"You look sad. When you think he can't see you."
This stops me in my tracks. Impossible. She's right of course, John is busy looking at something else, he can't see me, I'm doing my work alone, paying him no attention until this moment, and therefore logically not letting him influence my behaviour. Of course I know there are times he's in the room with me and I also pay no attention to him, not even noticing when he comes and goes. And yet part of me does know, and naturally this would influence my subconscious behaviour. I know this to be true, I observe this behaviour in others. What's impossible, is that she could have noticed this.
"Are you okay? And don't just say you are because I know what that means. Looking sad when you think no-one can see you."
And is if I needed it, there it is, further proof that she did indeed just read me as efficiently as I read others. I've always taken it for granted, the way I notice all the details of a room or a person and the conclusions I draw from it. It seems obvious to me. What is harder to me is to understand why others can't see it. Now I suppose I take that for granted too. I never expected anyone to read me so accurately. Even Mycroft couldn't do it, his skill isn't quite as refined as mine. And yet Molly Hooper just did. And now she's waiting for a response. I think about her last sentence and immediately see its flaw. "You can see me"
"I don't count" She is quick to respond. Does she really believe that? Of course, her low self-esteem. The profile I built of her on our first meeting skims through my mind. Introverted, shy, eager to please. Bullied as a child, likely due to her high intellect and the way she dresses. She dresses for comfort not fashion, not the way an older person would, but the way someone who was raised without the highest fashions would be, she was probably raised on hand-me-downs and charity shop bargains, her family was poor then. She stands up for herself though, that would be the influence of a father, she was closer to her father than her mother then, but has clear father issues from the way she looks up to the men she's close to, subconsciously looking for a replacement father figure. He's dead then, I knew that before she told me 5 minutes ago. And that's why she's easily wounded by my blunt observations. But to really believe she doesn't matter to me? My pathologist on whom I can always rely, who will readily drop whatever she's doing to help me in whatever cause, even when she's upset with me. Of course she matters to me. But before I can say so she starts talking again, having only paused briefly while my mind ran its analysis of that one profound statement. "What I'm trying to say is if there's anything... I can do anything you need, anything at all. You can have me. No... I just mean...I mean if there's anything you need.. It's fine."
Now this is puzzling. What could she think I need from her that I don't already ask for? If there's anything in a case I think she can help with I go straight to her, she knows that. She means outside of a professional setting then. So in a more personal way. The way she backtracked after saying 'you can have me' obviously afraid of me getting a wrong idea from that statement, probably the same thing Irene Adler mean then when she asked if I had ever had anyone. So she's not offering her body, which pleases the more protective side of me. So what IS she offering? Something more sentimental? But I am not a sentimental person, I hardly understand sentiment, probably the reason why her offer is such a mystery to me. I shall have to ask for clarification, but carefully, I don't need her to think of it as a rejection "W... What can I need? From you."
"Nothing. I don't know. You could probably say thank you. Actually."
She took it as rejection. I've upset her again by not understanding. "Thank you." I agree to try and appease her.
"Um, I'm just gonna go get some crisps, if you want anything. It's okay, I know you don't"
Of course I don't want anything, but is she saying that because she can read me so well, or as continued hurt from our conversation? Perhaps if I asked her for something now she won't feel so rejected "Well Actually maybe I'll.."
"I know you don't" She asserts, cutting off my faked request. She does know then, know me.
I watch her walk away then go back to my work, a little distracted. I've always valued Molly Hooper's help, she's always counted, but until now I think I have severely underestimated her. I shall have to pay closer attention from now on, and I certainly won't forget her offer.