A/N: With thanks to Mishee for the idea behind this story. :) Included here is an AU version of "The Devil and Mr. Roarke/Kid Corey Rides Again/Ziegfeld Girls", which first aired as a 90-minute episode on October 17, 1981 and starred Roddy McDowall, Barbi Benton, Audrey Landers, Arte Johnson and Jack Elam. (In syndication the "Ziegfeld Girls" fantasy was edited from the program; the scenes from that fantasy are thanks to the audiocassette tape I made when this episode first aired.)
§ § § -- November 14, 2005
"It must be Monday," Leslie grumbled in disgust, hurling Tobias' third outfit of the day into the hamper in the little laundry alcove. "That's the only explanation for this."
Christian looked up from a computer magazine he'd gotten in that day's mail. "What? Good grief, my Rose, you look ready to sink a ship."
"Maybe that way I'd get out some of my frustration," Leslie growled. "I'm going to ask Rogan to come out here and plant something big and tough in that damn mud puddle we get in the corner of the backyard every time it rains. That might discourage Tobias from playing in it. I swear, he's magnetically attracted to it."
Christian laughed. "Little children love mud, Leslie, that's all there is to it."
"Well, as if that weren't enough, he went and lost a couple of my rings in that very same puddle. Not my wedding set, thankfully, or he might not be among the living just now. I hope that curio cabinet's locked up good and tight, or next thing you know one of those figurines you prize so highly might go missing." She stalked back into the living room while Christian stared at her, half surprised, half amused. "And if you think Tobias is the only one who's driving me crazy, think again. Susanna keeps tearing down the safety gate at the top of the stairs—you're going to have to have a good look at it before she takes a disastrous tumble. She won't leave it alone; and furthermore, she's got a mean streak going. Every time Karina picks up something, Susanna takes it away from her just to hear her scream."
"Small children are selfish," Christian managed to put in.
"And then there's Karina herself," Leslie plowed on as if he hadn't spoken. "The bedroom's covered with toys—I can't take a step in there without practically breaking my foot on something, and if I try to put things away, she takes them right back out and tosses them over her shoulder again. And she desperately needs a diaper change and has for the last hour, but she refuses to let either me or Ingrid get hold of her long enough to do it. She stinks to the moon and back, and even Susanna and Tobias are holding their noses around her now. What if she gets a rash from wearing that filthy diaper all day?"
Christian began to laugh, unable to help himself. "Are you saying this child a third your size and a sixth your weight is able to elude two grown women?"
She planted a hand on one hip and glared at him. "May I remind you that there are two other small children contributing to the problem? There you are sitting there shutting out the world, while Ingrid and I are chasing Karina in between trying to keep Tobias clean and honest, and Susanna from killing herself. And the worst of it is, it's not even lunchtime yet!" She stepped swiftly and deftly around the coffee table and snatched the magazine out of her startled husband's hands before he realized what she meant to do. "The only way we're going to even the score around here is if you get on Ingrid's and my team."
Christian lifted his hands in surrender and then pushed himself to his feet. "All right, all right, calm down, Leslie. Where are they now?"
"Ingrid's trying to corral them, but I don't hold out a lot of hope. I just changed Tobias into clean clothes for the third time today, and I don't particularly care to spend my afternoon repeating the morning's antics. They're lively all right, but they haven't been this fractious in ages. What's getting into those little demons?"
"Come on," Christian said, taking her hand and leading her across the room toward the stairs. "First of all, let's round up said little demons and try to calm them down, so you and Ingrid have a chance to get ahead of the game a bit. And then you need to do some calming down yourself, my Rose." They climbed the stairs as he spoke, and she let out a loud snort that made Christian chuckle. "It can't possibly be that bad."
"Wanna bet?" she retorted sourly. As if to back her up, a piercing scream assaulted their ears just as they topped the steps, and Christian winced while Leslie hissed a couple of choice curses through her teeth and stomped down the hallway to the triplets' room. A second scream followed the first and then shrieking sobs, and both parents crowded into the children's room at the same time. Ingrid stood in the middle of the floor, holding Karina by both arms, while the screeching child dangled a foot or so off the floor, struggling to be let down. Meanwhile, Tobias and Susanna were involved in an energetic and noisy tug-of-war over a hapless stuffed animal.
"I caught her, Your Highnesses," Ingrid said breathlessly in her own tongue, hefting Karina easily into her arms despite the little girl's manic squirming and twisting.
