Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters.

There was once a time when Jackson Avery knew everything there is to know about April Kepner. But within the span of six months, two weeks and nine days, quite a few things had happened in April Kepner's life that Jackson Avery was still in the dark about. Because April Kepner and Jackson Avery, once best friends and former lovers, had stopped talking to each other. Well, that's not quite accurate. They did talk to each other, out of necessity, during surgeries and post ops, and during lunch, just to keep appearances up. But full length conversations and light hearted banter, which had almost always been a norm between the two, had stopped abruptly, all of a sudden, out of the blue.

Except what looks out of the blue to any outsider may not be what's true. Because what transpires behind closed curtains will stay behind closed curtains, and that story is one only Jackson Avery and April Kepner knew about. One dark and stormy night , soaked head to toe from the lashing rain outside and looking like a broken rag doll, April Kepner had stood across from an injured Jackson Avery and bared her heart to him; had asked him to give her a reason not to marry another man. Ultimately, Jackson's answer had meant only one thing: that they could only ever be friends. And knowing that that would have been the first step in digging her own grave; being around him would be unbearable without being able to be with him, April had said no. They couldn't be friends, not anymore. And that was that.

So six months, two weeks and nine days had gone by, and Jackson still didn't know that there was only a week to go till April moved away from Seattle for good. Like stated before, a lot had happened during those six months, and that's where this story begins…

For the first three months, she missed Jackson terribly. On her hardest days, on the days that people would die on her operating table, and on the days when she desperately needed someone to talk to, she missed him so much it was a dull ache in her heart. And then on the days when she encountered an especially funny situation, when she wanted him to laugh with about the irony that is life, she would almost instinctively turn to her side while sitting alone at Joe's, expecting to find Jackson there looking at her with a twinkle in his eye, and then turn back into her drink, her heart dropping in her chest like a heavy stone.

On the fourth month, the day after she found out she passed her boards, she'd had an awakening. She didn't know whether it had anything to do with the boost in self confidence she'd received with the passing of her boards, maybe that little sense of victory was just the push she needed, but that day, she woke up, and decided enough. Enough with the wishing, and the hoping that he might still come after her and tell her what she needed to hear. She would still miss him, there was no way for her to stop herself from missing him. But what she could do was stop hanging onto a ray of hope that may never shine. It wasn't doing her any good, it was only making her sink deeper and deeper into a hole of depression she wouldn't be able to climb out of. Looking back, she reckoned it was just in time as well, because shortly after that, she'd received the biggest blow to her heart yet. If she had still been wallowing in a well of misery over Jackson by the time she received the call from back home in Moline….well, she didn't want to think about what that would have done to her.

On June 9th 2013, at precisely 3.53AM she had woken up to the shrill sound of her phone ringing. Twenty minutes later, her shaking hand had quietly placed the phone back in its cradle only to pick it up again to call Dr. Owen Hunt, chief of surgery at Grey-Sloan Memorial. Through quiet sobs, she had told him that her father had been diagnosed with stage two colorectal cancer, that her family back home in Moline were at a loss as to what to do, so she had to take a few days off work. Hunt had been a Godsend, contacting Cleveland Clinic, which wasn't too far from Moline, and having their top colorectal surgeon as well as an excellent oncologist get in touch with April. Three days later April had had her dad transferred there to start treatment.

She had implored Hunt to be discreet about her situation, wanting to avoid as much as possible the looks of pity that would have surely followed her around the hospital. She'd already had a dose of that once her engagement to Matthew had broken off and she wasn't about to go through it again. Plus, the hospital was her solace, her hiding place from the cancer threatening to take over her dad. It was the one place where everything was still "normal". Her personal life may have been in chaos, but her professional life remained as comfortingly hectic as ever, allowing her to lose herself in her work when things seemed a little too overwhelming.

It had been the same routine for her for the next two and a half months. After long and exhaustive weekends spent by her father's side, April would come back to Grey-Sloan Memorial desperate to bury herself in countless surgeries. Whenever there was a lag in surgeries she would blackmail Ross into assisting her with researching treatment options and clinical trials for colorectal cancer so that she could be on top of all the latest treatments that would be available to her father. After coming home from work, she would immediately call up her mom and sisters or her dad's doctors to discuss his surgery, follow-up care and recovery times as well as side effects that may result from the cancer medications.

After those two and a half months of going to battle with her dad's cancer, they had recently heard the good news that his first cycle of post-surgery chemotherapy had been successful. He still had a long ways to go, but at least part of it was now over and she had learned how to cope.

