Summary: Yuki's life reaches a breaking point, and he finds a distorted comfort in Shigure. Kyo pieces things together after finding Yuki in a towel, and he doesn't like what's going on. yaoi, bits of yukixshigure, ultimately yukiXkyo

What gave me the idea for this fic, you ask? I have no idea. Thought of it whilst washing windows and getting high from cleaning product yesterday. I plan on it being short, maybe five chapters at the most, but look at how long Old Awakenings and New Beginnings turned out, so who knows.

Please review and please enjoy! (Oh, and the line of zeros mean I'm separating parts of the chapter. Usually POV's are changing. Like right now, it means my A.N. is over.)

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What had compelled me to do it, I'll never be sure. I might have just been rebelling against Akito's usual denial of relationships for members of the zodiac. There may have been a point where I had feelings for him, I don't know. There might have been a time that I was really interested in him. But all of it was muddled into something worse, something wrong. Before I knew it, I was relying on his harsh touch, on his forceful movements, on him using me. I feel ashamed of the whole thing now, but then…at that time, I needed him to use me. I felt like a toy, and I had this sick want to be treated like a one. Maybe I was trying to confirm the fact that I was just a tool. But even then, that would be an incredibly outlandish reason to go along with everything.

The worst part is, I couldn't even really see how dirty the whole thing was until someone else saw us and pointed out everything that was wrong with it. Well, somewhere in me, I could see it, but I wouldn't really let myself acknowledge it.

The whole thing started getting out of control at some point. If Kyo hadn't saved me, I have no idea how long I would have let it go on. Or Shigure. I wonder when he would've reached a stopping point…When I was with Shigure, I never had any dignity, but then that meant that I didn't have to keep up a sense of pride that I never had. In that twisted sense, he was my safe place.

Things never got so out of control. He wasn't beating me. He wasn't really forcing me to have sex with him. It was all my decision, ultimately. I got myself into the whole mess.

I'll never be proud of it, but…I needed him there. He might have even saved my sanity at the time. But it all came down to that one night when Kyo figured everything out.

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It was two in the morning, going on three. Sleep couldn't find Kyo. He hated it when he couldn't sleep by this time. It gave him a sinking feeling that he wouldn't sleep at all, and he knew he'd be tired the next day. Maybe he would skip school tomorrow. Pretend to be sick…no, he couldn't do that. He'd fall behind on schoolwork. He snorted to himself. As if he wasn't already behind enough! Besides, it would worry Tohru too much. He loved Tohru like a sister, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why she worried about him so much. He didn't find himself very worry-worthy.

He could hear noises coming from Shigure's room, not too far from his. What the hell was he doing, making so much noise, up there?! Whenever he stayed up past his usual, he would hear the oddest things…He couldn't sleep, not with that damned dog making so much noise. He decided to go down to the kitchen and eat something. He hadn't eaten any dinner, and he was hungry.

Kyo noticed the noises ceasing, but he was still hungry, so he went to the kitchen.

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Afterwards, I always felt disgusting.

It was a horrible feeling. He would lie there next to me, and I would wonder what he was thinking sometimes. It wouldn't be long before I couldn't stand being near him anymore and had to dress myself and get back to my room. This time was different, though. He had been turned on his left side, me on my right, both of us facing different directions. He casually turned over to his right side and wrapped his arm around my torso. Even though we were doing other things, he rarely held me. Holding each other was something that people who were really together did. Not just people who were using one another.

"What are you doing?" I muttered, pretending to be half-asleep. I really was tired, but my senses were still keen. I wasn't used to being touched. Not so gently.

"Making sure you come back tomorrow night. You seem like the type who would want to 'cuddle' afterwards," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"I don't want any of that, get off me," I said coldly, throwing his arm off.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you," he apologized, most likely knowing that would only provoke me more. I chose to ignore it and just lay there. I had no idea why I kept doing this. It was just like nothing mattered anymore.

"I feel so sorry for you," he murmured, close to my ear.

"And why is that?" I questioned.

