*Disclaimer: Hal, why can't you be a good sport for once in your pathetic little life? Yes, I'm telling you it is pathetic. I saw your girlfriend in a can in your drawer. Jeepers. I didn't hurt any of the Water Rat Dolls, although Helen's life will be drastically changed forever, for the better or the worse you'll have to ask her. Frank may never recover, last I heard his plastic doll sense of smell still hasn't come back, but he'll survive. And Rachel, well, if it wasn't for the Rachel doll I don't quite know what would've happened. Jeff doll, well, Jeff doll decided two kids was enough. And the Tayler doll, well, she's having fun being a so-called "Auntie". Tommy doll still hasn't got all of those donuts off Frank yet, and I'm happy to report that the Gavin doll survived getting flattened by a rampage of Detectives shortly after this story ended. So, anyone who wants to sue me, go jump in a lake, I take no responsibility for anything in here whatsoever. No brands, no names, no coincidences, no injuries, no deaths, no disasters, no chocolate... hey! Hang on! Give that back!!!
Thanks: Thank you so much to my great friend, Esme. Thanks so much for all of your help, for suggestions and everything; you're a genius, I must say. Also thanks to Jacque Heads. Mate, If you hadn't checked over this story I would have balls upped so many things it's not funny, and if you ever leave our beautiful lil country to live in a hole like Tampa, Florida again, I'll chain you to a lamppost. Thanks also to Nat Williams for her continued support, and Funky and Spunky, I could never forget you two, you're legends. Thanks for putting up with my constant yack and annoying e-mails.
Author's other note: Tut tut tut, old men have filthy language. And Frank's language ain't all that great either. Rachel, well, what should I say. If you don't want to read something disturbingly hilarious about the Chief Inspector, read it anyway. This is one L----O----N----G story, but please stick with it! I took a break with the action scenes in this, so no one gets hurt, or even arrested - oh, hang on, there was one arrest. Just one. Anyway, this took about 2 months to finally complete, so, enjoy!!! And, as usual, feedback please! I'm begging you! E-mail me on sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com okay? Thank you all!
*****
Yummy Pillows, Crying Boxes, Sydney Water Police.
By Nikki Kirk
*****
Frank Holloway woke up with a start when the doorbell rang at 6am and found he'd been chewing on his pillow by the wet feathers sticking out of a small hole in the side of it. He pulled himself out of his nice, warm, comfortable bed, pulled a key out of his underwear drawer, and staggered to the door, wondering who on earth would be visiting at this time of the morning. "Rachel." Frank groaned, thinking it was probably his fellow Detective at the Sydney Water Police, Rachel Goldstein.
He fumbled around with the key, his muscles reluctant to do anything strenuous at this time of the morning, and finally managed to turn it. He pulled the door open with an enormous yawn, then looked out to see who was there. No one. Rachel wasn't standing there sniggering, it wasn't his eccentric neighbour, Shane, and he didn't have a cat, so the cat couldn't have rung it. "WAAAAA!!!" Frank jumped half a metre in the air, then looked down at his feet to find a cardboard box.
But this cardboard box was different to most. It was screaming its head off like a baby. Frank adjusted his eyes to focus on what was inside. It was an old towel that was squirming. Inside the old towel was a tiny red-ish pink-ish thing. The thing had its face screwed up so tight it looked like a pug dog puppy. It stopped for a minute and looked at Frank through its little blue eyes, then began screaming even louder, seeing a big, ugly, scary man with spiky morning hair and hairy legs. "What the hell?" Frank gasped, still gaping at the box and looking like a firecracker had exploded in his jockeys.
He looked around the street to see who had dumped the ugly little thing there. No one was there. Long gone obviously. He scratched his balls for a minute, trying to sort the set of events out in his head. He stared back down at the thing, then decided to risk getting bitten by picking the little squirt up. He put his enormous hand underneath the baby's butt, then one underneath its head like he'd seen people do on the movies, and picked it up. The kid stopped screaming for a second, shocked at the sight of the world growing smaller beneath it, then started screaming again with fright. Frank fumbled around for a minute, still standing in the doorway, then resorted to putting the kid back in the box, picked up the box and carried it inside to the kitchen. "What the heck is wrong with you kid?" Frank muttered at the still screaming baby, then rushed off down the hall to the linen cupboard to get the baby something warmer to lie in.
Frank yanked a fluffy flannelette blanket off the second shelf up, then rushed back to the baby, who had given up on its screaming, and was lying in the box with a cheeky look in its eyes. Frank saw why as soon as he pulled the towel off the baby. It was a he. And he had definitely eaten something before. Frank held his nose and pulled a Handi-towel off the roll that was sitting beside the sink. He cleaned the baby up, then wrapped it in the blanket while he went to find a nappy substitute. He ran back to the linen cupboard and yanked an old hand towel off the third shelf and sprinted back to the baby who was bawling its eyes out again. He grabbed a roll of masking tape off a table as he ran back to the kitchen, then proceeded taping the hand towel onto the baby, hoping that it would work.
*****
After an hour of trying to work out what the baby wanted, Frank glanced at the clock and found that it was time to get to work. He took the baby with him to the bedroom, and hastily pulled on his suit, shoved his tie in his pocket, grabbed his mobile from his underwear drawer, then ran out to his car. He suddenly realised he didn't have a car seat. Then he remembered the baby seat he and his first wife had bought after deciding to start a family, but never used because they broke up two weeks later. He rummaged around in the pile of junk in his garage, leaving the baby lying on the front passenger's seat, pulling out a dusty plastic car seat. The baby started screaming as Frank picked a cloth up off the floor and wiped the seat down, so he hurriedly ran back to the car, put the baby in it, strapped it in, strapped in the car seat, then practically jumped over the bonnet after looking at his watch to find that he had five minutes to get to the station. He jumped into the driver's seat, started the car, then shot off down the road with the radio on loud to try to drown out the kid's screaming.
*****
Rachel was gossiping to Helen when they heard the baby screaming its head off. They both looked up as the sound got closer and closer, and stared at the doors. The two women were gob smacked when Frank hurried in, clutching to the car seat for dear life, still looking as though a firecracker had exploded in his jockeys. "What the hell is wrong with this thing? It won't stop crying!" Frank yelled over the screaming coming from the kid's tiny mouth.
Rachel half ran over to Frank and snatched the kid away from him. "You poor little thing! Frank, where the hell did you steal this from?" Rachel glared at Frank, demanding to know what was going on.
"HE was dumped on MY doorstep at SIX a.m.!" Frank replied.
"What?" Rachel and Helen stared at him, wondering whether to believe him or not.
"He was..." Frank began.
"By who? And where'd you get the car seat from?" Rachel interrupted.
"I dunno! By the time I got to the door and looked to see who'd dumped him there the person or people were long gone! One of the wives and I decided to try for a baby. We divorced a few weeks later." Frank shot back, looking as if he was being interrogated for a kidnapping.
"Why didn't you call me Frank?" Rachel was now cradling the baby in her arms, and he was staring up at her with a peaceful little look on his face, having stopped screaming.
"I was kinda busy!" Frank looked at the kid, wondering how Rachel did it.
"Rachel! Frank! What the hell was that?" Jeff demanded, leaning over the banisters looking grumpy.
His fierce look immediately softened when he saw the tiny baby falling asleep in Rachel's arms, then looked confused.
"Rachel? But you weren't? What's going on here?" Jeff stuttered, glancing at Rachel's stomach, his composure totally shattered.
"No, I wasn't, and it's not mine. Ask Frank!" Rachel said quietly, looking amused.
"Frank? Would you care to explain?" Jeff asked gently, beckoning him up the stairs.
"Oh, fine. But what'll I do with him?" Frank pointed at the baby, noticing his partner's kooshy look on her face, then grinned.
"We'll look after him." Helen reassured Frank, then put down the paperwork she'd been finishing to go over and fuss over the baby.
*****
Frank hastily put on his tie as he walked into the boss' office, then sat down in one of the three chairs in front of his desk. Jeff looked at him. "Yes sir?" Frank asked, wondering what he was going to do.
"Well? What happened?" Jeff asked.
"Long or short version?" Frank asked.
"Short will do for now." Jeff replied.
"Someone dumped the kid in a cardboard box on my doorstep and rang the doorbell at six this morning. I went out to find the thing screaming blue murder at me, so I took it inside, put it in the blanket, put a substitute nappy on it, then rushed here. I was running late." Frank said.
"Are you willing to look after it? Or else we'll have to hand it over to Social Services who I'm just about to call." Jeff asked.
"I don't know the first thing about looking after a kid, let alone a baby, sir!" Frank exclaimed.
"Hmm." Jeff was thoughtful.
"How about Rachel? He seems to like her! Or Helen?" Frank suggested, waving at the pair who were walking past the window, Rachel still holding onto the sleeping baby.
"Just what I was thinking. Rachel? Helen? Come in here for a minute?" Jeff called quietly down the corridor.
The two women scuttled in quietly and sat down. "Rachel, how would you feel about looking after the baby until we sort out this mess? You'd have to take it with you all day I'm afraid, we can't spare either one of you, or you Helen, since Mick's away." Jeff asked.
"But sir, won't that interfere? I'll look after it later on, but are you sure we should take him today?" Rachel looked at the baby, then at Jeff.
"Well, come to think of it, since there's no shortage of babysitters around here, why don't you leave him here at the station when you're on duty?" Jeff suggested.
"That would work." Rachel agreed.
"I'll babysit!" Helen volunteered.
"Good. Now, Detectives, you have a case. There is a serial arsonist in Manly. He's been targeting properties on the waterfront. Here's the address." Jeff handed Frank the address, seeing that Rachel's hands were taken.
Rachel tried to give the baby to Helen, but he woke up and started crying. She took him back and he stopped. She tried to give him to Helen again, but he started crying again, so she took him back and he stopped again. Rachel looked at Jeff, then at Frank. "Go on, take him with you. There's no real danger where you're going anyway." Jeff waved the four out of the office, then turned to look at his fish tank.
*****
"So, what are you going to name him, Frank?" Rachel strapped the car seat into the Magna, then strapped the baby into the car seat and turned to look at Frank.
"I dunno!" Frank sighed.
"How about Frank junior?" Rachel teased.
"No way, do you have any idea how many nicknames I've accumulated over the years? There's Frankfurter, Fran, Crank, Shrank, Plank..." Frank began.
"Okay, okay, I get the picture Frankfurter!" Rachel grinned.
*****
After a short drive, the Detective duo arrived at their destination. It used to be an enormous home, triple storied. It had been gutted, along with all of the owners' possessions. The owners were sadly picking through the rubble in the suits they were left wearing after they came home to find their house destroyed. The woman was at the point of breaking down, and the man wasn't much happier. The only thing the fire fighters had managed to save was their cars, a brand new red BMW Roadster, and a newish Lexus Sedan. The couple's eldest child, a girl of about 18, was standing at the side with what looked to be her boyfriend, and she was holding a little girl of about three. "Excuse me, I'm Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein, and this is my partner, Senior Detective Frank Holloway." Rachel walked over to the girl and introduced herself, leaving Frank holding the baby as he chased after her.
The girl looked rather puzzled as she saw Frank holding the baby who was now crying, and the little girl she was holding clung to her neck even harder than she had been before. "Mummy?" The little girl looked at the girl that was obviously her mother.
"It's okay sweetheart, they're nice, they're from the police. Hi, I'm Rose Spencer. I'm their daughter." The young woman replied, relaxing a bit.
Rachel smiled at the little girl. "I'm Rachel, what's your name? Gosh, how old are you? You'd be... ooh, five?" Rachel asked the crab-like child, hoping to make her more relaxed.
"Nooo, I'm three and a half! My name's Jessica!" The little girl grinned at Rachel and giggled, relaxing her grip on her mother's neck.
"Really? Wow! I though you were much older than that!" Rachel pretended to be shocked.
"How old are you?" Jessica asked Rachel.
"I'm old." Rachel replied.
"How old?" the little girl asked again.
"I'm 21." Rachel fibbed.
"Nooo! I think you're 50!" Jessica giggled.
"50? 50? Me? Nah, actually I'm 34, but that's our secret, okay?" Rachel laughed.
"Okay!" Jessica chirped, then squirmed to be let down.
Jessica wandered over to Frank. "Why have you got a baby?"
"I don't know!" Frank replied truthfully.
"What's its name?" Jessica asked.
"I haven't decided on one yet, have you got any ideas?" Frank inquired.
"How about... Pizza!" Jessica suggested.
"Pizza?" Frank grinned at Rachel who was now standing next to him.
"No, how about Tarzan?" Jessica thought for a minute.
"No! I know! Jacob!" Jessica gleamed, proud that she'd come up with a good name.
"Jacob? What do you think, Rach?" Frank glanced at Rachel.
"Good name Frank! Good one Jessica!" Rachel nodded whole-heartedly.
"Jacob it is!" Frank was relieved they'd finally found the baby a name.
*****
"So, you have no idea who could have done this?" Frank asked Trudy, the owner of the house.
"No! No idea! Peter's in the car sales business, he's not got any enemies!" Trudy exclaimed, glancing over to watch her husband pull a water soaked photo album out of the rubble.
"Okay then. Thanks for your help." Frank went over to join Rachel who was following Trudy's husband, Frederick, around trying to ask him questions.
"What time did you arrive home? And where were you?" Rachel asked him, climbing over a melted bed head.
"At about 9p.m. Trudy, Rose, Jessica, Andrew and I were out for dinner. It was Rose's birthday, and we went to that Chinese Restaurant on Bond Street. We arrived home to find the house gone, fire fighters everywhere, and everything we've worked for destroyed." Frederick replied, sounding tired and irritable.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Rachel told him.
"I'm sure you are." Frederick snapped at her.
"Look, can you give me any information, any at all, that might be useful?" Rachel was getting sick of this.
"No, I'm sorry, I can't think of anything at the moment. I've got your number, Detective, and I'll call you if I think of anything." Frederick said dismissively.
"Thank you, I'd appreciate it." Rachel turned on her heel and started walking back to the car with Frank tagging along behind her.
"Rachel, what's the kid doing?" Frank looked panicked as the kid went purple and started grunting.
"You don't want to know." Was Rachel's reply.
"Oh, god." Frank clicked.
"Did you pick up any nappies?" Rachel already knew the answer.
"No! What do I look like? Superman?" Frank whined.
"No, Dame Edna actually." Rachel replied, taking the baby from Frank.
"Oh, thanks!" Frank laughed.
"Any time." Rachel replied.
