I watch you as you sit there, in the corner, alone. You look more tired, worn, and I immediately know that there is something wrong. I know you have been down since Sirius died, and rightly so, but I can tell that this is different.
You look up and catch me staring, so I offer you a smile, which you do not return. Slowly I walk over to you, your gaze locked with mine. There is something in your eyes that I cannot quite make out and as I sit down beside you I notice what seems like tear tracks down your cheeks.
Slowly you turn away and just as I am about to ask you what's wrong you begin to speak.
"Dumbledore has assigned me a mission". Your voice is quiet, strained, and I struggle to hear what your saying.
"What sort of mission? Where?"
"I am to go underground as a spy" I struggle to comprehend what it is you are saying and then it hits me – you are going to spy on the werewolves.
"Underground...you mean with...No...Remus" I plead, my voice quivering.
You turn to face me and look me in the eye. I know then that you are going and nothing that I say will stop you. There is something determined about the way your jaw is set and I can't help but think that there is a bigger reason for you leaving than that which you are letting on.
"Its because of Sirius isn't it?" I blurt out and you raise your head in reply.
"No Dora. Its because I am the only person capable of doing this"
"That's bull and you know it. Ever since he died you've been looking for a reason to get yourself killed and now you've been handed the perfect opportunity. You feel guilty, so instead of sitting down and talking about it like anyone else, you decide to punish yourself!" I yell my insides raging with anger and disbelief.
"That's not true!" You say, your voice only slightly raised and your calm demeanour still evident.
"Yes it is! I know you Remus, maybe not as well as h e did but I know you! Are you really willing to give that up? To give us up?" My voice is quivering now and I struggle to fight down the tears I feel welling inside me.
"This is the way it has to be!" You shout. I am so shocked to hear you with your voice raised that I stare at you in silence. You seem to realise what you have done because the next time you speak your voice is back to its usual volume.
"Look, Nymphadora, I have to take this mission. I am the only person who can and I will not let Dumbledore down. I owe it to him. And I am sorry, I truly am, that we must end things like this but we must! The last few weeks have shown me that everyone I care about ends up dead and I refuse to put you in danger. I have lost enough people and somehow I have survived, but losing you...well I wouldn't survive that Dora, so please don't ask me to try." As you finish what you are saying I see tears in your eyes. You stand and turn to walk away and I look after you, stunned to silence by what you have revealed. Never in all the time I have known you have I seen you speak so openly about the losses you have suffered and I now know what it was I saw in your eyes a few minutes ago. I saw pain. Pain for the past and all you have lost, and pain for what you are still to lose. I saw anger at being asked to live the life you have fought endlessly to stay away from. I saw fear for those remaining whom you care for more than you dare admit, and I saw love. I saw love for all those whom you have lost. I saw love for Harry, your final link to your past. I saw love for the man that gave you the life you had today. And lastly, I saw love for me.
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