Summary: AU. "The truth is, Dean, that you're lonely! You can't expect me, your best friend, to just jump into bed with you and have it mean nothing...Because it would mean everything to me!" Dean/Cas slashiness! Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters.

A/N: A new fic. Maybe it'll make me feel better. Maybe it won't.

I hope you enjoy it all the same.

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What This Means

Chapter One

Castiel Novak never believed he'd become an object of Dean's affections in anyway other than a friend, let alone have Dean ask him for a one night stand. It was wrong on so many levels that Dean should as that of him, his best friend. If Dean knew how he felt, he wouldn't have asked, because Castiel's feelings for Dean were so deep it hurt, like someone was sticking a blunt blade into him and pushing it in slowly, oh, so slowly.

He'd discovered he was gay when he was fourteen, and the first erection happened when Dean accidentally touched his thigh in Biology class. The hot flush of embarrassment crept back onto his face at the memory and all of a sudden he became hard as hell, like he had that day. He was in his room, early one Saturday morning, and the house seemed to be quiet. That was good. It meant he could deal with it.

He'd never been in denial about being gay.

He'd accepted it as being what he was, and he'd never hidden behind it. Neither had Dean, who was actually bisexual, and had dated both guys and girls at their school...If you could call it dating. It tended to be one night stands, sometimes with total strangers, but Dean said he was just living a little. A little? Castiel was beginning to worry, as all of Dean's friends were. Especially his parents and his little brother. Dean hadn't had a proper, long term partner since Lisa Braeden, who'd cheated on him and moved to Paris not long after with her parents. Castiel knew it had something to do with the way Dean behaved, he just needed to find out just what part it played and why Dean would just give himself to strangers. Maybe it was the fact that little trust was needed; maybe Lisa had ruined his ability to trust people again. Maybe it was the fact that he got all the attention he needed, the touching, the kissing, the sex, but he didn't have to be settled with someone for it and it didn't get boring.

All Castiel knew was that Dean's mind was warped into a routine of just giving himself away to anybody, and he was worth so, so much more than that. He was precious to Castiel and to so many other people who hated to see him ruin himself in such a way, when he was worthy of so much love and devotion which people tried their best to give him. He just didn't have the kind of love he wanted, Castiel thought. Romantic love. Love that he had and wanted to give so badly like he'd be feeding a starving baby, but that Dean probably didn't feel for him.

The just-turned eighteen year old slid his hand under the covers and into his boxers, taking himself in hand. It hurt for a moment as his erection tented up against the fabric of his underwear, but he pulled them down to free himself, moving his hand up and down. He relaxed, evened out his breathing and relieved himself of his tension.

Dean was expecting Castiel to come over for the night. They often stayed together at the weekends, just playing the X-Box or PS3 like typical boys. And Castiel, being the little nerd he was, had bought a new game for the X-Box called Alice: The Madness Returns, and since the two had played the first game on the computer, there was no harm in trying out the sequel on the X-Box. Dean's room was a gorgeous shade of dark blue, with a pine wood floor and pine furnishings. He had a double bed with lighter blue bedding and big, thick pillows on it. His bookshelf had books about cars on it mainly, since cars were his favourite thing, as well as a few DVDs and games. There were two inflatable chairs ready to use in front of the TV while the X-Box was plugged in. The small coffee table that sat in front of it, ready with a bottle of Pepsi and two glasses with it as well as some snacks for later. The doorbell rang, right on time, and he headed down the stairs to find Castiel waiting at the door for him.

"Hey, buddy." He said with a smile, pulling him into a hug.

"Hey, Dean." Castiel replied, holding up the game, "I brought it."

"Dude, you are way too excited about this." Dean laughed, Castiel becoming the nerd Dean knew and loved.

Loved?

"Oh, my God, wait until you see the graphics, Dean." Castiel breathed, "They're awesome! The levels are awesome too! You'll love it."

"Yeah, I'm sure I will." Dean replied.

After an hour of epic gaming (as Castiel named it), the two were finishing their sodas and having a good laugh about school. The two were a little closer together when Dean leaned across and pressed his lips to Castiel's. In his shock, Castiel pulled back and gasped as Dean went to pull him close again.

"Come on, baby..." He whispered, "One night, huh?"

"Dean, get off me!" Castiel breathed, pushing back and looking at Dean utterly hurt, "I can't, not like this."

He couldn't believe what was happening, that Dean would start trying it on with him, when they were such good friends and when Castiel had such deep feelings for him, he knew he'd just get hurt and he couldn't handle anymore pain than he was already feel.

"Cas, it's just one night..." Dean whispered, going to kiss him again, "You know you want it."

"Dean, you know that's not true." Castiel gasped, Dean feeling a little pissed at his reaction.

"So what is the truth, Cas?" He asked, "Huh? You don't want me?"

And Dean really couldn't handle that. If Castiel said that he didn't want him his world would break. He knew he wanted his friend, he wanted him so badly it hurt. And not just for sex either.

"The truth is, Dean, that you're lonely!" Castiel yelled, "You can't expect me, your best friend, to just jump into bed with you and have it mean nothing...Because it would mean everything to me!"

"What do you mean, Cas?" Dean asked.

Castiel had absolutely had enough now that Dean was hurting him like this. He decided to just get the truth into the open and finally tell Dean what was getting to him.

"If you took me to bed right now, it would mean a hell of a lot to me, Dean, okay?" He said, standing up before turning away and running his hands through his hair, "I really, really like you, okay? You fucking happy now?"

Dean looked up at his best friend, biting his lip and standing to move behind him as he buried his face in his hands, gently touching his arms and rubbing them softly. Castiel wanted to shrink away but he couldn't bring himself to and he turned around revealing to Dean a mournful look.

"I am..." Dean said softly, cupping Castiel's face, "I am lonely. And if you'll have me...Because I really, really like you too...I won't be lonely anymore."

-TBC-

Hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading so far!

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