Dark Lording 101
If you are here reading this, you've come to become a Dark Lord. After reading this small but informative piece, you will hopefully be ready in a week to a years time.
Step One : Name
This step is all about choosing the right name to present. No one is scared of those silly normal names like Jacob, Edward, Ron, Harry, Bob, or god forbid, Tom. Those don't strike fear into the hearts of men or women or any sort of intelligent being. No. Choose a unique name such as Voldemort, Deathstroke, Destroyer, or the such, if you are still having trouble simply choose one that sounds cool if you say it slowly and dramatically.
Step Two: Followers
Every Dark Lord needs minions, it doesn't matter if their good or not it all about appearance! If you have followers this is announcing to the world that you are serious at becoming a Dark ruler. To show them your seriously serious, employ some rather insane witches or wizards to go on a killing spree. Never forget to add in a few Crucio's or some really stinging hexes. Especially when they say it's weird for you to coo lovingly to your snake.
Step Three: Arch Nemesis
Dark Lord's need rivals or nemesis or simply people they hate. This person can either have wronged you in a big way, examples: put you in an orphanage, taken your juice box at recess, killed your favorite pet, simply won't die, made fun of your appearance or simply just breathed in your air. It doesn't matter the excuse just find someone to stalk and repeatedly try to kill.
Step Four : Hostile Takeovers
To be an efficient Dark Lord you need somewhere to rule, I suggest a field, country, town, continent, or if you're really ambitious and your name is scary enough, the World. To do this you simply set your sights on some poor unexpecting place and declare yourself supreme overlord, if that does not work, kill everyone in sight. Make sure to allow your minions to have their fun as well but if they in anyway disobey your orders, hex them.
Step Five: Facial expressions
Dark Lord have a set amount of facial expressions they are allowed.
1. Smirking, cause that's just downright evil with the bonus of seducing other witches or wizards.
2. Glaring, this shows that your angry
3. Blank Face, this show your really angry
4. Insane smiles, mostly used during duels and tortures, sticking your tongue out slightly seems to add to the effect.
Step Six: Etiquette
A Dark Lord must never embarrass themselves in front of others. This means :cackling at random moments (unless the moment is not funny), torturing random people (most likely a follower) , hissing, never offering tea to your guests (no matter how rude it is) , and above all NEVER CRAWL. If your rival somehow manages to catch you off guard and you are thrown to the ground, never crawl towards your wand. STAND UP gracefully and QUICKLY but gracefully run to it. GLARE for a good amount of time then proceed with eliminating your target.
These six steps are the ground work for becoming a Dark Lord, breaking any of these rules will only serve to set your plans back and force you to start all over, but no one will take you seriously then.
Dark Lording 101 is not responsible for any failures such as: being killed, being partially killed, being killed by love, accidental explosion, etc. These are all part of the trainee's inability to be a Dark Lord and is covered in the Terms and Conditions. Good Day and Happy Killing J
AN: Maybe not the best piece but I was watching Deathly Hallows Part Two and Voldemort was crawling for his wand and it just struck me that Dark Lords should not crawl. So J this plot was born.