- My Own Crawler -
Video games may just be a joke to some, but when you start digging into their underlying themes and story lines, they all of the sudden become much more human. While some may see nothing more than pixels and amusement, I tend to be more driven by the lore.
In Fable III the main antagonist and evil that the Hero must defeat is the the Crawler, who drives the Darkness into Albion with hopes of devouring everything, down to the very light that illuminates the land. He exists as the Hero's worst nightmare. His only goal is to destroy Albion, along with the rest of the entire world, consuming everything in darkness.
The Crawler appears almost ghost-like, with his six intimidating and soul piercing black eyes. His pale flesh is almost spiky and serrated around his hands and mouth, making him look all the more capable of devouring ones soul. Crawling into one's mind, he has the ability to possess his victim, not killing them directly but either turning them against their foes or leading them into their own undoing. Once he penetrates your mind, his voice forever burns its resonance into your thoughts. Even if one survives being taken over by this evil creature of the void, they are not likely to ever forget the emotional scars which he leaves behind.
I believe that the Crawler can very well exist outside of the Fabled universe, in us all. We each may have our own. He may penetrate our thoughts when we least expect it, or blatantly capitalize on our weaker moments to invade our entire state of consciousness. It could not possibly be all that far fetched to think of, could it? The Crawler could be our self doubt, self loathing, social anxiety, paranoia and fear. Unfortunately we do not possess heroic blood to, together with our band of allies, banish the darkness completely. We, as mere mortals, must summon forth a great deal of inner will to fend him off before we succumb to the destructive thoughts he floods us with.
When the Crawler invades your mind you are immediately inundated with his chilling, demonic, resonating taunts. If he takes hold of you for too long, he blinds you. Everything goes black and he laughs wickedly, as yet another sense has been stripped away.
"Are you blind? Are you blind yet?"
As you stumble through pitch black darkness, your heart pounds wildly. You feel like you might as well be dead, that you have already been overruled by him.
"You can never escape darkness, it flocks to you always."
A hopeless feeling takes over and you are made to believe your loved ones have turned against you. Your existence is futile. All of the mistakes that you have made in the past will forever tarnish that which you strive to be.
"You are tainted. The stain shall never wash out. The sun will never shine upon you again. Tainted...broken little toy.."
And finally, when he leaves you there laying face down in the sands of Aurora, you are very fortunately rescued by one Captain Benjamin Finn along with a rescue team. If only our real lives could mimic those more positive aspects of the Fable world.
I've been battling with my own Crawler for what seems like my whole life, but only throughout the recent years has he feasted more ravenously upon my thoughts. Tonight I believe he took me farther into that dark place, and despite my best efforts to resist, I let his voice resonate loudly within.
Sometimes his voice is so loud, so hauntingly convincing, that I believe the taunting statements wholeheartedly and without question. Sometimes I wish I could be that Hero, strong enough to take him down. Sometimes I wish I had my own Benjamin Finn to pick me up when I fall face first in the sand. If only...
The facts are, however, that I am a broken person inside. Perhaps that is why I can relate to certain characters and elements of the game so well. When I write them into my own story, I am channeling them while leaving little pieces of myself—and my scars—in their thoughts and actions. I am grateful to have these characters as an outlet, and I am even more grateful to have found my love for writing. While some may see what I do as just a childish game if it isn't earning me a monetary reward, I see it as a therapeutic journey. A growing experience. And I refuse to be stripped of that feeling or belittled for feeling that way.
Much to my own disappointment, I do not have my own Captain Benjamin Finn. How wonderful it would be to have that person that looked out for you when you got knocked down. Perhaps I picked him as one of my initial main characters because I desperately poured so much of myself into Queen Evelyn that she, in turn, needed to be rescued. I've grown to know these characters so much now, that it doesn't even matter if I do not personally have their friendship in real life. In my mind, they are my heroes, because they save me from myself whenever the Crawler gets too close.
A/N: I posted this after a pretty rough night, battling my own Crawler as it were. I truly only wrote this for myself to vent, but when I went back to read it, I realized maybe it might apply to or touch others that battle with the same things. The Crawler quotes were, among his many, the most prominent to me. If you are one of my readers from my main story, and have read this far, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Writing truly has become my sanctuary and the friends and supporters I have met here on FF have been a blessing. These things certainly give me strength each time my own Crawler approaches.