I do not own Naruto!
Hey, I know my writing isn't perfect, but if you don't like, you don't have to read or be a stick in the butt with your comments. Also, some crudity and some swearing is a thing in this story, but will be mostly controlled instead of all over the place like other stories I've read. No one wants to hear the f-bomb every sentence if you know what I mean ^^
Anyway, you can read at your own expense. I tried to make this one good and have some overlapping things about me that I've kind of left in the past of my "old life."
Also, this is a Self-Insert where me, a man gets transported to the body of Sakura Haruno. This wasn't really going to be like that ever again with my story, but this idea I just couldn't resist after seeing so many Sakura-inserts.
...
Here's a little fact about my life. I cringe the mention, sight, and word "blood". A little cut on my finger and my first idea is to freak out. Yeah, I already know that Tsunade is hemophobic, but if you're guy like me you never expect to be the student of the blonde terror. Yes, I'm now Sakura Haruno, or Haruno Sakura if you will, but at one point I was grown man who lived a life knowing that I'd never join any form of military. Luckily, I wasn't born in a place that has a active draft for me.. But now I was Sakura, and I wasn't spared of blood for the first day as a ninja.
"It's just a cut, Sakura-chan!" said Naruto.
The big gash Sasuke left on his arm from training was being wrapped up by Kakashi. Sasuke just chuckled.
"T-That's a big cut." I said, about to piss my pants but managing to hold it in. Curse this tiny bladder, does she ever go to the bathroom? Don't answer that, I wasn't ready for that quite yet.
The gash extended across the entirety of his upper arm but didn't look deep. My eye remained ever wide. Looking to Sasuke, he just stood there all cool with his hands in his pockets. I hate that bastard.
"It's a part of being a Shinobi." said Kakashi, looking at me with his aloof eye.
"When did you get so weird about cuts?" said Sasuke in a bothered drone.
I shook my head, just walked over to a tree, slumped down, and sat at the base of it for a while with skin crawling and neck cringing. I had never seen so much blood.
Naruto walked over to me. "Sakura, you've been acting weird all day, what's wrong?"
Technically I wasn't all there today, I remembered. I saw through his slit jacket that he had a big bandage with a pool of blood and stared and cringed.
I had to put on a show, so I tried my best to act annoyed, "What do you want, Naruto, can't you see that I hate looking at that?"
"No way, you're acting so strange even I can see that!"
"Ever heard of hemophobia? Have you ever seen me look at blood before?" I said.
Naruto took a few seconds to process what I was saying, like he never heard of the term.
"Err, not really. But I saw you glare at Sasuke, that's even more weird." he replied, scratching his head, "Hey! Wait, that's weird for a ninja to be afraid of blood!"
"Naruto, quit trying to rationalize it, it'll hurt your brain." I said. I think I'm doing a great Sakura, yeah?
"Training is over for today, but I would like to give you something." said Kakashi.
He started with Sasuke, and then went through the group. I read the first paragraph in the form written in Japanese like it was my first language.
"The Chunin Exams?" I said. I was hardly as intelligent as Sakura who was able to calculate everything and answer every question on the first exam. I don't even remember how to use hand seals, or even the place where I live.
"Yes. You all have time to decide over the next week, but please turn those papers in signed very soon. Also, if you wish you can choose not to participate and the others will still have a chance."
That's a bold-faced lie. Maybe he's trying to see if I'll chicken out.
"Right!" said Naruto, "Alright, you're on!"
"Ugh, Naruto." I said to get into the mood, but my inner self winked and blushed. WAIT!
"Thought you'd forget about me, Shannaro?!" said Inner.
Oh my god, thank the lord. Inner is here. Do you know where I live? Can you teach me the clone technique? Please, help me out here, I can't keep this act up, I don't even know if I like Sasuke.
"Sorry, when Sakura moved out and you moved in, she took her memories with her. I suggest you ask someone to take you home."
The other two left and it was just Naruto and I. He pouted and squinted.
"Naruto. I hate to ask, but can you take me home? I know Sasuke won't—"
"Sure!"
Naruto talked the entire way asking me more and more personal questions like what my family was like and if they'd like to meet him. He was excited, so I let him down gently.
"I'm just asking you to take me home, okay? I'm not introducing you to my family or anything."
"Your family would like to meet me one day, right?"
I rolled my eyes... he was so oblivious. I liked his character, but as I talked to him more and more, I didn't like him. Personally, knowing someone was so different then being an observer. Caring for someone is like that, too. I guess trying to rationalize my feelings and opinions was impossible in any world where there are humans. In fact, doesn't sympathy mean to put oneself in another's shoes? This was all so confusing, maybe the fact an all-knowing God that may still be out there, wanting me to fulfill my purpose, could be an observer because he can sympathize with everyone.
