spin-off cowboy au with vegetables c:
not as cracky but cracky enough C:
In far far lands of 'bukuro town, sherrif potato woke up from his new potato smelled bed.
He shaved his beard, and put on his giant hat sherrif and his little sherrif of starfruit badge.
After a few times that he poked himself, he finally got it on and went out to the bar to get some eggies n bacon.
Skipping out of his chamber, he pet his Shinra jean/horse on the nose before he went.
Shinra had a slap on the face.
In which, potatoe gave him a carrot.
Shinra liked carrots.
So he munched down the little sucker till its soft and bouncy green hair died.
He walked in the bar in such shoulders up chest high and STRIKE BRING/BREAK IT DOWN LOW YEAH.
Sherrif potatoe was happy with his little town of vegetables and human beings.
He wanted to keep them safe from the many dangers of Izaya Orihara and bandits from the West.
The town was a small little town that of which had no titans coming to eat them anytime of soon.
This bar was a stubby little bar, it was owned by a good friend of potatoe, Tom Tanaka, a man of human and with dreads of a Kassim from a magical anime of watermelons.
But that was another story.
Getting on a seat, -trying to anyways, as he hopped on the seat many times before failing and finally getting on-, he found a beaaautttifffull leeaddyy at the counter bar with her back side towards us, cleaning a cup with a rag.
Wearing a skirt with green and pink with lace and ribbons around.
With soft and bouncy blonde hair and exposed shaved legs.
Potatoe fell at first sight.
He'd tapped that.
And by that, he tapped her shoulder to get her attention to him.
Watch and learn young padorwans, and see how a real potatoe does it.
A face appeared.
Now potatoe never did say that the soft hair was long.
And ofcourse, no other than Shizuo Heiwajima, aka, Shizu bo peep or little bo Shizu-o was the gal that potatoe's eyes were caught by.
And for the lady part, he was definitely a male.
But he was a lady in potatoe's eyes.
A hawt one.
Did I, potatoe also mention that I met Shizu bo peep before, but as a potatoe, a kawaii potatoe.
I'm the sherrif now so.
"Hey there preetty lady." c: potatoe wolf whistled (he learned from Izaya) and dipped his hat forward at Shizu bo peep.
Shizu giggled very highpitched with his hand on his lips as he chucked the rag at potatoe's eyes.
Potatoe knew that was a sign.
He continued flirting with him with being the big man.
And so he touched his starfruit.
The starfruit did not like to be touched.
So he bit him.
He said "Why starfruit why." bo Shizu was amused by this.
"I'll have some eggs and bacon please." said potatoe as he stared at Shizuo legs.
He ordered his usual breakfast of eggs of frogs and berry bacon.
Then wash it down with some of bo Shizu's famous lettuce beer mixed with crab knifes.
Shizuo wrote down the order and led it to Tom and chef Dennis.
Then Shizuo turned to potatoe and whisper to his ear and slipped a note to potatoe. "Call me maybe, 'sherrif'?"
He winked at him and sassed away as if he was Delic, cleaning more already cleaned and dried cuppies. (kappa's sorry that's my Delicy-type C:)
Potatoe melted.
No literally he melted into gravy in his suit of potatoe.
Tom got the stuff. And potatoe ate it in an attractive way.
He got his beer of green and went to check around the bar.
"Don't I know you?" said sherrif potatoe to a familiar thing.
"NIEN." The familiar vegtable sipped his beer and looked at him mysteriously.
"Ok. then." c:
BUT THEN BAM. THE DOOR OPENED WITH A FOOT, a black booted foot.
A masked carrot came in front, with black scarf too.
"THE JIGS UP." with guns too, oh noes.
Three carrots revealed themselves with maskes and put potatoes hat down and screwed it on his head.
"NOO I CAN'T SEE." Potatoe paniked.
"Your little horse ate my family. Srsly. Like, EVERY MORNING. I'll be taking your little gal!" Said the leader of the bandits.
"NO! HALP SHERRIF!" potatoe couldn't see anything :c
"NOOO SHIZU BO PEEP." He slapped everywhere trying to find him but, and fell on the ground.
