Note: I came up with the idea of this story during season 10, hence it takes place (for the most part) during season 10 with a few timeline collisions along the way. Oh, and don't expect this story to make sense.
It was a bright and sunny Friday afternoon in Canada at the Sinclair house. Holly J. and Fiona sat on opposite ends of the bed reading girly magazines while cheesy, girly pop music that sounds ambiguously '80s and has no actual lyrics plays in the background.
"OHMIGAWD!" Holly J. shouted suddenly as she flipped to the next page of her magazine. Fiona nearly shat herself.
"Jesus Christ, woman! I only brought one pair of Transformers panties!" Fiona rolled her eyes and glanced back at her own magazine.
"Fiona! Look at these shoes! They are soo ultra-yummy!" Holly J. practically shoved the magazine in Fiona's face.
"Oh, cute! These would totally get you elected for school prez!" Fiona grinned and nonchalantly began checking out Holly J.'s legs.
Holly J. frowned in confusion. "Fiona, Sav is already the school president.."
Fiona sighed and put down the magazine. "Hello! Impeachment? Look, I told you a million times already. All we need to do is doctor some pictures of Sav, plant them in Mr. Armstrong's office, give an anonymous tip to Simpson that we saw a bunch of girly drinks in Armstrong's room and when he goes to investigate - voila! Sav is impeached and you're in!"
"What about Armstrong?" Holly J. asked, "That'll get him fired.."
"Who gives a shit!? Getting you elected president so you can cover up my absences while I skip school to go shopping is more important than someone's career and reputation! Besides, this is Armstrong we're talking about, he's used to being spontaneously thrown in the center of school controversy. He always manages to find a way out of it," Fiona stated. "Either that or they just keep him around because they have a hard time finding someone else who's willing to teach thirteen classes and coach most of the sports teams while being paid less than a teenager that flips burgers at McDonald's."
Holly J. grinned. "I suppose you're right! I can't wait to be president again!" She giggled and glanced at the shoes in the magazine again. "Aww, these shoes cost $7 million! Are you fucking kidding me!?" She grabbed a fistful of fish sticks and whipped them at the window, shattering it to pieces.
Fiona opened her laptop. "No biggie." She typed and clicked furiously for a few seconds. "There. The shoes are yours!" She closed the laptop and threw it out the now broken window, which smashed into the windshield of a passing car and caused it to crash into a nearby house.
Holly J.'s mouth gaped. "Really? Fiona, those shoes were $7 million!"
"I know! But those shoes would look perf on you and I need something to think about when I-.." Fiona caught herself and cleared her throat. "..And I'd do anything for my best friend!" She laughed nervously.
"Wow, thanks so much, Fi! You're the best!" Holly J. joyously hugged Fiona, oblivious to her traveling hands.
"Let's celebrate by jumping on the bed!" Fiona stood up and started jumping up and down.
"Okay!" Holly J. got up and joined her. Both girls giggled and lightly hit each other with the pillows adorned on the bed.
Fiona suddenly stopped jumping. "Have you ever heard about this place called 'Weird World'?" She asked curiously, her eyes wide.
"Ooooooohhh! Weeeeeeeeeeirrrrrrrrd Wooooooooooooooorld?" Holly J. started making goofy faces and hand motions. Fiona wasn't amused. "Is it all spooooooooky and straaaaaaange? Ooooooooooooooooh! Weeeeeeiiiirrrddd! Oooooooooooohhhh! Ooooooooooo-" A pillow collided with Holly J.'s face, sending her to the ground with a thud.
"ENOUGH!" Fiona shouted impatiently and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Weird World. It's supposedly this alternate dimension that's almost exactly like ours, except people act differently."
"Ooooo-"
Fiona raised a finger, "Don't!"
"Where did you hear about this? Your grandma?" Holly J. mocked, continuing to make faces.
Fiona narrowed her eyes, "No, smartass, I heard it on the Food Network. I thought maybe I was imagining it because I always turn on the Food Network when I'm fucking wasted, but then I heard Jake and Drew talking about it at school today when I spied on them making out. I even taped them like I do every day. We can watch it if you don't believe me!"
Holly J. scrunched her eyebrows, "Wait, who's Jake?"
Fiona looked around nervously and glanced at the camera. "Never mind."
"Okay, so how do we get there?"
"I don't know, but it can't be that hard to find a way to an alternate dimension, right?"
In a sudden and convenient turn of events, a portal to Weird World opened in Holly J.'s mirror at that very moment.
