Title: "La Vie En Rose"
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: PG
Summary: 'All humans are equal in death. No matter what they do in life those who die will go to the same place.' Light and L meet again in the afterlife. [Light-centric; very minor Light/L if you squint Please R&R!
Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. Part of the summary is a quote by Ryuk, Death Note, Page 107, Volume 12.
A/N: No idea where this came from))) It's just my idea of their afterlife. L really should not have died. :((
LA VIE EN ROSE
At one table I sit
Between the War and the Peace
Both never mind my tears
Talk about junk and sins.
They have no eyes and no sense.
One has no future, another - no end.
They've got a lot to talk about
And change each other round and round.
Anna Denis.
The new world was empty and cold, drenched in darkness like a sponge saturated with water. A few sharp inhales helped Light settle down a little. He breathed deeper just to hear the sound he was making. Silence frightened him. At last he was beginning to comprehend the depressing meaning of the words, 'silent as the grave'.
The world was Nothing in its purest form. The Nothing didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't feel. It was all around him, not oppressing but crudely ignorant of his suffering.
Light opened his mouth, not really believing any sound would come out. A weak sigh escaped his lips.
"Ryuk…" he whispered. Everything had started with the Shinigami. "Ryuk! Ryuk!!!" Light screamed at the top of his lungs. "What the hell is this? Get me out of here!"
"Maybe," he thought he'd heard Ryuk say, "for a ton of apples." The voice was only in his mind. Ryuk was gone, probably looking for another way to dispel his boredom.
Light broke down crying. It was a relief to feel tears running down his cheek in boiling rain. He hadn't cried since early childhood. There was so much life in these tears, so much more life than there had ever been in Light himself.
The timeless Nothing spread far and wide around him. He walked without moving as if jogging on spot. Smooth invisible path lay before him. The moment a vague thought of tripping in the dark crossed his mind Light fell. It didn't hurt. He almost wished it would.
It seemed ages now that he was lying on his back.
"Gods of death like apples," he whispered softly to himself. "There's a dark-dark place where the monsters lie…" He laughed bitterly. To spend the afterlife muttering the beginning of some silly children's rhyme was the worst form of degradation he could think of. "Please… I've had enough of this…"
Light squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to imagine he was elsewhere. He had been right to be afraid of death. Death wasn't painful. There was no eternal fire, no paying for your sins. Death was forgetfulness and a tormenting desire to start anew.
Light looked up abruptly. He felt as if he was being watched. His heart skipped a beat; he thought he saw the familiar eyes staring at him from the dark. The bitter irony of it squeezed a pathetic laugh from his throat.
Light wrapped his arms around his shoulders and hummed a soft tune of a lullaby his mother used to sing him and Sayu when they were kids. The times, the faces, the feelings all felt so far-fetched, so unfamiliar, so surreal. And the eyes flashed before him again. Light sprang up and peered into the darkness madly.
"I must be losing my mind," he murmured tiredly.
"That's unlikely," a quiet voice came all of a sudden. "You cannot lose what you don't have."
Light span around, a whimper-like sound stuck in his throat. His lips formed a silent, "Ryuuzaki…" as he looked at the familiar shape standing before him, shoulders hunched in the customary fashion, disheveled hair falling over the forehead. Here was the one person Light hadn't expected to meet – yet he had hoped.
"Good day, Light-kun," Ryuuzaki uttered in a neutral, polite voice and strode forward, past Light, only to vanish in the dark once more. As if nothing had happened between them…
Afraid to be alone once more, Light dashed after him. "How are you here!?"
"Is that a theological question? In that case I believe I should elaborate on how people in general end up in a place like this. Or if that's a regular 'what's the point of this visit'…"
"Ryuuzaki!" Light blurted out, choking on hysterical laughter. "For God's sake! You're overanalyzing!"
A noncommittal 'hmm' was L's answer. Light walked beside him, wondering where their path lay for Ryuuzaki walked so confidently in some direction he clearly knew. In time he sat down in the middle of nothing, pulled his knees up to his chest and raised his hands. His long bony fingers flitted through the air; mesmerized, Light didn't dare look away.
"You're the first person I've met so far," he said quietly, unpleasantly surprised with how bashful he sounded.