"Loving someone like me…" he laughed just a little bit.

"I don't love you," I stated plainly. "That's not what this is about."

"Really, now?" he put his arm back around my torso, and placed his neck in the crook between my head and my shoulder. "What ever happened to what you said that first night?"

"Don't tell me you're taking this seriously," I said, dodging his question.

"Of course not. But that's irrelevant, I haven't ever taken anything seriously."

"Of course," I agreed, rolling my eyes.

"Do you not mean it anymore, though?"

"I never meant it to begin with."

"You're either a liar or a little whore, Yun-Yun," he said, chuckling. I looked back at him. He had that smile on his face that was saying "I know this is making you mad, but let's just see how you react."

It bothered me that he had called me "Yun-Yun" more than that he had called me "whore". He wasn't a very nice man, it wasn't the first time he'd called me a whore.

"I'm done here," I decided, once again removing his arm. I scanned the floor for my pants before sliding out from under the sheets.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, though he was obviously not sorry. "Did I get too rude for your tastes?"

"Yeah, right. I put up with worse from you," I snorted.

"Hmm, and why is that, my dearest Yuki? Why do you keep coming back?" he asked, with what almost sounded like sincere curiosity.

"Don't ask me," I muttered, fumbling with the zipper on my pants.

"I'm not going to have to start paying for your services, am I?"

"If you're really want me to come back, stop treating me like your bitch," I advised, trying to make out something that might have been my shirt through the darkness.

"But isn't that what you've been coming for?" he asked mischievously, propping his arm up by his elbow and laying his head in his palm.

I couldn't answer that. Screw my shirt, I decided, I was dressed enough to make it back to my room. I left Shigure's room and shut the door without another word.

I decided to go take a shower. I still felt icky.

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Kyo looked at the kitchen clock. It was three-thirty. He anxiously munched on the sloppy sandwich he had made. He certainly wasn't going to get much sleep that night, if any at all. Finishing his sandwich, he made his way back over to the fridge. Tohru had said once that milk helped you get to sleep. He carelessly pulled a quart out and drank straight from the carton.

He could hear water going through the pipes. Who the hell was taking a shower at three am?

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Yuki made the water hot. Scalding hot, almost. The initial sting didn't last long before it felt calming and relaxing. Yuki was aware that hot water was best for disinfecting things and overall for getting cleaner. He wanted to cleanse himself as much as possible.

He pumped out some shampoo on his hand and ran it through his hair. He ended up scrubbing more intently than he had planned. He tried to relax and clear his mind. His attempts were futile.

"But isn't that what you've been coming for?"

Yuki didn't know why he'd been going to Shigure. No matter what reasons he let himself slightly muse on, he couldn't find one that didn't make him feel dirty and disgusting. And that was exactly why he never let himself think about it.

While he had to wonder how his life was coming down to this, he really didn't care anymore. Nearly everything in him was hollowed by now. He noticed the soap was no longer running from his hair. How long had he been standing under the running water? Long enough, he decided, twisting the shower knob, feeling the water go cold for a moment and then the complete loss of the water pressure. He pulled the curtain back, grabbed the towel he had carelessly thrown on the countertop, and loosely tied it around his waist. He grabbed a comb and ran it through hair to wring some of the water out, and let his body air dry for a few moments.

He looked at the clock on the wall. Damn, it was late…and yet, he was hungry. He decided to remain in his towel rather than going through the hassle of putting his pants back on. He found the zipper on that particular pair incredibly tricky…It was going on four, anyway. No one else would be up around this time. He wouldn't have been up except for…well, he didn't feel like thinking about that anymore.

Yuki went down the stairs and made his way into the kitchen. He went over to the fridge, not bothering to take in his surroundings. He was quite startled to turn around and see Kyo sitting there. Kyo, however, was more startled at his own reaction to seeing his cousin in a towel, and his conclusion as to what the noises in Shigure's room were.

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Do you want more? It's not very good, I honestly don't blame you if you don't. But puh-leaze review and let me know if you want more. I may not continue with this one…

—Psycho.