Weasley's Ten

Summary: Harry Potter is in love. The problem? He's trying to deny his feelings, and for typically assinine reasons too. His friends, fed up of his lovesick act, cook up a few harebrained schemes to force him to admit his feelings.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended. Just a harmless piece of fun, but please don't reproduce this without asking me first!

Pairings: HarryxGinny, RonxHermione

Warnings: Chapters 3and 4 contain content that is of a vaguely sexual nature, you have been warned! There is no explicit imagery, just a rather strong dollop of innuendo and/or euphemism. Hopefully this is fine for the rating, this warning is just to cover me in case there are any serious prudes out there who might take exception.

Author Note: Despite the similarity in names and taglines to a certain movie, no casinos will be robbed during this fic. This is just pure, unadulterated Harry-torture because I'm an evil, evil fanfic author :).

Author Note 2: Gah! As aptly pointed out by a review I just received from MissMaurauder4487 (many thanks for reviewing by the way) I have neglected to explain the conditions of this AU, and so lots of people are acting rather off. First of all, forget about Harry having had a relationship with Ginny before. Assume that although he noticed her in Sixth year, he refrained from getting together with her because he was afraid of her becoming a target (that seems quite in character for Harry if you ask me), so they have no history together and therefore Harry only has his own, apparently now unrequited, feelings to go by, and what with his lack of self-confidence when it comes to girls, I think it quite likely that he would hover on the sidelines permanently in that kind of situation unless someone gave him a good kick up the rear. Also highlighted is Malfoy's totally out of character behaviour. I'm partially justifying this by the fact that he got saved from death twice in the Final Battle by Harry, so he owes Harry a debt, like Wormtail did, and is trying to pay it off now in this way rather than having it hang over his head for Harry to call in at another time in a totally unpredictable way. The other part is that he wants his old sparring partner back. I've seen a lot of schoolboy rivalries turn out this way, with opponents coming to respect each other a lot, and continuing to wrangle at one another more to keep themselves sharp than because they actually hate each other. That was the sort of attitiude I was going for in Malfoy's thoughts right at the end of this chapter. Whether Harry reciprocates this respect is up to you, but I'd like to think that the Final Battle matured them both to the point where they could get over their old dislike of one another in order to get along for the final year of school. The final major deviance from canon is the fact that Fred is still counted among the living. I don't really have a good justification for his continued survival except that Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes are integral to plan no.2, and if Fred were dead then I doubt George would be in any sort of mood to help out in a scheme of this sort. Just please humour me and assume that Fred got out of the way, or was healed by Madam Pomfrey. Please?

Now that that's all done, on with the show...

Ron Weasley surveyed the circle of people that sat with him in a deserted classroom not far from the Gryffindor Tower. The group was quite large, but carefully selected for their talents, and they were all united by a single purpose: to force Harry Potter to confess his deep attraction for Ron's sister Ginny before he drove them all into insanity. On his left was Hermione who, as his own girlfriend and Harry's other best friend, could hardly be left out of something like this, but she too was more than fed up with Harry's actions, or rather his significant lack thereof, since the start of this year and completely agreed that something needed to be done.

Next to her sat Ron's brothers, Fred, George, and Percy. Bill and Charlie would have been there too, except that they were both working abroad at the moment. They had, however, expressed their support for this little group, and stated that if Harry was still being stubborn by the time they were done with their jobs in Egypt and Romania respectively, then they would come back and provide their full assistance. Percy was acting as their smokescreen with the staff, since their ultimate plan was rather drastic, they would need to direct official attention elsewhere should it become necessary. Thus in his capacity as Ministry liaison to Hogwarts, he would, if needed, call for a full scale inspection of the school's teaching courses from first year to seventh year. They hoped that this could keep the entire staff tied up for the duration of perhaps even an entire weekend if they really needed it, and thus out of their hair. Fred and George were present because their talent for pranks was unparalleled, as was their knowledge of the castle. They would be responsible for implementing some of the more drastic aspects of any plans that the group had come up with, not to mention that some of their joke products, especially the love potions, might well come in very handy.

