Summary:
Katniss had done something bad.
She didn't see Peeta's signal to shoot Cato's hand.
How will she live with herself, and the guilt of what she did?
Rated M for heavy angst –also just to be safe-
Chapter 1 – Falling from the trees
Cato held Peeta in a tight grip; refusing to let go. Katniss, way beyond the point of tears shot, without realising she'd even done it. She only saw Blood, and lots of it. On the slick, dark roof of the cornucopia, all was silent except for the thirsty mutts that begged for flesh.
A hand reached out, in hope of catching Peeta, but it was too late.
1st Person- Katniss' POV.
A soft rocking woke me from my sleep, oh thank god, I thought as I realised it was all a dream; a terrible, horrific dream at that. I look up at the white ceiling and realise I'm on a train. So I had won it! With Peeta! I sat up straight away, and then I groaned. My head felt like it had a large, unruly dent on the side of it. I thought they were meant to fix that! Stupid Capitol. Haymitch entered my cabin, a look of grief and anger upon his face. "Katniss" he almost grunted the name. Why was he so angry? I'd just won the Hunger Games with Peeta for Christ sake! Can't I get the least bit of praise around here? "Haymitch" I said with a curt nod in his direction. The next thing that happened was completely unexpected, Haymitch burst into tears.
Just after Katniss left the train, and arrived at district 12 -
My feet carried me out of the train; small splashes were the only sound that I could hear, my feet stepping in puddle after puddle making noise after noise. I notice to my left and right and front people surrounding me, congratulating me, touching me, wanting to reach out to the girl on fire. I move slowly but I get to my destination; which was the car the capitol sent for me and Peeta when we left for the arena. Someone opened the door for me, and I slid into the comforting leather chair that Peeta once sat in. The peacekeepers instructed the driver to take me to my new home in the victor's village, and as soon as they closed the door, I cried. And I didn't stop crying for the rest of the drive, or in bed, nor did I sleep at all that night. When I close my eyes, I see Peeta. When I open them, I see him then too. I see him everywhere, on everything. And it's tearing me apart.
One month after arrival at District 12 -
I lift my head off the satin sheets the Capitol had placed on my bed, and I open my eyes to see that my vision is blurred, due to all of the crying. I turn towards the door, and tell myself to move towards it. This reminds me of Rue's death. I have to tell myself where to go otherwise I get nowhere. Just as I near the door, I trip over a pillow that I must have left on the floor in one of my many tantrums so far. I scream, because the first thing that hits the floor is my head. My best friend Gale comes rushing in, so quickly, that it almost seems like he sits and waits outside my door for something bad to happen. I feel his strong arm pulling me up so that I'm standing in front of him. Avoiding his eyes and facial area is something that I have started doing. I do it with anyone now."Catnip?" he asks so softly I can barely hear him. I feel the tears coming, so I look down at my feet to hide them. Gale grabs my chin and tilts my head so that I'm now staring directly into his eyes. I realise that the tears are flowing now, and I whimper. He pulls me into the tightest bear hug I've ever had. So comforting and so reassuring that I self destruct. I cry loudly into his chest, and he stands there, uncomplaining, even though my tears are dropping onto his back. I picture Gale as Peeta, which I know is unfair on Gale, but it's something I have to do that helps me deal with the pain.
The Next Day -
Gale told me to meet him in the forest at around 3pm; he said he had something special planned for us. I hope to God that he doesn't bring bread with him. That would just tear me apart.
I meet up with Gale at around 3:05; I had to do something with my puffy eyes; so my mother gave me something that would clear them up, and it did its job quite well actually, I guess that's the good thing about capitol medicine. No doubt I would cry on our hunting trip though. Gale found me before I found him, I was pretty hard to miss though, because I was sitting on our rock. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. Not in a romantic way, just in the friendly way we always are with each other. Gale was stuck for things to say, and so was I, so we sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. "You didn't bring any bread today, did you?" I asked hesitantly, breaking the silence. "I'm not that cruel Katniss." "I just wanted to check." I said.
