Jonathan and the Captain…..the beginning and the end…

Alpha and Omega

Alpha

The afternoon had passed quietly as the boy sat on the rock watching the waves wash in and out over the course of the day. He liked the ocean. It might storm, and the waves would get higher and stronger. It might be calm and the waves would still, but no matter what the ocean was there and would remain there, it was a something that would never change. And at the moment that was something that Jonathan Muir, the young boy of six, craved in his life. Some consistency, something that would not change the way his family had. He frowned as the stared out to sea.

He knew he was in deep trouble for going out to explore the beach and not returning home. He knew his Mom would be worried to death about him, they had only been here a month, and she was still afraid what might happen to him if he explored on his own. He kind of understood that but today he just needed some time alone to think, to try to understand how things were working out in his new home, in Gull Cottage.

The house was wonderful; it reminded him of a ship, something he never thought he'd see in a house. It was a man's house and he liked that. The only problem was that there wasn't a man around to be in it. He supposed that the Captain filled that role, except for the fact that he wasn't alive anymore. Despite that though, he existed and was very real to Jonathan, and his mother. How could he be so real if he was dead?

Jonathan continued to stare at the waves, not at all surprised to see the Captain suddenly appear and walk towards him. He thought the Captain must have done it so he didn't scare him, but what the Captain didn't know is that Jonathan would never be scared of him. He watched until the Captain came up beside him and stopped. Jonathan looked up into the worried blue eyes of the man before him.

'Jonathan, have you been here the entire afternoon? Your mother is scared to death."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare her," he said with great sincerity.

"You're not usually so inconsiderate." The Captain gestured to a spot beside Jonathan on the large rock. "May I?"

The boy nodded, still watching the Captain.

"Why are you here? So far away from home and by yourself, for most of the day?"

"I needed to think," Jonathan said still staring into the Captain's face.

"And what is it, pray tell, that requires such deep thinking that you have spent the day away from you family that is very worried about you?" the Captain asked in a somber voice.

"It's guy stuff."

"Oh, I see." The Captain scratched his chin. "Perhaps I can help? If you will allow me?"

"Okay." Jonathan paused as if gathering his thoughts. "Why are you dead?"

"I beg your pardon." The Captain blinked in surprise.

"Dead. You're dead. Why are you dead?"

"Well, because my life ended…" the Captain watched the boy carefully, not yet sure where he was going with things. He was very fond of the young lad. It had only been a month since Carolyn Muir had moved in with her children, but in that short time he had formed an unexpected bond with the lad, and realized that he was already thinking of him as the son he never had.

"Yes, but why?" the child's eyes implored him.

"Because I kicked the blasted heater with my blasted foot!"

"I know that," Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"Then what are you asking, exactly?"

"How is it that my father was alive but now he's dead, and you're dead but you seem alive?" The boy swallowed, and the Captain noticed the tears he wiped away but didn't say anything, waiting for the lad to continue. "I mean, my dad died when I was a baby, I don't know who he was, so I thought maybe he would come back for me, but instead..."

'It was me that you found."

"Yeah,' Jonathan took a deep breath and stopped his lip from quivering. "Have you seen my Dad?"

"No, Jonathan, I haven't." He sighed wondering how to best explain why to the boy. "Have you met all of the people in the world?"

"Well, no." The boy frowned.

"And why not?"

"Because there's too many, gee, what do you think, Captain?" His earnest gaze was fixed on the older man, who had to work not to laugh at the lad's honesty.

"Lad, it is like that in the spirit realm too. There are many, many spirits that I will never know."

"Oh. Does everyone become a spirit when they die?"

"No, most people go to heaven or other places if they have been bad."

"You mean hell."

"Yes, I mean hell."

"Do you think my father went to hell?"

The Captain looked at the boy in surprise. "Why would you think that?"

Jonathan got off the rock, and went to stand in front of the rock, turning to look at the ocean. After a long pause, he spoke so softly that the Captain almost didn't hear him. "I heard Mom and Grandma Williams talking about him once, they didn't know that I was there. They said he was a bad man that he yelled at us and cheated on Mom. They even said that Dad didn't want me." He turned his pain filled eyes to the Captain. 'What does that mean? What does it mean when parents cheat?"