Next to those three sat Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. Hermione had initially been rather disgruntled by their inclusion, considering Ron's history with Lavender, but she had to admit that no one else came close to that pair's knowledge concerning romance and makeovers, not to mention that they had agreed not to charge at all for the use of products from the beauty salon they had opened together on graduating from school. Their responsibility in all of this was to make sure that Ginny looked absolutely stunning at all times, without making it obvious that that was what they were doing. So far they had done a good job. Harry's eyes had followed Ginny everywhere for the last few weeks now, and Ron could have sworn that he had started drooling on a couple of occasions. Nevertheless, Harry remained adamantly in denial about his own feelings for her.

Next to them sat Luna Lovegood, present for her moral support, and because she could provide them with a back-up distraction for the staff if they really needed one, although she had kept the precise nature of this distraction a carefully guarded secret. She had told Hermione, and Hermione had assured them all that it would be most effective if they needed it to be.

Next to Luna sat a rather surprise addition to their group. Ron had very nearly fainted dead away when Draco Malfoy had suggested that Ron really needed to get Harry together with his sister. Malfoy had been much friendlier since they returned to Hogwarts to complete their final years, especially since the trio had saved his life twice during the battle, but it was still a great shock to the system that Malfoy was volunteering to participate in any activity calculated to make Harry happier, even if he did claim that the real reason he was doing this was because Harry was so wrapped up in mooning over Ginny that Malfoy no longer had anyone challenging to pit himself against. Nevertheless the blond-haired Slytherin had already proven himself useful in distracting Harry from their plans with well-placed insults and fights. Distracted by Ginny Harry might be, but Malfoy was an expert at pushing his buttons, and had neatly and smoothly occupied Harry's attention with arguments and fights at opportune times when the group needed to ensure that Harry would not stumble across their planning sessions or their other preparations.

The final member of their group was, naturally, the most important member of all: Ginny herself. She was having the time of her life, especially since the boy of her dreams since she was ten could now no longer keep his eyes off her. Ron suspected privately that she might be a little disappointed when the chase was over, but since Harry had not yet shown any signs of cracking except a pronounced upswing in his 'discreet' mooning, he was sure that she still had plenty of time left to enjoy the whole affair. Besides, his sister was happier than he had ever seen her at the prospect of finally getting her man, and he could not begrudge her that. In fact if he had to he would beat the truth out of Harry to get them together, if he wasn't afraid that Ginny would hex him for damaging her beloved boyfriend-to-be.

"Alright," Ron said, calling them to order, "Does everyone know what they're supposed to be doing then?"

"No, Weasley," Malfoy drawled laconically, "Going over it for the fiftieth time just wasn't enough for me."

Ron clenched his fists. Malfoy may have been friendlier this past term, but he was still very, very annoying. Reminding himself that this time the Slytherin was working with them rather than against them, and that he had really been rather helpful in his own way, Ron forced his fists to open up again. Instead he chose to get his small revenge in another way.

"In that case, Malfoy," he said with saccharine sweetness, "You won't mind telling us the entire plan, will you?"

Malfoy shot him a glare, but it was half-hearted, like most of his hostility these days, more for show to protect his reputation than for actual malice.

"Tomorrow," he drawled in a thoroughly bored tone, "Weaselette there will be getting up bright and early to receive yet another makeover from our resident beauticians," he nodded towards Parvati and Lavender, "When she's fairly presentable, I shall be escorting her to Hogsmeade for a day of fun and frolicking," he sneered on those last three words, and made a disgusted face, "Potter is planning to remain holed up in Gryffindor tower for the day, claiming that he has a Potions essay to do, which is an outright lie since Professor Slughorn hasn't handed out a Potions homework to us since last week's lesson, but in reality intending to spend the day mooning after Weaselette in the privacy of his dorm. Fred and George will therefore be sneaking into Gryffindor tower at ten and dragging Potter out to Hogsmeade, supposedly to check out the new branch of their ridiculous joke-shop that has just opened in the village. They will leave the castle at ten thirty. Quite by chance, Weaselette and I shall be exiting the school gates at precisely the moment when Fred, George and Potter get there, no doubt sending Potter into fits of jealousy. Due to the high risk of being hexed at this point, I shall be donning one of Fred and George's Shield Cloaks for the journey to Hogsmeade. We will all proceed into Hogsmeade, whereupon, Weaselette and I will retire to Madam Puddifoot's teashop, favoured haunt of couples that are supposedly in love, while Potter, Fred and George go to the joke shop. After that, Weaselette and I shall wander around Hogsmeade in the affectation of a couple having a good time," once again Malfoy made a disgusted face, "naturally making certain that Potter gets the full benefit of our little charade. At the end of the day we will all return to Hogwarts, and Weaselette will, after ensuring that Potter is in the vicinity to benefit from it, shower me with profuse thanks for giving her a wonderful time while at the same time hinting heavily that she would have had an even better time if I had been Potter. Assuming that Potter is not in fact thicker than two planks, he will be spurred into declaring his undying affection for Weaselette, and we will collectively be able to congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Is that all about right, Weasley?"