April had come out of the experience world weary and seasoned. Within the short span of just two months, her, her mother and three sisters had bonded more so than ever. They'd laughed together, cried together, been each other's rocks when things got rough, and like the five tough Kepner women they were, had given their all to be there for the man they all desperately loved.

All her aunts and uncles, her cousins, nieces and nephews had gathered around her family, offering support and words of comfort, some taking the initiative to stay back in Moline in order to help look after the farm, others taking turns to visit her dad and help out however they can. They had sat with them through her dad's surgery to remove the cancer, taken her dad's mind off the exhaustive and physically draining chemotherapy by joking around with him, had quietly sat by him when he'd nodded off to sleep. But most of all, the most important thing they had all done for her father was let him know that they were there for him. Her heart swelled with love for her family whenever she thought of them, and it was this experience that had given her the courage to believe that no matter what happens, she will never be alone. When it came to family, the Kepners looked after their own. That had always been their motto, and they hadn't let her down.

Through it all, whenever she would catch glimpses of Jackson around the hospital, tears would sting her eyes as she thought about what a support he would have been if only she could have told him. But the days when they were friends were over, the times when she could just go to him and lay her head on his shoulder even if they were at odds with each other were long gone, and she knew she was partly to blame. He had kept trying to coax her into making conversation, even inviting her to Joe's once, and she'd almost accepted, when Stephanie had walked by with a wink at Jackson and April had lost interest almost immediately. She was grateful sometimes for everything that kept her busy for those two months, because she had heard through the grapevine that Jackson's relationship with Stephanie had really started to take off. She had once walked in on Ross and some other intern – Christina called her "Mousey"- complaining that they can't get into on-call rooms because Jackson and Stephanie had been going at it all over the hospital.

April had been so harried those two months and had gone about her work with more vigor than usual, that she hadn't realized that she looked paler and had lost weight, her tiny frame looking as dainty as ever. She never noticed the worried glances that Jackson gave her, never knew that he often tried to strike up a conversation with Meredith or Christina, just to find out how April was doing.

Even though April had not wanted to transfer anywhere else after her boards since Hunt had been so kind to her, in light of her dad's illness, she had decided to accept a fellowship at Cleveland Clinic. Her parents had told her time and time again to she stay where she was happy, but she had insisted. And now, with a week to go, she was wracking her brain whether or not to tell Jackson that she was leaving. And even if she was going to do it, how was she going to tell him? Just walk up to him while he was smooching face with Stephanie and be like, "Yo, I'm leaving to Ohio in a week, bro, see you around…" Or maybe she should invite him to Joe's, get drunk, and spill everything. Or maybe she should just let everyone else know, and wait until they tell him…which would happen in around a second, gossip was in high demand at Grey-Sloan Memorial.

It turned out though, that she didn't need to tell anyone.

April was standing at the Nurse's station in the ER, going through a patient's chart on one of the hospital tablets, when she felt a presence on her left side. The hairs on the back of her neck immediately stood at attention, and they only did that for one person.

"Jackson" she sighed, somewhat irritably, annoyed that she automatically knew who it was.

"April" came the soft reply, and there was something in his voice that made her look up at him, alarmed, and a quiet voice at the back of her mind whispered to her that he may already know.

His eyes flickered around the room, surreptitiously making sure that they had some privacy, before once again gazing back down at her, and she fought hard to hold that gaze.

"When were you going to tell me?" It was said in a demanding tone which instantly put her on edge.

"Look-"

"I know-I know that we haven't been talking okay, but to find out at the Board meeting…"

Damn. She had completely forgotten that she had already told Hunt about her decision to leave and that there was a Board Meeting today. Somehow the subject of this years' crop of former residents who were accepting fellowships elsewhere must have come up and her name must have slipped out.

Her eyes refocused on a frustrated Jackson, who was rubbing the back of his neck while still talking.

"…and everyone thought I already knew…I had to pretend I'd known for days…my own mother was there and she won't get off my back about why you're leaving…I just…"

He stopped talking and sighed.

"Why?" His tone had softened, along with his gaze, and try as she may, she couldn't stop herself from being drawn in by the brilliance of his eyes. He had only uttered one word, yet they both seemed to know that it held more than one meaning. Why was she leaving, why couldn't they be friends anymore, why had they stopped talking...why couldn't they just be together?

That last question, April knew, would be one only she would be asking. And that saddened her more than anything else.