"Thank the fates!" Leslie groaned and relieved the young servant of her wriggling bundle. "You come here, young lady—it's about time you got that nasty, smelly diaper off!"
"No, Mommy, no, no, nooooo!" Karina wailed, kicking with all her energy. Grimly her mother carried her to the changing table while Ingrid scuttled ahead of her to provide the supplies Leslie needed so that Karina couldn't get away.
Christian laughed and crossed the room to halt the altercation between Susanna and Tobias. "Enough, you two! Play with something else."
"Mine!" shouted Tobias instantly. It was his favorite word, Christian and Leslie had learned, to their weary sorrow.
"No!" Susanna yelled, and before Christian could stop her she had reached over and smacked the side of her brother's head for all she was worth. Tobias screamed, so loudly and sharply that Christian slammed both hands over his ears and gritted his teeth, while Ingrid cringed and Leslie squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she dared take hands off Karina long enough to protect her ears. In any case, his father's reaction gave Tobias more than enough time to whack his sister right back, screeching even as he did, and Susanna's voice instantly joined the horrific cacophony. Leslie clenched her jaw and tugged Karina's pants off, trying her utmost to ignore her children's shrieking.
It took her and Ingrid combined about twice as long as usual to get Karina into a clean diaper and a fresh pair of overalls, which didn't match her shirt as Ingrid pointed out; but Leslie was past caring, so fed up was she. "Look at this!" she scolded a sobbing Karina, holding up the reeking diaper she'd finally removed from the child. "This is yucky! Ick! Gross! Nasty! Shame on you, Karina Skye, this could have made your skin itchy and sore, don't you know that?"
"No, Leslie, she doesn't know that, and I know you're aware of it," Christian made the mistake of admonishing her.
Leslie exploded. "For crying out loud, Christian Enstad, I do know that! Can't I even let off a little steam around here?" She plunked the soiled diaper onto the changing table and went on with her diatribe. "I've just plain had it up to here with all this crap, and you don't have the right to say a thing, since you pretty much just sat there all morning leaving me and Ingrid to deal with it! Well, maybe now you'll get the full gist of being father of three little brats who don't even grasp the idea that they're doing wrong, so that they'll just keep right on doing it! Oooooooohhh!!" She swiped the diaper off the changing table and slammed it into the bucket reserved for holding such things, then lifted Karina off the table and set her on the floor before turning to Susanna and Tobias and hefting up the nearest child. "That was a bad thing to do, Susanna Shannon, shame on you! No hitting!"
"Mine," Susanna bawled, pointing at the stuffed polar bear that lay on the floor at Christian's feet.
"Nobody's," Leslie corrected sharply. "And Tobias, that was bad of you too!"
"Leslie…" Christian began.
She thrust Susanna at him. "Don't even start! I can't stand any more of this!" With that she turned and stalked out of the room, for some reason slamming the door behind her. The noise made all three triplets renew their shrieking and wailing, and Christian threw Ingrid one shocked glance before trying to calm his children down.
By lunchtime a little more than an hour later, everyone was subdued; the triplets ate in silence, faces still a little blotchy from crying, hair and clothes a bit mussed. Leslie was clearly still steaming a bit; Christian essayed the occasional wary glance at her but said nothing. Ingrid virtually tiptoed around the kitchen.
Finally Leslie finished her lunch and propped her chin in her fist, surveying her children with bewildered disbelief. "What happened to my little angels?" she murmured to no one in particular. "I haven't seen it get that bad for months."
For a moment no one spoke; then Christian inquired very dryly, "Will I get my head bitten off if I attempt to answer that?"
She sighed without taking her gaze off the triplets. "I'm just trying to understand what went wrong today. Maybe it's just Monday, like I said."
"Well, that I don't know about, but I ought to tell you something about these so-called 'little angels'. If you ask Mariki, or Haruko Miyamoto, or perhaps even Mr. Roarke, you might find they're not as angelic as you think they are." At her look, he raised an eyebrow. "Don't forget, Leslie, you're not with them every moment of every day. Undoubtedly while you're doing that weekend job you so dearly love, Haruko finds herself dealing with the babies' blue funks and black snits on a regular basis. I'm sure Ingrid's seen her share of those things too. And what about when we left them here with Mr. Roarke while we were in Lilla Jordsö for Briella's wedding back in August? I'm sure he put up with quite a bit more than he might have been prepared to deal with, even from three toddlers."
"Maybe so. I have no doubt that raising me didn't even remotely prepare him for what caring for little kids would be like. I was older and better behaved."
