The Gates to the Kingdom of Heaven are vast, and none approach them but on their knees.
The Gates to the Kingdom of Heaven are wide, and none yet enter into them but by God's word.
Step by step. Stair by stair. Inch by arduous inch. Over and over, the endless refrain, each new repetition another step, another bleeding knee.
Pater Noster, qui es in coelis,
Our father, who is in Heaven,
Sanctificetur nomen tuum;
Hallowed be thy name. Thy name which is above all other things within my heart, thy name by which all others are held to judgement.
Adveniat regnum tuum,
Thy Kingdom come, for great are the days when the Kingdom shall return. The Kingdom which we tried to create on earth. The Kingdom of Heaven.
fiat voluntas tua,
thy Will be done,
sicut in coelo et in terra.
On Earth as it is in Heaven. Your will, then, that we should not see as God sees until we come into his Kingdom.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
Give us this day our daily bread, for none yet starves in the Kingdom of God,
et dimitte nobis debita nostra
And forgive us our trespasses
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
As we forgive those who trespass against us. Oh, many have trespassed against me, God my Father, many have trespassed that still live, and many that have died in the sake of my name have done nothing against me. Forgive me, Father, forgive me as I try to forgive them.
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem
And lead us not into temptation
sed libera nos a malo.
But deliver us from evil.
Amen.
Again we begin the prayer, another step on the road to salvation, another step closer to the gates of Saint Peter. Once these stairs were white in the blood of the lamb, but now they are stained with the blood of sinners as they pray their way closer to god, going each step on their knees, humbly trying to reach the Kingdom's gates.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done- for you have always done your will with me, Oh great God my Father. Always your will it was, and never my own. Your son commanded that we should build a beautiful city, and so always I have tried to do. But it was also your will that I should suffer, and bear it without malice, and so I have. I have suffered, and I suffer still.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Your deliverance, lord, was my death, and so I am delivered to your loving care. Amen.
Another step, another splotch of blood on the stairs. Deliver us from evil. Grant us peace. Deliver us from evil. Grant us peace. On and on the prayers ascend, their utterers ascending with them, trying for the deliverance they ask for, begging for the peace they crave.
So go the righteous into the kingdom of God, the rich with the poor, the kings with the peasants. So goes Baldwin, King of Jerusalem, City of Peace, on his knees before God. Higher they climb, the children of God, higher to the gates of Heaven where Peter, the holder of the Keys, stands to admit them to be judged. Over and over, the endless litany, the words falling from the mouths of the dead turning into incense, rising as perfume to God's Almighty throne.
And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. Have I forgiven enough, Lord? Forgiven too little or too much? Oh, some men sinned against you, God, against your will for me! Was it not right for me to punish them, to punish them and not forgive?
Vengeance is mine alone, says the lord your God.
His pride has struck him back a stair- he begins his prayer again, his white robe fraying at the knees, trying to correct himself that he too may enter the kingdom of heaven.
Long litanies, long strings of blind devotion, blind repetition. Too many voices in too many tongues to know what words he speaks. Pater Noster, qui es in coelis...sed libera nos a malo. Pater Noster, qui es in coelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum... Pater Noster, Our Father, deliver me from evil.
And he is delivered. Delivered from evil, from the dead, delivered to Saint Peter, waiting with the Keys of Heaven until the Judgement Day.
"Baldwin of Jerusalem, sometimes called King," He says, inspecting the man who has reached the top of Heaven's steps, redeemed himself on his knees with piety and prayer. "What do you seek?" He asks, looking down from his great book.
"I seek the Kingdom of God," Baldwin rasps- his voice is lost from praying, from disuse in life.
"Do you seek a kingdom to become a king?" Peter asks discerningly. Baldwin looks up at him, plaintive, humble.
"I only wish to be a man. I only wish to be whatever God has commanded of me. Thus have I always wished," Baldwin confesses.
Peter smiles, nods. He points towards the Gates, smiling. "God wishes you to live in peace now, Baldwin, as he did not allow you on earth. Your suffering is rewarded. Draw off the mask which was your cross to bear."
Trembling, his hands are raised to his face, to the silver construction that was his body's constant companion, his fetter and his friend. Those who stand around him are amazed, for there is no face worth hiding behind it -- it is an angel's visage now, perfect and complete.
Deliver us from evil.
Yes, we are all delivered, here at the Gates of Heaven.
Grant us peace.
The peace which is given me I give to you.
Amen.
So be it.
Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur,
And He will hear my voice.
He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me,
For they are many who strive with me.
God will hear and answer them.
-Psalm 55:17-19
I don't really understand why I enjoy the movie Kingdom of Heaven or the character of Baldwin of Jerusalem so much, but both hold a kind of mystic association I wanted to write down. So I wrote about what happens to people when they die. I hope in the kingdom of heaven that the ugly will be made beautiful as the high are made low and the hungry are satisfied.
The practice of praying as you ascend steps was an idea taken from the pilgrim roads of the mideval period. It was called doing a Calvary, after the hill on which Jesus was crucified.