*****
"We'll need this, and this, ooh, and this, and this, and this, and that, Frank can you grab it? And that, and this, and this, and can't forget this." Rachel wandered through the supermarket in Balmain with Frank tagging along, trying to get everything that his partner pointed to for the baby.
"What size nappies?" Frank was trying to decide between the toddler nappies and the nine-month-old nappies.
"Frank, if you get either of them the kid could use them as a tent! Newborns!" Rachel grunted with a roll of the eyes.
"Fine, just asking!" Frank grumped.
"You ever gonna wake up?" Rachel stroked the baby's soft, fuzzy head as it slept in the seat.
The baby didn't move, just uttered a tiny snore.
"So, where's he staying tonight?" Frank asked.
"With me, Holloway, you're hopeless." Rachel pulled some baby formula off the top shelf.
"Do you want me to sleep on the couch and help out?" Frank offered.
"You're hopeless when you don't get enough sleep." Rachel pointed out the obvious, remembering the numerous times he came to work grumpy after having a bad night.
"I'll cope!" Frank chirped.
"Nah, we'll be fine, won't we little guy?" Rachel grinned at the baby, then at Frank.
"You sure?" Frank was relieved he'd got out of it.
"Yeah." Rachel pulled a packet of bibs off a hanger.
"Okay then!" Frank suppressed a 'woohoo' he felt coming and grabbed a packet of baby wipes under Rachel's orders.
Frank's mobile erupted into life, making him jump half a foot in the air. "Holloway?" Frank answered.
"Yeah, Frank, it's Helen. Where are you?" Helen's muffled voice sounded impatient.
"We're in Balmain in a supermarket." Frank replied, winking at Rachel and receiving a glare in reply.
"Oh, that's okay then. Look, Jeff wants you back here. He's called Social Services and wants to know how long you guys can look after the kid for. They've checked both of your backgrounds and are happy that you guys look after the kid until they make other arrangements." Helen said, chewing on something.
"Yeah, um, look, I'll talk to Rachel about it. What do you mean by 'other arrangements'?" Frank inquired.
"Adoption, finding the mother, finding its family, foster care etc." Helen replied, banging something on the desk.
"Oh. Okay. As I said, I'll talk to Rach about it and we'll go from there." Frank told her.
"Okay. Get back here soon though. Oh, and Frank? Just between you and me, I think Jeff's taken a liking to the little guy, reminds him of his kids!" Helen's grin was obvious through the phone.
"You reckon?" Frank asked.
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! Bye Frank." Helen ended.
"Bye Helen!" Frank pressed 'end' and shoved the mobile back in his pocket.
"What was all that about?" Rachel asked Frank, noticing his cheeky grin.
"Oh, just the fact that Helen thinks Jeff's getting clucky over the little guy." Frank grinned innocently.
"Huh? Jeff? Clucky? Nah, I doubt it." Rachel spluttered, trying to suppress a laugh.
"And also it was about what's happening with Jacob. What's gonna happen if we can't find his Mother?" Frank suddenly became the most serious Rachel had ever seen him.
"What do you want to do Frank? I mean, someone picked you to look after the kid. I can't adopt it, I've got David and I'm working all of the time." Rachel said.
"Well so am I!" Frank pointed out.
"True. So what, we just let him get fostered out to some people we don't even know? Or let him get adopted by some people that mightn't care about him? Frank, this is a kid we're talking about." Rachel looked at Jacob who was sleeping peacefully in the trolley baby seat.
"I know! But I've never had a kid before!" Frank muttered.
"Look, what did Social Services say?" Rachel asked.
"They're happy with us looking after him if we are. Knowing the pace that they move at we'll have him for a while." Frank informed her.
"Right, so you can get used to looking after a kid in that time, then decide what to do." Rachel suggested.
"What, you think I should adopt him or something?" Frank looked stunned.
"Frank, even though you're a total klutz, a pain in the butt, annoying as hell, I still think you would make a great Dad." Rachel said honestly.
Frank stood there staring at Rachel, clutching a packet of nappies and some baby wipes under his arm, wondering whether or not to believe what he'd just heard. "Huh?" Frank managed to stutter.
"You heard me. I'm not saying it again." Rachel snapped, the familiar frown of impatience gracing her brow once more.
"Uh huh." Was all Frank could say as Rachel steered the trolley up to a counter.
*****
Rachel climbed out of the drivers seat and watched Frank leaning into the car to unbuckle Jacob. He gently pulled the straps off the tiny baby, supported his head with one big hand, then lifted him with the other and brought him out of the car. Jacob opened one eye for a second, then it slowly drifted back down as he fell asleep again. Rachel was secretly impressed, but she didn't dare show it. Frank tucked the baby into his arms, kicked the car door shut gently, then began heading inside with Rachel following. "My two favourite detectives! How was the baby shopping?" Helen grinned, gently brushing Jacob's cheek as he slept in Frank's protective grip.
"Great! He'll be a house husband yet!" Rachel sniggered, then headed upstairs with the car seat and several bags of baby supplies and clothes.
"You reckon?" Helen laughed, winking at Frank.
"Yeah, real house husband material here!" Frank grinned cheekily, then began heading up to their shared office.
*****
Jacob woke up as Frank walked past Jeff's office, then started crying hungrily. Jeff looked up from his over-sized desk and watched as Rachel, armed with a bottle, rushed to the rescue, taking the baby from Frank, and shoving the bottle of formula into Jacob's mouth. Jeff decided to go and see how they were coping. "Got a name for him yet?" Jeff stuck his head out of his office and looked at the two detectives.
"Yeah, actually. Jacob." Frank told the boss.
"Jacob? Jacob what? Have you decided on a middle name?" Jeff inquired.
"Uh, not yet. Still thinking about it." Frank said thoughtfully, wondering what on earth it would be.
Jeff walked over to Rachel, and expertly lifted Jacob and the bottle into his own arms. Jacob stared at Jeff with his big blue baby eyes, then decided that he was his adoptive Grandpa and snuggled into his arms, sucking contentedly on his bottle. Jeff grinned at the kid and started talking to him. "You're cute aren't ya? Eh? You're very handsome. You're going to grow up and be a big boy. Yes, you are! Uh, I'll look after him for a while. You two go back to work." Jeff suddenly turned back into an authoritive figure and told the two shell-shocked Detectives.
With that Jeff turned and walked back into his office, cooing to Jacob who was still sucking on his bottle. Rachel looked at Frank. Frank looked at Rachel. They both shrugged, speechless, then wandered into their office and shut the door. "Did you see what I thought I saw?" Frank asked Rachel when his voice came back.
"Uh, I'm not sure. I thought I was hallucinating." Rachel muttered, looking out of the window.
"Oh." Was Frank's reply.
*****
"How long has he been looking after Jake for now?" Frank asked Rachel.
"Oh, for goodness' sake Frank! If you're that concerned about him, go and get him!" Rachel didn't look up from her paperwork.
"Um, hmm, I dunno, the boss might get cranky." Frank stuttered.
"Which one? Bubs or Jeff?" Rachel grinned to herself.
"Both!" Frank smirked, then decided he'd better save Jeff from the kid and walked out of the door and along to Jeff's office to get the baby.
"Ooh, Frank. I've called all of the hospitals in the area. No one's got a record of Jacob being born there. Quick guess is that his Mum's a street kid who gave birth to him by herself, not wanting to be found. I've talked to Jeff about it, and we both can't see any way of finding her, and I talked to Social Services, and they're taking him in unless we find a temporary home for him. Are you going to look after him for a while or what?" Helen bounced up the hallway.
"Uh, didn't I tell you already? Yeah, yeah, I'll give it a go. I'll down load him onto Rachel if I have any problems." Frank replied.
"Does she know about this?" Helen asked, knowing that the answer was probably no.
"Uh, no. But she'll be fine with it, really." Frank quickly added when he saw Helen's face turn grumpy.
"She'd better be. You sure? I'll call them now if you are." Helen grinned as she saw Frank's paternal side emerge from the deep dark depths of his personality.
"Yeah."
"Okay then." Helen began walking down the corridor, pausing to look back at Frank to see whether he'd changed his mind or not, but kept walking when she saw he hadn't.
Frank knocked on the door of the Inspector's office, then went in when he heard a muffled "Come in." from the boss. He looked at Jeff, who was holding the tiny baby one arm as he filled out some paperwork. "Yes Frank?" Jeff looked up at his Detective who was looking a bit blank.
"Rachel and I are just about to head off for lunch. And we were going to take Jacob. Is that okay? Oh, and we found a lead on the Spencer Arson case. The daughter, Rose, has an ex-boyfriend, Aaron Jason Spencer, who's just been released from prison. Apparently he raped her, and that's how her daughter, Jessica, came to be. He was put away for 5 years, but got out a week ago on good behaviour. He's apparently had previous convictions on arson, but was too young to be put away." Frank announced.
"Sounds logical. Okay, I want you and Rachel to follow up on that lead straight after lunch. Just don't put the baby in any dangerous situations." Jeff handed the sleepy kid back to Frank.
"Blublub.... WAAAAAAHHH!" Jacob's tonsils almost jumped out of his amazingly large gob for a baby as soon as Frank took him.
"Okay. We're off!" Frank yelled over the crying, then wandered back out of the office.
After lunch, Jacob wasn't going to let his presence go unnoticed. He wailed and waahed and sniffled, and gasped, and farted, and obviously wanted something, but Frank couldn't figure it out, I mean, he was meant to be a detective in the criminal world, not in a baby world. He looked over to ask Rachel to take him, but she'd disappeared. Probably filing paperwork with Helen or something.
"What the? Frank, give it to me!" Woodsie appeared from out of nowhere and snatched Jacob out of Frank's clutches.
Jacob sniffled a bit, then groaned, and then went quiet. He looked up at the weird lady who was holding him, realised it wasn't his "Mummy", then began bawling his eyes out again. "I think he wants Rachel. Thanks for the try Woodsie." Frank took the bawling bundle of wind back, then went to find his illusive fellow Detective.
"Helen? You seen Rach?" Frank bellowed at the Sergeant from the top of the stairs.
"Isn't she in your office? Or with Jeff? Oh, hang on, she went out to get the last of Jake's things." Helen reached out to take the baby.
"Damn." Frank looked out of the double glass doors, willing Rachel's head to appear.
Helen took Jacob gently, then hugged the little bugger a bit. Jacob looked up into her eyes, stopped crying, belched up some milk and lay there thinking that this lady was okay, she'd do for a substitute till Mummy came back.
"There. All better huh?" Helen smiled gently at the tiny baby and stroked the tiny mass of blonde fuzz on top of his over-sized head.
"Phew. You're a life saver Helen." Frank slumped against the reception desk regaining energy.
"Look, I'll look after him till Rachel gets back, okay? The visitors are beginning to give us weird looks when he starts bellowing. He sounds like a 727 taking off!" Helen grinned at Tayler, who'd just walked through the station doors.
"Hey Auntie Helen! Serg? What the?" Tayler stopped dead as soon as she saw Jacob lying in Helen's arms.
"Long story. Ask Frank, it's *his* kid." Helen grinned an innocent smile at Frank who mouthed "Thanks Helen" in return.
"What? Frank? Oh, can I hold him?" Tayler lifted Jacob into her arms, then looked at Frank questioningly.
Jacob looked up into Tayler's face, then looked at Tayler's frizzy red hair, wondering what on earth it was. "It's kind of scary..." he thought, then he decided that she smelled and seemed okay, so he might as well stay put, besides, he didn't feel like wasting his energy on these dumb big people.
"Well, it all started this morning when the doorbell rang..." Frank began, leading Tayler upstairs to finish her story.
Helen sat at her desk wondering why it was always her stations that ended up with the weird circumstances, then decided that she'd better finish her filing.
*****
Ten minutes later, Rachel walked in. The station was curiously quiet... "WAAAAAHHHH!!!" okay, maybe not.
"Jacob wants you. He's been bawling his eyes out ever since he realised you weren't here." Helen informed her Detective, trying to predict her reaction.
"Oh, shit. Thanks Helen." Rachel sprinted upstairs lugging a bag of baby things and a new pram behind her.
The screaming lead her right to the red-faced baby, with half the station doing assorted strange things to try to stop him crying. She stopped and stood in the doorway watching. Tommy was juggling tennis balls, Woodsie was pulling faces, Gavin was pretending to strangle Woodsie, assorted officers were making their stinky socks talk, Dave was burping the alphabet, Tayler was left holding the little stinker, and Frank was stretching out in his chair, trying to drown out Jacob's loud protests with his Discman. Rachel stepped into the room. Jacob saw her through his teary eyes. "Mummy!" he thought.
The whole station went silent as a small grin began appearing on his face. Rachel watched in amazement. The station turned to look at her, then back at the baby. Now it was a full-fledged smile, complete with toothless gums. "Hey sweetie! Miss me?" Rachel walked over to Tayler, who had her jaw almost hitting the baby's head, and scooped the tiny thing into her arms, and planted a gently kiss on his forehead.
"Woah... How'd you do that?" Frank ripped off his headphones and looked in amazement at the silent, contented baby who was falling asleep.
Rachel grinned, unfolded the pram expertly using one hand and one leg, arranged baby blankets for him, then carefully set him into it, touching one of his cheeks with her index finger. "Weren't we meant to go and check out that lead Frank?" Rachel asked a few seconds later.
"Oh, yeah." Frank whispered, not daring to wake the baby.
"You lot can bugger off now." Rachel said delicately, shooing them out the door.
And with that, the half of the Sydney Water Police Force who were in the room filed quickly and silently out of the door, some clutching their socks and shoes, others looking sheepishly at Rachel as they filed past her desk.
*****
"So, you have no idea about this Mr Spencer? None at all? Because so far you're only alibi is with a friend that helped you burn down that house when you were 15, you were in the next suburb, and you have reason to do this crime! Rose put you away, and you're trying to tell me you're not bitter about it?" Frank knew Spencer was lying, and when he glanced over at Rachel, she obviously did too, judging by the sceptical look on her face.
"I've changed. Sure, I was bitter for a while, but I'm over it! Jeez, every arson and you cops are onto me. Why don't you just bugger off? I didn't do it." Aaron James Spencer was getting pissed off with all of these cops hassling him all the time.
"Actually, Mr Spencer, I don't think you have changed. You're the same rude, arrogant little man that I interviewed several years ago after you burned down that building in Georges Heights." Rachel pointed out, remembering the case well.
"Yeah, thought I recognised you." Came the sleazy reply.
