FINALLY the FULL story is here!
WARNING: angst.

Enjoy~

Are you satisfied now?

Knock knock. "Come in." I answer…but I know who it is. The young troubled blonde boy steps into my room. By the dark look on his face either something happened to him or he was battle his inner chaotic emotions again…but it didn't matter, whatever the reason he comes here for the same thing.

The heavy rain made a roaring sound outside the window, so dark with no stars…only a musky silver moon was illuminating the sky.
"Awfully late Mello…" I spoke softly through the silence. But he didn't look at me, I knew what he wanted. So I sighed and moved my puzzle aside while he made his way to my bed.

He lays me down gently and softly kisses my lips. His trembling hands unbutton my shirt and then his warm kisses ravish my skin. I know my shivers and soft moans feed his need for this, whatever this is… tiny nibbles and my breath would catch in my throat as his hands wondered my body.

When stressed or upset, needing relief Mello would sneak his way to my room and take advantage of me. But I let him…I knew the attention and lust calmed him because he would feel powerful, he would feel superior to me. Sometimes that feeling was what he needed. So wanting mello to be happy, at the risk of my own well being I would allow him to do what he wanted to me and my body.

But it always ended the same…

SLAP! The stinging pain ran through my cheek, making my skin hot. His hand, still in the air from when it struck me. My head, thrown to the side and I wouldn't dare turn it back. Mello didn't want to be looked in the eyes, hiding his shame. And I knew he didn't want to see the pain in mine…

Once Mello released his tension and he would snap back into his own sanity, realizing he had touched me made him mad…he didn't want me ever thinking he cared about me from these visits. So he would hit me to remind me it meant nothing…

But the emotion didn't stop there…once his anger was calm and he realized he hit the only one who ever cared about him enough to sacrifice their body he would feel dread and guilt, mixed with the residue of earlier emotion and start to cry. I would hold him. Mello never liked to cry in front of people but even someone as strong and stubborn as him can't hold together a break down. When the warm tears started to fall, hitting my chest I would hold him. But I wouldn't speak a word…and I wouldn't look at his eyes. I'd calmly rub his back until he grew tired, then I would pretend to be asleep for Mello to sneak his way out of my room.

It was all the same…until that one night…

The touches began to spread, heat began to rise. I made the mistake by never drawing the line. Mello seemed to find me every night now, I was catching on to it wasn't because he needed this, but because he had become addicted. I regret being his poison…his drug.

"Mello…" I panted uncontrollably "y-your…going a bit far…" I whispered rolling my head back and stearing at the ceiling, lying on the cold marble floor of the common room that night behind a locked door.

"Shut up." He growled under his breath and sliding his warm hand into my pants, under my boxers…

"Nh…" I shiver from the feel of him…from his touch. He's never touched me like this before. It was nights where he experimented that made me wonder if…I should stop him.

But I never did.

Another night came, as did Mello. My room was the setting, like most nights. Just like always tonight he decided to go another step forward then the night before.

"A-ah…" I let out a slightly pained moaned, the ones I usually desperately try to bite back but some of course slip. My pants were around my ankles, I felt his hot fingers inside of me… "M-Mello…" I moaned his name, because I know he likes it.

I catch his gaze softening from seeing the pained look on my face…when I dig my nails into his shoulders. Do you enjoy seeing me in pain Mello? Just like I'm the only one that can make him calm and satisfy his need, he is the only one that can make me feel. Perhaps that's why I never said stop.

My body tenses when I couldn't take anymore of this pleasure. He notices my limit and retracts his fingers, giving me the chance to breath. Except…I know what's coming.

"Ah-!" I gasp out, the wind knocked out of me from a fierce blow to the stomach.

"You Bastard!" he snapped the tears already starting to flow as he sinks his fist deeper into my abdomen.

Weakly I reach for his shoulders, touching them lightly he pulls back his fist and collapses against me. As always he cries, as always I hold him. And as always…I wonder when this will end. When will Mello be satisfied?

