UPDATE: I'm going through this story, fixing a few things. Please feel free to re-read this story and review. (Feb 25, 2011)

AN: Sigh… Here I go again, starting up what will surely be another project that will sooner or later be put to the back burner for god knows how long… I'm terrible, but I can't help it, my mind must have its words written, and I am but a tool…

Warning: Slash, Violence, Crude Humor. Don't like it? I don't care. Just don't flame me, we be cool. But if you do, well just be prepared to face my wrath! Oh and creative criticism is appreciated.

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine.

The End

Chapter 1: Long-Ass Day

"I can't freaking believe it…"

An overweight sixteen year old said as he entered his 11th grade classroom for the first time. Behind him, his three friends stood (if you could call them that, they were more like three boys who were stuck with a fat shadow), trying to get in the classroom too. Unfortunately, the fat boy was so large, they couldn't even see past him.

"What the fuck is it now, fatass?" asked the black-haired one, standing on tiptoes to try and see over the pudgy roadblock.

"Stanley, don't swear. Eric, move outta the doorway, no one else can get past you. Although I believed it to be impossible, it would seem you have gotten even fatter." A voice called out from within the classroom, southern accent chilling the other three boys to the bone.

"Oh... God… No…" Stanley Marsh muttered to himself as Eric Cartman moved out of the doorway to reveal none other then Mrs. Garrison sitting at his desk at the front of the room.

"This can't be happening… It just can't..." said Stan's best friend, the red-headed Kyle Broflovski. He shook his head in disbelief as he spoke, green eyes wide and unbelieving.

A muffled "Fuck!" was heard from the fourth boy, blonde Kenny McCormick, who still somehow was wearing the orange parka he'd had since he was eight.

The boys shuffled in robotically, disbelief still overriding their natural thought processes, although not even that could stop Cartman from muttering a quiet "Ey! I'm big-boned…"

Mrs. Garrison stood and addressed the class. "Welcome, children, to the eleventh grade. We're gonna have some fun together, won't we Mrs. Hat?"

"Oh Sweet Jesus…"

"Be quiet Stanley." But sure enough, on Mrs. Garrison's left hand was Mr. Hat the puppet. Only now, he had a glued-on dress and blond wig combo that quite frankly made him look like a terrible tranny. And so came to be, the existence of Mrs. Hat.

"Now class, we have a lot to learn today."

"Uhh… Mrs. Garrison?" Kyle asked, raising his hand.

"Yes Kyle?" She replied to his student.

"What… Are you doing here? I thought you still taught the 4th grade, back at the elementary school."

"Well…" He started, sitting down at her desk, "The high school went bankrupt about two and a half hours ago, and the school board has had the elementary school, who they believe to be over funded and overstaffed, supply the money and the teachers to keep this crap hole going. So here I am, teaching you all again." She finished with a smile.

She blinked.

"Wait a minute…" He muttered to himself, smile fading. Mrs. Garrison looked around the classroom. Then she pulled out the attendance sheet, and looked at it for a few moments before looking back up at the class. "Well what the hell? I'm teaching the exact same group of little retards again!"

And sure enough, she was. From Token Black to Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens to Butters Stotch, their entire fourth grade class was back together again. Not that they had lost touch, but they had never all been in the same room since elementary graduation, thanks in no little part to Cartman and that whole 4th Reich thing he started back in Grade 6.

"Oh well, lets begin. Since this is English class…"

"Holy Freaking Shit, dudes. How the hell could this have happened?" Stan asked his three friends as they walked to their lockers after the unholy hell that was Mrs. Garrison's class had finished.

"I wish I knew, Stan, but I have no clue." Kyle replied.

"Heheheh." Cartman laughed, "So the Jew-boy doesn't know everything, does he? Ahahaha!"

"Aww shut up, fatass." Stan said to the walking boulder to his left. "And no!" Stan cut him off as he opened his three-chinned mouth to say something. "You are not big boned!"

"Aww… I hate you guys…" Cartman mumbled, kicking a random juice box across the hall.