"What is it with the baby anyway?" Spencer asked, looking at the kid with evident disdain.
"None of your business. If you think of anything, call either of us." Frank handed Spencer the business card.
"Yeah, whatever." He shoved it into his pocket, then went back to rummaging around in his car.
"He did it." Rachel said as they walked away, making it sound like everyday conversation.
"Yep, I reckon." Frank muttered, unlocking the car, then going back to help load the kid into the car seat.
As soon as they'd tucked Jacob into his carseat, they headed back to HQ, relieved it was nearly the end of the day.
"You sure you don't want me to look after the sprog tonight? Or at least help?" Frank asked Rachel, who was busy trying to pass a black Mercedes.
"You'd be hopeless Holloway." Rachel grinned at the thought.
"Or at least stay at your place and help?" He suggested.
"Oh, fine. Yeah, come over and sleep on the couch then if you're so worried I'll do something to him." Rachel said coolly, avoiding another car that was pulling out slowly into the fast lane.
"I didn't mean it like that..."
"Yeah, I know. Look, do what you want."
"I'll come over and help then. Rach, I know you're perfectly capable looking after him, I mean you did a great job with David."
"Okay. What'll we have for dinner then?"
"Pizza?" Frank suggested.
"And beer." Rachel put in.
"Course! What's pizza without beer?"
"Nothing."
"Exactly!"
*****
"Frank! Where'd you put the bottle opener? Oh what the hell." Rachel forcefully pushed on the top of her beer bottle, silently cursing Frank's disorganisation.
"Uh, there it is! It's sticking out of the VCR." Frank pulled out the middle drawer in Rachel's kitchen, finding the tongs first go.
"What? Frank! I told you not to shove stuff in the bloody VCR! Hurry up with the pizza! What flavour is it?" Rachel took a large swig of her beer, then sat staring at Jacob who was sleeping like a baby in the pram.
"Uh, I got two. Hawaiian and Meat Lovers, no onion because you hate onion, no pork or bacon 'cause you're Jewish." Frank dragged a huge sniff of that hot pizza smell up his nostrils, then set to dealing out both pizzas with the tongs.
"What sort of beer do you want? Light or normal?" Rachel examined the bottles, wondering why the light one always tasted filthy, well, the ones she'd had anyway.
"Uh, go for the normal. I need it after today! Is he still asleep?" Frank walked into the lounge with two plates of pizza.
"Yep. He's a good sleeper, you're lucky." Rachel grinned into her bottle of beer, then took another swig.
"What do you mean *I'm* lucky?" Frank spluttered, taking a huge bite out of his pizza, wondering how something so small could burn you out so fast, god knows how women coped.
"You'll see. Since you came over to help, *you're* gonna be getting up to him in the night." Rachel smirked evilly, picking an anchovy off her pizza.
"Eh? Huh! That's unfair!" Frank whined, then pulled the bottle opener out of the VCR and popped the cap on his beer.
"Frank! Shh! You'll wake him! You bloody great wanker!" Rachel hissed, anxiously looking over to find Jacob rubbing his eye with a tiny fist in his sleep.
"Sorry." Frank whispered, then gulped down a mouthful of his beer.
Frank found the remote to the tv, and turned it on, adjusting the volume so that they could just hear it. The pair sat in the darkness watching RPA for a while, then decided to hit the hay, considering the amount of running around they'd been doing for the baby. Rachel crawled over to the pram, to bothering to get off the floor, then kissed Jacob on his tiny soft forehead. "Sleep tight sweetheart. We've got another big crime solving day tomorrow. Gosh your cute." Rachel grinned and got up.
"I am aren't I? Sleep tight to you too sweetheart." Frank piped up from the couch.
"Shut up Holloway. You're not cute. You look like an overgrown gorilla from the jungles of Papua New Guinea." Rachel sniffed.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You reckon?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then."
"Night Frank."
"Night sweetheart." Frank winced as a cushion flew at him at full speed.
Rachel looked at Jacob in the dim light once more, memorising his tiny, angelic face, then headed off to the luxury of her own bed, leaving Frank lying on her lumpy couch. Frank tried counting sheep. He suddenly remembered that the last time he'd done that he'd had nightmares of being a sheep farmer out in the wop wops of New Zealand. So then he tried counting beer bottles. That must have worked because when Rachel crept into the kitchen to get a drink a few minutes later, she was amused to find Frank lying on the couch sleep talking. "Rachel, you're a babe. I like sheep. They taste really good..." Frank muttered.
"What?! No, he didn't... No, I was imagining it." Rachel thought, then had an idea.
She plucked a feather out of the weird twiggy thing David had made her at school, then went to find the shaving cream she'd bought when Helen and Tayler had come over for dinner. They'd got drunk and stayed over the night, and Rachel was in a mischievous mood, so she'd rushed out to the 24-hour shop and bought a bottle of shaving cream. She'd then sprayed weird faces on them while they were asleep, and almost killed herself laughing when they got up, not realising they had it on them, went to put on their makeup, and then looked in the mirror to find their normal faces gone. That was the only time she'd heard Helen scream. "Where is it?" she rummaged around in the bathroom cabinet, then found it at the back, with discarded old leg razors and the stinky soaps David had left at her house nearly a year ago.
She crept back into the lounge, shook up the cream, then quickly sprayed it on Frank's left hand which was lying on the floor. She suppressed a giggle, and began tickling his nose with a feather. It worked perfectly. Frank snuffled, then snorted, then smacked his hand on his face. Shaving cream splatted everywhere, and Rachel sprinted out of the room, carefully not making a sound, and went back to bed.
*****
"WAAAAAHHHH!!!" Frank stirred, then subconsciously tried to work out what that god-forsaken noise was.
"WAAAAAHHH!" Right, first, where was he? Rachel's? Must be, he hated that lumpy couch. Why? Oh, damn it, I dunno, too early to think. I'll just ignore it, it'll go away...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Okay, maybe not. Waah. Crying. Rachel? Are you kidding? Your partner wouldn't cry in front of you for a million bucks. What else cries. I cry. Did I say that? That was because Mr Whippy forgot my sprinkles! I was ten! Okay, I'm not crying... Do I have a kid? Not that I know of. Rachel? David. No, he wasn't here. Rachel... woman... AAH! Was she pregnant? Whose is it? I'll kill them! No, think in the past year. Did she ever look like she had a basketball in her suit? Nope. Rachel definitely wasn't pregnant. Baby... baby... baby... OH SHIT!!! That cardboard box! It's coming to me! NOOO! Jacob! Damn!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
"FRAAAANK!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP HIM CRYING IN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS I'LL DECAPITATE YOU!!!" Okay, time to move, angry Rachel's not good. Plus she sounds serious. Wake up Franky... Come on Franky... Good boy.
Frank sat up and rubbed his eyes. They quickly adjusted to the gloom. He stumbled across to where the screaming was coming from. A peculiar smell was coming from the area the noise was in. Phew! Stinky! Nappies. Oh no. "Shh, it's okay Jakey.... Come 'ere Jakey. That's a boy. It's okay bub. There there. You filled yer nappies, eh? Come on, let's change them. Now, how'd Rachy do it? Hey, where'd that come from?" Frank wiped the shaving cream off his hand, scooped up the tiny ball of sniffs, sobs, and stinks, then carried him over to the kitchen bench and set him down.
"Nappies, nappies. Here we are! Okay, how the hell do these things go on? Let's shed a bit of light on the subject, eh?" Frank flicked a light switch, and gasped as the 100-watt spotlights Rachel's kitchen had in the ceiling blinded him.
"Ow, shit. I didn't say that." Frank told Jacob, then unfolded the nappy.
"Phew! You sure do a lot of mess for a little guy, huh?" Frank took off the soiled nappy, then cleaned up the leftovers with a baby wipe.
"There." Frank lifted the kid up by the ankles and slid the nappy underneath his pink butt, then attached the sticky bits.
"Perfect." Frank threw the old nappy at the bin in the corner, and, thankfully, got it in first try.
"Come on you, time to go back to bed, eh?" He carried Jacob back over to the pram and tucked his tiny blankets around him.
Rachel had been standing in the darkness watching him for a while. She'd decided not to decapitate Frank now, but would wait till the morning, so she decided to stay and watch the big lug and the baby. Frank began singing lullabies, and watched as the baby's eyes slowly drifted shut again. Rachel grinned silently, then slowly made her way back to bed. "Goldstein, stop being a Detective for five minutes? Stop spying on me!" Frank whispered when he heard a floorboard creak in the hall.
"Go back to bed Holloway." Rachel poked her head around the corner.
"I was just about to." Frank grinned, then looked to see if the baby was still asleep.
"Good. And by the way, you should bring out a CD of lullabies." Rachel laughed quietly, then went back to bed, gratefully crawling under the covers.
*****
Frank stumbled into HQ the next morning looking like he'd been in a car crash. His hair was a mess, he still had traces of the shaving cream on his face, his tie was hanging out of his pocket, and he had massive dark rings under his eyes. "Morning Frank!" Helen grinned, then poked Tayler in the arm to alert her to the sight.
"Hard night, eh Frank?" Tayler smirked, shuffling a pile of papers into order.
"Something like that." Frank yawned, then dragged himself up the stairs to his shared office.
"You reckon they got up to anything?" Tayler asked Helen, her blue eyes twinkling.
"Nah. Looks like he was the one that got up to the baby." Helen smiled to herself as she collected a fax from the machine.
Rachel bounced in at that very moment, holding the baby in one arm, car keys in her teeth, her bag on the other arm, and dragging the pram with her free hand. "Morning Helen! Morning Tayler! Nice day huh? Any mail?" Rachel dropped the keys on the reception desk, then gave the baby up to Helen, who was eager to give him a cuddle.
"Here ya go Rachel." Tayler passed her a bundle of mail, then walked around to help her with the pram.
"Could you possibly bring it upstairs for me Tayler? Thanks." Rachel signed the register, made Helen give Jacob back, then followed Tayler up the stairs.
"Frank? Oi! Sleepyhead! Wakey wakey!" Rachel threw a pen at Frank, hitting him on the head.
Frank snorted, then began to wake up. He pulled his head off the desk, pulled his arms back, then forced himself to sit up. Then Jeff walked in. "Frank? What happened to you?" Jeff took one look at Frank, then decided he'd take a while to get used to a baby.
"The kid. He's.... yawn!... he's diabolical." Frank rubbed his eyes, then tried to focus on the boss.
"Rachel, I think you'd better take him tonight." Jeff put a paper on Rachel's desk, looked at Frank, looked at Jacob, found he was awake, then decided to look after him for a while.
"I'll take him off your hands for a while. Haven't you two got a case to work on?" Jeff looked meaningfully at his two detectives, then wandered back to his office, cuddling the baby.
Jacob stared up into Jeff's eyes, kicked a bit, then remembered that he was his "Grandpa", so he snuggled down in his arms, and watched the surroundings.
*****
It had been an exceedingly boring morning by the time lunch rolled around. The detectives had filed the paperwork for the last case they'd solved, and now were waiting for another one, but the Sydney waterways were remarkably quiet. The station all gathered around for the lunchtime gossip session, and Jacob just lay in his pram farting when people began fussing over him. "Ah, Frank? Rachel? Can you two come here for a minute please?" Helen dragged the two Detectives out to the quiet reception desk.
"Yeah? What is it Helen?" Rachel didn't like the look on Helen's face, or the way this conversation had started.
"Uh, we found the mother of Jacob. She gave birth to him yesterday morning. There's no easy way to say this, but she's dead. A couple of officers found her last night. She threw herself off a building in the central city at about 11pm. She was a street kid. The father's unknown, apparently even her mates didn't know who the father was. They ran DNA samples, and hers matched Jacob's perfectly, remember the sample we took? Yeah, plus they could tell she'd had a baby, obviously. Looks like she just dumped Jacob on the first appealing doorstep she could find. Just lucky it was you Frank." Helen patted them both on the arm.
"So, what do we do now?" Rachel asked, seeing as Frank was speechless for the first time in his life.
"Well, hand him over to Social Services I suppose. Or you could look after him until they find him new parents." Helen suggested.
"Frank?" Rachel looked at her partner.
"Uh... I... I don't know if I can. I mean, I've had no experience. But maybe it's fate... I don't know. Rach? Would you look after him?" Frank scratched his head, not really knowing what to say.
"I'll look after him. If you two won't. I've already asked, they've checked me out etc etc." Helen stated.
"Look, I'll look after him tonight, and I'll let you two decide what's gonna happen to him, alright?" Helen suggested, knowing that neither of them was the type to commit to something without milling over it for a while.
"You sure?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I've looked after babies before." Helen grinned, reading Frank's surprised expression.
"Okay then. Give me a yell if you head off before we do." Rachel told her, then followed the Sergeant back into the meal room.
*****
It was about 3pm when Helen popped her head around the door with a new case for the pair of detectives who were on the verge of going mad. "You two feeling energetic?" Helen asked with a sly twinkle in her eye.
"No. Bugger off." Was Frank's reply.
"I'm all ears. Go on." Rachel was intrigued, she could do with some exercise.
"A young guy's been murdered up in the blue mountains. Like helicopters?" Helen grinned, bursting to drop the bombshell.
"Umm..." Rachel didn't really, but she wasn't going to admit it.
"Good. You'll be airlifted up there, dropped off in a clearing, then you're going to have to walk up a path for about an hour before you reach the site. The chopper's going to land on the front lawn in a few minutes. Grab your jogging shoes, it's soggy up there." Helen grinned, and glided out the door as silently as she'd entered.
"Oh, great." Rachel groaned, then looked at Frank.
"What?" He snapped sleepily, noting the amused look on her face.
"Who do we leave the baby with while we're out?" Rachel inquired sweetly.
"I dunno. I'm just the male." Frank groaned.
"Helen!" the pair said in unison, then rushed into the changing rooms to change their shoes.
"Is the chopper here yet?" Rachel cleared the last four stairs, landing in front of the reception desk with a small thud, grinning at the shocked look on Jacob's face as he felt his "Mummy's" body hit the floor.
"It's just about here, I can hear it." Helen said, not looking up from the paperwork she was filling out.
"Oh, yeah! Helen. Special delivery." Rachel kissed Jacob's forehead, patted his sleepy little hands, then handed him over to Helen.
"The rest of it's upstairs in my office. Everything's there. We can't take him along, so, since you're looking after him tonight and we're not going to be back till late, happy birthday!" Rachel grabbed the bag of spare clothes she'd set down on the floor, then bounced out of the door.
