A/N- I've been working on this for a while, it's a two shot looking at Effy getting out of jail. I was aiming to get them both out for the tenth anniversary but...well life got in the way. Anyway I hope you like it.

It's been a long five years, a very long five years. But it's helped me, it's matured me, it's woken me

up and now I'm getting out. In a way I'm lucky to be getting out now, my sentence was for 8 years

but I kept my head down, didn't draw attention to myself. In a way I'm sad to be leaving, inside

everything is safe and orderly, I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do for shelter or

money. Outside though? That's another matter, outside my life is in ruins. I have no friends, not that

I can blame them, and my family isn't worth a fucking damn. I will just be a worthless 26 year old ex-

con.

Even before was locked up I had decided on the best course of action, decided it when I was in the

car after leaving the FCA, after leaving my old life. It was time to retreat; back to the mysterious

goddess I once was, back to the silent manipulator before college, before Panda. It was easier back

then, no need for friends or love or companionship. So that's what I had done, reverted to silence, or

near enough, reverted to just watching and listening. It had earned me trouble at the start from the

other prisoners, the ones with paranoid delusion or insecurities. They had tried to scare me, to

intimidate me but all to no avail.

I look around the room, no, the cell. My cell. Like you would imagine prison cells to be it's small with

a single bunk, sink, toilet and bedside table. And I hate it, I've hated it since I got here, it's too bright,

too sparse and too empty. But then, that's the way it's supposed to be isn't it? You aren't supposed

to like your cell, prison isn't supposed to be fun. I reach over and pick up the few personal

belongings I was allowed, and wanted, just a few photos. Photos of happier times, photos of my old

friends and of Tony. I let a small smile grace my lips as I flick through them, I still remember when

Tony brought them to me, right at the start of my sentence.

As I entered the visiting area I caught sight of him and found my face breaking out into a smile,

which hurt. I hadn't smiled, properly smiled since I had first got here and that was nearly two weeks

ago now. When the guard had come to my cell and told that I had a visitor I hadn't believed it, after

all I'd burned all my bridges in the events leading up to this. But there he was, infamous Stonem

smirk and everything, my brother. Then my eyes slid over to the seat next to him and my eyes

widened at the sight of the blonde next to him; Panda. I moved through the room towards the table

as quickly as I could, but still making sure I didn't draw any attention from the guards. Tony stood up

as I got the table and opened his arms, as if to draw me into a hug, but I stopped him with a shake of

my head. "No contact." I stated simply and sat myself down opposite him and Panda. Tony sat back

down with a frown on his face, my heart broke a little when I saw it. He was trying. I sat back a little

and looked at him, really looked at him. Once I moved to London I'd, effectively, cut of all contact

from everyone bar Naomi and Emily. Tony was that kind of person who never seemed to age, true

his hair was a bit shaggier, a bit longer, but everything else was exactly as I remembered. Except his

eyes didn't have the mischievous twinkle in them of old, now there were clouded with worry.

Panda though, she looked radically different. Gone was the awkward, goofy teenager I knew, in her

place I saw a strong confident young woman. Her once raggedy blonde hair was now full and long,

mostly straight but with a bit of curling at the end. My eyes shot over her, over her face which was

now breaking into a smile, over her body dressed in a black dress with flowers dotted on it. And then

down to her hands, manicured and perfect and ordained with a simple gold ring with a small gem

stone. "Congratulations Panda." I stated and Panda's face broke into a massive smile and I noticed

that her overbite was gone as well.

"Thanks Effy, it's bonkers to think it though." The blonde said and I smiled a little, even Panda

couldn't fully change, she still reverted to form. "Thomas?" I found myself asking, even though I

knew the answer and Panda nodded enthusiastically. "Good, I'm glad someone's happy." I found

myself saying, with just a little sarcasm. I switched her attention to Tony, to my brother, who I knew

had been silent and watching me. "So, Tony, how's things?" I asked, before thinking to myself that it

too many words. Words to fill the space, I hate that. Tony smiled a little and shook his head, "don't

give me that bullshit Ef, I know you don't really care."