"Well, THAT was harder than I thought it would be. Can't anything just be simple? Fuck!" Fiona groaned and flipped her hair as she and Holly J. joined hands and skipped to the portal.
Holly J. and Fiona ungraciously fell through the mirror of the girls' bathroom at Degrassi.
"OW! Jesus Christ, why don't they put mystical portals above a couch or a bed or something?" Holly J. rubbed her arm, picking herself up off the floor.
"No kidding!" Fiona held her head in pain, "Hey, why are we at Degrassi?"
"I have no idea. Maybe the portal that opened up only leads to Degrassi. I knew it was impossible that there was some crazy alternate dimension called Weird World! Hmph." Holly J. adjusted her hair in the mirror.
"Oh yeah? Take a look at my map application!" Fiona held up her phone to Holly J. On the application, it clearly stated that they were currently located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, WEIRD WORLD.
"Oh. Well, never mind then!" Holly J. smiled innocently and looked around, "So this is Weird World, huh?"
"Yup! I wonder what crazy cool things we can do here!" Fiona giggled. "Kinda strange that the portal dropped us off at school instead of at the Weird World version of your place."
"Yeah, I don't get it either."
"Well, since we're the only people in this school, let's get into some trouble!" Fiona headed out the door expecting vacant, darkened hallways, only to see the corridors bustling with students.
"What the FUCK!?" Fiona screamed, gaining the attention of passing students. "Umm, excuse me, bitches, but what are you doing in OUR school? Ugh, way to ruin our plans to vandalize this bitch!"
"Fiona!" Holly J. pulled her back into the bathroom. "Look." She held her phone up for her to see.
Fiona gave Holly J. a puzzled stare, "Why is your phone wallpaper of sparkly dildos?"
"Never mind that!" Holly J. snapped, "Look at the date and time!"
"Monday? 7:58 AM? What the hell?"
"Weird World must be in a different time frame!"
"So that means we have to go to school already?" Fiona whined, "No fair! I was gonna go to the mall and get mani-pedis and check out girls this weekend! Now I'm mad!" Fiona grabbed one of the sinks and effortlessly pulled it from the wall and whipped it at one of the stalls.
A horrible scream was heard as the sink crashed into the stall, destroying it and the person inside instantly.
Holly J. covered her mouth, "Oh my god, Fiona! You just killed someone!"
Fiona rolled her eyes and whipped out her phone. "Ugh, big deal, Holly J.! It was just an extra!"
"You're going to get in trouble!"
"No, I'm not! Don't you know anything about interdimensional travel? The rules don't apply to us if we're from a different world! Duh!" Fiona continued texting on her phone, "And even if they did, we can just find the portal and hop back to our world. No problem!"
Holly J. looked around and touched the mirror the portal was in, "Yeah, but where is the portal back to our world?"
"Umm, I'm not sure yet! But I bet we'll find it eventually. Hopefully it'll be easier to find than the one we took to get here, cause that was ridiculous!" Fiona tossed her phone back into her purse. "Well, time to get to class, bitch!" Fiona chuckled and did a series of backflips out the door.
Ms. Oh frolicked and skipped around the MI lab in delight.
"Oh, what a beautiful, glorious day it is!" She said as she picked up some flowers from a vase on her disk and sniffed them. "I'm going to enjoy teaching all of those wonderful kids about the magic of Internet Explorer!"
She began humming and tossing the flowers in every direction as she twirled around the room.
"I love each and every one of my students! Every single-" Ms. Oh halted mid-twirl as something in the distance caught her eye. She'd hoped it wasn't what she thought it was, but once the object in question came into view, there was no question that it was indeed..
"Dave..." She growled and narrowed her eyes at the overconfident midget as he approached the classroom. She clenched the remaining flowers in her fist and threw them in the garbage. Her joyous mood crushed under the weight of her overwhelming hatred for Dave.
"And then we went up to her room and we totally banged, like, ten times!" Dave boasted to Wesley and Connor upon entering the MI lab. Ms. Oh rolled her eyes at what she was listening to.
"Gee willikers, Dave! Who would've thought you'd be the first of us to hook up with a hot chick?" Wesley beamed.
"Seriously, you dorks thought you'd get some action before me?" Dave sneered. "Besides, it's not like that was even my first time with a woman."
"Virgin." Ms. Oh muttered under her breath casually as she walked past the boys to her desk.
"What did you say, Ms. Oh?" Dave asked.
"Oh, me?" Nothing!" She smiled innocently. Dave shrugged and turned back to his friends.
Ms. Oh nonchalantly faked a cough, "HOBBITCOCK!"
Dave turned back to her. "Did you say something?"