"It'll do," Ron said grudgingly, "At least you covered the main points."

The rest of the group watched the interplay with amusement. Ron and Malfoy still made out that they could not stand each other, but working together on this project had caused them to grow on each other a bit, and their wrangling was a little more good natured than it had been in the previous six years of school, not that this was really saying much, but it was better than nothing. Ron then turned to Hermione.

"Is everything set upstairs, 'Mione?"

"Yes, Ron," the bushy brown-haired witch replied primly, Ron's obsession with organisation on these things was wearing sometimes, but she loved that he cared enough to try and make sure that everything was perfect for trying to help his sister and best friend, "The charms are keyed to Fred and George's voices, so that no matter what they say the Fat Lady will think that it is the correct password. But you'll have to be pretty quick tomorrow. I couldn't create wards that would last too long for fear of triggering some of the castle's defences."

"Don't worry, Hermione," Fred assured her, "We'll get there on time."

"Nothing short of the end of the world could stop us," George agreed.

"Good," said Ron decisively, "Let's hope this one works."

On that point they all fervently agreed.

Harry Potter sat in the library at Hogwarts, brooding. Brooding was nothing new to him; he had spent a great deal of time brooding in the last six and a quarter years. The subject of his introspection, however, was. In the past when he had brooded, it was generally on a certain recently vanquished Dark Lord, or some affiliate thereof. Now, however, with Voldemort destroyed, he had thought that he might have less to brood about. Fate, however, did not seem to think the same way that he did. Having disposed of the main source of his tribulations permanently, he had now been presented with another equally problematic figure to deal with, one Ginevra Molly Weasley. The nature of the problem was a bit different, after all Ginny was no Dark Lord. She was the wrong gender for that for a start, and besides an angel like Ginny would never touch the Dark Arts. She was too perfect to be like that. Nevertheless, if given the choice between solving his problems with Voldemort all over again from the start, or facing the problems he now faced with Ginny, he thought that he would take Voldemort any day.

With Voldemort it had been an open and shut case. Super evil guy, needs killing, only Harry can do it, so Harry does it, simple really. Well there had been a few more stages than that to it, for example getting to the point where Voldemort was actually capable of dying by destroying all those Horcruxes, but on the whole it had been fairly clear-cut. He knew what he had to do, and then he did it. With Ginny, however, he had absolutely no idea what the correct course of action was, caught as he was between his own desires and his fears. First off there was the fear of rejection. She could so easily just laugh in his face. Even if she had had a big crush on him before, she had gotten over that years ago, had even dated a whole string of other guys in the last five years. Then too there was the fact that he was woefully inadequate for the position of Ginny's boyfriend. Ever since the defeat of Voldemort, he had ceased to be the Boy-Who-Lived, left behind the mantle of the Chosen One that had defined him for so long and become Just Harry, and frankly Just Harry was simply not good enough. Just Harry had half way decent school marks, whereas the object of his desire was so clever that she had mastered the Bat Bogey hex when she was just nine years of age. Just Harry was okay looking, whereas the object of his desire was the most beautiful creature ever to walk the face of the planet. Just Harry could barely hold up his end of a conversation, whereas the object of his desire could chatter and joke wittily for hours on end. In fact Just Harry was the absolute pinnacle of mediocrity, while the object of his desire was about as stupendous as one person could get whilst still being human, although sometimes he had his doubts about that last part, sometimes he really did believe that Ginny was an angel newly descended to earth.