"Hehehehe, Muhahahaheeha."
The carrot was so smug. The potato came to his senses and got his hat off.
The bar was empty now without little bo Shizu.
"No my litte bo shizu. I must get him."
The potato ran to his Shinira horse jean and got on. "Ok potatoe jean with glasses you. LETS RIDE."
He whipped the leashes and said a "HAY YAH!" Shinra neighed loudly and dashed off.
(You will understand if you listen to toy story adventure musics c:)
A cowboy toystory music came on.
"GIDDY UP SHINRA YEAH."
He holded the grip with a woody face gritting his teeth, he has eye brows now and eyes and ears and noses.
But nu.
Then they stumbled to a mysterious hose on a house.
"K Shinra horsie. Eat this carrot." c:
Potatoe walked upon a squeaky chair with a lettuce sat it. "Woow your leaves so green." said potatoe.
"Yeah I am god of sat. What you doing on my house."
Apperantly he had no shaved legs so potatoe didn't really like him.
"I needs to find a carrot hidey out."
"O well it's somewhere to the north of a town, has plenty of cucumber barrels there. It saids to have kappa lord live." c:
"Ok then danks sat." So potatoe got on Shinra jean and ride again.
With toy story bullseye music.
He always knew he would find a lettuce god one day.
"GIDDY UP SHINRA. HEY HAI HO GIDDEH UP."
They rode into the hot sun that stayed in the yellow sky of townville of Sat.
In of search for the kappalord to find the carrot bandit hideout.
Then he can find his Shizuo and call him later c:
-Mean of the while in the hide out, that you totally don't know where it is-
"Wat. Where am I."
Shizuo finally regained his conscious from the drugged rag that had him fainted, into the carrot's arms, of handsomeness.
"You are in the carrot house. Of doom." Said leader carrot.
"So now you has to go explodey cause potatoe can't have you. Cause my carrot family be eaten. Like. Again. And again, seriously."
"Nooooo whyyyyy. Potatoeeee you son of a bietttccchhh savvvveeee meeeeee. e. NOW." Shizuo squealed.
"Yeah. In case you no escape, we tie you to a strong starfruit rope." Carrot points to him with Shizu tied up in that ropeness.
"You forgot to tie meh feet down." Shizuo pointed out for showing his smugness towards the carrot and how cool he was, which he was.
"yeah but. you can't. because. look behind you, turn around real quick c:"
Shizuo turned.
"What the hell."
"Yeah, if it dosen't feel any weight on the chair it'll kinda clamp shut and go at your chest and kinda split you in half." c:
"I have a lawyer."
"You die first before you could ever get yo lawyer bro."
Another carrot with sunglasses and a weird gangster hair cut said, saying yoyoyoyoooo before coming into da room of darkness.
"Why'd you have to make it look like an annoying purple cat." Shizuo questioned with unamusment at it.
"Cause. we can." Man these carrots are smug.
"It's like, if you pet it it'll just look at you and go. baarrrgh." Shizuo imitated a cat noise.
"No, if you pet it you'll probably die."
-back to bullseye music-
"I'm getting tired Potatoe." Shinra can talk?
"Shinra, your floating on air." wat.
"Oh, I forgot." c:
They then arrived at the town of cucumbers, as of finding random amounts of them on the floors.
"This must be that town the weird sat god said bout."
Potatoe got off, and looked for a carriage for jean Shinra.
Everyone stared at him weirdly, but with no shaved legs as usual.
"I don't like this town." Potatoe squints his eyes.
"Why do I have eyes." He asked himself.
He and Shinra got to a carriage and potatoe set him there.
"k. Good Shinra. Eat this carrot again." Potatoe fed another family member to his Shinra.
Shinra liked carrots.
Potatoe went into an inn, and asked a man for a way to a hideout.
The man was useless.
But Potatoe saw the kappa lord with at least 20 barrels of cucumbers.
He pointed to the way of the hideout.
Well that was useful.
"dank you kappa lord." Potatoe gave him a cucumber that he found on the ground.
The kappa smugly went "hm hm hm hm." and disappeared with his barrels.