A stormy night…what a gloomy setting, I thought while staring out my window. Listening to silence and thinking to myself, which is something I enjoy when I get the chance too. I take a deep breath and sigh because I know tonight will not be calm. I also know that this night will be quite hectic, definitely more than the night before. For the reason, today our grades were revealed from a very important test me and Mello had taken a couple weeks ago. I know the score…Mello would not be pleased.

I curled my hair, waiting more patiently then you can understand. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my gut that made me not want to see Mello tonight. Maybe it was the sickening feeling of curiosity, curiosity of what will he do tonight?

He was definitely waiting till long after hours…where there will not be a soul awake to interrupt us. This made me nervous, though I do find it interesting every time I think about it, Mello really is truly the only one that can make me feel. Except the feelings I have been feeling lately due to him have not been pleasing, in fact, they have been un-enjoyable, he can still make me feel things I never would of discovered before.

Finally I heard my door open, not with a slam but certainly abrupt enough to get my attention. The first two buttons on my shirt were unbuttoned…and I didn't understand what sick toxic had come over me or rather sunk inside me to force me to…prepare for him. I made sure all my toys and puzzles were out of the way, that I was on the bed with my shirt a little undone for him and I stayed up…waiting for him.

"I was expecting you Mello…" I said softly. His head was down, slowly rising with a death wish glare. It made me uncomfortable to see that look, some even may say a bit…scared. To have him look at me with such burning hatred in his eyes.

"Oh, 'cause you think you just know damn well everything huh Near!" his eyes narrowed. It was that moment I didn't want him in my room, I didn't want him touching me tonight. I didn't want him near me.

Usually when he came he was too busy dealing with his own emotions to even speak to me during. But tonight, he was speaking. In a low angry tone that gave my shivers. And rather than keeping his gaze down like always, he looked at me with a narrow glare that spoke 'I want to hurt you.'

I unassembled my upright position to a more cautious one. Trying to hide fear in all but my eyes. I wanted him to look at my eyes, and see how truly scared I was to have him in my room. I wanted him to leave.

But he didn't. He slammed the door that made my eyes wide. Such a loud slam for someone who was usually quiet and also doesn't want anyone waking. What really made my heart pick up speed was he locked my door. I had to do something, so I stood and tried to confront him but after I stood I just felt my whole body hit the mattress hard. I opened my winced for a second eyes and saw Mello on top of me, glaring down at me with eyes that could burn through your core. He was so angry, and this time with me.

"M-Mello-" I spoke softly but was cut off with a slap across the face and a demand to shut up. He was now taken to violence and force and I was scared.

Because of fear, which was a new emotion to me, I did stay quiet and I tried to stay calm. I tried to shut my eyes and just let him release himself but tonight was out of hand. He had tore open my shirt, breaking all the buttons, and instead of touching me he dragged his nails across my chest. I whimpered and hissed in pain as he showed no hesitation or second thought to leave a bruise on me. Many bruises, and bites and scratches. He never even kissed my lips.

The pain grew worse than I have ever experiences and I began to squirm and fight back. I couldn't tolerate this anymore.

"S-stop!" he shouted at me trying to pin me down "God damn it-stop squirming!" He lifted me by the shoulders and slammed me down. Even shook me a bit. Then he just tried to keep me down while continuing his quest to break me.

My eyes were shut but then I felt something that was right at all and I grew desperate to get Mello at least off. He had yanked off the rest of my clothes and tossed away my boxers. With only a ripped shirt I was fully exposed in front of him. My body shivered with the feel of the cruel cold air, my eyes widened to give him a hurt look that would show him this needed to stop. But when my eyes opened and checked on the scene, I noticed he was dropping his pants.

My eyes widened even more as he spread my legs and held down my bruised wrists. I sat up quickly "Mello no-!" I cried desperately, but he didn't listen and it was too late.

I gasped sharply and my eyes winced shut tight, I felt a sudden rush of pain run through my whole lower body. There was no process of adjusting, all I felt was pain. Consistent pain to the point if I were to describe it, it began to feel like a burn. A sharp, repetitive throb that would send my nerves a sensation of pain with every throb. "Mello! Stop! STOP!" I screamed and begged and never had I used my voice so loudly. I had also never told Mello to stop, but the line had been crossed. Unfortunately much too late… "Mello! Please-please stop!"