"Why not, Jackson?" she sighed, suddenly tired of it all. "It'll be good for me-"

"Look, Hunt's treated you more than fairly-"

"You don't get to tell me how much Hunt's helped me, I already know!" She shot back fiercely, and Jackson looked a bit taken aback. "Don't even think for one second that I'm not grateful for him, because I am, and he knows it. But he totally understands why I need to go and he's fine with it." She said, a bit more quietly.

There was a pause, during which April lowered her gaze, looking anywhere but at Jackson, and then-

"Is it because of me?" He blurted out.

Ah. Bingo, Jackson. That's what you really wanted to ask wasn't it? Said a voice in her head, but all she said was a simple:

"No."

Period. End of statement. No need for any elaborations, he wasn't getting any of that.

Jackson kept looking at her while she returned to her tablet, and she could feel him scrutinizing her every move.

"April."

She closed her eyes. He just had a way of saying her name that made her want to wrap herself around him.

"Look, let's at least try to be friends-"

And that was it. That was the trigger. He'd set her off now, and he wasn't getting away without getting a good piece of her mind.

"No . No we can't be friends Jackson. I know it's harder for you to understand because, well, you weren't the one spilling your heart out but right now, where we stand, we're not on equal footing. We can't be friends. I've revealed things about me, things I feel about you, and somehow, what you feel, how you feel is still a mystery to me. And that makes me feel like you have an unfair advantage over me and you can say what you want, but I am not comfortable with that. No it doesn't mean that I'm being difficult, it doesn't meant that I'm being petty, or weak, or that I can't handle it. If anything, it means that I'm putting myself first, and you know what? It's about goddamn time!"

She finished, realizing too late that she'd drawn a few interested stares from a couple nurses nearby and blushing furiously.

Jackson hadn't seemed to notice anything though, and had immediately jumped in with a response and she struggled to pay attention to what he was saying instead of feeling too self-conscious about the minor scene they seemed to be causing.

"I told you how I feel. I want us to be friends-"

April sighed, her voice taking on a gentler quality that hadn't been there before, almost as if talking to a child.

"If that's really how you feel and I've told you we can't be friends then why are you still asking me? What do you really want? Do me a favor and be honest with yourself Jackson, because you owe yourself that much."

And with that, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving a frowning Jackson staring after her, trying to make sense of her words.

Jackson went about his day with his mind preoccupied. An irrational feeling of panic had suddenly gripped him when he had heard Hunt announce that April was transferring out of Grey-Sloan Memorial and taking up a fellowship somewhere else. All this time, he had been operating under a false sense of security that no matter how long it took, he and April would eventually be able to reconcile their friendship. He had been sure that she would want him to make the first move, so he had tried several times to get her to talk. But right now, the way things were going, it seemed as if she never really had any intention of becoming friends with him again. And for some reason that scared him.

Lately, his mind had kept shifting to thoughts of April even more so than usual. After he had told her that he just wanted to be friends that night six and a half months ago, he had felt a feeling of relief almost immediately. He suspected it was because he knew that saying those words to her meant that he was finally putting an end to the cat and mouse game he and April had been playing for so long. It was a relief to not have that weighing on his mind all the time. Seeing the agonized look on her face right before she had told him that she didn't want to be friends had definitely crushed him….but he just…hadn't wanted to deal with all those emotions anymore, and so he had put a lid on it.

But recently, that feeling of relief had slowly been ebbing away, to be replaced by a sense of unease; as if his something in his bones were telling him that a big storm was brewing and he better be prepared. And right now, he couldn't help but feel that there were only moments to go before he was thrust into the throes of that storm.

He paused what he was doing, suddenly feeling very antsy, and checked the time. Damn. April must have already left for home, her shift had ended an hour ago. There were too many things running through his mind, and he knew the only way to clear his head would be if he was able to figure out what April had meant with those last few cryptic words she had thrown his way. He just…he knew that there was something important he was leaving out…Maybe…maybe if he could just figure out what to say to her, she would stay. Because he really needed her to stay…he just…no, he wouldn't be able to watch her leave, not without knowing whether there was hope for them to become friends again...he knew that much. Staying here and thinking about it was going to drive him insane, so he stood up from his desk, a determined look on his face…

It was late by the time April reached home, and she was dog-tired. She had rented out a ground floor apartment quite close to the hospital so she almost always walked to and from work, but today, her usual trek had seemed to tire her out even more; maybe because she was already emotionally drained from that little exchange with Jackson.