"Bye Helen! If you need anything, ask Jeff. And if you get sick of him, he'll be happy to take him off your hands! Later!" Frank grinned at her, then bounced out of the door in hot pursuit of Rachel who was climbing into the chopper.
"Bye..." Helen sighed, then looked down to find Jacob smiling at her.
"What're you smiling at? Eh?" Helen laughed, then sniffed and found out.
*****
The next day the Rachel arrived at work to find Helen dead to the world, asleep on a pile of papers on her desk. "Morning Helen..." Rachel whispered and grinned at Tayler.
"Jacob's with Jeff. He kidnapped him after Helen fell asleep against the sink making coffee." Tayler whispered, trying not to wake her sleeping Aunt.
"Thanks Tayler! I'll go up and get him now." Rachel replied and trotted up the stairs to Jeff's office.
She knocked on the door gently, in case he'd put Jacob down for a rest, then walked in after she heard the trademark "Come in." emerge from the depths of her boss' office. She walked in to find her 'tough, no nonsense' boss cootchy-cooing at the smiling infant. "Yes?" The tough appearance made a face.
"Uh, I was just coming to see if you wanted me to take him off your hands for a little while." Rachel noticed a new look on Jeff's face, one of boyish delight, as he looked after Jacob as if he were his own child.
"No, I don't think that'll be necessary. Besides, you have a case to solve. Didn't Helen brief you about it?" Jeff had noticed a whole new side to his detective, one he'd never known existed, and, quite frankly, he liked it.
"Uh, she was kind of busy..." Rachel wondered what exactly she could say her colleague and friend was busy with.
"Oh. Well, it's just a short case, I gather that it's very simple, the person who reported it sounded as though he'd already solved it. A man, George Alexander, lives on the Manly Beach Waterfront. At about 2pm this morning he heard noises and looked out of the window to see two males dressed in black and wearing balaclavas hacking through a chain which held his million-dollar launch to his private jetty. The address is obviously the waterfront, Tamarama. He didn't say a number, but he said it was the enormous white house with a green tile roof, a white concrete wall in the front, and it's at the northern end. He also said that there is a black BMW Roadster in the driveway." Jeff announced, pulled a bottle out from in the top drawer of his desk, tested the temperature on his wrist, then popped it into Jacob's tiny gob.
"Okay. Got it. I just have to wait for Frank, he should be here any minute." Rachel jotted down the details on a notepad she kept in her inner jacket pocket, then wondered how late Frank would be today.
"Late again?" Jeff asked, pre-occupied with feeding the baby who was happily sucking away, savouring every drop.
"Uh, yeah." She scratched her back with her ballpoint pen.
"Hmm. I can see I'll have to have a strong word to him. Thank you." Jeff nodded his head dismissively.
Rachel gently closed the door behind her, then wandered into her office. She vaguely acknowledged Frank's presence, then grabbed some paper, a pen and the car keys. "You coming or not?" Rachel hovered in the doorway, staring at Frank with eyes that could freeze Mt Ruapehu and any lava within in two seconds.
"Huh? Where are we going? Where's Jacob? Are we taking him?" Frank was his usual organised self.
"Tamarama, with Jeff, and I don't think so unless *you* want to clean the baby spew off the back seat." Rachel said quickly as she led the way down the corridor.
"Oh. Fill me in on the details while we're driving there?" Frank grabbed a donut off Tommy, who was passing with a bag full, then gave him a sweet smile.
"Oi! You owe me Frank!" Tommy laughed, grinning at Gavin who swerved to avoid the two detectives as he came off the stairs.
"Yeah, that's what you always say!" Frank laughed.
"And think how many donuts you owe me!" Tommy threw another donut at Frank, which missed and hit the Chief Inspector's door with a small thud.
"Hey! Keep it down or I'll make you wash and vacuum the entire fleet of cars!" Jeff stuck his head out of the door and growled at his noisy staff members.
"Sorry Jeff!" They chorused quietly, and continued on their ways.
*****
"Which one is it? Bloody hell. Basically all of them are white. Green roof. Roadster. Shit!" Rachel slammed on the anchors as she spotted the house - finally.
She put the car in reverse, then turned into the driveway, the Green Magna lurching over the kerb into the tiled driveway. It was a huge house, but then again, most of the houses around there were enormous. Outside on the front doorstep were two large terracotta elephants with ferns in them. On the front lawn there was a large, expensive-looking fountain, and a small white dog was trotting around, tail wagging, to greet them. "Nice." Rachel said, climbing out of the car.
"Not bad." Frank agreed, and patted the dog on the head.
The pair walked up to the front door, and rang the golden doorbell. It sounded like a brass band had exploded inside for a minute. "Not the usual doorbell eh? Bit of variety? Should get one for my place." Rachel examined a hanging pot plant and picked a snail off a leaf, then hiffed it over the fence to the neighbour's place.
Footsteps became audible from inside the house, and then the door began opening. "Yes?" A short old guy of about 70 stood in the open doorway, glaring suspiciously at the young police detectives in front of him.
"Mr Alexander?" Frank asked.
"Yes, who wants to know?" The old man looked cranky.
"Detectives Rachel Goldstein and Frank Holloway from the Sydney Water Police. You reported a launch being stolen in the early hours of this morning?" Rachel piped up in her no-nonsense voice, she knew that this guy was the type to be uncooperative.
"Oh, yes. Come in, come in. Take off your shoes." Mr Alexander snapped, hobbling down the hallway into a sunny, tastefully decorated lounge.
"You have a lovely house Mr Alexander." Rachel remarked politely, hoping to get somewhere with the old fart.
"Call me George, dear. Coffee? Tea? Juice?" The old man's mood suddenly changed, shocking his two guests.
"No thank you." Rachel said, admiring the huge, white and blue marble kitchen behind them.
"All right. Do you want me to show you where the boat was?" Mr Alexander looked both of his guests, looking them up and down, seeing if they fitted the bill.
He was pleased with the woman. She was smartly dressed in a classy black jacket and skirt with a light purple blouse underneath. She was slim with piercingly blue eyes. She held herself with poise and was very elegant, even if she didn't mean to be. Her dark hair was cut into a fashionable bob, and she had a controlling air about her. The man left a little to be desired. He had no tie, the top buttons on his shirt were undone, and his trousers had a small stain on the knee. His hair was rather messy, but his shoes were nicely polished, so he just passed the test.
"Yes, I was just about to suggest that." Frank grinned, smoothing his hair into something vaguely resembling a flattened haystack.
"Good. Come this way." The old man hobbled out onto a mass of decking, then walked down a ramp and onto a large jetty.
"So this was where it was docked sir?" Frank enquired while Rachel examined the chain which had been hacked through.
"Yes, that's right. Last night I was woken up by a noise outside, that's my bedroom up there. I looked out through the net curtains to see two males hacking through the chains. I alerted security, they went after them, but the men had drained all the petrol in the inflatable. We then called the police, but you were too busy to be worried about a small little thing like this." The old man said sarcastically, the formerly bad temper rearing its head.
"We were actually rescuing a dozen people off a ferry that was taking on water, and later sunk just out of the heads. Unfortunately that does take precedence over a burglary, sir." Rachel said sarcastically, looking the old grump right in the eye.
"Yes, yes I'd imagine it would." Mr Alexander decided to back off a bit, the female detective really did know how to stare someone down.
"Do you have any photos of your launch, sir?" Rachel asked, looking back at the house.
"Oh, yes, yes of course." The old man dragged out his wallet and produced a half dozen photos.
The pictures showed a large white launch with blue trim. It was powered by three off board motors, and the name, Cassidy Jones, was stuck to the side in large, golden letters, similar to the letters you stick onto letterboxes, except larger and classier. Rachel's eyes widened and she let out a small whistle. She handed the photos to Frank, who had a similar reaction. "Is there anyone you know of that could've done this?" Rachel asked, letting Frank mill over the photos for a while longer.
"Well, actually, there is. My sons, Danny and Paul. We're not exactly on speaking terms because I cut them out of my will. They didn't take too well to that." Mr Alexander smirked, showing no remorse for his lack of family love.
"Oh. And may I ask why?" Rachel was interested now; this sounded like a juicy case.
"Because they refused to get married, Paul was 30 and still living at home, and Danny... well, Danny's just a total klutz if you don't mind me saying. He went to five universities, got kicked out of every one for falling asleep in class. He then decided to become a cop, and on his first day on the job he wrote off a patrol car, nearly ran over a pedestrian, assisted a guy beat up his mate, got drunk and crashed another patrol car, then fell off a wharf. He got fired the next day. Then he wanted to be a plumber. And you get the picture. He's currently a gigolo." The old man was thoughtful for a minute.
"Interesting family. You married Mr Alexander?" Frank piped up, handing the photos back to him.
"Yeah, onto my fourteenth wife now, Jessica. First was Sylvia, total hooker. Then Macey, Paul's mother, she killed herself. Then Patricia, Danny's mother, found a richer guy, then he went broke and she tried to crawl back. Then Tatum, nasty piece of work, tried to get everything after the divorce but I had made her sign a pre-nup. Then Rochelle. My longest marriage, lasted fifteen years. Divorced her 'cause I couldn't stand the name anymore. Then Peta, just a bitch. Maria, so fat she could hardly walk. Tina, I ended up having to change the locks to get her out of the house. Sarah, kleptomaniac. Maxine, manic-depressive, killed herself. Rosa, illegal immigrant. Julia Lee, hooker, had an affair, druggy, thick as two bricks, bad fashion sense. Unlucky thirteenth was with Dariana, she died after going swimming in Queensland and got ravaged by a bloody great Great White Shark." Mr Alexander grinned at the memories.
"Aah. So, where can we find Paul and Danny?" Frank asked, he'd previously thought he was bad at marriages, but he was nothing compared to this guy.
"Uh, Paul's an accountant, here's his card. At least I think he's still there. And Danny, what's the time?" The old fart scratched his backside.
"Uh, 10am." Rachel glanced at her watch.
"He'll be at home, the lazy little shit. 10 Selkirk St, Mosman. I'll see you out if you want." Mr Alexander began wandering back up to the house.
"That won't be necessary. Ah, isn't that your boat there?" Rachel pointed out in the harbour at an approaching launch.
"Uh, I'm not sure..." Mr Alexander winced at the boat, trying to read the name as it got closer.
"Cassidy Jones... yep, looks like it's your boat mate. How many Cassidy Jones could be floating around the harbour?" Frank grinned.
After a few minutes the boat pulled up by the jetty, and a long-legged blonde threw some ropes at them, then jumped onto the wooden planks. "Hey baby! I found it over at Darling Harbour. Paul and Danny had nicked it. They said they'd give it back if I showed them my bra, so I did!" the young woman was totally thick obviously.
"Are you going to press charges?" Rachel inquired, making a mental note to remind herself of this woman when she was feeling stupid.
"Nah, can't be stuffed. I'll kick their scrawny little asses myself next time they come scrounging for money. Little shits. Thanks baby. Oh, by the way, this is my wife, Jessica." Mr Alexander pinched the woman's butt.
"Nice to meet you." Frank said, thinking that she was one heck of a sheila.
Rachel smiled and nodded. "Well, we'd better be off, eh Holloway?" Rachel elbowed Frank hard in the side.
"Oof, ow, yeah, guess so." Frank grunted, then grinned at Jessica again before following Rachel back to the car.
*****
When the pair got back to the station, Helen had a surprise for them. They walked in the door to find baby things everywhere, a hand-painted sign that said "Well Done Rachel And Frank!" posted on the stairwell, and party food and streamers hanging off everything possible.
"Well done for what?" Rachel yelled over all the noise coming from the whole station's personnel.
"For being so great with Jacob!!!" Helen laughed.
"Eh?" Frank stared at Rachel, and she stared back.
"Oh, come on! Most people would've delivered him straight to Social Services." Helen patted them both on the backs, then led them into the centre of the room.
Two glasses of lemonade suddenly appeared in their hands. "I want to make a toast to Frank and Rachel for being such great foster parents to our very own station baby, Jacob!" Helen said after the room had quietened down.
A whole pile of cheers erupted from the mass gathering, and the party kicked into first gear. Just then, Jeff made an entrance, holding the baby and a newspaper. He handed the paper to Frank and the baby to Rachel, then wandered over to get a drink, obviously the party was authorised. Rachel and Frank looked at the cover. There was the headline "Jacob Joins The Force", then a picture of a sleeping Jacob with a police hat on, lying in Jeff's arms. Frank and Rachel looked at each other, then at Jacob. Jacob stared at both of them, wondering what the hell they were on. "Well, Jake, looks like you're famous already!" Frank grinned at the baby.
"Yeah." Rachel read the article.
"So, you think I should adopt him?" Frank asked, with a cheeky grin on his face.
"Eh?" Rachel laughed.
"Should I adopt him?" Frank asked again.
"Yeah, if you want to." Rachel knew he wouldn't do it, I mean, this was Frank Holloway, the guy that was always late, the guy that never wore a tie, the guy whose kitchen looks like a bomb site.
"Nah, I don't think I'm up to it. I'll be sad to see him go though." Frank held Jacob's tiny hand.
"And I can't." Rachel said thoughtfully.
"I am." Helen suddenly popped up behind them.
"What?" The detectives said in unison.
"I am. I'm adopting him!" Helen laughed.
"You?" Frank was flabbergasted.
"Me." Helen grinned.
"Congratulations!!!" Rachel flew at her and grabbed her in a bear hug, almost knocking her over.
"Thank you. Frank? Not even a good luck from you?" Helen looked hurt.
"Good on ya! Bring him into the station! We'll look after him, won't we Rach?" Frank kissed Helen on the cheek.
Rachel glared at Frank. "No need for that, Jeff's already instructed me to bring him into work every day. He's going to baby sit." Helen's excitement was obvious.
"So, when are you taking him home?" Rachel asked, hoping she'd have one night with him all to herself.
"I was thinking maybe tonight, but if you..." Helen knew that look on Rachel's face.
"Uh, nah, it's okay." Rachel screwed up her nose, waving it off.
"No, your going to look after him tonight. I just remembered I've got a date." Helen grinned cheekily, even though she didn't have one.
"Okay then!" Rachel's face was the home to a smile that spread from ear to ear.
*****
"Well, I guess it's official then!" Helen signed the last paper for Jacob's adoption.
"Yes. It will take a few days to go through, but you're now officially Jacob's mother." The adoption officer smiled, sorting the papers into a stack.
"We'd better take you home then." Rachel grabbed Jacob's pram and began wheeling it towards the door.