I let out a little chuckle, "you know me too well I guess brother." Tony frowned, shaking his head, "I

thought I did but, Effy, this is prison! What the hell happened to you?" Tony asked, his eyes burning

fiercely with anger, taking me by surprise a little.

For a moment I didn't say anything, for once I was lost for words. "I…I…I don't know." I found myself

blurting out, wow way to go Effy, that's really fucking articulate. "I thought I could handle

everything, I thought I had grown-up, that I was beyond this shit." I let out a sigh and shook my

head. "I guess I was wrong," I muttered. Tony let out a sigh of exasperation and reached into his

jacket pocket. "Yeah I guess you were, eight years Effy, eight fucking years." From out of his jacket

Tony produced a number of photos and passed them over to me. "Look I got these for you, I've

okayed it with the guards, just a little something to help keep you going I guess." Tony passed the

photos over to me and I took them tentatively, I felt my mouth tugging into a small smile as I flicked

through the photos. They were photos of me and my friends, of me and Tony. My smile died a little

as I realised that they were, in a way, a reminder of what I had burned, of what my selfish ways had

destroyed, a reminder of happier times, times I could never get back. I struggled for a moment to

control myself as the full reality of my situation finally slammed down on me. I was in prison, would

be for eight years. I had fucked up in a monumental fashion this time and there was no going back,

no getting out. With supreme effort and force of will I forced the darkness of my own creation back

and created a wall. "Sweet….thanks Tony." I finally replied and looked up at my brother and Panda,

who both smiled sadly.

I took a deep breath and turned to Panda, "Naomi." I stated simply and watched as Panda's face

crumpled a little. "She's not got long, the doctor's didn't even think she'd would make it this long." I

looked down at the table for a moment, marvelling at all the tiny grains of wood. "She has Emily." I

state simply, they were always the brightest out of the lot of us, always the goodness that came out

of those fucked up two years of college. Emily keeps her going, keeps her fighting to stay alive, but I

knew it wouldn't last forever. "She has Emily." Panda confirmed and I knew that Panda understood,

understood what I meant. It had always been Panda, she had always come the closest to really

understanding me. "Thanks for coming Panda, Tony." I stated simply, standing up and turning to go.

"Effy, you can't just go." Tony insisted, standing up as well, reaching over to grab my arm before

remembering himself. I looked over my shoulder at him, and at Panda, and shrugged. "There's

nothing else to say Tony. I fucked up. Now I pay." With those words I headed out of the visitation

room.

A smile graced my lips again as I absent mindedly rubbed the picture of me and Tony, he'd tried to

visit a few times more after that but I'd been right at that first visit, as I always was. What more was

there to say? After that no one visited me, nearly five years without seeing a friendly face, a familiar

face. Well no that wasn't true, I did see some familiar faces again. They just weren't friendly.

So caught up with the memories of the past I jumped slightly when a pounding came from the door.

"Come on Stonem, you better have your shit together." A gruff voice sounded from the corridor, one

of the many corrupt guards. I sighed, great I couldn't get one of the nice ones, I had to get one of the

guards who hated people. I stood up and contemplated the photos as I heard the heavy metal door

open. "Come on then Stonem." I turned to go, planning on leaving the photos when I stopped and

looked back at them. My eyes scanned the innocent, happy faces and I chewed the bottom of my lip

slightly. I had a saying, one that I had come up with in the early days of time here; never backwards,

always forwards. It had served me well, got me looking towards my eventual release, never had me

dwelling on the monumental fuck-up of my past. "Stonem! Fucking let's move!" The guard shouted

and jerked me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck it." I muttered and and picked the pictures up before turning to the guard. "Fucking ready

now?" The guard asked and I just nodded, I was.