I wanted to say this may be a world based on survival, but it didn't have to be. There was a great peace after the fourth war, people cared for culture and prosperity. Should any god promise a promise land for those who die? Feelings behind reason, motive behind logic. I believed in god until there was no life left in my old body. I shouldn't have done what I did. I drove for miles, upset that my life was falling apart and fell in a ditch on the way out. It was all over after that.
Or so I thought.
Maybe I should be nice. "Maybe, Naruto. Don't get your hopes up."
Naruto immediately looked down. What did I say?
"Hey, don't look so sad, I'm... actually enjoying talking to you." I said.
That was a big lie, but I had to try.
"You know, I've walked you home before, and I thought finally your parents wouldn't mind meeting me this time." he said, "But lying to me doesn't make me feel any better."
"I didn't lie about anything. Naruto, I really..." I cringed and left him stranded. "Never mind, I'll find my own way home." Although I thought he would, he didn't follow me.
"Fine, leave. No one will ever accept me." said Naruto.
I stopped. I just remembered why I liked Naruto with me as an observer. He never got the chance to make friends and I could put myself in those shoes. All my friends were gone. People made fun of me back in my old life called me names or did things that made me mad, just so I'd lose my cool. Yeah, kids are real jerks and now I see that.
I wasn't about to pity him though.
"Why does it always have to be about you? Life isn't about whining or complaining about how no one loves you, Naruto. It hurts, doesn't it? I had no friends either until we became a team. I try and try, but no one will listen to me because they're so caught up in everything that they don't see my suffering. But you can't take that away, hasn't anyone told you that? I don't care about making me happy, I just want someone to be there. There will always be chaos, but it's finding friends who care about you—"
"Gah, what are you talking about? You never cared about me since you always were like 'Sasuke, Sasuke!' when you just ignored me and ignored how I felt about you."
What an asshole I was. I see...
"Then, will you give up because no one loves you or will you change me?"
"I thought I could change you, but you're so obsessed—"
What an idiot! He was so... UGH! I ran off and started to sob with my eyes welling with tears. When I stopped everything was so alien, I didn't know how I'd get home. Fell to my knees and just sat, in the dirt, but I was done crying.
At some point, I had to. Suicide just brought me more pain. I barely knew Naruto but knew who Naruto was. He was hurting. A tortured soul just like me. I could relate to the guy, but somehow, he never took his life. I pulled out my kunai, held it to my stomach with both hands. I was so much weaker. I stabbed. Blood, my blood went everywhere.
...
I remember waking up staring at a bag of blood and almost throwing up. I awoke yet again, and it was replaced with and IV full of water. How long had I been out? I was in a hospital bed due to the bags and the musty sheets, the bright lights and the white walls.
Kakashi sat still in a chair and was looking serious, "Tell me, what made you so upset to do something like that?"
"Ask Naruto." I said.
"I have, and he said you ran off and didn't know why." said
"I'm done pitying people."
Kakashi shook his head, "Yes, well, that's good, but why try to kill yourself?"
Think of something fast, I thought.
"Do people do unexpected things?" I said, turning my head away and narrowing my eyes.
"Most of the time, but to expect that from you then Naruto made you really upset. Usually you ignore him." said Kakashi, I heard him sigh.
"I'm sorry to say this, but I usually do." I looked straight at my sensei, my eyes narrowed to slits and my brow scrunched like a wet hand rag.
"Yes, you do, so why?" said Kakashi, we went back and forth a little bit.
"I just couldn't this time. Logic can't be tested in an illogical world." I said.
"Since when did you become a philosopher? People tend to put logic in high honors—"
"You said yourself, a ninja must see through deception."
Kakashi's one eye narrowed like he smelt something strange and contemplated my argument. "But there was no deception Sakura, Naruto was telling you the truth. You know Naruto has been alone all his life."
"Yeah, and I know how he feels now, he's deceiving himself, Kakashi-sensei. In the same way with me and Sasuke, Sasuke ignores me, he doesn't care about being my friend and especially more than that, he's just a wild girlish crush that a woman like me doesn't need weighing me down. When Naruto said something as selfish as no one cares... well, now I do because he expressed to me how it was. I never knew that growing up without parents would make you anything but a troublemaker who just wants to undermine me. But now I see he does care he just isn't all there yet."
"With time, I'm sure he'll understand. Naruto is slow." said Kakashi, beaming with his one eye.
"When can I leave?"
...
That's the end of this chapter. I went for a less sitcom-ish type story and for more drama.