Warnings: OOCness, cracky...
Notes: I made a promise to myself to have at least one more Malora oneshot, sixty fics exactly, and my "x" fic done by the end of 2008. Currently it is 8:41 PM on 12/31, so I win! This fic is unedited, very cracky, and a little pointless...prompted by the word "clean"! Please enjoy this!
X-Out
Mayura glared at the skirt. "Mou, I hate this! Loki, help!"
Loki sighed at the pink-haired teenager as she attempt to remove the stain from her skirt. Fenrir had knocked some tea onto it the previous night.
"It's just a little dirt, why is it so hard to get rid of?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her antics.
Yamino laughed nervously. "Let me help you, Miss Mayura." He suggested, approaching her and taking the skirt away from the kitchen sink and into a bathroom. He returned a moment later with a perfectly clean skirt.
Mayura squealed in delight. "You're the best! Much more useful than Loki was." She stuck her tongue out at the god in child form.
Loki chuckled. "Me? Not useful? Come with me, Mayura." He took her hand and led the sweatpants-wearing girl into the main room of the agency.
"Are you going to show me a list of cases you've solved already? That's not what I meant." She crossed her arms. "I meant that you're not good for practical purposes. You hate cars, you don't know how to cook or clean, you're afraid of water..."
The god let his gaze drift away from her--he could not deny any of those things.
"You're short, too." Mayura shook her head. "Mou, and you have this creepy, unnatural intelligence...you're really a mystery, Loki. Weird things happen around you...I love all the fushigi mysteries, but I don't know why they center on you."
He casually headed over to the other side of his desk and took a seat. Ecchan perched on his head.
Yamino brought in some tea and stood to observe the discussion.
"Maybe you were cursed by a devil! Hell's ruler himself!" Mayura's eyes glittered in excitement. "Loki will face thousands of mysteries!"
"Hell is ruled by a goddess." Loki corrected. "And the little family feud is over, so she won't be cursing us anytime soon."
She blinked at him. "Loki, what are you talking about?" Figuring this one just one of his moments of weirdness, she continued on. "Maybe an alien experime--"
"No, the mysteries and evil follow me because I'm the god of chaos." Loki interrupted her as Yamino's eyes widened.
"Master Loki?"
Sipping his tea, Loki continued. "Fenrir is a giant wolf, Yamino is a giant snake, Freyr is a giant idiot of a god, Narukami is Thor, Hel is my daughter, Heimdall's a moron, Reiya is the goddess of beauty..." He paused. "The fortunetellers are the goddesses of fate, and my brother Odin keeps posessing you. Does that cover everything?"
Mayura frowned at him, completely confused. "Loki, are you kidding?"
"I--" he continued, leaning across the table and pulling her face close to his, "am your Kami-sama." He gave her a quick kiss and she backed away.
"Loki is mean!" She crossed her arms. "Making up stories and stealing kisses. Thanks for cleaning my skirt, Yamino~!" She waved to the butler and headed out the door.
"At least we don't have to wipe out her memories this time." Yamino said with a relieved sigh.
Loki shrugged. "Unless she tells Narukami about this and he tells her it's true."
X
"Narugami!" Mayura practically jumped on the god of thunder.
"I'm working." He complained through gritted teeth, flipping an okonomiyaki.
"Loki said weird things again...about you this time." She pouted. "Why's he so mean?"
"What?" Narugami frowned. "What'd he say?"
Mayura sighed. "Well, he said that Yamino is a giant snake."
The god of thunder stared at her. "What? That makes no sense. The megane isn't a snake."
"I know!" Mayura shook her head. "He was just being weird. How do you know him anyway, Narugami?"
Narugami looked away. "We've known each other for a long time."
"Mou, that's not an answer! I want specifics!"
"He's my uncle."
"Kyaa~~really?!"
"...yes, but please don't--"
"How amazing! An uncle younger than the nephew! How could your uncle say such mean things about you, though?"
"What'd he say about me again?"
"That you're a god. He's so strange! And a liar!"
"Uh, Daidouji?"
"Yes?"
"That's true, though..."
Thud.
"You wiped her memory again?" Narugami asked as Yamino picked up an unconscious Mayura.
Loki sighed. "It's my fault, I lost my temper and told her everything. Still, it isn't time for her to know the truth yet."
"Oh. Hey wait, Megane! You're a snake?"
"Um, well--"
Mayura sat up suddenly and everyone was silent. She glanced around the room slowly before rapidly turning to Loki and kissing him.
"Revenge, Watson!" She cried, putting on a cape and beginning to eat a giant banana.
Yamino nodded. "Her poetry is beautiful, isn't it?"
Loki sighed dreamily. "My darling Mayura~~"
"Kiss me, Fenrir!" Freya said, holding the dog in a rather inappropriate position.
...
Fenrir's eyes snapped open and he looked around the room in horror. It was a normal bedroom, a normal night, normal everything...
Mayura was staying overnight, as they had been trying to solve a case until nearly one in the morning and she could not make it home. Her father had reluctantly allowed her to sleep over in the living room.
The wolf sighed. No, his father was not in love with Mayura...there were no giant bananas, no weird revelations...
He walked across the table slowly. Yep, everything was fine.
His tail wagged slightly and he heard a crack and a shriek.
"Mou, Fenrir spilled tea all over my skirt!"