His silence stretched out long enough that she turned to him and saw him visibly struggling not to laugh. When he caught her scrutiny, however, he went ahead and let it out. "For fate's sake, Leslie, you must be joking!"
"But Christian, Father didn't know me as a small child, and I never threw a temper tantrum like that one," Leslie protested.
Chortling, Christian remarked, "I think you're looking back through rose-colored glasses, as it were. Come on now, you can't honestly be trying to tell me you were a saint all through your childhood, whether it was while your parents were still alive or after you came to live with Mr. Roarke. Never once threw a tantrum? Never got into any trouble?"
"I didn't say that," Leslie protested. "I just said I never acted like the triplets did all this morning, that's all."
"I'm sure if your mother were here, she'd beg to differ," Christian said, still chuckling. "Listen, while you were out back looking for those rings Tobias lost, Mr. Roarke called and asked if we'd like to bring the children over for dinner this evening. I accepted, since I figured you'd welcome a break, and Tobias and Karina and Susanna could run around his yard under Mariki's watchful eye and work off some energy." He grinned as another thought occurred to him. "Besides, there aren't any mud puddles at Mr. Roarke's house for Tobias to wallow in like an aspiring hog."
Leslie finally laughed a little. "Well, that's one thing anyway. I'm glad you did." She peered suspiciously at him. "But I see a little gleam in your eye. What's up your sleeve?"
"I intend to ask him for proof that you weren't the childhood saint you seem to think you were," Christian told her, grinning from ear to ear. "I think your memory could use a little refreshing, and I'm in the mood for some entertainment."
She narrowed her eyes and playfully shook a fist at him. "Ooooh, you. And I'll bet, just to complete my humiliation, you and Father are going to make me tell about them."
Christian smirked. "Why not?" He laughed and relented when she rolled her eyes. "Well, maybe Mr. Roarke will consent to relate one or two stories at least. Either way, I'm looking forward to it."
‡ ‡ ‡
And that was how Christian and Leslie found themselves relaxing in Roarke's study around mid-afternoon. Mondays were slow on the island, and today was no exception. The usual errands had been completed and the bungalows cleaned, and for now there was little to do, so Roarke had decided to give himself a few hours' respite. He took in his daughter's and son-in-law's faces with amusement. "I understand it was quite a hectic morning at your house," he remarked with interest.
"That may be an understatement, Mr. Roarke," Christian said and outlined their problems with the triplets. "Leslie found herself at a loss as to what had made them so destructive, and the next thing I knew she was claiming she'd never been like that."
"Well," said Roarke, chuckling, "I would have to agree, I have never seen Leslie perform the sort of antics you describe Karina, Tobias and Susanna having done…but, before you become too self-satisfied, my dear daughter, perhaps I should gently remind you of a few missteps you took through the years. And one of them occurred within a month of your initial arrival on the island. Do you remember my first scolding?"
She stilled and let her gaze lose focus, trying to recall the event to which Roarke referred and in the end, failing. "No, which one do you mean?"
"Do you remember the very first weekend during which I allowed you to accompany me and Tattoo to the plane dock in order to greet our guests?" At her blank look: "The woman who had given up her twin son and daughter for adoption and wanted to attend their thirtieth birthday party, and the man who wanted to trap a ghost to prove that his guide to doing just that wasn't pure fiction?"
Her face cleared then. "Oh, oh, oh…yeah, I remember that now." She tipped her head aslant and peered at him. "What'd I do? Did I mess up something, or what?"
Roarke grinned. "Not during the weekend itself, for the simple reason that you were so brand-new to the island and my business that I allowed you to do no more than observe, and accompany Tattoo on a few mundane errands." Christian laughed and Leslie gave him a dirty look without any true malice. "No, in fact, it happened after our guests had left and you had gone to school for the day. Does that jog your memory at all?"
That was when it finally hit her, and she wondered how red she must be turning. "Oh yeah…that," she said in a very small voice.
Again Christian laughed, and Roarke afforded him an amused glance. "Go ahead and tell him about it, Leslie."
"I knew you were going to make me humiliate myself," she grumbled, aware of her father's grin. "Fine, all right then. I'd been in school just a week and had become friends with Michiko, Myeko and Lauren, and we always ate lunch together, from the start. When Father started taking me with him and Tattoo to greet their guests after the end of my first school week, I was so excited and fascinated, I just couldn't stand not to share that excitement with everybody. So…"