"Jesus Christ, Dave, I don't have time for your bullshit! Can't you see I'm trying to do paperwork? Interrupt me again and I'll call the cops. Understood?" Ms. Oh snapped angrily, flopping her head around in a dramatic fashion.
The bell rang as the remaining students in the class piled in.
"Alright, students! Have a seat. Today's Monday, so I'm going to be treating you extra unfairly today!" Ms. Oh announced, smiling brightly. "Unattractive students, I want you to get to work on the assignment on page 94 in your textbooks. Sexy students, help yourselves to anything on this table of refreshments and enjoy some free time on the internet!"
The unattractive students groaned as they retrieved their textbooks and began work on their assignment while the sexy students cheered and stampeded their way to the refreshment table.
"Sweet! Have fun doing grunt work, losers!" Dave taunted as he headed for the snacks. He was barely five steps away before Ms. Oh barricaded herself between him and the table.
"Shouldn't you be working on your assignment?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"Very funny, Ms. Oh." Dave smirked and attempted to walk around her, but she sidestepped into his path again.
"Dave, I very clearly stated that the SEXY students get to enjoy the refreshments and internet time."
"Yeah! And I'm a sexy student, so I'm-"
Dave was interrupted by Ms. Oh howling with laughter. "Dave! You're hilarious! You don't really think you're sexy, do you?" Her expression quickly changed to a serious one when she saw he wasn't reciprocating. "Oh.. you seriously think you're sexy?" She turned to the kids standing at the table. "Did you guys hear that? Dave thinks he's sexy! How sad!"
Ms. Oh and the sexy students pointed and laughed mockingly at Dave. "Oh, Dave, you should really consider becoming the school comedian! But don't use your actual jokes; they fucking suck! Now sit down and do your assignment."
"Whatever." Dave grumbled and went back to his seat.
Wesley grinned at Dave as he returned his seat, "Looks like you're a loser just like us!"
"Fuck you. I'm like, the most popular guy at Degrassi! This is bullshit. Obviously, Ms. Oh is just joking. Me and her have that kind of relationship. We joke with each other. See, watch." Dave turned around. "Hey, Ms. Oh!"
She flashed him a very irritated look.
"How many Asians does it take to-"
"Shut up and get to work on your assignment, micro nuts." She hissed.
"Micro nuts? What are you talking about? I'm hung like a horse!" He proceeded to grab himself and dance like a retard.
Ms. Oh narrowed her eyes. "That's not what your mother told me."
The entire class let out a collective 'Ooooh..' that you'd expect from a live audience during a fight in an early '90s sitcom.
"Yeah, okay!" Dave snickered incredulously.
"Yes, she told me all about the time you tried to hook up with your cousin, Chantay. And she's the one who told your mom about your tiny package." Ms. Oh sneered.
The class groaned in disgust and threw crumpled pieces of paper, used tissues and sharp objects at Dave.
"Hey! It's not true! She's joking, guys. Seriously!" He stammered as he headed back to his seat, occasionally ducking to avoid the lethal objects being thrown at him.
"Yeah, you guys are tight!" Connor snarked.
"So where did you meet all these girls you hooked up with? Your family reunion?" Wesley mocked.
"You guys are assholes. I'm higher on the popularity chain than you are and I'm your clique leader. You better respect me or I'll slap you and run away before you can catch me!" Dave pouted and bounced on his ball.
Ms. Oh glared at Dave from across the room.
"That little shit." She thought. "Who the fuck does he think he is? Breaking my rules and thinking he can joke with me? As if! What a little twat goblin!"
"Dave." She barked, but he continued to talk to Wesley and Connor while bouncing.
"Dave." She barked again, but he still ignored her.
"Dave."
"Dave!"
"Dave!"
"DAVE!"
"DAVE!"
"Oh, fuck it!" Ms. Oh reached for her missile launcher and locked onto Dave with superhuman speed, then fired it straight at the misbehaving student. The missile obliterated its target and the entire classroom upon impact. Ms. Oh cackled triumphantly, "That's one less disruptive student in the world!"
Something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention; a glimpse of someone running out of the thick smoke wearing a sideways baseball cap and a whole lot of pretension. Ms. Oh's eyes glowed bright red when she realized who it was.
"DAVE!" She roared loud enough for almost everyone in Toronto to hear it. She stormed out of her classroom after him.
Meanwhile at the Sinclair house...
"Mom, I'm home!" Holly J. announced as she walked in with Fiona right behind her, carrying a huge stack of french toast.
"I'm home too, mom!" Fiona chimed in and giggled. Holly J. lightly jabbed her.