She thoughtfully chewed on her lip as she opened her fridge to see what she could cook for dinner. She had known for awhile now that Jackson was hiding something from her. Even back then, when she had asked him for a reason, so many expressions had flitted across his face before he had carefully arranged it into one that was unreadable to her. And although it had registered on her mind subconsciously, she had been too hurt by his answer to figure out what it meant then. And she had had a million other things to deal with after that, but lately, she had been thinking about it, and by his behavior then and the way he looked at her today…she knew for certain that he was undergoing some sort of internal battle. He may tell her that he wanted to be friends, but there was also something else he wanted to tell her and April suspected he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

She had just taken out some leftover Chinese to heat up when she heard a loud banging on her door. She frowned, knowing that she hadn't invited anyone over and walked towards her door to look through the peep-hole. She was surprised to see a very out of breath Jackson standing outside, looking anxious.

"Did you run all the way here?" She asked curiously as she opened the door, but he didn't give her a reply, instead started talking fast, almost as if he was afraid that he won't be able to get out what he had to say if he didn't say it right now.

"Look- I just, I know you want me to say something, alright, it's just…What do you want me to say? April tell me what you want me to say..."

His eyes were pleading at her, and she stared at him, unable to fathom how hurtful those words were. He was asking her to tell him what he really wanted. In essence, he was asking her to tell him why he wanted her. Because he did. She was almost certain of it now. He wanted her, he just didn't know it yet…may not even want to know it. She almost pitied him. Except she pitied herself more, waiting for a declaration of love from a man who was too afraid to see that his feelings for her were the reason that he was unable to cut off all ties with her. That was his whole problem.

She could understand why. He was a guy. Furthermore, he was Jackson. He had always kept things close to his chest and he never, very easily, let himself rely on anyone else. Sure they had been very close when they had been friends, and there were times when he'd blurt things out to her, but even then, it felt as though he only did so when he just couldn't keep it to himself anymore. More often than not, it was her going to him, needing him, wanting him to be there for her, so the notion of doing so for the rest of her life did not scare her. In fact, it would make her the happiest girl in the world.

And, she supposed, having gone through what she'd been through the past two months had restored her faith in family, in unity. Jackson had, as far as she knew, never experienced that. The only close family he had was his mother and grandfather, and his father had left him when he was younger. So she could see how things could be convoluted for someone like him, why he would be hesitant to give himself over to and make himself vulnerable to such strong emotions. Plus, the two occasions that Jackson had let himself be vulnerable with her, hadn't really ended well. The first time was when he had told her he had feelings for her, and she hadn't really given him a response. The second time he had really put himself out there for her, offering to marry her, and she had let her mouth get the better of her in the end, and he had immediately shut down.

She could help him now, she could tell him what she wanted to hear and listen to him say it back to her and pretend to be happy. But ultimately, what she wanted was for him to come to the realization that he wanted her on his own. Because if she gave him all the answers, it didn't count, that would be cheating.

And she knew that there was a chance that he may never be able to take that plunge. If six months had gone by and he hadn't been able to do it, what was the guarantee that he would be able to do it now? It was bittersweet, their almost- love story. But sometimes that's how they ended. The best ones were sometimes never given a chance…and maybe theirs was one of those…

April blinked up at him, her eyes wide and wet. "I can't tell you what you want Jackson." she said sadly, reaching up to lay her hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, his eyes closing.

Her thumb gently stroked his cheek.

"You have to figure it out on your own..."

Her words were a soft whisper in the wind, and he let them wash over him as she quietly closed her door, leaving him outside.

Jackson stood on her doorstep long after she had closed the door, head bowed and brow furrowed, one hand still on her door as if about to knock, then turned around to walk away along the deserted street; a lone figure bent against the heavy wind, his defeated posture a reflection of his current attitude…

I'm sorry if in this fic, April and Jackson seem a bit out of character – usually she's the one who is the mess and he at least seems to have some of his shit together lol. I struggled a lot with this story but it was something I had to get out because I really want J/A to grow and mature and the writers haven't yet given us that. I don't think I did it justice, mainly because I don't think I was truly able to get into April and Jackson's heads, so I really hope that in season 10 the writers give them both a storyline that is deep and meaningful….BTW, I haven't written it yet, but there's one more chapter of this to come.

Also, please leave a review and tell me whether or not you liked it!

Also: My apologies to anyone who is following Tempest of the Hearts. I swear I will end it, I just can't seem to be able to get through this stupid writer's block :(