"Yup. Wow. I have a son!" Helen hugged her best friend, then lifted Jacob out of the pram.
"Uh huh, Jacob Francis Blakemore. So, when are you going to adopt a girl?" Rachel teased, opening the door with her foot.
"I think I'll wait a while." Helen grinned, holding her precious baby son close to her as the three walked out into the Sydney sunshine, ready to head home for the first time as Mother and Son.
*****
*****
Well? E-mail me some feedback already! sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com in case you didn't know! :)
Thanks: Thank you so much to my great friend, Esme. Thanks so much for all of your help, for suggestions and everything; you're a genius, I must say. Also thanks to Jacque Heads. Mate, If you hadn't checked over this story I would have balls upped so many things it's not funny, and if you ever leave our beautiful lil country to live in a hole like Tampa, Florida again, I'll chain you to a lamppost. Thanks also to Nat Williams for her continued support, and Funky and Spunky, I could never forget you two, you're legends. Thanks for putting up with my constant yack and annoying e-mails.
Author's other note: Tut tut tut, old men have filthy language. And Frank's language ain't all that great either. Rachel, well, what should I say. If you don't want to read something disturbingly hilarious about the Chief Inspector, read it anyway. This is one L----O----N----G story, but please stick with it! I took a break with the action scenes in this, so no one gets hurt, or even arrested - oh, hang on, there was one arrest. Just one. Anyway, this took about 2 months to finally complete, so, enjoy!!! And, as usual, feedback please! I'm begging you! E-mail me on sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com okay? Thank you all!
*****
Yummy Pillows, Crying Boxes, Sydney Water Police.
By Nikki Kirk
*****
Frank Holloway woke up with a start when the doorbell rang at 6am and found he'd been chewing on his pillow by the wet feathers sticking out of a small hole in the side of it. He pulled himself out of his nice, warm, comfortable bed, pulled a key out of his underwear drawer, and staggered to the door, wondering who on earth would be visiting at this time of the morning. "Rachel." Frank groaned, thinking it was probably his fellow Detective at the Sydney Water Police, Rachel Goldstein.
He fumbled around with the key, his muscles reluctant to do anything strenuous at this time of the morning, and finally managed to turn it. He pulled the door open with an enormous yawn, then looked out to see who was there. No one. Rachel wasn't standing there sniggering, it wasn't his eccentric neighbour, Shane, and he didn't have a cat, so the cat couldn't have rung it. "WAAAAA!!!" Frank jumped half a metre in the air, then looked down at his feet to find a cardboard box.
But this cardboard box was different to most. It was screaming its head off like a baby. Frank adjusted his eyes to focus on what was inside. It was an old towel that was squirming. Inside the old towel was a tiny red-ish pink-ish thing. The thing had its face screwed up so tight it looked like a pug dog puppy. It stopped for a minute and looked at Frank through its little blue eyes, then began screaming even louder, seeing a big, ugly, scary man with spiky morning hair and hairy legs. "What the hell?" Frank gasped, still gaping at the box and looking like a firecracker had exploded in his jockeys.
He looked around the street to see who had dumped the ugly little thing there. No one was there. Long gone obviously. He scratched his balls for a minute, trying to sort the set of events out in his head. He stared back down at the thing, then decided to risk getting bitten by picking the little squirt up. He put his enormous hand underneath the baby's butt, then one underneath its head like he'd seen people do on the movies, and picked it up. The kid stopped screaming for a second, shocked at the sight of the world growing smaller beneath it, then started screaming again with fright. Frank fumbled around for a minute, still standing in the doorway, then resorted to putting the kid back in the box, picked up the box and carried it inside to the kitchen. "What the heck is wrong with you kid?" Frank muttered at the still screaming baby, then rushed off down the hall to the linen cupboard to get the baby something warmer to lie in.
Frank yanked a fluffy flannelette blanket off the second shelf up, then rushed back to the baby, who had given up on its screaming, and was lying in the box with a cheeky look in its eyes. Frank saw why as soon as he pulled the towel off the baby. It was a he. And he had definitely eaten something before. Frank held his nose and pulled a Handi-towel off the roll that was sitting beside the sink. He cleaned the baby up, then wrapped it in the blanket while he went to find a nappy substitute. He ran back to the linen cupboard and yanked an old hand towel off the third shelf and sprinted back to the baby who was bawling its eyes out again. He grabbed a roll of masking tape off a table as he ran back to the kitchen, then proceeded taping the hand towel onto the baby, hoping that it would work.
*****
After an hour of trying to work out what the baby wanted, Frank glanced at the clock and found that it was time to get to work. He took the baby with him to the bedroom, and hastily pulled on his suit, shoved his tie in his pocket, grabbed his mobile from his underwear drawer, then ran out to his car. He suddenly realised he didn't have a car seat. Then he remembered the baby seat he and his first wife had bought after deciding to start a family, but never used because they broke up two weeks later. He rummaged around in the pile of junk in his garage, leaving the baby lying on the front passenger's seat, pulling out a dusty plastic car seat. The baby started screaming as Frank picked a cloth up off the floor and wiped the seat down, so he hurriedly ran back to the car, put the baby in it, strapped it in, strapped in the car seat, then practically jumped over the bonnet after looking at his watch to find that he had five minutes to get to the station. He jumped into the driver's seat, started the car, then shot off down the road with the radio on loud to try to drown out the kid's screaming.
*****
Rachel was gossiping to Helen when they heard the baby screaming its head off. They both looked up as the sound got closer and closer, and stared at the doors. The two women were gob smacked when Frank hurried in, clutching to the car seat for dear life, still looking as though a firecracker had exploded in his jockeys. "What the hell is wrong with this thing? It won't stop crying!" Frank yelled over the screaming coming from the kid's tiny mouth.
Rachel half ran over to Frank and snatched the kid away from him. "You poor little thing! Frank, where the hell did you steal this from?" Rachel glared at Frank, demanding to know what was going on.
"HE was dumped on MY doorstep at SIX a.m.!" Frank replied.
"What?" Rachel and Helen stared at him, wondering whether to believe him or not.
"He was..." Frank began.
"By who? And where'd you get the car seat from?" Rachel interrupted.
"I dunno! By the time I got to the door and looked to see who'd dumped him there the person or people were long gone! One of the wives and I decided to try for a baby. We divorced a few weeks later." Frank shot back, looking as if he was being interrogated for a kidnapping.
"Why didn't you call me Frank?" Rachel was now cradling the baby in her arms, and he was staring up at her with a peaceful little look on his face, having stopped screaming.
"I was kinda busy!" Frank looked at the kid, wondering how Rachel did it.
"Rachel! Frank! What the hell was that?" Jeff demanded, leaning over the banisters looking grumpy.
His fierce look immediately softened when he saw the tiny baby falling asleep in Rachel's arms, then looked confused.
"Rachel? But you weren't? What's going on here?" Jeff stuttered, glancing at Rachel's stomach, his composure totally shattered.
"No, I wasn't, and it's not mine. Ask Frank!" Rachel said quietly, looking amused.
"Frank? Would you care to explain?" Jeff asked gently, beckoning him up the stairs.
"Oh, fine. But what'll I do with him?" Frank pointed at the baby, noticing his partner's kooshy look on her face, then grinned.
"We'll look after him." Helen reassured Frank, then put down the paperwork she'd been finishing to go over and fuss over the baby.
*****
Frank hastily put on his tie as he walked into the boss' office, then sat down in one of the three chairs in front of his desk. Jeff looked at him. "Yes sir?" Frank asked, wondering what he was going to do.
"Well? What happened?" Jeff asked.
"Long or short version?" Frank asked.
"Short will do for now." Jeff replied.
"Someone dumped the kid in a cardboard box on my doorstep and rang the doorbell at six this morning. I went out to find the thing screaming blue murder at me, so I took it inside, put it in the blanket, put a substitute nappy on it, then rushed here. I was running late." Frank said.
"Are you willing to look after it? Or else we'll have to hand it over to Social Services who I'm just about to call." Jeff asked.
"I don't know the first thing about looking after a kid, let alone a baby, sir!" Frank exclaimed.
"Hmm." Jeff was thoughtful.
"How about Rachel? He seems to like her! Or Helen?" Frank suggested, waving at the pair who were walking past the window, Rachel still holding onto the sleeping baby.
"Just what I was thinking. Rachel? Helen? Come in here for a minute?" Jeff called quietly down the corridor.
The two women scuttled in quietly and sat down. "Rachel, how would you feel about looking after the baby until we sort out this mess? You'd have to take it with you all day I'm afraid, we can't spare either one of you, or you Helen, since Mick's away." Jeff asked.
"But sir, won't that interfere? I'll look after it later on, but are you sure we should take him today?" Rachel looked at the baby, then at Jeff.
"Well, come to think of it, since there's no shortage of babysitters around here, why don't you leave him here at the station when you're on duty?" Jeff suggested.
"That would work." Rachel agreed.
"I'll babysit!" Helen volunteered.
"Good. Now, Detectives, you have a case. There is a serial arsonist in Manly. He's been targeting properties on the waterfront. Here's the address." Jeff handed Frank the address, seeing that Rachel's hands were taken.
Rachel tried to give the baby to Helen, but he woke up and started crying. She took him back and he stopped. She tried to give him to Helen again, but he started crying again, so she took him back and he stopped again. Rachel looked at Jeff, then at Frank. "Go on, take him with you. There's no real danger where you're going anyway." Jeff waved the four out of the office, then turned to look at his fish tank.
*****
"So, what are you going to name him, Frank?" Rachel strapped the car seat into the Magna, then strapped the baby into the car seat and turned to look at Frank.
"I dunno!" Frank sighed.
"How about Frank junior?" Rachel teased.
"No way, do you have any idea how many nicknames I've accumulated over the years? There's Frankfurter, Fran, Crank, Shrank, Plank..." Frank began.
"Okay, okay, I get the picture Frankfurter!" Rachel grinned.
*****
After a short drive, the Detective duo arrived at their destination. It used to be an enormous home, triple storied. It had been gutted, along with all of the owners' possessions. The owners were sadly picking through the rubble in the suits they were left wearing after they came home to find their house destroyed. The woman was at the point of breaking down, and the man wasn't much happier. The only thing the fire fighters had managed to save was their cars, a brand new red BMW Roadster, and a newish Lexus Sedan. The couple's eldest child, a girl of about 18, was standing at the side with what looked to be her boyfriend, and she was holding a little girl of about three. "Excuse me, I'm Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein, and this is my partner, Senior Detective Frank Holloway." Rachel walked over to the girl and introduced herself, leaving Frank holding the baby as he chased after her.
The girl looked rather puzzled as she saw Frank holding the baby who was now crying, and the little girl she was holding clung to her neck even harder than she had been before. "Mummy?" The little girl looked at the girl that was obviously her mother.
"It's okay sweetheart, they're nice, they're from the police. Hi, I'm Rose Spencer. I'm their daughter." The young woman replied, relaxing a bit.
Rachel smiled at the little girl. "I'm Rachel, what's your name? Gosh, how old are you? You'd be... ooh, five?" Rachel asked the crab-like child, hoping to make her more relaxed.
"Nooo, I'm three and a half! My name's Jessica!" The little girl grinned at Rachel and giggled, relaxing her grip on her mother's neck.
"Really? Wow! I though you were much older than that!" Rachel pretended to be shocked.
"How old are you?" Jessica asked Rachel.
"I'm old." Rachel replied.
"How old?" the little girl asked again.
"I'm 21." Rachel fibbed.
"Nooo! I think you're 50!" Jessica giggled.
"50? 50? Me? Nah, actually I'm 34, but that's our secret, okay?" Rachel laughed.
"Okay!" Jessica chirped, then squirmed to be let down.
Jessica wandered over to Frank. "Why have you got a baby?"
"I don't know!" Frank replied truthfully.
"What's its name?" Jessica asked.
"I haven't decided on one yet, have you got any ideas?" Frank inquired.
"How about... Pizza!" Jessica suggested.
"Pizza?" Frank grinned at Rachel who was now standing next to him.
"No, how about Tarzan?" Jessica thought for a minute.
"No! I know! Jacob!" Jessica gleamed, proud that she'd come up with a good name.
"Jacob? What do you think, Rach?" Frank glanced at Rachel.
"Good name Frank! Good one Jessica!" Rachel nodded whole-heartedly.
"Jacob it is!" Frank was relieved they'd finally found the baby a name.
*****
"So, you have no idea who could have done this?" Frank asked Trudy, the owner of the house.
"No! No idea! Peter's in the car sales business, he's not got any enemies!" Trudy exclaimed, glancing over to watch her husband pull a water soaked photo album out of the rubble.
"Okay then. Thanks for your help." Frank went over to join Rachel who was following Trudy's husband, Frederick, around trying to ask him questions.
"What time did you arrive home? And where were you?" Rachel asked him, climbing over a melted bed head.
"At about 9p.m. Trudy, Rose, Jessica, Andrew and I were out for dinner. It was Rose's birthday, and we went to that Chinese Restaurant on Bond Street. We arrived home to find the house gone, fire fighters everywhere, and everything we've worked for destroyed." Frederick replied, sounding tired and irritable.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Rachel told him.
"I'm sure you are." Frederick snapped at her.
"Look, can you give me any information, any at all, that might be useful?" Rachel was getting sick of this.
"No, I'm sorry, I can't think of anything at the moment. I've got your number, Detective, and I'll call you if I think of anything." Frederick said dismissively.
"Thank you, I'd appreciate it." Rachel turned on her heel and started walking back to the car with Frank tagging along behind her.
"Rachel, what's the kid doing?" Frank looked panicked as the kid went purple and started grunting.
"You don't want to know." Was Rachel's reply.
"Oh, god." Frank clicked.
"Did you pick up any nappies?" Rachel already knew the answer.
"No! What do I look like? Superman?" Frank whined.
"No, Dame Edna actually." Rachel replied, taking the baby from Frank.
"Oh, thanks!" Frank laughed.
"Any time." Rachel replied.
*****
"We'll need this, and this, ooh, and this, and this, and this, and that, Frank can you grab it? And that, and this, and this, and can't forget this." Rachel wandered through the supermarket in Balmain with Frank tagging along, trying to get everything that his partner pointed to for the baby.
"What size nappies?" Frank was trying to decide between the toddler nappies and the nine-month-old nappies.
"Frank, if you get either of them the kid could use them as a tent! Newborns!" Rachel grunted with a roll of the eyes.
"Fine, just asking!" Frank grumped.
