Title: Self-Improvement
Author: P.L.S.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own them in a car, I do not own them at a bar, I do not own them, Sam I Am.
Summery: Voldemort starts acting sane and winning the war. Inspired by The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord by Peter Anspach.
It started first with the changing of the Death Eater Uniform. Well, rather the abolishment of it. Death Eaters were encouraged to wear whatever they wished and when on raids to wear clothes that fit in with the local populations' typical dress. No longer was there a way to even try to sneak in to meetings, the Dark Mark had to be displayed and everyone could see who you were.
Then torture chambers and prolonged deaths were limited to muggles from birth to age thirteen and sixty-seven and beyond. All others were killed on the spot, kissed by dementors, or driven mad under the Crutaius as soon as it could be managed. Only those who where known to know valuable information were kept alive and sane, but they also were kept drugged until in a non-desript motel room where they were fed truth potions before being alowed to breath. If they refused to tell even then, memories were copied into pencives and then dementors were fed.
It seemed like the end of it all, darkness was winning and Voldemort was acting like a sane and rational leader. He was listening to advisors, going after strategic targets, and ignoring both Harry Potter and the prophesy. Voldemort no longer worried about immortality, going off into ranting monologues about pointless things, or dressing in just black and green robes. He no longer used torture as a way to punish failure; he docked pay or he demoted people, but no longer was death a fear if you had bad news. Morale was up among the Death Eaters, everyday was Casual Friday, and best of all Voldemort no longer looked like a snake. He looked like a rather fashionable but formidable wizard in his fifties.
Harry had no idea what to make of it until he accidentally had a vision.
Voldemort had found a copy of a useful little handbook in a muggle teen's bedroom. He knew it was a joke, but really the tips were good, and he knew something needed to change or he'd lose to a kid. So, the Dark Lord was winning the war and would probably enslave all muggles just because of some stupid printout from a web site on how to hypothetically be an evil overlord.
The next day Harry was in the public library searching online for a joke site on how to be the perfect hero or something of that nature.