A:N/ Okay so this is an updated version, I didn't change much, just removed a few paragraphs and added one, changed the age, and so on. So I'm back and this story is going to be moving forward.
"Ashes to ashes and dust to dust." That rang through my mind on that cold autumn day. I sat there on the bench awaiting the city bus, just trying to imagine the vigor of his voice, if only one more time. The way that he made me laugh or the way his face would look as he blushed after our first and last kiss. These memories filled me with warmth, but left me with emptiness as the sheer after effect of them. They made my heart ache for the warmth of his touch to my cheek.
"I miss you so much." I whispered to myself. My heart clenched in my chest at the crazy thought of never seeing or talking to him again.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, you'll put your faith in someone you trust. As my grandmother used to say when my grandfather died. Right now it feels like these last two years have gone down the fucking drain. And my life is probably just as over just as much as his. Cold air rushed over my face and my eyes began prickling. My heart clenched again and my head throbbed. Being sixteen and in love was the best time of my life, and too soon after our young and amazing relationship had begun it ended.
I felt a hand on my back, almost as if somebody were trying to comfort me. I turned to see who it was, but nobody was there. I was truly alone at this very moment. Instead of continuing to sit here in the futility of the world that surrounded me at the moment, I decided to continue and walk the rest of the way to my destination. A walk may help me clear the thoughts. I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket and began to play my music at top level placing an ear bud into my awaiting ear. The music made me remember how we always used to walk up and down the streets holding hands and kissing. We declared our love for each other on the stairwell of the courthouse that I was now passing.
We had our first kiss in the skating rink where we had our second date; I don't think I can ever go to that place again. We shared our Valentine's days in the café on the corner of Twilight and Destiny avenues. I didn't just feel alone, because I knew for a fact that I was alone. He was my only friend, since at least fifth grade. Nobody had every liked me because I was different. People didn't want to hang out with the new kid anyway. But Reno, he was the exception he talked to me on the first day into the new town that I had no idea about.
Our love I guess was supposed to come to an end, or his end of the love. My love right now goes beyond the freshly made grave that was his. His existence was what kept me going on in my life. No not only his existence, but the love that he gave me the love that made me feel like I was something special.
Sighing I shoved my hands into the pockets of my dress pants. This town had so many memories of a love that I could never have back. I curse the cruel fate that brought me to this point.
I miss him so much that my stomach is wringing itself dry from how miserably it's twisting inside of me. My heart used to skip beats during the amazing kisses that we shared, but now it's beating shallowly in my chest. If he were still here we would be cuddled in my bed holding hands, making shapes with the entwined fingers. I miss that, no matter how cheesy it was, it was always amazing to just be with him.
What am I going to do now? I feel like I'm dying. I stopped and looked at the scene in front of me and noticed that I was where I started off in the first place. I knelt and ran my hand over the cool marble that marked where you now lay and closed my eyes. My phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it, I was shaking too hard to do much with it anyway.
"I put the pictures of you face down today. I just couldn't bear to look at you, my heart shatters every time I look at them. I had a hard time putting away that one of us holding hands under the park arch. That was always one of my favorites. I buried the one of us kissing in the snow with you. You always loved the way my pale skin was brought out by the snow and your skin in that one." I began to silently cry. That is all I had really done this past month anyway so it didn't bother me.
I miss you…