When One Thing Lead To Another
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Authoress' notes- You've read every crack Naruto fanfiction at your disposal.
You've read the times when Naruto and Sasuke decided to take it up a level. Call it "best friends with benefits" if you must.
You're read the stories, the good, the bad and the ugly, when Itachi and Kisame defied Akatsuki decency (if there IS any decency in Akatsuki of which we speak) and made romance to one another. (Kinda gross, but you've read it.)
Your best friend dared you to write a Saku x Ino yuri. Hey, it got 100 reviews, despite the fact 95 of them were flames.
You got around to reading Hyuugacest too. And boy, who knew Neji could be so sadistically cruel yet oh-so tender to Hinata.
You've even pored over the tales when Gaara, Lee and Gai got totally wasted and decided to have "fun" in the closet.
Simply put, you've read the best and worst and you've seen all the best and worst pairings out in the Naruto fanfiction world. You think this story you've ventured to is no exception. I mean, you've read literally every Naruto story, right? Nothing could come a surprise here.
Well, hate to break it to ya but you're wrong.
Nothing, and we mean NOTHING, is going to prepare for this certain tale, no matter how many yaoi, yuri, Sandcest, Uchihacest, Hyuugacest, every type of "-cest" we didn't cover, no matter how many ANYTHING you've studied. Maybe we're bragging but some will have to agree after reading a couple of chapters. This pairing is THE only one of its kind. No exceptions, no phonies. It's not going to happen again in the entire history of and it's certainly not gonna happen in the actual anime/manga.
Provided, of course, you've read a story with the main romantic pairing being Kabuto x Gaara's mom that is currently outside our profound knowledge. Have you? No? WE DIDN'T THINK YOU DID:D
Long but meaningful rant about flamers at the bottom.
Disclaimer- We don't own the series Naruto, Sabaku no Gaara, his mother, Yakushi Kabuto and the rest of the Sand Team.
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Everyone foolishly believed that beauty pageant was over and behind them. After Asuka Naohito had kicked Lady Karura's ass back to her home in Sand, peace and dullness was restored.
Until Karura made the announcements.
(Brief note- The beauty pageant that's frequently mentioned in this chapter is from a story in Asuka's separate FF account called Ice. If you've read this story, you'll know what "beauty pageant" we speak of.)
The Sand Siblings were quietly eating breakfast which their mom had happily prepared for them. They knew something was up because Karura never made any sort of food, let alone breakfast, even if it was a Poptart. No, she usually made her husband the Kazekage or the kids make the edible stuff. Now that she was a widow (and enjoying every second of it), she made her kids do the work. The only time she even bothered to prepare anything was when something was gonna go down or if it was Garbage Eve.
What the bleep is Garbage Eve? And why would you make breakfast over it? I have no clue. Go ask Karura yourself, moron.
Anyway…
The Sand Sibs knew something was up with their mom. Well, Kankurou was too busy chowing down but Gaara and Temari were observant.
"Okay, enough hiding it," Temari declared. "Why are you so cheerful today?"
"Aren't I usually cheerful?"
"You are but today you're a creepy cheerful," Gaara stated. "Did we win the lotto, Mother?"
"No. AND I WAS ONE NUMBER OFF TOO! ONE FUCKING NUMBER!" Karura screeched. She quickly regained her composure. "Heh, but no. Guess why I'm so happy."
"You're getting Dad's pension?"
"As if. Keep going."
"There was a tally error in the pageant and you actually won."
"… Not quite…"
"We give up…"
"So soon. Pfft. Just like that bastard father of yours," she commented. Karura stuck out her left hand and on her ring finger, there was a simple gold band. "I'm getting married again!" the kunoichi trilled. "And I just found out I'm pregnant too! Isn't that wonderful?" Temari and Gaara spat out the partially chewed contents on Kankurou. Kankurou, being the failure that he is, didn't even notice.
"You're WHAT?" Temari gasped. "We're getting a stepdad?"
"And a new sibling."
"I'm going to kill them both," Gaara growled. Karura let out a sigh.
"Oh, come on, now. Kabuto isn't that bad. You met him at the pageant, remember?" Temari fell out of her chair. Gaara gawked at his mother. Kankurou, ONCE AGAIN, didn't pay attention.
"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TO KABUTO? AND YOU'RE CARRYING HIS BABY TOO?" the blond screeched. "THAT'S ADULTERY, MOM!"
"It is not!" Karura scoffed. "He's only 23, you know."
"He's 23?" Gaara repeated almost disbelievingly. Temari gagged.
"AUGH! You serious? I had a crush on him!" she groaned. "Sick. And I can't believe he's gonna be my stepdad too!"
"As much as it's awkward to ask," Gaara began, clearly disgusted, "how did you two…?"
"Well, he was checking me out when we were playing strip poker aaaaand--"
"Ugh. That. I remember now."
"But after the pageant, he asked me to a date and one thing lead to another and…" She grinned. "The wedding's in 5 days, by the way."
"5 DAYS?" Temari yelled. "What the--? Why were we notified of it at the lat minute?"
"Meh…"
"'Meh'?"
"Yes. 'Meh'. What else do ya want me to say?"
"Are we required to go to the wedding?" Temari asked.
"Well, it'd be nice to Kabuto and me," her mother responded, sounding a bit angry. "After all, you were suppose to be a bridesmaid, Temari…" She magically pulled out a gorgeously stunning dress and held it up. "You were going to wear this." Temari, being any teenage girl when they see a hot dress (or at least, like most), squealed and jumped up and down.
"AWMIGAWSH! If I get to wear that, count me in!" she gushed. Gaara looked at his mother expectantly.
"Don't worry, honey. I bought you and Kankurou some tuxedos from Goodwill." She held up two moth-bitten tuxedos, one that looked uber-small and the other looked for an elephant. When she spotted Gaara's stare of obvious disdain, she flatly added, "Or you could wear the dress," raising up a pink, feathery and sequin-covered hooker outfit, completed with fishnet.
Gaara mused his options.
20 minutes later…
"That dress is extremely tempting but I have to refuse it. Thank you anyway, Mother."
"Aww… you would've looked so cute in it too… ah well." She tossed the clothing on the floor and started cleaning up the dishes while humming the Super Mario Brothers themesong.
Indeed things would get interesting in 5 days time.
End of Chapter 1.
Goddess' afternote- Yea. Chapter 1 is done. Not what you expected, huh? I was right. :D I wrote this entire chapter and I'm quite proud of myself. Crack fics aren't usually my specialty. Asuka's magic touch appears in the next chapter. And if you thought this one was special, keep reading. These chapters get more and more special as they go on.
Before I forget… there's one more thing to cover: flamers. Asuka feels differently about them but this is my afternote so you get to hear me. And my feelings towards you (and probably other authors' feelings): Why on Earth do you waste your time criticizing a work an author put so much genuine time and effort into? I suppose people have flamed somebody once, accidentally or intentionally and maybe they thought it was constructive criticism and I can totally understand that, but the people who do it on a frequent basis with no good intentions behind their comments are just ignorant jackasses who really shouldn't have accounts on FF. Seriously. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE STORIES YOU READ OR DON'T HAVE ANYTHING KIND TO SAY ABOUT IT THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Simple as that. In fact, if you're a chronic flamer and reading this, then go ahead and flame this story. It'll just prove my point about you. Flamers never cease to annoy/amaze me.
But for the people who like this story, then yay. Please review. Flames gladly accepted as a challenge to my behalf to prove my opinion is correct. Ja ne.