Lightning had always fascinated Lily Evans. It was such a raw power, the kind of thing everyone fears and loves at the same time. And that was why she had her head out the window of the Gryffindor tower, laughing like she knew what was funny, rain pelting her face until it was cold and raw.
And she would scream. She would scream just to let the world know what she felt. The hunger for excellence. The courage to be proud of who she was. The thirst for knowledge. The anger with the world for hating her only because of who her parents where. The strength to watch as everyone around her picked a side in a war, one that had been thrust upon her, along with the world that she loved so much. It was painful, but it was the only way that she could make sure the world heard her.
In the morning, she was composed and happy, the only telltale sign that she had been up late into the night were the dark bags beneath her eyes. And there was almost no one who even dared to think of her doing something like screaming into the teeth of a gale.
And she didn't admit it, but it kept her sane. It gave her the ability to get through life.
It was a morning just like every other after a large storm. The grounds were wet and covered in a thin mist, and Lily looked tired. Those were the two things James noticed as he walked to herbology that morning. Instead of Lily racing down to the greenhouses like she usually did, she was trudging along a little ways in front of the four boys.
"Hey James, what's got your attention?" Remus asked, looking in the direction that his friend had been gazing. "Ah… lovely Lily." He said. "I'll leave you to ogle her alone." The prefect dropped back a step to join Sirius and Peter in conversation.
James continued to watch as the object of his affections slid down a steep bank of grass on her approach to the greenhouses. He noticed the gentle smile on her face, the smile that he thought about almost every night. He saw her approach a group of Ravenclaw girls and join them in conversation, suddenly becoming happy and animated. But she could tell that there was something… wrong. Especially since all these storms had been coming through in the last few weeks. He could tell that somehow, they were effecting her.
Lily flopped down in a seat in the greenhouse, next to the same Ravenclaw that she had been speaking to earlier. "Lily, you look tired." The girl, who's name happened to be Georgia, said. "You think you should maybe take a lie-down after this lesson?"
The red head smiled faintly. "Maybe." She said, deep in thought. She was honestly hoping that there would be another storm tonight, the kind where you could still see the stars on the horizon, but overhead, dark clouds gathered. The kind where she would be able to see the moon rising. "Georgia, it's a full moon tonight, right?" She asked.
Georgia thought for a moment, and then nodded. "I think so… Why do you ask?" She questioned.
Lily shrugged. "No reason… it's just a thing for astronomy." She lied easily. "I just wanted to get a good look at the full moon… it's been cloudy for the last few months on the full moon." She explained.
Her friend gazed doubtfully back at her. "What ever you say, Lily." The friends were both silent for a moment, Georgia digging through her bag for a quill, and Lily staring into space in front of her. Georgia looked up at her friend, who looked back once she felt the scrutinizing gaze of her friend. "Lily, are you ok?" She asked after a moment of silence.
Lily hurriedly pulled her own quill and parchment from her bag, tucking a stray bit of red hair behind her ear in the process. "Umm… yeah." She answered, rearranging her supplies in front of her. "I'm just tired. Stayed up all night reading the book you gave me for my birthday." She said.
Georgia shook her head. "There's only so many times someone can read Hogwarts: A History, Lils." She muttered, and Lily smirked. She wasn't reading.
The sky darkened quickly that night, and as Lily looked out her window, she grinned. It would be the kind of night where all she'd be able to feel would be numb. And that was exactly what she wanted.
It was around 10:00 when the rain started to pour down, and in only a moment, lightning flashed. Lily was sitting alone in the common room, a book propped against her legs, but her head shot up at the distant sound of thunder. She smiled again, her eyes lighting up. It was time.
She closed the book with a snap, and bounded up the stairs to her room. In only a moment, she had pulled a thick navy blue sweatshirt over her tee shirt, and then she was sitting on the window ledge, the window wide open as she waited for the right time, when all she could do to feel was scream.
The rain lashed against her face as she angled her eyes upward, towards the dark clouds. She laughed. That was all she could do. It bubbled from her mouth without thought of why she was laughing, it just happened. And once she had started laughing, she knew there was no stopping it. She laughed as she watched the whomping willow sway in the gale, and then suddenly go still. She didn't give it a second thought.
After a few minutes of unexplained laughter, Lily quieted as she shut her eyes. Now was the time where she would think about who she was. "I am Lily Evans." She repeated to herself. "I fear nothing. I am a muggle born witch. I am more powerful than any pure blood Slytherin. I am a Gryffindor. I am Lily Evans, only sister to Petunia Evans, soon to be Petunia Dursley. I am the thing that my sister fears she may become." She went silent for a moment, and then opened her eyes.
The moon sat low on the horizon, clouds blanketing the sky above it. It was round and full. "I am Lily Evans!" She shrieked as the wind picked up. "I am the one thing that no one expected to be able to do magic! I am a muggle born!" She was screaming now. "I am a Gryffindor because of what I have to live with! I am a Gryffindor because I'm brave enough to tell them I don't care what they call me!" She paused, took a deep breath, and then words came unbidden from her mouth, lost in the sound of thunder. "I am a Gryffindor because I'm brave enough to say I don't care for James Potter!"
The wind died to a whisper, and the red head clapped a hand over her mouth. "I am Lily Evans." She whispered. "I am the one thing James Potter can't have." She continued to herself. And she did not voice the next phrase that entered her head, but she could not help but question her logic. If I'm the one thing James Potter can't have, why do I want him to care for me?
The wind picked up again, as if the realization was enough to make the world turn again. "I care for James Potter." She said to the wind. "I care for James Potter!" She said, louder this time, to hear herself over the clap of thunder. "I love James Potter!" She shouted, and clamped a hand over her mouth again. Slowly, she removed her hand from her mouth. "I love James Potter." She said to herself. "I love him."
And with that, she began to scream into the wind, no more words needed to be said. She screamed, and shouted, and in a little over an hour, she couldn't help but notice that the water running down her face was not rain. It was too warm and too salty to be anything but her own tears.
And upon this final realization, she took a deep shuddering breath, and bellowed to the silence that always follows a storm like that: "James Potter, I love you!"
She did not look down at the grounds, she did not see the miniscule figures of four young men stop in their tracks, she did not see one fall to the ground, almost in tears himself. All she did was watch as the lake once again became still, the only sign that the storm had come and gone were the smiles that sat on her face and the face of one other boy in the school, and the second- long reflection of a single bolt of lightning on the lake.