"You ever gonna wake up?" Rachel stroked the baby's soft, fuzzy head as it slept in the seat.
The baby didn't move, just uttered a tiny snore.
"So, where's he staying tonight?" Frank asked.
"With me, Holloway, you're hopeless." Rachel pulled some baby formula off the top shelf.
"Do you want me to sleep on the couch and help out?" Frank offered.
"You're hopeless when you don't get enough sleep." Rachel pointed out the obvious, remembering the numerous times he came to work grumpy after having a bad night.
"I'll cope!" Frank chirped.
"Nah, we'll be fine, won't we little guy?" Rachel grinned at the baby, then at Frank.
"You sure?" Frank was relieved he'd got out of it.
"Yeah." Rachel pulled a packet of bibs off a hanger.
"Okay then!" Frank suppressed a 'woohoo' he felt coming and grabbed a packet of baby wipes under Rachel's orders.
Frank's mobile erupted into life, making him jump half a foot in the air. "Holloway?" Frank answered.
"Yeah, Frank, it's Helen. Where are you?" Helen's muffled voice sounded impatient.
"We're in Balmain in a supermarket." Frank replied, winking at Rachel and receiving a glare in reply.
"Oh, that's okay then. Look, Jeff wants you back here. He's called Social Services and wants to know how long you guys can look after the kid for. They've checked both of your backgrounds and are happy that you guys look after the kid until they make other arrangements." Helen said, chewing on something.
"Yeah, um, look, I'll talk to Rachel about it. What do you mean by 'other arrangements'?" Frank inquired.
"Adoption, finding the mother, finding its family, foster care etc." Helen replied, banging something on the desk.
"Oh. Okay. As I said, I'll talk to Rach about it and we'll go from there." Frank told her.
"Okay. Get back here soon though. Oh, and Frank? Just between you and me, I think Jeff's taken a liking to the little guy, reminds him of his kids!" Helen's grin was obvious through the phone.
"You reckon?" Frank asked.
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! Bye Frank." Helen ended.
"Bye Helen!" Frank pressed 'end' and shoved the mobile back in his pocket.
"What was all that about?" Rachel asked Frank, noticing his cheeky grin.
"Oh, just the fact that Helen thinks Jeff's getting clucky over the little guy." Frank grinned innocently.
"Huh? Jeff? Clucky? Nah, I doubt it." Rachel spluttered, trying to suppress a laugh.
"And also it was about what's happening with Jacob. What's gonna happen if we can't find his Mother?" Frank suddenly became the most serious Rachel had ever seen him.
"What do you want to do Frank? I mean, someone picked you to look after the kid. I can't adopt it, I've got David and I'm working all of the time." Rachel said.
"Well so am I!" Frank pointed out.
"True. So what, we just let him get fostered out to some people we don't even know? Or let him get adopted by some people that mightn't care about him? Frank, this is a kid we're talking about." Rachel looked at Jacob who was sleeping peacefully in the trolley baby seat.
"I know! But I've never had a kid before!" Frank muttered.
"Look, what did Social Services say?" Rachel asked.
"They're happy with us looking after him if we are. Knowing the pace that they move at we'll have him for a while." Frank informed her.
"Right, so you can get used to looking after a kid in that time, then decide what to do." Rachel suggested.
"What, you think I should adopt him or something?" Frank looked stunned.
"Frank, even though you're a total klutz, a pain in the butt, annoying as hell, I still think you would make a great Dad." Rachel said honestly.
Frank stood there staring at Rachel, clutching a packet of nappies and some baby wipes under his arm, wondering whether or not to believe what he'd just heard. "Huh?" Frank managed to stutter.
"You heard me. I'm not saying it again." Rachel snapped, the familiar frown of impatience gracing her brow once more.
"Uh huh." Was all Frank could say as Rachel steered the trolley up to a counter.
*****
Rachel climbed out of the drivers seat and watched Frank leaning into the car to unbuckle Jacob. He gently pulled the straps off the tiny baby, supported his head with one big hand, then lifted him with the other and brought him out of the car. Jacob opened one eye for a second, then it slowly drifted back down as he fell asleep again. Rachel was secretly impressed, but she didn't dare show it. Frank tucked the baby into his arms, kicked the car door shut gently, then began heading inside with Rachel following. "My two favourite detectives! How was the baby shopping?" Helen grinned, gently brushing Jacob's cheek as he slept in Frank's protective grip.
"Great! He'll be a house husband yet!" Rachel sniggered, then headed upstairs with the car seat and several bags of baby supplies and clothes.
"You reckon?" Helen laughed, winking at Frank.
"Yeah, real house husband material here!" Frank grinned cheekily, then began heading up to their shared office.
*****
Jacob woke up as Frank walked past Jeff's office, then started crying hungrily. Jeff looked up from his over-sized desk and watched as Rachel, armed with a bottle, rushed to the rescue, taking the baby from Frank, and shoving the bottle of formula into Jacob's mouth. Jeff decided to go and see how they were coping. "Got a name for him yet?" Jeff stuck his head out of his office and looked at the two detectives.
"Yeah, actually. Jacob." Frank told the boss.
"Jacob? Jacob what? Have you decided on a middle name?" Jeff inquired.
"Uh, not yet. Still thinking about it." Frank said thoughtfully, wondering what on earth it would be.
Jeff walked over to Rachel, and expertly lifted Jacob and the bottle into his own arms. Jacob stared at Jeff with his big blue baby eyes, then decided that he was his adoptive Grandpa and snuggled into his arms, sucking contentedly on his bottle. Jeff grinned at the kid and started talking to him. "You're cute aren't ya? Eh? You're very handsome. You're going to grow up and be a big boy. Yes, you are! Uh, I'll look after him for a while. You two go back to work." Jeff suddenly turned back into an authoritive figure and told the two shell-shocked Detectives.
With that Jeff turned and walked back into his office, cooing to Jacob who was still sucking on his bottle. Rachel looked at Frank. Frank looked at Rachel. They both shrugged, speechless, then wandered into their office and shut the door. "Did you see what I thought I saw?" Frank asked Rachel when his voice came back.
"Uh, I'm not sure. I thought I was hallucinating." Rachel muttered, looking out of the window.
"Oh." Was Frank's reply.
*****
"How long has he been looking after Jake for now?" Frank asked Rachel.
"Oh, for goodness' sake Frank! If you're that concerned about him, go and get him!" Rachel didn't look up from her paperwork.
"Um, hmm, I dunno, the boss might get cranky." Frank stuttered.
"Which one? Bubs or Jeff?" Rachel grinned to herself.
"Both!" Frank smirked, then decided he'd better save Jeff from the kid and walked out of the door and along to Jeff's office to get the baby.
"Ooh, Frank. I've called all of the hospitals in the area. No one's got a record of Jacob being born there. Quick guess is that his Mum's a street kid who gave birth to him by herself, not wanting to be found. I've talked to Jeff about it, and we both can't see any way of finding her, and I talked to Social Services, and they're taking him in unless we find a temporary home for him. Are you going to look after him for a while or what?" Helen bounced up the hallway.
"Uh, didn't I tell you already? Yeah, yeah, I'll give it a go. I'll down load him onto Rachel if I have any problems." Frank replied.
"Does she know about this?" Helen asked, knowing that the answer was probably no.
"Uh, no. But she'll be fine with it, really." Frank quickly added when he saw Helen's face turn grumpy.
"She'd better be. You sure? I'll call them now if you are." Helen grinned as she saw Frank's paternal side emerge from the deep dark depths of his personality.
"Yeah."
"Okay then." Helen began walking down the corridor, pausing to look back at Frank to see whether he'd changed his mind or not, but kept walking when she saw he hadn't.
Frank knocked on the door of the Inspector's office, then went in when he heard a muffled "Come in." from the boss. He looked at Jeff, who was holding the tiny baby one arm as he filled out some paperwork. "Yes Frank?" Jeff looked up at his Detective who was looking a bit blank.
"Rachel and I are just about to head off for lunch. And we were going to take Jacob. Is that okay? Oh, and we found a lead on the Spencer Arson case. The daughter, Rose, has an ex-boyfriend, Aaron Jason Spencer, who's just been released from prison. Apparently he raped her, and that's how her daughter, Jessica, came to be. He was put away for 5 years, but got out a week ago on good behaviour. He's apparently had previous convictions on arson, but was too young to be put away." Frank announced.
"Sounds logical. Okay, I want you and Rachel to follow up on that lead straight after lunch. Just don't put the baby in any dangerous situations." Jeff handed the sleepy kid back to Frank.
"Blublub.... WAAAAAAHHH!" Jacob's tonsils almost jumped out of his amazingly large gob for a baby as soon as Frank took him.
"Okay. We're off!" Frank yelled over the crying, then wandered back out of the office.
After lunch, Jacob wasn't going to let his presence go unnoticed. He wailed and waahed and sniffled, and gasped, and farted, and obviously wanted something, but Frank couldn't figure it out, I mean, he was meant to be a detective in the criminal world, not in a baby world. He looked over to ask Rachel to take him, but she'd disappeared. Probably filing paperwork with Helen or something.
"What the? Frank, give it to me!" Woodsie appeared from out of nowhere and snatched Jacob out of Frank's clutches.
Jacob sniffled a bit, then groaned, and then went quiet. He looked up at the weird lady who was holding him, realised it wasn't his "Mummy", then began bawling his eyes out again. "I think he wants Rachel. Thanks for the try Woodsie." Frank took the bawling bundle of wind back, then went to find his illusive fellow Detective.
"Helen? You seen Rach?" Frank bellowed at the Sergeant from the top of the stairs.
"Isn't she in your office? Or with Jeff? Oh, hang on, she went out to get the last of Jake's things." Helen reached out to take the baby.
"Damn." Frank looked out of the double glass doors, willing Rachel's head to appear.
Helen took Jacob gently, then hugged the little bugger a bit. Jacob looked up into her eyes, stopped crying, belched up some milk and lay there thinking that this lady was okay, she'd do for a substitute till Mummy came back.
"There. All better huh?" Helen smiled gently at the tiny baby and stroked the tiny mass of blonde fuzz on top of his over-sized head.
"Phew. You're a life saver Helen." Frank slumped against the reception desk regaining energy.
"Look, I'll look after him till Rachel gets back, okay? The visitors are beginning to give us weird looks when he starts bellowing. He sounds like a 727 taking off!" Helen grinned at Tayler, who'd just walked through the station doors.
"Hey Auntie Helen! Serg? What the?" Tayler stopped dead as soon as she saw Jacob lying in Helen's arms.
"Long story. Ask Frank, it's *his* kid." Helen grinned an innocent smile at Frank who mouthed "Thanks Helen" in return.
"What? Frank? Oh, can I hold him?" Tayler lifted Jacob into her arms, then looked at Frank questioningly.
Jacob looked up into Tayler's face, then looked at Tayler's frizzy red hair, wondering what on earth it was. "It's kind of scary..." he thought, then he decided that she smelled and seemed okay, so he might as well stay put, besides, he didn't feel like wasting his energy on these dumb big people.
"Well, it all started this morning when the doorbell rang..." Frank began, leading Tayler upstairs to finish her story.
Helen sat at her desk wondering why it was always her stations that ended up with the weird circumstances, then decided that she'd better finish her filing.
*****
Ten minutes later, Rachel walked in. The station was curiously quiet... "WAAAAAHHHH!!!" okay, maybe not.
"Jacob wants you. He's been bawling his eyes out ever since he realised you weren't here." Helen informed her Detective, trying to predict her reaction.
"Oh, shit. Thanks Helen." Rachel sprinted upstairs lugging a bag of baby things and a new pram behind her.
The screaming lead her right to the red-faced baby, with half the station doing assorted strange things to try to stop him crying. She stopped and stood in the doorway watching. Tommy was juggling tennis balls, Woodsie was pulling faces, Gavin was pretending to strangle Woodsie, assorted officers were making their stinky socks talk, Dave was burping the alphabet, Tayler was left holding the little stinker, and Frank was stretching out in his chair, trying to drown out Jacob's loud protests with his Discman. Rachel stepped into the room. Jacob saw her through his teary eyes. "Mummy!" he thought.
The whole station went silent as a small grin began appearing on his face. Rachel watched in amazement. The station turned to look at her, then back at the baby. Now it was a full-fledged smile, complete with toothless gums. "Hey sweetie! Miss me?" Rachel walked over to Tayler, who had her jaw almost hitting the baby's head, and scooped the tiny thing into her arms, and planted a gently kiss on his forehead.
"Woah... How'd you do that?" Frank ripped off his headphones and looked in amazement at the silent, contented baby who was falling asleep.
Rachel grinned, unfolded the pram expertly using one hand and one leg, arranged baby blankets for him, then carefully set him into it, touching one of his cheeks with her index finger. "Weren't we meant to go and check out that lead Frank?" Rachel asked a few seconds later.
"Oh, yeah." Frank whispered, not daring to wake the baby.
"You lot can bugger off now." Rachel said delicately, shooing them out the door.
And with that, the half of the Sydney Water Police Force who were in the room filed quickly and silently out of the door, some clutching their socks and shoes, others looking sheepishly at Rachel as they filed past her desk.
*****
"So, you have no idea about this Mr Spencer? None at all? Because so far you're only alibi is with a friend that helped you burn down that house when you were 15, you were in the next suburb, and you have reason to do this crime! Rose put you away, and you're trying to tell me you're not bitter about it?" Frank knew Spencer was lying, and when he glanced over at Rachel, she obviously did too, judging by the sceptical look on her face.
"I've changed. Sure, I was bitter for a while, but I'm over it! Jeez, every arson and you cops are onto me. Why don't you just bugger off? I didn't do it." Aaron James Spencer was getting pissed off with all of these cops hassling him all the time.
"Actually, Mr Spencer, I don't think you have changed. You're the same rude, arrogant little man that I interviewed several years ago after you burned down that building in Georges Heights." Rachel pointed out, remembering the case well.
"Yeah, thought I recognised you." Came the sleazy reply.
"What is it with the baby anyway?" Spencer asked, looking at the kid with evident disdain.
"None of your business. If you think of anything, call either of us." Frank handed Spencer the business card.
"Yeah, whatever." He shoved it into his pocket, then went back to rummaging around in his car.
"He did it." Rachel said as they walked away, making it sound like everyday conversation.
"Yep, I reckon." Frank muttered, unlocking the car, then going back to help load the kid into the car seat.
As soon as they'd tucked Jacob into his carseat, they headed back to HQ, relieved it was nearly the end of the day.