"Now, Shinra, we gonna go ride again." He got on.
"Neeigh." went Shinra after eating.
"Wait I thought you could talk." Potatoe was confused.
Shinra stayed silent and chewed potatoe's sherrif hat.
"Ahh, nu, stop. Ok. I didn't hear nuthing."
"c:" Shinra stopped and so they left in a flash to the direction the kappalord gave them.
"YEEP YEEP GIDDY UP SHINRA YEE." (Bullseye music)
-About 10 seconds later-
All of a sudden, he found a tiny house thing.
"This must be it. I betta go in. Shinra, come with me."
Potatoe kicked the door. Like BANG!
"Alright. Reeach for the skkkyy." He shouted to the carrots there that la gasped at him.
Then, a bunch of carrots surrounded potatoe. With pointy sticks too. :c
"Oh shit. Wait." potatoe looked at Shinra "SHINRA! SICK EM BOI!" he pointed.
While Shinra was eating grass, he noticed the carrots, with his tongue sticking out, and charged into them.
All the carrot tried to run for their lives and scream at the titan jean horse that was after them.
Eating all of them happily.
Shinra must've liked those carrots.
"Now lets find little bo shizu Shinra." Potatoe ran.
They entered a dark room. With Shizu bo peep in the middle, all tied up.
"Yay Shizu!"
"Potatttoeeee."
All of a sudden, a spot light came upon a familiar figure from the back of the room, man that's a long room.
Potatoe squints his eyes again.
A tomatoe figure, sitting on a thone of broccoli skulls.
It was the masked tomatoe the master of the carrot bandits.
And Izaya's maid.
With another thing beside him.
The leader of the carrot bandits, Tomatoe's butler.
Standing beside him.
"So, you've finally entered the battle field," He the tomato went with a James voice going.
"Oooh. Prepare for trouble." with the carrot leader jumping in a tutu, tinyly behind tomato in the background.
"SHUT THE KAPPA UP. GO GET HIM SHINRA!" Potatoe didn't usually swear, but he was angry today. He pointed.
Shinra ran, but tomato summoned his last carrot servant, to battle for honor of the carrot race.
Tomato just realized something.
"Wait, what happened to all my carrots?" He looked around to find none. A thumbleweed went by.
"Oh, um. Shinra ate them all." Leader carrot whispered.
"Very well. CARROT! GET THEM! I command you!" tomatoe pointed towards Shinra with his gloved hand.
"Yes, my lord." the carrot bowed and dashed towards Shinra without fear.
Shinra happily ran to him, and then carrot stopped.
He noticed Shinra was much more larger than him.
"Oh."
Shinra happily ate the carrot as usual with a happy smile on his face.
Tomatoe frowned at this for that was his last carrot minon.
And his butler.
Time for Izaya to hired a new one.
He wished that Izaya was here for he was not and off smashing them human's cell phones and fighting bears.
"I see, then we have a final show down." Tomatoe said with great smugness in his mouth of red.
And his secret weapon that he knew that will led to potatoe's defeat.
And then Izaya and him can rule the world and bukuro town together, burning down buildings and cards.
Tomato reveals his legs.
And looked at potatoe smugly.
They were shaved.
And in high-heels.
All of the sherrif potatoe's weaknesses in one on a tomatoe.
Potatoe drooled.
"Ooooh, I cannot resist." He went slowly towards them to touch them and feel the smoothness of them legs.
"No! Potatoe! snap out of it! look at these shaved legs." Shizuo wanted more attention.
So he revealed his legs too.
Potatoe didn't listen, he continued walking to tomato's shaved legs.
While Tomato tried seducing him, tomatoe held a gun at the back of hims.
Potatoe liked shaved legs and in heel of highness.
And since Shizuo did not have highheels, Tomatoe's leg were hotter in his eyes of the hawt-o-meter of shaved legs.
Shizu bo peep had no choice.
Shizuo needed to be saved, so he used his secret weapon of all.
He flipped his skirt up, and revealed all his shaved legs, AND his panties.
Shizuo blushed in shades of what he could describe as tomato. e.