After we ate a few crackers with goat's cheese, and some berries, Gale lead me off the rock and into a large forest clearing. "Is this the surprise?" I asked, sounding as confused as I looked. "Not yet Catnip, you're going to love it though, Promise." He led me to a large group of trees. "See anything unusual yet?" he asked, sounding hopeful. "An empty game bag" I stated, confused yet again as to why we hadn't started hunting yet. "Katniss? What's that in the trees?" I looked up and gasped. Sitting halfway up the tallest tree was a small log cabin, with a little deck and a ladder leading up to it. The cabin looked big enough to contain a bed, and maybe a couch, but that was about it. "Oh Gale!" I exclaimed, and for once I looked genuinely happy. "Like it?" He asked, sounding a little uncertain. "Love it!" I screamed. "Did you do this?" "Yep" said Gale, "I started on it as soon as you left for the capitol, and I would... You know, stay here when I had to get away from it all." I moved towards the ladder and started to climb up, once I got up onto the deck, all I could smell was pine, and it relaxed me so much that I let out a sigh. I waited for Gale to climb up before I turned around to look at the view. "Gale, this is amazing" I said as I looked out onto the forest clearing. He just smiled and pulled me into a bear hug. He smelled just like the forest; pine needles and timber. "This is only the outside!" He said, leading me to the front door. I twisted the wooden door handle and peered in. I was right; a bed and a couch sat on the smooth, pine floor. I close the small space from the door to the bed and flop down face-first onto the bed. It was comfy, and smelt just like Gale. "You sleep here?" I asked. "Sometimes, when I was very worried, I would just come here" he said, "But I couldn't get you off my mind anyway, so I guess it didn't really do anything" I got on my knees and started to walk-crawl towards him, which was actually quite difficult since the bed wouldn't allow me to keep balance. Once I was close enough to him, I hugged his torso so hard that his ribcage should have cracked.
We decided to have dinner there, since we were getting pretty hungry. Gale told me to wait up here while he went to gather some food. I wish he'd have let me come with him; I was dangerous when left alone with my thoughts. I tried to focus on anything but that horrible night. Yes, I would save that for later. Today was a good day, and I wanted to keep it that way. I sat on the warm red coloured couch and stretched out, and dozed off for about twenty minutes. When I woke up, Gale was sitting on the other side of the couch with my feet resting on his lap. "You look so peaceful when you sleep" He said, sounding just as relaxed as I felt. I yawned and lifted my head up, feeling even more hungry than before.
We walked out of the cabin to cook the rabbit which had lost its life walking into one of Gale's snares. He'd already set up the campfire, we just needed to light it. I lit the fire and made a temporary spit to roast the rabbit on. After we skinned the rabbit, we placed it on the spit and cooked it; we then cooked some of the Katniss Plant, to accompany it.
Once I bit into the rabbit, it tasted so good that I moaned, and Gale's head immediately flicked towards me. "Sorry" I said as I smiled. He cleared his throat and said awkwardly, "Good to see you're enjoying it, I guess."
After we finished our meal, it started to rain pretty heavily, so we decided to stay there for the night. I volunteered to sleep on the couch, so Gale leant me a blanket from his bed. We turned off the oil lamp we had lit earlier, and set up for the night. Once I was under my blanket, I attempted to go to sleep. However, it wasn't long before I heard snoring coming from the direction from Gale. I groaned. Now that I couldn't get to sleep, I was starting to think of the way Peeta snored when we shared the cave together. All the memories we had in the cave, like our first kiss came flooding back, and in a matter of minutes I started to cry. I tried to be as quiet as I could, but at night it was the worse. All of a sudden, I let out a small whimper, without realising until it was too late. I immediately covered my mouth, but Gale's snoring had ceased. "Catnip?" he said, unsure if it was me that made that sound or not. Without thinking, I sniffled. 'Crap!' I thought to myself. I heard the shifting of sheets and Gale was staring down at me in a matter of seconds. Oh, God, he didn't have a shirt on. This was awkward, for me, anyway. "Come on, come sleep in the bed with me" he said, sounding tired and ever so slightly frustrated. "No, I'm fine" *sniff* "Honest!" I said quietly. "No you're not, Katniss! Come on, it's nice and warm in my bed too." Well, now that I think about it, I am cold... "No!" I said, but it was too late. Gale had already sensed my hesitation and had picked me up. He walked me over to the bed a set me down next to him. Now that I think about it, it is nice and warm in here. After he pulled the blanket over me and him, I fell asleep.
OOOH, how'd you like it? Hopefully you did like it, because it took me all day to write!
Next Chapter:
Awkward spooning position wake up!
She finally talks to her family!
More Angst! (Cause I know you love it!)
And much, much more! Now... what should I call this thing?
Oh! I know! Let's call it ' A flame without a Flower! '