"You sure you don't want me to look after the sprog tonight? Or at least help?" Frank asked Rachel, who was busy trying to pass a black Mercedes.
"You'd be hopeless Holloway." Rachel grinned at the thought.
"Or at least stay at your place and help?" He suggested.
"Oh, fine. Yeah, come over and sleep on the couch then if you're so worried I'll do something to him." Rachel said coolly, avoiding another car that was pulling out slowly into the fast lane.
"I didn't mean it like that..."
"Yeah, I know. Look, do what you want."
"I'll come over and help then. Rach, I know you're perfectly capable looking after him, I mean you did a great job with David."
"Okay. What'll we have for dinner then?"
"Pizza?" Frank suggested.
"And beer." Rachel put in.
"Course! What's pizza without beer?"
"Nothing."
"Exactly!"
*****
"Frank! Where'd you put the bottle opener? Oh what the hell." Rachel forcefully pushed on the top of her beer bottle, silently cursing Frank's disorganisation.
"Uh, there it is! It's sticking out of the VCR." Frank pulled out the middle drawer in Rachel's kitchen, finding the tongs first go.
"What? Frank! I told you not to shove stuff in the bloody VCR! Hurry up with the pizza! What flavour is it?" Rachel took a large swig of her beer, then sat staring at Jacob who was sleeping like a baby in the pram.
"Uh, I got two. Hawaiian and Meat Lovers, no onion because you hate onion, no pork or bacon 'cause you're Jewish." Frank dragged a huge sniff of that hot pizza smell up his nostrils, then set to dealing out both pizzas with the tongs.
"What sort of beer do you want? Light or normal?" Rachel examined the bottles, wondering why the light one always tasted filthy, well, the ones she'd had anyway.
"Uh, go for the normal. I need it after today! Is he still asleep?" Frank walked into the lounge with two plates of pizza.
"Yep. He's a good sleeper, you're lucky." Rachel grinned into her bottle of beer, then took another swig.
"What do you mean *I'm* lucky?" Frank spluttered, taking a huge bite out of his pizza, wondering how something so small could burn you out so fast, god knows how women coped.
"You'll see. Since you came over to help, *you're* gonna be getting up to him in the night." Rachel smirked evilly, picking an anchovy off her pizza.
"Eh? Huh! That's unfair!" Frank whined, then pulled the bottle opener out of the VCR and popped the cap on his beer.
"Frank! Shh! You'll wake him! You bloody great wanker!" Rachel hissed, anxiously looking over to find Jacob rubbing his eye with a tiny fist in his sleep.
"Sorry." Frank whispered, then gulped down a mouthful of his beer.
Frank found the remote to the tv, and turned it on, adjusting the volume so that they could just hear it. The pair sat in the darkness watching RPA for a while, then decided to hit the hay, considering the amount of running around they'd been doing for the baby. Rachel crawled over to the pram, to bothering to get off the floor, then kissed Jacob on his tiny soft forehead. "Sleep tight sweetheart. We've got another big crime solving day tomorrow. Gosh your cute." Rachel grinned and got up.
"I am aren't I? Sleep tight to you too sweetheart." Frank piped up from the couch.
"Shut up Holloway. You're not cute. You look like an overgrown gorilla from the jungles of Papua New Guinea." Rachel sniffed.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You reckon?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then."
"Night Frank."
"Night sweetheart." Frank winced as a cushion flew at him at full speed.
Rachel looked at Jacob in the dim light once more, memorising his tiny, angelic face, then headed off to the luxury of her own bed, leaving Frank lying on her lumpy couch. Frank tried counting sheep. He suddenly remembered that the last time he'd done that he'd had nightmares of being a sheep farmer out in the wop wops of New Zealand. So then he tried counting beer bottles. That must have worked because when Rachel crept into the kitchen to get a drink a few minutes later, she was amused to find Frank lying on the couch sleep talking. "Rachel, you're a babe. I like sheep. They taste really good..." Frank muttered.
"What?! No, he didn't... No, I was imagining it." Rachel thought, then had an idea.
She plucked a feather out of the weird twiggy thing David had made her at school, then went to find the shaving cream she'd bought when Helen and Tayler had come over for dinner. They'd got drunk and stayed over the night, and Rachel was in a mischievous mood, so she'd rushed out to the 24-hour shop and bought a bottle of shaving cream. She'd then sprayed weird faces on them while they were asleep, and almost killed herself laughing when they got up, not realising they had it on them, went to put on their makeup, and then looked in the mirror to find their normal faces gone. That was the only time she'd heard Helen scream. "Where is it?" she rummaged around in the bathroom cabinet, then found it at the back, with discarded old leg razors and the stinky soaps David had left at her house nearly a year ago.
She crept back into the lounge, shook up the cream, then quickly sprayed it on Frank's left hand which was lying on the floor. She suppressed a giggle, and began tickling his nose with a feather. It worked perfectly. Frank snuffled, then snorted, then smacked his hand on his face. Shaving cream splatted everywhere, and Rachel sprinted out of the room, carefully not making a sound, and went back to bed.
*****
"WAAAAAHHHH!!!" Frank stirred, then subconsciously tried to work out what that god-forsaken noise was.
"WAAAAAHHH!" Right, first, where was he? Rachel's? Must be, he hated that lumpy couch. Why? Oh, damn it, I dunno, too early to think. I'll just ignore it, it'll go away...
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Okay, maybe not. Waah. Crying. Rachel? Are you kidding? Your partner wouldn't cry in front of you for a million bucks. What else cries. I cry. Did I say that? That was because Mr Whippy forgot my sprinkles! I was ten! Okay, I'm not crying... Do I have a kid? Not that I know of. Rachel? David. No, he wasn't here. Rachel... woman... AAH! Was she pregnant? Whose is it? I'll kill them! No, think in the past year. Did she ever look like she had a basketball in her suit? Nope. Rachel definitely wasn't pregnant. Baby... baby... baby... OH SHIT!!! That cardboard box! It's coming to me! NOOO! Jacob! Damn!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"
"FRAAAANK!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP HIM CRYING IN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS I'LL DECAPITATE YOU!!!" Okay, time to move, angry Rachel's not good. Plus she sounds serious. Wake up Franky... Come on Franky... Good boy.
Frank sat up and rubbed his eyes. They quickly adjusted to the gloom. He stumbled across to where the screaming was coming from. A peculiar smell was coming from the area the noise was in. Phew! Stinky! Nappies. Oh no. "Shh, it's okay Jakey.... Come 'ere Jakey. That's a boy. It's okay bub. There there. You filled yer nappies, eh? Come on, let's change them. Now, how'd Rachy do it? Hey, where'd that come from?" Frank wiped the shaving cream off his hand, scooped up the tiny ball of sniffs, sobs, and stinks, then carried him over to the kitchen bench and set him down.
"Nappies, nappies. Here we are! Okay, how the hell do these things go on? Let's shed a bit of light on the subject, eh?" Frank flicked a light switch, and gasped as the 100-watt spotlights Rachel's kitchen had in the ceiling blinded him.
"Ow, shit. I didn't say that." Frank told Jacob, then unfolded the nappy.
"Phew! You sure do a lot of mess for a little guy, huh?" Frank took off the soiled nappy, then cleaned up the leftovers with a baby wipe.
"There." Frank lifted the kid up by the ankles and slid the nappy underneath his pink butt, then attached the sticky bits.
"Perfect." Frank threw the old nappy at the bin in the corner, and, thankfully, got it in first try.
"Come on you, time to go back to bed, eh?" He carried Jacob back over to the pram and tucked his tiny blankets around him.
Rachel had been standing in the darkness watching him for a while. She'd decided not to decapitate Frank now, but would wait till the morning, so she decided to stay and watch the big lug and the baby. Frank began singing lullabies, and watched as the baby's eyes slowly drifted shut again. Rachel grinned silently, then slowly made her way back to bed. "Goldstein, stop being a Detective for five minutes? Stop spying on me!" Frank whispered when he heard a floorboard creak in the hall.
"Go back to bed Holloway." Rachel poked her head around the corner.
"I was just about to." Frank grinned, then looked to see if the baby was still asleep.
"Good. And by the way, you should bring out a CD of lullabies." Rachel laughed quietly, then went back to bed, gratefully crawling under the covers.
*****
Frank stumbled into HQ the next morning looking like he'd been in a car crash. His hair was a mess, he still had traces of the shaving cream on his face, his tie was hanging out of his pocket, and he had massive dark rings under his eyes. "Morning Frank!" Helen grinned, then poked Tayler in the arm to alert her to the sight.
"Hard night, eh Frank?" Tayler smirked, shuffling a pile of papers into order.
"Something like that." Frank yawned, then dragged himself up the stairs to his shared office.
"You reckon they got up to anything?" Tayler asked Helen, her blue eyes twinkling.
"Nah. Looks like he was the one that got up to the baby." Helen smiled to herself as she collected a fax from the machine.
Rachel bounced in at that very moment, holding the baby in one arm, car keys in her teeth, her bag on the other arm, and dragging the pram with her free hand. "Morning Helen! Morning Tayler! Nice day huh? Any mail?" Rachel dropped the keys on the reception desk, then gave the baby up to Helen, who was eager to give him a cuddle.
"Here ya go Rachel." Tayler passed her a bundle of mail, then walked around to help her with the pram.
"Could you possibly bring it upstairs for me Tayler? Thanks." Rachel signed the register, made Helen give Jacob back, then followed Tayler up the stairs.
"Frank? Oi! Sleepyhead! Wakey wakey!" Rachel threw a pen at Frank, hitting him on the head.
Frank snorted, then began to wake up. He pulled his head off the desk, pulled his arms back, then forced himself to sit up. Then Jeff walked in. "Frank? What happened to you?" Jeff took one look at Frank, then decided he'd take a while to get used to a baby.
"The kid. He's.... yawn!... he's diabolical." Frank rubbed his eyes, then tried to focus on the boss.
"Rachel, I think you'd better take him tonight." Jeff put a paper on Rachel's desk, looked at Frank, looked at Jacob, found he was awake, then decided to look after him for a while.
"I'll take him off your hands for a while. Haven't you two got a case to work on?" Jeff looked meaningfully at his two detectives, then wandered back to his office, cuddling the baby.
Jacob stared up into Jeff's eyes, kicked a bit, then remembered that he was his "Grandpa", so he snuggled down in his arms, and watched the surroundings.
*****
It had been an exceedingly boring morning by the time lunch rolled around. The detectives had filed the paperwork for the last case they'd solved, and now were waiting for another one, but the Sydney waterways were remarkably quiet. The station all gathered around for the lunchtime gossip session, and Jacob just lay in his pram farting when people began fussing over him. "Ah, Frank? Rachel? Can you two come here for a minute please?" Helen dragged the two Detectives out to the quiet reception desk.
"Yeah? What is it Helen?" Rachel didn't like the look on Helen's face, or the way this conversation had started.
"Uh, we found the mother of Jacob. She gave birth to him yesterday morning. There's no easy way to say this, but she's dead. A couple of officers found her last night. She threw herself off a building in the central city at about 11pm. She was a street kid. The father's unknown, apparently even her mates didn't know who the father was. They ran DNA samples, and hers matched Jacob's perfectly, remember the sample we took? Yeah, plus they could tell she'd had a baby, obviously. Looks like she just dumped Jacob on the first appealing doorstep she could find. Just lucky it was you Frank." Helen patted them both on the arm.
"So, what do we do now?" Rachel asked, seeing as Frank was speechless for the first time in his life.
"Well, hand him over to Social Services I suppose. Or you could look after him until they find him new parents." Helen suggested.
"Frank?" Rachel looked at her partner.
"Uh... I... I don't know if I can. I mean, I've had no experience. But maybe it's fate... I don't know. Rach? Would you look after him?" Frank scratched his head, not really knowing what to say.
"I'll look after him. If you two won't. I've already asked, they've checked me out etc etc." Helen stated.
"Look, I'll look after him tonight, and I'll let you two decide what's gonna happen to him, alright?" Helen suggested, knowing that neither of them was the type to commit to something without milling over it for a while.
"You sure?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I've looked after babies before." Helen grinned, reading Frank's surprised expression.
"Okay then. Give me a yell if you head off before we do." Rachel told her, then followed the Sergeant back into the meal room.
*****
It was about 3pm when Helen popped her head around the door with a new case for the pair of detectives who were on the verge of going mad. "You two feeling energetic?" Helen asked with a sly twinkle in her eye.
"No. Bugger off." Was Frank's reply.
"I'm all ears. Go on." Rachel was intrigued, she could do with some exercise.
"A young guy's been murdered up in the blue mountains. Like helicopters?" Helen grinned, bursting to drop the bombshell.
"Umm..." Rachel didn't really, but she wasn't going to admit it.
"Good. You'll be airlifted up there, dropped off in a clearing, then you're going to have to walk up a path for about an hour before you reach the site. The chopper's going to land on the front lawn in a few minutes. Grab your jogging shoes, it's soggy up there." Helen grinned, and glided out the door as silently as she'd entered.
"Oh, great." Rachel groaned, then looked at Frank.
"What?" He snapped sleepily, noting the amused look on her face.
"Who do we leave the baby with while we're out?" Rachel inquired sweetly.
"I dunno. I'm just the male." Frank groaned.
"Helen!" the pair said in unison, then rushed into the changing rooms to change their shoes.
"Is the chopper here yet?" Rachel cleared the last four stairs, landing in front of the reception desk with a small thud, grinning at the shocked look on Jacob's face as he felt his "Mummy's" body hit the floor.
"It's just about here, I can hear it." Helen said, not looking up from the paperwork she was filling out.
"Oh, yeah! Helen. Special delivery." Rachel kissed Jacob's forehead, patted his sleepy little hands, then handed him over to Helen.
"The rest of it's upstairs in my office. Everything's there. We can't take him along, so, since you're looking after him tonight and we're not going to be back till late, happy birthday!" Rachel grabbed the bag of spare clothes she'd set down on the floor, then bounced out of the door.
"Bye Helen! If you need anything, ask Jeff. And if you get sick of him, he'll be happy to take him off your hands! Later!" Frank grinned at her, then bounced out of the door in hot pursuit of Rachel who was climbing into the chopper.
"Bye..." Helen sighed, then looked down to find Jacob smiling at her.
"What're you smiling at? Eh?" Helen laughed, then sniffed and found out.
*****
The next day the Rachel arrived at work to find Helen dead to the world, asleep on a pile of papers on her desk. "Morning Helen..." Rachel whispered and grinned at Tayler.