"What do we got next?" mumbled out Kenny from behind his hood.

"Uh… Math. Just great." Kyle replied, checking his schedule. All four boys had all the same classes this year, oddly enough.

"Hehe. Remember last year, when you two tripped in this hallway, and your face ended up in Stan's ass, Kyle?" Kenny reminisced randomly.

"Oh God…" Stan groaned, covering his face with his hand. Kyle just blushed and mumbled something incoherent.

"What was that Kyle?" Cartman jeered at the red-faced Jew. "Just proclaim your undying love to Stan? Hoping to go have a faggy fun time in the bathroom before class?"

"Hey fuck you, fatass!" Stan charged to Kyle's rescue.

"Stanley! Language!" shouted Mrs. Garrison, rushing past them.

Stan grunted at him. He had really stopped caring what teachers had to say, especially this one. The boys got to their lockers, which were all next to one another. Cartman's on the far left, then Kenny's, Stan's, and finally Kyle's. Cartman's locker was full of candy bar wrappers and Cheesy Poof bags. Kenny's was nearly empty. Stan's was completely disorganized and Kyle's was, unsurprisingly, completely tidy. It might have even been alphabetized.

The boys each went through their locker routine. Cartman grabbed a bag of Cheesy Poofs and proceeded to chow down. Kenny just mumbled to himself, and closed it without taking anything out. Stan shoved his English book somewhere it would fit, and looked for where he had stowed his math book. Kyle, still blushing, neatly placed his book between his Biology and History books, grabbed his math ones, and the pulled something small out of his locker and proceeded to look at it.

Stan looked over at his best friend and noticed what he was doing. "You and that thing again, huh? Will you ever tell us whats in that? You've had it for like years now, and always look at it at the oddest times."

Kyle looked at Stan, almost startled, then shoved the nondescript box into his locker and closed it. "Sorry Stan. It's personal." He glanced at his black haired friend apologetically, his blush, which had receded, showing itself again.

"Forget it; it's probably some Jew-Boy thing. Probably counting his Jew gold, make sure none of the other Jews stole some to add to their Jew gold." Cartman balled up the empty bag he had in his hands, threw it into his locker, and then shut the door with a belch.

"Gross dude!" Kenny shouted, closing his parka as far as it would go. "What died in your throat? Shit! … Hehe, probably exactly that! Hehehe!" Kenny then proceeded to laugh hysterically.

"That's right, poor boy, laugh it up. Will you be laughing when I'm home later, watching my big-screen TV, playing on my Game Sphere 5X?" Cartman taunted.

"Yeah! I'll be laughing it up as you mom sucks me off in the next room!" Kenny started laughing like a maniac, followed by the other two boys.

"Ahh… Gross, yet strangely satisfying. Well, come on." Stan said as he closed his locker door, having finally managed to find his book. The four boys set off to Math this time, with Cartman's continued mumbles of hate, revenge and 'knowing Stan would be satisfied picturing Kenny naked' following them as they go.

"What a morning, though. First, we're subjected to the torture of Mrs. Garrison for the first time in seven years, then Math!" Kyle sighed.

"Yeah, totally lame," replied his black haired best friend. "D'you know when he... She? ... When Garrison went BACK to being a woman? Last I heard he was a he again." The only reply he received were three identical shrugs, causing him to forget the random thought.

"But look on the bright side guys; at least it can't get any worse!" The redhead said as he opened the door to the Math classroom. All four boys yet again stopped dead in their tracks, wide-eyed.

"You just had to say it… Didn't you, Jew-boy? Didn't you? God, I hate you guys… So. So much..." Cartman said as he looked on in horror at the inside of the classroom.

"Boys, stop blocking the damn doorway, Mrs. Hat and I have to teach Math now!" shouted Mrs. Garrison from within.

"Fuck," came the hood muffled cry of Kenny.

"You said it dude. This is gonna be one long-ass day…" Stan said, as the four boys prepared themselves for what would surely be the first in a long line of long-ass days.

AN: There you have it. I'll do my best to keep this going as much as I can. Enjoy!

LD