Potatoe's head and body snapped back to have smell that smelly smell smell of sweetness.
And there he saw it.
Panties.
And there was shaved leg and Shizu bo peep too.
"Ooohh, Shizu bo peep. My god. I knew I smell panties."
He turns around and snaps out of it. Shizu bo peep was more affective than tomatoes legs.
"Ok, then it's time to actually do this." Tomatoe tched, because his legs were discarded for panties.
'I bet Izaya would have liked his panties than mine too..' Tomatoe thought jealously.
In another place a very loud sneeze was heard.
He sniffed a tear away before potatoe or Shizuo saw it.
"I will not lose to you Shizu bo peep, Izaya loves me more!"
"wat. what the hell, I don't want him, you keep him!" Shizuo yelled.
He lied, secretly c: (right? /gets hit with vending machine)
Sneezes everywhere were heard, very much that afternoon showdown at noon time.
(Cowboy music-Showdown music-)
Staring at each other, for a while.. then looked at each others eyes glaring.
Potatoes hand twitched. Tomatoes hair flipped, and twitched. They got their guns out...
Jumped and went to a barrel was a potatoe, behind a wagon was a tomatoe.
They then jumped out from hiding, and shot each other, they missed every single times.
They need more practice.
Since when was there barrels and wagons in the black room in the first place.
The vegetables didn't care. (tomatoe's a fruit tho c:)
But then.
Potatoe got shot, because he tripped from hiding, and he layed down on to the dirty, dusty floor of sand madness.
Tomato pointed the gun at him and over his hat head, "it's over, potatoe. Give it up."
"NO! I SUMMON THE KAPPA LORD!" potatoe opened his eyes, picking out the kappalord card from his deck.
The kappalord jumped out of a barrel, holding cucumbers in each hand, with cowboy hat on his head for coolness.
c:
They magically transformed into froggie beam guns and shot tomatoe.
Tomatoe got hit and fell on the ground.
"Hueee.. you win this time Potatoe. I will come again. Mouahaheeheemooo..."
the Tomatoe was very weak at the froggie attack, so he whistled.
A helicopter came, and threw down a rope ladder, tomatoe climbed the rope
He climbed on as the chopper flew away, the driver was a man.
And another man beside him.
An evil man with a mustache and black hat.
Izaya. With a cold.
"I'll get you one day, and your little bo shizu tooooo..."
Tomatoe shouted as he climbed into the chopper as it flew away by titan powers.
"K then." c:
Potatoe didn't care what they said, and didn't listen, he dashed to his bounded by ropes princess of Shizu-ness.
He tripped first though.
"Oh dank you potatoe, you saved me. Even though it was your fault in the first place." Shizu bo peep was happy that potatoe liked his legs and panties better than tomatoe's high-heeled ones.
So he forgave him.
Potatoe untied the strong starfruit rope with the help of his starfruit stars blades. "ha yah!"
Starfruit disliked being a knife. So he bit potatoe's thumb again.
Amused by this, Shizuo wrapped his shaved legs around potatoe's waist.
And so potatoe carried Shizu bo peep outside the playing card of houseness hideout that was of no more.
Shinra was outside, finishing off all the screaming carrot babies.
He got on Shinra with Shizuo in his lap.
They rode off toward the sunset and back to bukuro town before Tom killed him for having Shizuo leave work.
And being kipnapped. I mean Shizunapped.
After that the ride back to the bar and everything was over.
Everything went back to normal in bukuro townville.
Well almost everything.
A titan died but that's about it.
And that Shizuo gave a visit to potatoe at night to give him his "reward" that night.
It was a tall glass of lettuce beer and Shizuo.
Potatoe was happy that night, and got his sexy on.
Shinra was happy for that he got to eat so many carrots.
Everyone was happy.
C:
Unless they were carrots or tomatoe.
Even Mika was happy this time.
Seiji noticed her.
And.
On that night, potatoe lost his virginity.
the end c:
there will be a sequel C:
with evil doctor IZAYAAA-chop anf his eyepatch and hat of doom c:
potatoe got his lady C:
I did nothing.