"Jacob's with Jeff. He kidnapped him after Helen fell asleep against the sink making coffee." Tayler whispered, trying not to wake her sleeping Aunt.
"Thanks Tayler! I'll go up and get him now." Rachel replied and trotted up the stairs to Jeff's office.
She knocked on the door gently, in case he'd put Jacob down for a rest, then walked in after she heard the trademark "Come in." emerge from the depths of her boss' office. She walked in to find her 'tough, no nonsense' boss cootchy-cooing at the smiling infant. "Yes?" The tough appearance made a face.
"Uh, I was just coming to see if you wanted me to take him off your hands for a little while." Rachel noticed a new look on Jeff's face, one of boyish delight, as he looked after Jacob as if he were his own child.
"No, I don't think that'll be necessary. Besides, you have a case to solve. Didn't Helen brief you about it?" Jeff had noticed a whole new side to his detective, one he'd never known existed, and, quite frankly, he liked it.
"Uh, she was kind of busy..." Rachel wondered what exactly she could say her colleague and friend was busy with.
"Oh. Well, it's just a short case, I gather that it's very simple, the person who reported it sounded as though he'd already solved it. A man, George Alexander, lives on the Manly Beach Waterfront. At about 2pm this morning he heard noises and looked out of the window to see two males dressed in black and wearing balaclavas hacking through a chain which held his million-dollar launch to his private jetty. The address is obviously the waterfront, Tamarama. He didn't say a number, but he said it was the enormous white house with a green tile roof, a white concrete wall in the front, and it's at the northern end. He also said that there is a black BMW Roadster in the driveway." Jeff announced, pulled a bottle out from in the top drawer of his desk, tested the temperature on his wrist, then popped it into Jacob's tiny gob.
"Okay. Got it. I just have to wait for Frank, he should be here any minute." Rachel jotted down the details on a notepad she kept in her inner jacket pocket, then wondered how late Frank would be today.
"Late again?" Jeff asked, pre-occupied with feeding the baby who was happily sucking away, savouring every drop.
"Uh, yeah." She scratched her back with her ballpoint pen.
"Hmm. I can see I'll have to have a strong word to him. Thank you." Jeff nodded his head dismissively.
Rachel gently closed the door behind her, then wandered into her office. She vaguely acknowledged Frank's presence, then grabbed some paper, a pen and the car keys. "You coming or not?" Rachel hovered in the doorway, staring at Frank with eyes that could freeze Mt Ruapehu and any lava within in two seconds.
"Huh? Where are we going? Where's Jacob? Are we taking him?" Frank was his usual organised self.
"Tamarama, with Jeff, and I don't think so unless *you* want to clean the baby spew off the back seat." Rachel said quickly as she led the way down the corridor.
"Oh. Fill me in on the details while we're driving there?" Frank grabbed a donut off Tommy, who was passing with a bag full, then gave him a sweet smile.
"Oi! You owe me Frank!" Tommy laughed, grinning at Gavin who swerved to avoid the two detectives as he came off the stairs.
"Yeah, that's what you always say!" Frank laughed.
"And think how many donuts you owe me!" Tommy threw another donut at Frank, which missed and hit the Chief Inspector's door with a small thud.
"Hey! Keep it down or I'll make you wash and vacuum the entire fleet of cars!" Jeff stuck his head out of the door and growled at his noisy staff members.
"Sorry Jeff!" They chorused quietly, and continued on their ways.
*****
"Which one is it? Bloody hell. Basically all of them are white. Green roof. Roadster. Shit!" Rachel slammed on the anchors as she spotted the house - finally.
She put the car in reverse, then turned into the driveway, the Green Magna lurching over the kerb into the tiled driveway. It was a huge house, but then again, most of the houses around there were enormous. Outside on the front doorstep were two large terracotta elephants with ferns in them. On the front lawn there was a large, expensive-looking fountain, and a small white dog was trotting around, tail wagging, to greet them. "Nice." Rachel said, climbing out of the car.
"Not bad." Frank agreed, and patted the dog on the head.
The pair walked up to the front door, and rang the golden doorbell. It sounded like a brass band had exploded inside for a minute. "Not the usual doorbell eh? Bit of variety? Should get one for my place." Rachel examined a hanging pot plant and picked a snail off a leaf, then hiffed it over the fence to the neighbour's place.
Footsteps became audible from inside the house, and then the door began opening. "Yes?" A short old guy of about 70 stood in the open doorway, glaring suspiciously at the young police detectives in front of him.
"Mr Alexander?" Frank asked.
"Yes, who wants to know?" The old man looked cranky.
"Detectives Rachel Goldstein and Frank Holloway from the Sydney Water Police. You reported a launch being stolen in the early hours of this morning?" Rachel piped up in her no-nonsense voice, she knew that this guy was the type to be uncooperative.
"Oh, yes. Come in, come in. Take off your shoes." Mr Alexander snapped, hobbling down the hallway into a sunny, tastefully decorated lounge.
"You have a lovely house Mr Alexander." Rachel remarked politely, hoping to get somewhere with the old fart.
"Call me George, dear. Coffee? Tea? Juice?" The old man's mood suddenly changed, shocking his two guests.
"No thank you." Rachel said, admiring the huge, white and blue marble kitchen behind them.
"All right. Do you want me to show you where the boat was?" Mr Alexander looked both of his guests, looking them up and down, seeing if they fitted the bill.
He was pleased with the woman. She was smartly dressed in a classy black jacket and skirt with a light purple blouse underneath. She was slim with piercingly blue eyes. She held herself with poise and was very elegant, even if she didn't mean to be. Her dark hair was cut into a fashionable bob, and she had a controlling air about her. The man left a little to be desired. He had no tie, the top buttons on his shirt were undone, and his trousers had a small stain on the knee. His hair was rather messy, but his shoes were nicely polished, so he just passed the test.
"Yes, I was just about to suggest that." Frank grinned, smoothing his hair into something vaguely resembling a flattened haystack.
"Good. Come this way." The old man hobbled out onto a mass of decking, then walked down a ramp and onto a large jetty.
"So this was where it was docked sir?" Frank enquired while Rachel examined the chain which had been hacked through.
"Yes, that's right. Last night I was woken up by a noise outside, that's my bedroom up there. I looked out through the net curtains to see two males hacking through the chains. I alerted security, they went after them, but the men had drained all the petrol in the inflatable. We then called the police, but you were too busy to be worried about a small little thing like this." The old man said sarcastically, the formerly bad temper rearing its head.
"We were actually rescuing a dozen people off a ferry that was taking on water, and later sunk just out of the heads. Unfortunately that does take precedence over a burglary, sir." Rachel said sarcastically, looking the old grump right in the eye.
"Yes, yes I'd imagine it would." Mr Alexander decided to back off a bit, the female detective really did know how to stare someone down.
"Do you have any photos of your launch, sir?" Rachel asked, looking back at the house.
"Oh, yes, yes of course." The old man dragged out his wallet and produced a half dozen photos.
The pictures showed a large white launch with blue trim. It was powered by three off board motors, and the name, Cassidy Jones, was stuck to the side in large, golden letters, similar to the letters you stick onto letterboxes, except larger and classier. Rachel's eyes widened and she let out a small whistle. She handed the photos to Frank, who had a similar reaction. "Is there anyone you know of that could've done this?" Rachel asked, letting Frank mill over the photos for a while longer.
"Well, actually, there is. My sons, Danny and Paul. We're not exactly on speaking terms because I cut them out of my will. They didn't take too well to that." Mr Alexander smirked, showing no remorse for his lack of family love.
"Oh. And may I ask why?" Rachel was interested now; this sounded like a juicy case.
"Because they refused to get married, Paul was 30 and still living at home, and Danny... well, Danny's just a total klutz if you don't mind me saying. He went to five universities, got kicked out of every one for falling asleep in class. He then decided to become a cop, and on his first day on the job he wrote off a patrol car, nearly ran over a pedestrian, assisted a guy beat up his mate, got drunk and crashed another patrol car, then fell off a wharf. He got fired the next day. Then he wanted to be a plumber. And you get the picture. He's currently a gigolo." The old man was thoughtful for a minute.
"Interesting family. You married Mr Alexander?" Frank piped up, handing the photos back to him.
"Yeah, onto my fourteenth wife now, Jessica. First was Sylvia, total hooker. Then Macey, Paul's mother, she killed herself. Then Patricia, Danny's mother, found a richer guy, then he went broke and she tried to crawl back. Then Tatum, nasty piece of work, tried to get everything after the divorce but I had made her sign a pre-nup. Then Rochelle. My longest marriage, lasted fifteen years. Divorced her 'cause I couldn't stand the name anymore. Then Peta, just a bitch. Maria, so fat she could hardly walk. Tina, I ended up having to change the locks to get her out of the house. Sarah, kleptomaniac. Maxine, manic-depressive, killed herself. Rosa, illegal immigrant. Julia Lee, hooker, had an affair, druggy, thick as two bricks, bad fashion sense. Unlucky thirteenth was with Dariana, she died after going swimming in Queensland and got ravaged by a bloody great Great White Shark." Mr Alexander grinned at the memories.
"Aah. So, where can we find Paul and Danny?" Frank asked, he'd previously thought he was bad at marriages, but he was nothing compared to this guy.
"Uh, Paul's an accountant, here's his card. At least I think he's still there. And Danny, what's the time?" The old fart scratched his backside.
"Uh, 10am." Rachel glanced at her watch.
"He'll be at home, the lazy little shit. 10 Selkirk St, Mosman. I'll see you out if you want." Mr Alexander began wandering back up to the house.
"That won't be necessary. Ah, isn't that your boat there?" Rachel pointed out in the harbour at an approaching launch.
"Uh, I'm not sure..." Mr Alexander winced at the boat, trying to read the name as it got closer.
"Cassidy Jones... yep, looks like it's your boat mate. How many Cassidy Jones could be floating around the harbour?" Frank grinned.
After a few minutes the boat pulled up by the jetty, and a long-legged blonde threw some ropes at them, then jumped onto the wooden planks. "Hey baby! I found it over at Darling Harbour. Paul and Danny had nicked it. They said they'd give it back if I showed them my bra, so I did!" the young woman was totally thick obviously.
"Are you going to press charges?" Rachel inquired, making a mental note to remind herself of this woman when she was feeling stupid.
"Nah, can't be stuffed. I'll kick their scrawny little asses myself next time they come scrounging for money. Little shits. Thanks baby. Oh, by the way, this is my wife, Jessica." Mr Alexander pinched the woman's butt.
"Nice to meet you." Frank said, thinking that she was one heck of a sheila.
Rachel smiled and nodded. "Well, we'd better be off, eh Holloway?" Rachel elbowed Frank hard in the side.
"Oof, ow, yeah, guess so." Frank grunted, then grinned at Jessica again before following Rachel back to the car.
*****
When the pair got back to the station, Helen had a surprise for them. They walked in the door to find baby things everywhere, a hand-painted sign that said "Well Done Rachel And Frank!" posted on the stairwell, and party food and streamers hanging off everything possible.
"Well done for what?" Rachel yelled over all the noise coming from the whole station's personnel.
"For being so great with Jacob!!!" Helen laughed.
"Eh?" Frank stared at Rachel, and she stared back.
"Oh, come on! Most people would've delivered him straight to Social Services." Helen patted them both on the backs, then led them into the centre of the room.
Two glasses of lemonade suddenly appeared in their hands. "I want to make a toast to Frank and Rachel for being such great foster parents to our very own station baby, Jacob!" Helen said after the room had quietened down.
A whole pile of cheers erupted from the mass gathering, and the party kicked into first gear. Just then, Jeff made an entrance, holding the baby and a newspaper. He handed the paper to Frank and the baby to Rachel, then wandered over to get a drink, obviously the party was authorised. Rachel and Frank looked at the cover. There was the headline "Jacob Joins The Force", then a picture of a sleeping Jacob with a police hat on, lying in Jeff's arms. Frank and Rachel looked at each other, then at Jacob. Jacob stared at both of them, wondering what the hell they were on. "Well, Jake, looks like you're famous already!" Frank grinned at the baby.
"Yeah." Rachel read the article.
"So, you think I should adopt him?" Frank asked, with a cheeky grin on his face.
"Eh?" Rachel laughed.
"Should I adopt him?" Frank asked again.
"Yeah, if you want to." Rachel knew he wouldn't do it, I mean, this was Frank Holloway, the guy that was always late, the guy that never wore a tie, the guy whose kitchen looks like a bomb site.
"Nah, I don't think I'm up to it. I'll be sad to see him go though." Frank held Jacob's tiny hand.
"And I can't." Rachel said thoughtfully.
"I am." Helen suddenly popped up behind them.
"What?" The detectives said in unison.
"I am. I'm adopting him!" Helen laughed.
"You?" Frank was flabbergasted.
"Me." Helen grinned.
"Congratulations!!!" Rachel flew at her and grabbed her in a bear hug, almost knocking her over.
"Thank you. Frank? Not even a good luck from you?" Helen looked hurt.
"Good on ya! Bring him into the station! We'll look after him, won't we Rach?" Frank kissed Helen on the cheek.
Rachel glared at Frank. "No need for that, Jeff's already instructed me to bring him into work every day. He's going to baby sit." Helen's excitement was obvious.
"So, when are you taking him home?" Rachel asked, hoping she'd have one night with him all to herself.
"I was thinking maybe tonight, but if you..." Helen knew that look on Rachel's face.
"Uh, nah, it's okay." Rachel screwed up her nose, waving it off.
"No, your going to look after him tonight. I just remembered I've got a date." Helen grinned cheekily, even though she didn't have one.
"Okay then!" Rachel's face was the home to a smile that spread from ear to ear.
*****
"Well, I guess it's official then!" Helen signed the last paper for Jacob's adoption.
"Yes. It will take a few days to go through, but you're now officially Jacob's mother." The adoption officer smiled, sorting the papers into a stack.
"We'd better take you home then." Rachel grabbed Jacob's pram and began wheeling it towards the door.
"Yup. Wow. I have a son!" Helen hugged her best friend, then lifted Jacob out of the pram.
"Uh huh, Jacob Francis Blakemore. So, when are you going to adopt a girl?" Rachel teased, opening the door with her foot.
"I think I'll wait a while." Helen grinned, holding her precious baby son close to her as the three walked out into the Sydney sunshine, ready to head home for the first time as Mother and Son.
*****
*****
Well? E-mail me some feedback already! sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com in case you didn't know! :)