"I am number one!" he shouted to my face "Who's stronger Near! Me! I'm in control! I am number one! I'm number one!" I felt like he was cheering out emotions that were compelling him to continue…and then I felt his grip on my throat. No…Mello would never go so far…would he-?

I couldn't even finish my thought before I felt the pressure.

"!" I grabbed his wrist weakly and desperately, Mello please don't do this! I couldn't speak…I couldn't even open my eyes and see the monster the poison in both of us had created…I couldn't face what I let Mello become…
there was shaking, and hitting, and pain everywhere. His fist plowed into my throat, my stomach, my mouth and nose. I felt blood start to appear on my skin. I felt every joint in my body ache…my muscles were wrapped with pain. Every nerve…on fire.

He finished inside me and that made me feel disgusted of all. Rather than exiting, he ripped out of me. I never got the relieving feeling of numbness…I felt the whole thing. Once out, I hoped it was over but then he just began to beat me. Screaming things that I could no longer process…I could no longer think straight, it felt like I could no longer breathe. Oh Mello what have you done…?

It took me just a moment when I realized everything had stopped…and I dared to open my eyes. Mello, he was looking down at me and breathing hard. I see you have snapped back into your sanity. You're too Late Mello. My eyes welled with at the site of you, I slowly realize everything you have just done to me as the numbness sinks in. Mello, you almost killed me.

"Near…" he says softly…as if expecting a response…expecting me to accept this. Or hold him and tell him it was ok. I couldn't hold him. I couldn't move my arms.

It was that moment I felts something wet…and warm, on my cheeks. His eyes widened looking at me. I began to cry…the sweet yet salty liquid which I have never felt run down my cheeks was now pouring down my skin.

"N-Near…!" he comes to realize what he has done, and makes the same realization, in just a few more minutes he would have beaten me to death.

Although my body felt the instant tingle of pain when he moved me I was shocked that instead of craving to be held, he held me for once.

"I'm…I'm so sorry…" he began to cry as well. Because Mello knows he has hurt the only one that cares so much for him, enough to sacrifice their body...

My body…was so sore…I just let my eyes fall close, the tears run… and I relaxed into his arms.

But the next Morning…he was gone. His strong warm embrace was no longer around me…I couldn't wake up to his cold beautiful blue eyes… just to hear his voice in the morning…
Mello…you have me poisoned with you. I'm now locked away in your crazy world, but you want me there don't you? You have me right where you want me…and I let you trap me here. Because I know now, despite everything, deep down I have wanted to be here.

I was walking to my room late that night…your door was open. Taking a peek inside I see you, with Matt. You two…together. Together in the way you and I used to be. You're touching his body, the way you used to touch mine. You're kissing his skin, the way you used to kiss mine. He's moaning your name…in a sweet whisper that I used to speak in.

Finally Mello was satisfied. Satisfied with me, and now he has moved on. Done with me, he was.

His softly lidded eyes glance over to me, and by light gaze our eyes meet for a moment, and time had paused. You can tell by my eyes, all the things I can't say, and you look away.

Is Matt your new source of stress relief? Is Matt now the toy you can play with every night until you break him too? I hope he enjoys it. Every touch, every kiss, I hope he cherishes it. And I hope you damn well remember who can truly say your name, who can really calm your wild fire of a temper. I hope you remember there will never be anyone else that can handle you the way I can.

I sighed finally able to look away from the scene that made my chest ache…another feeling I have never felt before. You help me discover myself Mello. You make me feel, and I won't forget it. Looking down and feeling the light but warm tears on my cheeks again I walk back to my room. Yes, a part of me wanted him back. Reaching my room I wiped my eyes, and never cried again.

Mello, I fell in love with you.

Oh Mello...why did you have to leave him?
oh yes...CAUSE I MADE YOU D BWAHAHAHA!
Moment ruiner...sorry.
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