Daniel Gregg studied the boy in front of him and worked hard to control his temper at hearing that particular piece of information. How on earth could Carolyn Muir's husband have cheated on her when he had such a treasure in his wife and his children in front of him? How could he have not wanted such a fine lad as Jonathan for his son? He had not expected waters this deep when he went in search of the lad. What harsh thoughts for a boy so young to be contemplating, no wonder the lad had been here by himself all day. He didn't think his father wanted him; Captain Gregg once again suppressed his wish to wring the man's neck. Instead, thinking only of the boy that now needed comfort; he went to stand in front of Jonathan and then bent down so that he was face to face with him. He considered pushing the questions away, and perhaps it was not truly his place to do so, but he felt the lad needed some sort of an answer in order to find a sense of peace.

"It means that your mother and father were not happy together, that he didn't love your mother as he should."

"Not love Mom! How could anyone not love Mom?" the boy was appalled and the Captain couldn't agree more. How could any man not love the beautiful Carolyn Muir and such fine children?

"It's just not meant to be for some people," the Captain said quietly. "Sometimes people marry the wrong person. Perhaps that's what happened with your parents."

"My dad didn't love me," he mumbled. "I heard Grandma say so. Candy either."

The Captain swore mentally cursing the fact that he couldn't take the boy in his strong arms and offer the comfort that the boy so needed, that he couldn't be the father the child so deserved.

"Jonathan, look at me please." He waited patiently until the boy wiped his eyes and gathered his breath and was able to look at the Captain. "You do know that you are loved, don't you?"

"You mean Mom?"

"Yes."

"She has to love me, she's my mom."

"Candy and Martha love you too."

"They're family, they have to love me. And don't tell me that Scruffy loves me because I already know that. He's a dog, that's what he does," Jonathan cast his eyes down from the Captain to the sand at his feet.

The Captain felt feelings he was unfamiliar with growing for this boy in his heart, humor at the unexpected honesty that he shared, pain for the hurt the lad was experiencing, and a growing love for the boy that was so unafraid to share his feelings with a stranger, with a ghost. He almost laughed at that.

"What would you say if I told you that I loved you too?" The Captain's blue eyes searched the lad's face, hoping that he hadn't gone too far, that he hadn't overstepped his bounds.

Jonathan stepped up so close that their faces were only a couple of inches apart and stared deeply into the blue eyes that regarded with concern, patience and love. A sad smile touched the corners of the boy's mouth.

"You love me?"

"Yes, Jonathan, I do.' The Captain said, surprised at his own admission.

"How?" the small face looked at him in puzzlement.

"What do you mean?"

"There are different kinds of love, aren't there?"

"Well, yes, there are.' The Captain rubbed his chin.

"Then how do you love me?"

"What are my choices?"

"Are we friends?" Jonathan asked.

"Of course we are."

"So you love me as a friend."

"Without a doubt," the Captain stated, but he saw the disappointment on the boy's face, and he bowed his head again. It was then that Daniel realized what the boy was looking for and he cursed himself for being such a fool. The lad needed to hear how he regarded him. He hoped Mrs. Muir wouldn't be too angry at his forwardness, but he was only speaking the truth and the boy so needed to hear it, he so needed to know that he was loved and wanted by a man who would be proud to call him his son. "But there's more, lad," the Captain said.

"What more can there be? I'm glad you're my friend," he said but sounded depressed.

"I have a secret about you that I haven't wanted to tell you because I do not think it is my place to say so, and because I am not sure that your mother will be at a happy with me telling you this."

"What's the secret?" Jonathan was trying not to be curious.

"I never had a son, Jonathan; I never cared about having one until I met you and your family."

"Now you care?" Jonathan wrinkled his brow, not understanding what the Captain was saying.

"Very much so. If things were different for me, if I were alive, I would do everything possible to be your father."

"Even marry Mom?" Jonathan gave him a strange look; he hadn't reached the point where the idea of being with a girl or woman was even remotely attractive to him.

The Captain laughed. 'Yes, possibly even that, if she would have me."

"Then you should do it, you should marry her." Jonathan declared brightly.

"Alas, I cannot. I'm a ghost, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." His face fell again, but after a few moments he looked back at the Captain. "But you'd still like to be my Dad?"