"I see other people sometimes," L replied without looking at him. "They just float by and disappear. Most of the time… It's not so bad."
"Not so bad!? It's nothing! Zero! Emptiness! How can it be not so bad?"
Light stared angrily at L's back. The young detective was dressed in his usual baggy clothes that flowed like greyish smoke around his body. He stood up towering over some invisible construction, hand in his pockets, and said softly:
"It's dark here. Darkness is the absence of light, not nothing, isn't it?"
He moved aside and Light's eyes grew wider. A three-storeyed house built entirely of used packets of cream glowed softly in the dark. It reached the middle of L's hip. Light brought his face closer to the plastic wall. He could see a half-moon-shaped balcony and a triangular roof, light flickering here and there between the small round packets.
"It's a conventional belief that the Nothing is a cold dark place," Ryuuzaki said, biting his nail thoughtfully. "Who knows, maybe you're just comfortable in the dark? I'm warm, and I feel fine."
Panic subsided. Light got a grip of himself, his gaze fixed firmly on the cream house to keep it from wandering. The first jolts of fear had died down; Light could think again.
"So you're here because I wanted to see someone?" he asked. "Is it all in my head?"
If L wasn't real he should have been gone the moment Light wished he'd disappear. The youth closed his eyes and focused on it. When he looked back, L was still there as well as his grotesque building. Light smiled, relieved.
"I guess I'm real, then," L shrugged before going back to his work.
It was monotonous, yet somewhat fascinating. Light didn't know how much time he'd spent in peaceful observation. They kept quiet, unwilling to disturb the frail harmony.
Light held out his hand and touched Ryuuzaki's forearm hesitantly. When the young man didn't pull away, Light drove his fingers deeper into the creases of the soft fabric, feeling the warmth spread through his chilly limbs. Suddenly the Nothing was filled with scents and tastes; Light rolled the half-forgotten sensations at the back of his tongue, enjoying the rush of life through his blood. He buried his face in the bend of L's neck, bathed in the sweet caramel aroma of his skin and the faint warmth that it was emitting. Amidst the darkness and death L was life.
His muscles tensed. Light felt it acutely and started to pull away. Ryuuzaki turned around in a blink of an eye and held him in a tight, warm embrace. Light squeezed his eyes shut, letting the whole range of emotions close in on him.
"Ryuuzaki," he breathed eternity after when L had gone back to his construction. "Don't you hate me?"
"What for? I didn't like losing if that's what you mean. But then again, it doesn't matter much since both you and I have won in the end." Light stared at him blankly. "Kira had killed L, but someone had killed Kira, too. I have a guess about that, but I'd rather keep it to myself."
Light sighed. In a way, L was right: things like that didn't matter any longer. But Light never gave up that easily.
Heaven and hell were never real. The only real thing about them was that anyone could create heaven and hell for personal use. Dumb-struck, Light stared at his companion.
"If that's how it is, I could create a whole new world out of this!" he exclaimed with sudden passion. "Kira's perfect kingdom of justice! Can I do that, Ryuuzaki?"
L shrugged impassively. "I believe so. Technically you can create anything. The world where there was no L against Kira, or where you never found the Note and became Kira, or where you never met Misa-san. Any world, for that matter."
Light rose swiftly. He felt like a heavy load had been lifted from his shoulders. The prospect of putting all the wrong things right got him intoxicated. Light held out his hand, smiling.
"Then come with me! Together we can make a perfect world! L and Kira, they used to be on different parties of barricades, and everything broke apart. Now we know better, don't we, L?"
Ryuuzaki's eyes darkened. "I'm sorry, Light-kun. I'm not interested in deluding myself."
Light's memory flickered. L eyed him placidly with the same cold, grounded look Near had given him when he'd said: 'A crazy mass murderer, that's all you are.' Disgusted, he turned his back on L and walked away. Nothing had changed; L was still unable to understand him.
"I don't need you anyway," Light whispered. "You'd only hold me back."
The newest world was towers and skyscrapers, dark velveteen sky and fleecy clouds, multi-coloured umbrellas and bare feet in light summer sandals treading on shallow puddles. The newest world smelled with moist asphalt, flowers and sunlight. The white of the falling snow, the bright green of trees, the rainbow colours of people's clothes made it shine like a facetted diamond.
