Kamikita, known to be very polite and giving, a young man named Kyousuke, who was the creator of this new chance, and his little sister, Rin Natsume. She could see Riki was very dependent on Kyousuke, and that Rin was extremely shy. She assumed those two were the two survivors of that accident, and with a sound goal, she decided to engage in activities with the lot.
It wasn't long before she started to find indulgent in sneaking up on poor Riki, often startling him by whispering into his ear. She found herself often smiling around the boy, and it wasn't from any kind of mask or to be charming, but she discovered that she enjoyed herself when he would give a brief cry and turn red from her. She had discovered she could feel like that, and for that, she would be forever in debt to this group of idiots.
She tagged along with the small group that called themselves the Little Busters, an amatuer baseball team whose only goal was to have fun. She could somehow fit into that, and she enjoyed herself.
The group slowly grew, she watched as Riki would overcome the hardships of the other regretful souls that had accepted this "second chance" and help them as the Little Busters helped her. The first was Komari, who had joined before her, then after herself, it was Saigusa Haruka, a mischievous twin girl who was forced into a hateful relationship with her own twin sister due to family, the next was Mio Nishinozo, a bookworm who was slightly timid and was fading away into fleeing and forgetful form while another side of her took over, then finally, the cute and cheeful small Kudryavka Noumi, who aspired to be a cosmonaut just like her mother.
She came to know each and everyone of the Little Busters closely, and eventually, found herself very friendly with them. Each and every day was a new experience for her and her friends, and it almost felt like it could have been real life, but in the end, they were all reminded of what was coming. Each and everyday, Kurugaya could feel herself becoming weaker and weaker, pain from the real world slowly, but surely invading her. The only ones who were completely oblivious to the entire spectacle were the two she had come to love dearly and wish to protect herself, Rin and Riki.
She watched as Kyousuke's plan ever so proved itself day by day, trial after trial, Riki was growing stronger and more independent, and Rin was becoming more social and more brave about everyday life. Kurugaya found herself starting to become attracted to Riki in a way she could not perceive easily, especially during the times she would often sneak up on him and tease him. She knew of the things boys and girls did together, she wasn't oblivious to anything of the sort, she just never imagined that maybe it could happen to her too... But could it be possible in this world? Would Kyousuke allow her to maybe seek a relationship, even if it was only to be temporary. There was one emotion she had still longed to experience... Love.
"I have created this world for all of us to live out and accomplish our lost dreams... We must pursue them, otherwise, it would all be pointless... Just remember we must strengthen those two, we must... The harsh reality before them will leave them in complete despair and disarray, they would be broken worse than we could hope to imagine... So love... Desire... For your sake, and theirs."
But what is love? Kurugaya had absolutely no idea, there was no answer to that question anywhere. Not in any dictionary, not in any novel, not in the greatest romance... It was different to each and every person, love had infinite shapes and forms, and Kurugaya needed to experience this. She hoped she would get the chance, but she would not force herself onto poor Riki. She needed to keep in mind that if they did come together, what would be the point... She was already a dead girl, and he would live on...
But still, she desired it. She wished for it, and she did not want this chance, her only second chance... to go without it.
When Riki was inevitably elected by unanimous vote to be the new leader of the Little Busters, obviously apart of Kyousuke's plan to help him grow stronger, she decided to herself that it wouldn't hurt to at least try for him. She was having so much fun, she never wanted any of it to end. She did not want to go back to that harsh reality, but the pain was becoming too much. She needed more time with Riki, she wanted her wish to come true, and thus... An endless dream started.
A dream where she would grow much closer to Riki than even she thought she could. She found herself often alone with him, multiple times. She would hold him inside a special room of hers, the PA Room. She and he would have quiet conversations, talking about the Little Busters, about the fun they had, she grew ever more closer to him. It was amazing, but as June the 20th repeated itself over and over again, he didn't seem to remember any of the previous days, but she could see a change in him subtly taking over.
Then, one fateful day, she finally said it... "Because I like you, Riki." She herself almost found it hard to believe, but she did now know that she liked him, honestly liked him. She found herself always smiling around him, always calm and at peace. The pain was almost forgotten about, and she could live in the fantasy. It wasn't long before something unique happened. Riki came to the dorms and requested she and the other girls follow him into the school late on that night, and after a little misunderstanding from Mio, she found herself alone beside a blushing Riki. Then... they came. Bright lights in the sky, beautiful in design. They illuminated and lighted up her very soul. The fireworks that sounded were like the light in the darkness she had seeked. She knew she loved Riki, and she figured he was also attracted to her, since the whole event was staged by Kyousuke to get the two alone so Riki could confess his feelings to her, if he actually had any for her.
But June 20th kept repeating, endlessly... It continued forward, and strangely, Riki did not seem to lose his memory after that event. He came straight to her the next day, and requested any kind of acknowledgment to his paranoia. She eventually gave it to him, but the pain was sapping her strength, and she could feel Kyousuke was growing weaker everyday. She needed to end this, but she wished to stay around longer, to help Riki and Rin grow more, but sadly... She could not. She loved Riki, but now was the time to go...
It came time for her to say good bye. She took Riki's hands in her own, as a white winter engulfed the both of them in a void.
"Please, you have to forget about me. The next day, you will wake up in June the 21st, and you will have forgotten all about this dream of mine."
Poor Riki... He refused to of course. She practically knew him like a childhood friend now, and she hated to leave him, but the real world is a cruel place. This dream, she had spent all she had left to repeat this endless day for who knew how long...
"I wish I could have at least experienced what love was..."
Those were her last words before Kyousuke's grip on her had completely faded. He couldn't hold her into the dream world anymore, he was too weak, and it was her fault. He had to continue with his plan, and she understood, but that didn't make things any more fair to her. She'd be going back to the real world shortly, and she wished none of the accident had ever happened...
I enjoyed myself with the Little Busters... I wish... that none of it had to end, ever... Why... Why!? Kurugaya cried in her mind. Then... the comforting grip of Kyousuke's will had completely vanished, and she was left to fall back into the abyss of the death that inevitably awaited her inside that insidious coffin. She knew the future, she knew what had happened all along, and she was happy she was able to have fun, she was happy she got to feel emotions, she was joyed that she made friends... She was grateful she got to experience a taste of love.