Arizona talks to her newborn daughter. Post-7X18
A/N: So, I like to keep things canon as much as possible, but Callie has referred both to herself and Arizona as "Mommy," between the show and deleted scenes, so for clarity, Arizona is Mommy and Callie is Mama. Thanks to Anna for her careful reading and support.
EDITED 15 October 2011: Okay. So Arizona has referred to herself as Mama in canon, and it was driving me crazy not to have it right, so I'm trading the names and Callie is now Mommy and Arizona is Mama.
For the first week after the accident, Arizona left her fiancée's bedside only to sit beside her daughter's isolette. Between the accident and the premature delivery of her daughter, she wasn't yet back to work. Her daughter. She had a daughter. She was a mom. That was certainly not a title she ever thought she'd carry. Even when she first came to terms with becoming a mom, she didn't think it would happen so soon. But one ill-timed proposal thrust her into parenthood 16 and a half weeks too soon.
So every two hours like clockwork, she moved from one bed to the other, sleeping and eating only when forced. Other visitors came and went at both bedsides (some for medical purposes, others for personal visits), so moments alone with either of her girls were hard to gather.
On the third day of Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres's life, Arizona found herself alone with her daughter for the first time. Mark was off working somewhere else in the hospital and the nurse had just left after checking in on Sofia. Arizona quickly pulled up a chair and sat herself down, pressing her hands through the holes, eager to connect with her own super tiny tiny human.
"Hey, baby girl. It's Mama." Her heart gripped when Sofia moved to respond to her light touch. "I am so, so proud of you. You're doing so well in here. You are so strong. My own little good man in a storm. And this has been quite a storm, huh? And you're so pretty, too. With your mommy's dark hair and I bet you have her pretty dark eyes, too. I just wish you could open them so I could see for sure. I wish you could meet Mommy. She wants to meet you, too, but she's a little bit hurt right now, too. But I do have some good news for you. I wanted to tell you before today, but there were always people here and Mommy and I kind of wanted you to know before we start telling other people. Your moms are getting married. Isn't that awesome, Sofia? We're going to put on some pretty white dresses, and walk down the aisle and say our vows. Now you have to get better quickly for us, so you can be the guest of honor. You'll be the prettiest girl out there for sure. I can just see you, in a pretty pink dress, getting passed from one set of arms to another because everyone wants to see you. Ugh. I'm rambling, aren't I? You'll learn that I do that a lot, especially when I'm nervous. Try not to inherit that particular trait, huh?"
Arizona just sat silently for a few minutes, watching the tiny chest move up and down and listening to the rhythmic beating of the heart monitor. "I never thought I'd want to be a mom. I didn't even think I'd ever be a wife. But Sofia, don't ever, ever let anyone tell you that I didn't want you, or that I love you any differently. People are going to say all kinds of things about you and about me and your mom and I just want you to ignore them. I love you so, so much and I have wanted you since I knew you were coming. Nothing anyone can say or do will ever change that. And I love Mommy more than I have ever loved anyone ever. Except you.
"I can't wait to take you home and show you your new room. It's not as scary as this place, I promise. And there will be no more breathing tubes, or IVs, or machines, or..." Arizona's voice hitched as the tears started to form in her eyes. She rubbed her pinky along Sofia's cheek. "I am so sorry, Sofia. I should have been watching the road. I should have waited until we got to the B&B. I should have protected you better. I should have kept you and your mom safe. I should have stopped the car and made her put her seat belt back on. I never meant for you to hurt like this. If I hadn't been so selfish...you weren't supposed to be in here. She told me that our baby wouldn't be one of those kids in my NICU, but here you are. And it's all my fault. I am so, so sorry, baby girl. I'm sorry you're so hurt." Arizona gently pulled her hand out of the isolette and wiped her tears on her gown.
It wasn't yet time for her to make the bed switch, but she was clearly distressed and she didn't want to stress out her already fragile baby girl, so after snapping a few pictures and some video for Callie, she stripped off her gown, discarded it, and began the journey back to the bedside of the other love of her life. She attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes, but that just seemed to encourage new ones to form.
Callie was awake, but still very drowsy. She perked up as much as she was able when Arizona entered the room, but her mood was quickly dampened when she saw tears in those beautiful blue eyes. "What's wrong? Is it Sofia? Is she...? Did she...?" She trailed off, unable to finish either question.
"No! No, no, Sofia's fine. I even have some new pictures and video for you." She quickly pulled out her phone and pulled up the pictures. Normally, Callie would have grabbed for the device when she saw it, anxious for new shots of the daughter she'd so far only seen in pictures. But after she was assured that Sofia was still safe in her isolette, her fiancée's tears took precedence.
"Arizona, why are you crying?"
"Nothing. Not important." Arizona again moved to brush away her tears. She had finally managed to stop crying by this point.
"No, it's important. Come here." Callie gestured for Arizona to come to her bedside. Arizona obliged, moving to the left side of Callie's bed, shoving her phone back into her pocket, and picking up her fiancée's more problematic hand, still stubbornly curled into a ball. Instead of speaking, she began to rub Callie's hand between her own, willing the muscles to relax. Callie just looked at Arizona, struggling to make eye contact even as her eyes were avoided. Eventually she relented, knowing that Arizona would talk when she was ready.
They sat in silence for nearly 15 minutes, Callie reaching up occasionally to brush away newly falling tears from Arizona's cheek. Finally, deciding that now was not the time for her to decompose, Arizona dropped Callie's hand, wiped her tears on her shoulder, and took a deep breath before she started to speak.
"I am so, so sorry that I let this happen to you." Callie opened her mouth to object, but was quickly silenced with the point of a finger. "Don't say it wasn't my fault because it was. I wasn't looking where we were going. I knew you weren't wearing a seat belt. I was distracted by what I wanted at the time. I should have just let you talk to Mark. Because then we wouldn't be here. We would have had our romantic weekend at the B&B, and Sofia would still be in here, safe, instead of fighting for her life in the NICU. It wasn't supposed to happen like this."
"Arizona. I'm only gonna say this once, and then I am not going to say it again. This was not your fault. It was not your fault that the truck driver was stopped there. It was not your fault that Mark tried to call during what was supposed to be a weekend for the two of us. It is not your fault that I took off my seat belt in a moving car. And it is not your fault that I hesitated to agree to marry the most wonderful, beautiful, awe-inspiring person I've ever known in my life. I am so in love with you, Arizona Robbins. And this was not your fault."
They sat in silence for 10 more minutes as Arizona sobbed. Callie waited until the tears calmed before she spoke again. "I don't know exactly what kinds of options we have. But I have money. We have money. We can talk to a lawyer, see what we can do for you. And for Sofia. If something happens to me, I want to make sure you'll be okay. Both of you."
"Calliope, don't talk like that. Nothing is going to happen to you. So long as I don't try to propose to you instead of looking at the road, I think we'll be okay."
"I know. And it's not that I don't trust you, but this is something I need to do for our family. For you and me and Sofia."
"And Mark." Arizona said, trying to keep the hurt out of her tone.
"No." Callie shook her head and pulled Arizona in closer. "Mark can take care of his own legal issues. I can't deny that he's family, but we are also a family without him."
"Thank you." Arizona leaned over Callie's bed, pressing light kisses all across her face. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Callie scooted herself over to the right, making room for Arizona. "Now get your pretty butt up here and show me the new pictures."
Arizona happily climbed into the bed, resting her head on Callie's shoulder and pulling out her phone.
Thanks for reading!