Anyway, the upshot was that Harry was sure beyond reasonable doubt that Ginny could do a lot better than himself, and being so clever she probably knew it too, which was the main factor in problem number one. Unfortunately these quite obvious facts could not change the fact that he loved her so much it hurt. He missed her when she walked out of the room, and when he envisioned the worthy man that was not him standing beside an ecstatically happy Ginny as they met, dated, fell in love, got married, had kids and so on and so on, he felt a yawning pit open up in him. He had therefore compromised between his own desires and the right thing to do and settled himself into the role of close friend, and told himself that that was all he would ever have. He could not dispel his feelings altogether, but he limited himself to discreet glances when no one else was looking and the occasional pleasure he got out of seeing her eyes light up in happiness at him. He would, he vowed, keep his feelings hidden for the rest of his life, allowing Ginny to have the kind of life she deserved, unencumbered by the futile lusting of yesterday's news.

Despite this resolution, however, he could not, on the odd occasion, help but indulge himself in wild fantasies in which Ginny declared her undying love for him. He knew it did him no good to think that way, since it was more likely that Minerva McGonagall would break down and confess that Severus Snape had been her secret lover for their entire professional careers, an event that ranked well below the likelihood of hell hosting an ice-skating party tomorrow. Tonight was one of those occasions. He knew he ought to be doing his Transfiguration essay, and he really was trying, but the rather realistic daydream of Ginny's whispered 'I love you' in his ear was very distracting.

When he finally finished the last two inches of his essay, about twenty minutes later, it was seven o'clock. Dinner was over, but a goodly number of people were still wandering the halls since curfew was not yet in effect. Unfortunately for Harry and his mood, most if not all of them were discussing their plans for tomorrow's free day in Hogsmeade. A free day that he would not be attending himself. He had decided that Ron and Hermione did not need a third wheel on their second date beyond the confines of the castle, and so when asked, he had excused himself from their company for the day in favour of a completely fictitious Potions essay. Now he wished that he had had the presence of mind to come up with a better excuse. He had effectively sealed himself in the castle for the day to do his non-existent work, and as a result was rather jealous of everyone else. He would not even be able to while away the time by going flying for fear of someone seeing him and, accidentally or not, ratting him out to his friends. Instead he would have to remain in his dorm to maintain the pretence that he had, in fact, been doing work all day. He hoped that Ron and Hermione appreciated his sacrifices for their happiness, or, failing that, that they would make good use of the time given them and not waste it arguing.

Caught up in his own thoughts, he was rather surprised when he walked into the fairly solid form of Draco Malfoy.

"Watch where you're going, Potty," the blond Slytherin drawled with malice in his tone, "or did defeating the Dark Lord fry your brain so much that you're incapable of performing two simple tasks like walking and looking at the same time?"

"I think you'll find," Harry replied icily, "that Voldemort's brain is a good deal more fried than mine was, Malfoy, and I'm perfectly capable of looking where I'm going. You're just so insignificant that sometimes you escape my notice."

Harry walked off, fairly pleased with his comeback. Malfoy had mellowed since the end of the war, but that did not stop them from disliking each other intensely, and they still traded insults and hexes on a regular basis. That one would get Malfoy's back up for a couple of days at least so he would have to watch himself, but it was worth it for the satisfaction he got out of one-upping the Slytherin again.

For his part, Malfoy stared at the retreating form of the Gryffindor Golden Boy. He was impressed; Potter had actually managed to come up with a half-decent insult for once. He had half expected the boy to mutter something vague and not in the least insulting before meandering on his way. Nevertheless, the fact that such things were now the exception rather than the norm was dissatisfactory. They needed to get Potter and Weaselette together soon, or else he might well go mad from the withdrawal of good verbal sparring to be had in Hogwarts. Weasley was fun to bait, but his comebacks generally involved swearing and very little imagination, whereas Granger was too difficult to goad into a decent insulting match, she tended to move straight past insults and on to hexes. In short, he needed Potter back to his former self, to supply him with his fix. Shaking his head he turned to head for his own common room in the dungeons and prepared himself to pretend to woo the woman that Potter loved.

Funny? Awful? Dead in the water? Leave a review to let me know what you think.