Light stood on the rooftop facing the city and smiled. Death proved to be an interesting experience, after all.
He took an apple out of his pocket and saluted to someone invisible ironically. "Here's to you, Ryuk! Gods of death should lose their Notebooks more often."
He took a bite. Juice splashed into his mouth as he chewed on the sweet-and-sour flesh of the fruit. The next instant it boiled in his mouth, scorching his palate. He coughed and spat the viscous hot substance out. It streamed down his chin in ashes.
Struggling to breathe, Light dropped the apple. It fell down, bursting into a fountain of dust.
Light had promised his mother to come for dinner. 'You're too busy forming all the rules and regulations of the new world,' she used to scold him affectionately. 'You should rest more, and don't forget your family.'
It was unusual to see his family so proud of him knowing what he was doing. Even his father had lost his faith in police and joined Kira. Life was ridiculously easy when you could rule the world by the snap of your fingers.
Light hugged his mother after the dinner. "Everything was great as always, Mum," he said. Then he had the misfortune to look at her face. Yagami-san's plain, kind features were melting in pale wax-like streaks. Her eyes acquired a frightening glint before pouring out of the sockets. Light released her and dashed to the door.
"Light, what's the matter?" the horrible thing asked in his mother's gentle voice. Its breath smelled of death. "Are you all right?"
Light rushed outside and ran panting until his heart started beating so fast he couldn't breathe past the pulse anymore.
"What the fuck is wrong with me!?" he shrieked. "It is my world! I control it!"
The newest world had turned its back on him. Every meeting inevitable ended up in disaster. Ashes and dust resurfaced everywhere be it the food Light ate, or the water he drank, or the air he breathed. He was getting paranoid. Sometimes night would fall in the middle of the day and he would see faces from the past, spooks behind his back, mocking him. Laughing, cursing, calling him…
Once he met a girl with golden hair who walked aimlessly beneath the falling autumn leaves. She was not of his world; he instantly recognized her as one of the shadows Ryuuzaki had spoken about. He knew that if he didn't stop her she would 'float by and disappear'. Frightened as he was, Light caught up with her and grabbed her by the shoulders. When did she die? Had her time finally run out?
"Misa!" he breathed anxiously. "Thank God, it's you! Help me!"
Her light, barely perceptible hand covered his fingers. For a moment he was sure she recognized him.
"Light…" she said very quietly. "Misa thought she heard Light's voice." Her huge sad eyes looked past him as she moved on despite his effort to hold her. "But Light's gone. Light's left Misa…"
"Help me!" Light wanted to scream; instead a small whimper came out of his lips in a plaintive gasp. "Somebody! Anybody…"
No answer came. His world lay in ruins around him. When the last specks of shining dust disappeared Light got up and staggered forward. Strange numbness consumed him. He walked on, having convinced himself that his feet hurt from non-stop walking.
Finally he found himself looking upon a familiar site. Slouching in the middle of warm, pastry-scented emptiness, L was building his house. It was already much bigger than the last time Light saw it.
"Are you aiming for the record?" Light asked mildly, squatting beside L. the young man ignored him. Light lowered his eyes and said nothing more.
After a while he tried to repeat after L: he raised his hand and picked an object from the air; he produced a small plastic packet of cream and filled a gap in the wall. Then, another one, and another one to finish the curved crest atop the roof. Slowly he got engulfed in the process. Shoulder to shoulder with Ryuuzaki, he continued building the house. The Nothing around him breathed with coffee, freshly baked rolls and late spring rain.
"Hey, Ryuuzaki, you never told me your real name," Light said with a small smile.
L brushed his feathery fringe off his eyes and stared at the ground. Light was suddenly aware of it being right beneath him: soft, moist sand, clods of which clung together in natural disarray.
"That's not entirely true, Light-kun," L said; his smile mirrored Light's smile, and Light was suddenly unnerved by it. "The truth is you've always known it."
He dipped his finger into the sand and wrote one bold letter:
L.
Light closed his eyes and laughed full-heartedly at the irony of it all.
October 14–15, 2007