"Nothing would make me happier."

"It would make me happy too. So let's pretend that you're my dad."

"Are you sure you want to do that? Your mother may meet someone else…" he cautioned.

'I don't care; I want you to be my Dad. Let's make a secret pact."

"Ahh, saying what?" the Captain asked in a scheming tone.

"That no matter what happens I will be your son, and you will be my Dad."

"That is a very big promise. Are you sure, Jonathan? I will understand if you change your mind. There are things I can't do, places I can't go…"

"It's okay." The boy reached out to touch the Captain's face, but his hand disappeared though it and the Captain bowed his head in sadness. "Really, it's okay even if I can't touch you. You can still love me, can't you?"

"I can, and do," the Captain said, his eyes filled with love for the boy.

"I can't really call you, Dad, can I?" he chewed his lower lip.

"No, I think at this time that would be inappropriate."

"How about if I still call you Captain? Only we'll know that I mean 'Dad' when I say that."

"An excellent suggestion." The Captain paused, hating what he was about to say but seeing a need for it as the Muir family had just barely settled in to Gull Cottage and he and Carolyn Muir were still very much in the stage of getting to know one another. "But at the moment I think we need to keep this secret between us. I don't think your mother would understand our secret pact. At least not yet." He paused. "Will you keep our secret? Allow me to choose when to tell her?"

"You mean this is manly business," Jonathan said, his face somber.

"Yes, exactly that."

"Sure, no problem." A smile spread across his face and for the first time since the captain found him, the smile was genuine. "Come on, let's go home."

Captain Gregg wished that he could pick up the lad and put him on his shoulders and carry him home, or even take his hand for a time as any father would, but he could not. So he walked along beside the boy as he began to chatter, clearly in a much happier mood.

"I am in so much trouble," he said.

"Yes, I'm afraid you are," the Captain agreed. "I am not sure I can get you out of that situation."

"That's okay, I don't care."

"Why not? You might be punished for a long time. Once your mother gets past being relieved you are safe and sound she is going to be very angry at you."

"I don't care," Jonathan sang happily.

"Why not?" the Captain chuckled at the boy's sudden happiness.

He skipped around in front of the Captain. "Because I finally have a Dad that loves me." He chortled in happiness and began to run down the beach, daring the older man to chase him down.

Without thought the Captain ran after him, delighting in the unfamiliar, but wonderful sensation of being a father. For the first time in his existence he understood the special meaning of children and why they were so highly valued by so many people, the special meaning of being a parent to such a wonderful child. He swore to himself that no matter what may happen, he would always keep Carolyn Muir and her children safe. No matter what they might think, they were his family now.

He made teasing sounds as he closed in on the running boy who only giggled and ran faster. The feelings of love and pride swelled in his heart, and he had to stop for a moment. Surprised, he wiped his eyes and found that his fingertips wet. Good Lord! Was it possible that he could still cry? And tears of happiness at that?

"Captain! Why'd you stop?" Jonathan had turned around and ran up to him. 'Hey, are you all right?"

"I am just extremely happy."

Jonathan grinned at him and the Captain bent down to his level again. He reached out to wipe away the boy's tears, and much to his amazement found out that he felt the wetness of the boy's tears. Jonathan reached out once again to touch the Captain and was equally surprised to feel the Captain's tears on his fingertips.

'I feel them,' Jonathan marveled.

"I can't explain it," the Captain said.

"Maybe someday you can be real and I and hug you." Jonathan breathed hopefully.

"Maybe," the Captain agreed.

They shared a long happy look.

"Come on, my lad. We must gather ourselves together so that your mother realizes that we were having a man to man talk."

"And men don't cry."

"Exactly so."

"I can do that." He paused. "So once I'm done being grounded can you take me sailing? Or at least out in a boat? I mean, you are a Captain."

"I think I can arrange that," the corner of the Captain's lips quirked in a smile.

"Cool, I can hardly wait."

And so they continued, their steps taking them back to Gull Cottage where they would face the wrath of Carolyn Muir at their dalliance, but neither of them cared. Today had been special, as for the first time in his young life, Jonathan had found a father. And for the first time ever, Daniel Gregg had found a son.