Oh my… Boredom really doesn't suit me. I've been home three days in a row now (caught a(nother) cold) and am now so utterly, frustratingly bored. So, I wrote a fic. A silly fic. Which will have a more serious, yaoi-ish second part.
I have read so many depressing Ouran stories these last days that I just had to write something silly. Also, why are there almost only het stories with OC girls and the Ouran boys out there? I want YAOI! And the original characters… Now I will stop rambling, sorry if I hurt someone's feeling. I've been in a bit of a bitchy mood lately.
About my other stories. I'm finished with a new chapter of Then Lightning Strikes, am only waiting to get it betaed. The request series… I know, I haven't updated in ages. But have faith! I'm preparing to continue with the requests.
So, no warnings for this chapter. Hopefully you're not too sensitive for evil Kyouya plotting. I hope you'll enjoy this very, very silly bit of writing!
Almost forgot, I do NOT own Ouran.
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How and why to get inside Kaoru's pants
Kyouya looked down at his neat handwriting and nodded satisfied. That would do. By writing this down and making an organised list, Kyouya would finally be able to have some peace in his mind. The last couple of months had made his usually calm and logical brain get overheated. It was now running freely and wildly, confusing math with history, history with English and most distractingly creating pictures of a certain redhead. Naughty pictures.
Kyouya was head over heels in lust with the younger Hitachiin. Lust, mind you, not love. He did not get any sleep at night, too busy fantasizing. He couldn't eat, study or even manage Host Club business properly. The shadow king was broken.
The only solution to this problem obviously was to bed Kaoru. And to do that, he needed to have a plan. To have a plan he needed to understand these feelings better and make a list. Firstly, why did he want Kaoru?
Why do I want Kaoru?
Sex (Cause that wasn't already obvious…)
He is good looking
He is submissive (Kyouya would not have to battle about the dominant position)
Hmm… Kyouya couldn't think of anything else. But there was that small, small problem. Like Haruhi had said, he didn't do anything (or anyone) without getting any merits from it. So… What merits would he get from sleeping with Kaoru? Dark brows furrowed. He could not get any money; if someone was to get paid it was more likely Kaoru than himself. Fame? No. Reputation? Nuh uh, if it got out he would get very disreputable. Sex? Sex didn't count… How about the Host Club? Many girls liked yaoi, didn't they? Although, if he and Kaoru started acting on their "love", the twins brotherly love act would suffer and Host Club would lose profits anyway. Kyouya groaned, there had to be something! He was close to pulling his hair out in frustration when he finally thought of something. He put the pen to the paper again.
What merits will I get from sleeping with Kaoru?
Sleep. I will finally be able to sleep again at night.
Kyouya shook his head. Pathetic merits… Ah well, on to the next part.
How do I get Kaoru in bed?
No wait, before he could start with the real fun, there were some minor details that he had to set straight. First, was Kaoru gay? Would he want to sleep with another guy at all? Yes. Kaoru was the gayest person Kyouya knew. That wouldn't be a problem. Second, was Kaoru interested in Kyouya? Pfft… A more relevant question would be who was not interested in Kyouya. Third, twin brother Hikaru. This was the real problem. Kaoru's stubborn, overprotective brother would be hard to get past.
How do I get Kaoru in bed?
Alcohol (Probably not necessary, but it was always good to be sure)
Get rid of Hikaru (Not killing him or anything, just making sure he's not with Kaoru)
Simple, wasn't it? Now he only needed a good strategy. Kyouya pondered ideas for a while, before reaching the ultimate strategy.
How to get inside Kaoru's pants (strategy):
At school, tell him that you need some help with researching Tamaki's past. Ask him to come to your house at night. WITHOUT Hikaru.
Prepare some Tamaki-related information.
When he comes over, discuss the Tamaki-related information and serve him a drink. Tell him that the drink's soda. Make sure to hide the liquor taste well, BUT make it strong.
Talk about Tamaki and continue to give him "soda" until he's drunk.
Have fun.
Kyouya read the entire list though one more time. It was perfect. He turned to the alarm clock and raised one eyebrow. Look at that. It was time for school. Kyouya closed his notebook, put it in his briefcase and left the room. After tonight, Kaoru would no longer fuck up his brain cells.
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Yeah um… Hehe, it was fun to write at least!
Thank you for reading, please leave a review (and get the yaoi chapter sooner ^^)
/(silly, bored, midnight) Custard