"Knock it off, Fi! My mom doesn't know I'm totes jonesin' for girly action!" Holly J. whispered, looking around cautiously.
"Fine! God.." Fiona rolled her eyes and scoffed. "No need to be such a fucking buzzkill!"
They walked into the living room where Mary-Kate Sinclair was watching TV. She glanced up at them and smiled. "Hey, girls! How was school?"
"It was-"
"It fucking SUCKED!" Fiona blurted out, cutting Holly J. off. "School is for losers. I wish I could just buy my way out, but when I asked my mom, she just acted like a whore and said 'your education is important'. Psh.. whatever. Hello? I'm Fiona Coyne. Are you new here, mom?"
Mary-Kate gave her a strange look, "Umm.. okay.. Uh, what's with the french toast?"
"Oh! I got this from The Dot. I LOVE french toast!" Fiona giggled and smiled, showing it off.
Mary-Kate tossed her magazine on the table, "Me too! French toast is amazing! It's totally incapable of ruining someone's life!"
Fiona's carefree demeanor quickly changed to a scowl. "Excuse me? French toast isn't capable of ruining someone's life!?" She glared at her with her mouth gaped and glanced at the TV. Suddenly, she dumped the huge pile of french toast on the TV, destroying it instantly.
Mary-Kate stood up and shouted. "HEY! I was watching 20/20!"
"That's what you get for telling french toast what it can and can't do! You don't know french toast, nigga!" Fiona screamed and ran up to Holly J.'s room in a tantrum with Holly J. following closely behind.
Bianca spun around in her chair. "If you ask me, your TV getting trashed was a blessing. Now you can join the rest of us in the 21st century and get a TV that was made after 1972." She stopped and looked disdainfully at Mary-Kate's attire, "The same can be said for your wardrobe, sweetie."
Mary-Kate grimaced, "Excuse me!? Who the hell are you!?"
Bianca leered at her, "Don't give me that look, mortal." She grabbed her purse from the chair and slung it over her shoulder before exiting the house.
"Damn that bitch is fine!" Dave said to Connor and Wesley as he watched Fiona touching up her make-up and fixing her hair in the mirror of her locker. "Take a good look, guys. Won't be long before I make her mine!"
"You mean like you tried to do last year?" Connor asked.
"When she epically blew you off?" Wesley added.
"She-she didn't blow me off, guys. Where did you hear that? I, uh, you know, gave up on her when I realized I was out of her league! Yeah! You know, she was inexperienced and I was keeping her best interest in mind. She would've just been intimidated by me! But now she's on my level and it won't be awkward for us!"
Connor and Wesley looked at each other as they incredulously listened to Dave ramble and convince himself that what he was saying was true.
"Sure, Dave. Whatever you say!" Wesley said before they both chuckled and walked away.
"Man, fuck you losers!" Dave scoffed. He glanced into the My Little Pony mirror adorned on his locker and checked himself out. "Good, good!" He said, pleased with how he looked. He spritzed some breath spray into his mouth, then pulled out some Rainbow Brite strawberry gloss and applied it liberally to his lips.
He smacked his lips in the mirror and giggled before slamming his locker shut. He strutted obnoxiously over to Fiona, almost running into about fifty people on the way over. Fiona rolled her eyes as she could see him coming a mile away.
"Yo, Fi. You come around here often?" Dave asked, trying to come off as smooth. Fiona gagged.
"Uhh, yeah. We're in school, you queef gnome!"
Dave leaned against the lockers in an attempt to impress Fiona, "Really? Damn, I must've forgot. Whenever I see you, I get confused and think we're in heaven or a fashion show or something."
Fiona banged her head into her locker door. "Ugh! If I roll my eyes anymore, I'm going to sprain them!"
Dave winked and puckered his lips. "How about I massage them and make them feel better? It'll be like a preview of one of the perks you'll enjoy as my wife!"
Fiona laughed mockingly. "I may be like, a total ditz in this world, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I'm stupid enough to date you, Dave!"
Dave looked puzzled, "What do you mean 'in this world'?"
"FUCK OFF, BITCH!" Fiona shouted and roundhouse kicked Dave in the face, sending him flying through a few dozen walls. She flipped her hair and headed to her next class.
Zane exited the stall and walked towards the sink to wash up.
In the mirror, he noticed the two stalls on either side of the one he was just in open simultaneously, revealing Holly J. and Fiona.
Zane furrowed his brow as they both slowly stepped towards him in sync with their arms folded.
"Oh, hello, Zane." Fiona greeted darkly.
"Funny running into you here, Zane..." Holly J. said sarcastically.
"Yeah, same to you, since we're in the boys bathroom." Zane remarked cautiously, turning his head to face them both.
"Exactly our point." Holly J. hissed. "I mean, you're not exactly a BOY!"
Zane was puzzled, "What are you talking about?"
Holly J. narrowed her eyes, "Come ON! You bitch and whine more than Manny does when someone threatens to ruin one of Emma's social excursions!"
"And you wear more make-up than I did that one time I touched up the bruise that Bobby gave me!" Fiona added.
"Why are you here?" Zane got out from between them and backed to a corner, "What do you guys want?"
Fiona cornered him, "We know how much of a little bitch you are to Riley and we don't like it."
"That's why we want your girly little ass out of here!" Holly J. added, standing beside Fiona.
"Why do you want to stay here anyway? Nobody even likes you and your prissy attitude." Fiona snapped her fingers and shook her head around all sassy-like.
"Yeah, so pick up your flowy dress and leave." Holly J. pointed to the door.
"But.."
"OUT!" They shouted in unison, pointing at the exit.
Zane let out a high pitched shriek that would make Macy Gray jealous and ran for the door. Fiona chased him for a few steps and attempted to kick him in the ass, but missed.
The two girls high fived each other and decided to reward themselves by skipping class and going to Burger King.
Back at Fiona's house.
"Oh, Declan, I had no idea you knew how to do THAT!" Holly J. giggled and flipped her hair flirtatiously.
"There's a lot about me you don't know." He scooted closer to her on the couch. "What do you say I show you more?" They leaned in for a kiss, but were interrupted by the crash of a large, expensive vase being thrown across the room.
"Fiona? What gives!?" Declan asked as Fiona stormed in.
"Ugh! That creepy little elf, Dave, won't leave me alooooooooooooone!" Fiona whined and crossed her arms defiantly before dramatically throwing herself onto the nearest couch and screaming into it, kicking her legs around wildly. "What is with this new world, Holly J.? Dave thinks he actually has a chance with me - more than he usually does!"
"New world?" Declan gave them both a questioning look.
"Uhh, what she means is.. umm.. the new school year! Yeah, that's right! Good one, Holly J.!" She patted herself on the back, pleased with her explanation.
"Whatever. I just bought the new Mis-Teeq album, so I'm going to listen to it!" Fiona let out a high pitched squeal and rushed to her room and slammed the door.
"That was.. weird." Declan noted.
"Uhh, yeah. Sure was!" Holly J. agreed, "Now where were we?"
"I was about to demonstrate more of my moves on you." Declan said seductively and leaned in to Holly J., but once again they were interrupted by Fiona.
"So, so, so scandalous.." Fiona whispered from outside the room before jumping in suddenly and running towards Holly J. and Declan on the couch, "DUN DUN! DUN DUN! DUN DUN!" She grabbed at them enthusiastically while they gave her a slightly horrified and disturbed look.
"I LOVE this song! Get up and dance with me, Holly J.!" Fiona yanked Holly J. to her feet before she had a chance to object. Fiona sang the lyrics to the song as she danced madly and dragged Holly J. with her like she was a rag doll.
"Wow, Fiona, you must really.. AH!" Holly J. was shoved back down to the couch without warning by Fiona, who danced her way out of the room while continuing to sing.
"Well, that was... something else." Holly J. fixed her hair. "Okay, let's get back to-" Holly J. jumped as she was cut off by Fiona screaming and once again stampeding into the room.
"Holly J.! Mis-Teeq's going to be in concert at Little Miss Steaks! We should totally go!" Fiona jumped up and down excitedly.
"Sure, Fiona! No problem!" Holly J. nodded impatiently.
The coast was just about clear until Fiona turned around at the last second. "Do you think you can get us FREE tickets? Y'know, since you work there and all?"
"Yeah, probably!"
"Yay!" Fiona headed towards the door again and Holly J. leaned in to kiss Declan.
"Can you make sure they're serving spaghetti and popcorn on the night of the concert!? Please! Pretty, pretty please! PLEASE!" Fiona yanked on Holly J.'s arm and got on her knees and begged.
Holly J. turned around, "FIONA!"
"Eek!" Fiona dived behind the safety of the couch and slowly peeked up to see an annoyed Holly J. staring back at her.
After a few minutes of awkward staring, Fiona broke the silence, "I kidnapped your octopus!" She got up suddenly and bolted out the door, leaving Declan and Holly J. very confused.
Holly J. turned back to Declan. "Let's fuck."
"Mmkay."